Esme Cullen to Bella Cullen

Subject: Our Little Renesmee

OH DEAR GOD, SEND HER OFF WITH JAKE NEXT TIME, AND IF HE'S BUSY TAKE HER TO CARLISLE AT THE HOSPITAL ........IF HE CAN'T WATCH HER, THE NURSES WILL!!!!!!!!! I'm going to kill my sons. They are corrupting my baby granddaughter who is only two years old, well 8 years old, but that is so beside the point, here.. Do you know what she did? Well, she was running around the house naked screaming, "Give me money, give me money!" Well, no one gave her any money. So a few minutes passed and Carlisle came home and we were sitting on the couch talking and then all of a sudden here comes Naked Nessie. She runs up to Carlisle and says, "I'm naked old man! Give me my money". Carlisle was truly and utterly shocked. He just stood there dumbfounded. So I scooped her up in a blanket and asked her where she learned these actions and she said, "Uncle Emmett let me watch The Girls Next Door and they get money from an old man just for being naked". Then for the first time.....i think.....EVER....Carlisle gasped for air and fell in to the fetal position on the couch. First he looks like Dr. Cooper, a man with sexual turrets, and now he's Hue Hefner. My poor Carlisle hasn't moved in 2 days. I'm getting worried. I mean I tried EVERY THING to make him move. I can't believe the "Exercice" didn't scar him for life but your little girl did.....I'm laughing on the inside right now. So please for the sake of everything pure and innocent in your daughters mind DON'T LET EMMETT BABYSIT!!!!! Sorry this email was so long.

Bella Cullen to Esme Cullen

Subject: Our Little Renesmee

Yikes, I will have to have a talk with her then....

Well, you see, I called Jacob, and he didn't answer his frickin' phone, so yeah that led to me calling Emmett and Jasper. I knew Emmett might be a little "dangerous," but I thought that Jasper would somehow, oh I don't know, control him, but not like that. I thought that he would be the mature one, but guess not. Yes, you do need to have a sit down talk with your sons, and unfortunately, by brother in laws... what did I get myself into that day of the wedding? That I will never know.....

Tomorrow, I think I am taking Renesmee on a field trip... a field trip to.... a church, or maybe an abbey, or maybe a cathedral.... or better yet, Rome, to see the Pope (but dear got not the Volturi), wait scratch that, I will take her to a convent!

Esme Cullen to Bella Cullen

Subject: Our Little Renesmee

I will assist you in taking her some place HOLY AND INNOCENT!!!!!!........ should I be concerned......Carlisle hasn't moved in 4 days