Author's Note: thank you to Riley and the "Pawn to Queen" story, for the insssssspiration of the snake voice.
Chapter Six: The Night Castle
Every day the body
works in the fields of the world
mending a stone wall
or swinging a sickle through the tall grass--
the grass of civics, the grass of money--
and every night the body curls around itself
and listens for the soft bells of sleep.
But the heart is
restless and rises
from the body in the middle of the night,
and leaves the trapezoidal bedroom
with its thick, picture-less walls
to sit by herself at the kitchen table
and heat some milk in a pan.
And the mind gets up
too, puts on a robe
and goes downstairs, lights a cigarette,
and opens a book on engineering.
Even the conscience
awakens
and roams from room to room in the dark,
darting away from every mirror like a strange fish.
And the soul is up on
the roof
in her nightdress, straddling the ridge,
singing a song about the wildness of the sea
until the first rip of pink appears in the sky.
Then, they all will
return to the sleeping body
the way a flock of birds settles back into a tree,
resuming their daily colloquy,
talking to each other or themselves
even through the heat of the long afternoons.
Which is why the body--that house of voices--
sometimes puts down its metal tongs, its needle, or its pen
to stare into the distance,
to listen to all its names being called
before bending again to its labor.
--Billy Collins
U.S. Poet Laureate
**********************************
That night, as she slept soundly in her wonderful new bed, Adelaide had the strangest dream. Ever since her days as a Death Eater, she had been frequented by vague nightmares. They were usually amorphous, disjointed narratives, punctuated by the howling death rattles and primeval screams of the victims of Death Eater attacks. Although Addy had never killed anyone directly herself, her machinations within Voldemort's empire had resulted in the deaths of hundreds, perhaps thousands, and she never forgot that. She accepted these nightmares as part of her penance. Truth be told, she felt she was getting off lightly.
But that night, she had a different kind of dream altogether. This one was coherent and mostly linear, and seemed very real. In it, she was back in India, sitting in her Hogwarts robes on the earthen floor in the hut of her old teacher, Dharani. Dharani said to her, "My child, you look happy. But there is something you lack. What is it--tell me."
Adelaide said to her, "I'm thirsty, Dharani. I'm so thirsty."
"Then you should drink," said Dharani.
"But," replied Addy, "I don't know where to find the watering hole. I don't even know where to look for it."
Dharani then said, "You have a good heart, my child. Listen to your heart. Feed it. Do not disparage it so. Your heart will show you where the water is." Then Dharani kissed her on the forehead, and walked out of the hut.
Addy stayed there a while longer by herself. When she left, she emerged from the hut to find herself in the middle of a desert. There was nothing to be seen in any direction except sand dunes, stretching all the way to the horizon, and the blinding sun in a cloudless sky. Addy sat down in the sand and began to cry--the sun was burning hot on her head, she was all alone, and she had no idea which way to turn. Just then, she heard music from very, very far off, and she had a sudden flash of inspiration: the music would lead her to water!
Addy walked for what seemed like hours, maybe even days, following the mysterious music that never seemed to get any closer. She was parched and burnt from the sun and the dust. Finally, she saw something shimmering in the distance, and she staggered in its direction.
Soon, she saw what was shimmering--it was a lake, with clear blue water. And in the middle of the lake was Severus Snape, sitting on a bench, playing a muggle piano. The bench and the piano mysteriously rested on the surface of the water. Snape did not look at Addy or even seem to notice her. He played beautifully with his long fingers, and the music was like a balm to her tired soul.
She bent down to the water at the edge of the lake to drink, but when she saw her reflection, she gasped and backed away. Instead of her face reflected in the water, she saw the face of Voldemort's traditional Dark Mark: a gaping skull with a thick snake slithering out of its mouth.
Addy was afraid to look back into the water, but her thirst was unbearable. Snape's music helped to calm her, and she uneasily approached the water and bent back down to look into it again.
This time she saw her own reflection, but in it, a large green snake was draped around her shoulders, its forked tongue hissing in her ear. Addy stood up again without drinking, and the snake was still upon her. It slithered off her shoulders and coiled in front of her, stretching its head upward until it was face to face with her.
The snake said, "Thisss water issss no good…it issss tainted. Follow me and I will give you a righteousssss drink. I will give you water that will tasssssste good and make you ssssstronger …it will make you invinnnssssible."
Addy hesitated, unsure of herself. For a moment, she didn't know whether to believe the snake or not. Just then, Snape stopped playing, and Addy gazed over at him. He was looking down at his hands forlornly, and then looked up at Addy from across the lake. He just stared at her for a long while, with the saddest expression she had ever seen, and Addy looked back into his eyes, wondering why he looked so melancholy.
When Addy turned back to the snake, it was gone, and in its place stood her father. "Come back, Adelaide," he said. "We are waiting for you. We forgive you. Come back with me," and he held out a hand toward her. Confused, Addy looked over at Snape, and he was again looking down at his hands, rubbing them as though they pained him.
Addy's father continued, "I gave you blood. Your mother gave you milk. You don't need this water. You are better than this. Come back with me now, Addy. You're my shining star, my salvation. You always were. I miss you so much. Please come back."
Addy tried to think but she was torn. She new she shouldn't listen to the snake or her father, but she was plagued by a sudden rush of childhood memories. Her father had been the one who had taught her how to walk, how to read and write, how to ride her first broomstick, how to conjure her first spell. He had always called her his "Addy-Lady," and had showered her with attention and encouragement when she was a young witch. She now knew he was a murderer, and a madman, but growing up, he had still been her one and only father, and his words spoke to Addy's most basic instincts.
In her uncertainty and frustration, Addy took in a deep sigh and let it out. When she exhaled, her breath turned into a mighty wind, which swirled and kicked up a violent dust storm all around her. Addy closed her eyes and tried to shield herself with her arms, while the sand and wind raged about her.
When the storm finally subsided, Addy looked up to see that she was alone by the lake. Her father had disappeared, and so had Snape and the piano. She stood in complete silence, thirstier than ever, and walked over to the shore for a third time.
This time, sitting at the water's edge was a shining, silver chalice, encrusted with brilliant emeralds sparkling in the sun. She somehow knew it was meant for her, but still was unsure whether she should drink from the lake. Just then, Dharani's words came back to her, and she knew that her heart had led her there.
She dipped the goblet into the lake and filled it with water, draining it in several gulps. It tasted cool and sweet, instantly reviving her. She drank several more cupfuls, admiring the mysterious pattern that was carved in the silver, and the way it fit her hand perfectly. When she had satisfied her thirst, Addy took off her robes and walked into the lake up to her shoulders. She dipped herself under and played in the water a while, splashing and rubbing it into her skin and hair, in an attempt to wash away the dust and sand of her journey. When at last she felt fully refreshed, she stepped back onto dry land, put her robes back on, and tucked the goblet into the pocket in her sleeve.
Suddenly, the music resumed. The piano was back, in the middle of the lake, and so was Snape. This time he was playing with even more passion than before, and a content smile played across his lips.
Addy woke up to the first streaks of daylight peeking through her bedroom window, the sound of piano music still ringing in her ears.
*****
Meanwhile…
Severus Snape was having trouble sleeping. He paced around and around his dungeon bedroom in black silk pajamas, a snifter of firewhiskey cradled in his hand.
He'd finally thought he'd had it all figured out…everything under control…all the elements of his life falling neatly and unambiguously into place. He was completely devoted to the work he was doing for Dumbledore--his work as Potions Master, as head of Slytherin House, and, more recently, his role as a double-agent for the Order. Plus, it was no easy task keeping Harry Potter safe from harm, as he had pledged to Dumbledore, while at the same time managing Lucius Malfoy and his spawn, Draco. He was fine with things as they were, and he didn't need any new distractions.
Albus had been the only person to ever trust him…to show him both kindness and respect, perhaps even love. And all that when he knew Snape had been a Death Eater…and all the terrible things he'd done in the service of Voldemort …
He took another sip of his drink, to help wash away the memories.
The worst thing, he thought, would be to let Dumbledore down. He needed to focus on his work--there was so much still to do. Yet how was he supposed to focus with HER around?
In just one day, Adelaide Mayhem had gotten under his skin. She'd plagued his thoughts all day, and now his mind was racing with questions, impressions, and visions of her, keeping him awake when he really needed to sleep.
She perplexed him. He still wasn't sure if he believed her story, although he very much wanted to trust Dumbledore's instincts. And yet, the Snapes had been deeply involved in dark circles long before Voldemort's rise and fall--stretching back for generations, in fact--and he had never heard so much as the mention of another family by the name of Mayhem. And, if she had indeed been a Death Eater, where was her Dark Mark? Every Death Eater had one, including himself, and despite his heroic, and sometimes violent, attempts to remove the loathed stigma from his flesh, nothing had ever worked. What had she meant by her comment at the staff meeting: "That's the way it starts out, isn't it? But it's not always the way it ends up."
Yes, he thought, she's certainly an enigma. He took another large sip.
What was it about her, anyway? Clearly, she was beautiful, with a strong and passionate glimmer in her green-gold eyes. He'd bet a million galleons that she was smart and stubborn, too, he thought with a chuckle into his drink. He could just tell from the way she set her jaw. And she was talented, no doubt. That stunt she'd pulled in his laboratory was no cheap magician's trick, and yet she looked like she could have done it in her sleep.
Severus stopped in front of his dressing mirror, and took a long look at himself. He'd experienced very little affection in his lifetime, and had never really known love. His life had turned in a dark and lonely direction at an early age, and, from the time his parents had sent him to study under Voldemort, he had become increasingly isolated and mistrustful.
Since leaving the Death Eaters and coming to Hogwarts, he had simply resigned himself to the belief that love simply was not in the cards for him. In truth, deep down he did not feel he deserved it. He was aware of all the loves and lives he'd destroyed during his Death Eater days, and had sentenced himself to a life of solitude as his sacrament.
He scanned his mirror's reflection for some trace of hope, some promise of relief from his loneliness, some remnant of the boyish and innocent smile he once had. All he could see was a frightened and confused young wizard, hiding behind a mask while he carried out his orders like a dog, alternately lapping up praise and cowering in the wake of his master's wrath. At the time, years ago, it was the only way he'd known to connect with another person, his only source of attention and approval. But when it was all over, he had been left with nothing--completely alone and bereft. That's when he'd found Dumbledore.
"Who are you trying to kid, you fool?" he said out loud to his reflection. "Who would ever want to be with you…especially a witch so beautiful, so promising, so clever..."
Turning away from the mirror, he heard a voice in his head say, "Well, she's obviously got Dumbledore convinced of her sincerity."
"Yes, that's true," another voice in his head replied. "And you trust Dumbledore--he has never let you down"
"If she is lying," said the first voice, "if she means to betray Dumbledore and the Order…
"What then?" asked the second voice.
"I will kill her," answered the first.
"And if not?" said the second voice. "What if she's…the real thing?"
Severus drowned the voices in his head by draining the firewhiskey from his glass. He couldn't--wouldn't--let himself hope. Then he turned off the lights and got into bed, staring at the drapes that surrounded his four-poster bed. The swirls and patterns of the brocade fabric reminded him of Adelaide's auburn curls…
* * * * *
And yet another wizard in Hogwarts castle was still awake, sipping from a mug of hot butterbeer.
Dumbledore sat on the window seat of his bedroom in his long nightdress, gazing out at the night sky, amused by the musical snores coming from his Phoenix in the corner.
Yet, a telltale crease of concern furrowed his brow.
This war was wearing on him, and he wasn't even sure it had really started yet. Today, an interesting new development for the Order of the Phoenix had come to Hogwarts in the form of Adelaide Mayhem. The girl was a puzzle, it was true, but he was sure he saw a pure heart inside of her. And he desperately needed intelligence from inside Voldemort's compound, to gain the edge in this blasted war.
Yet, how could he ask yet another to give of herself as he had asked Severus to do…indeed, as all the members of the Order had volunteered to do? This would mean yet another of his colleagues--good-hearted witches and wizards, all--living in constant danger, their lives dominated by the fight to destroy Voldemort.
Well, he reasoned with himself…she needs a second chance, and we need the information only she can provide. It's a fair trade.
He took another long sip of his butterbeer.
He hoped he was doing the right thing, throwing Severus and Adelaide together. He couldn't help but smile, thinking about how much she had reminded him of a younger Snape, standing in his office years before. Even the words she'd used had been so similar to his.
Severus had been just as earnest, and just as damaged, when he first arrived at Hogwarts. They had come so far together since then, yet there was a part of Snape that neither Dumbledore, nor anyone else, had been able to reach.
"They came here for salvation, didn't they?" he asked himself. "And, like so many other things in this life, Albus old boy, you know that the best way to find it…is to give it."
Yes, he reassured himself, they would find their way. And he would do his best to guide them.
To be continued…