{Disclaimer: The Harry Potter World was created by J.K. Rowling and rights and owned by, but not limited to, Scholastic Books and Warner Brothers. I, therefore, own no parts of this save for Andromeda McGee and Wyvern the cat.}
Chapter 16
Hollow
We are the hollow men
We are the stuffed men
Leaning together
Headpiece filled with straw. Alas!
Our dried voices
When we whisper together
Are quiet and meaningless
As wind in dry grass
Or rats' feet over broken glass
In our dry cellar.
"The Hollow Men" T.S. Elliot**
It took Andy the better part of the day to finally move from the comfort of her warm down quilt. She knew that she would have to get on with her life and moping around wouldn't save her from the terrors of the Dark Lord. It was simply inevitable that she would be forced to become a Death Eater. There was no other way around it.
She pulled on a clean set of black robes with burgundy trim with a simple pair of functional boots. This day would have to begin some how. Running a brush through her still short hair, Andy realized how late it was. Breakfast and lunch were long gone and dinner was a few hours away. She couldn't believe that she had meditated on her problem for that long, but it had helped her to accept it. Her stomach rumbled in protest. Yes, food would be good, she decided, maybe a bowl of nice hot steamy tomato soup with a cheese sandwich, all gooey and oozing, lightly toasted so the edges were crispy, the top slightly browned, and the insides melted to a luscious mess…
Okay, maybe she was hungrier than she thought. Andy strolled out the door, locking it behind her with a flick of her wand. The hallways were deserted. It took her a moment to realize that all the older students and most of the staff were at Hogsmeade for the day. It was, after all, only four days to Christmas. There was still some shopping to be done and then there was that Christmas party this year.
Somehow it had been decided that it would be safer to keep the students over the holidays than to risk sending them home. With all the various attacks going on in the world and the Death Eaters getting more vicious with each passing day, it made perfect sense to do so. So Dumbledore had planned a Christmas formal. Unfortunately.
Andy used to enjoy parties with the dancing and high spirits. But now that Sirius and Remus were gone, she didn't know if she would able to ever take pleasure in celebrations like this coming one. All her fond memories of the fun and excitement came from her group of close friends, all of which had either died, disappeared, or turned out to be a backstabbing little rat, no pun intended. There was still Severus, but somehow she could not imagine him having any fun at a student party. He may have been barely fine for them in his younger days, but currently, most definitely not.
She reached the fruit bowl painting and tickled the pear. The kitchen was bustling with house elves preparing any type of food imaginable: succulent roasts, pitchers of pumpkin juice, crisp vegetable salads, pasties dripping with sweet fillings…Andy began to salivate.
"May we helps you, miss?" a house elf with a tea cozy asked politely.
"Do you have any soup?"
"Yes, yes! Soup, we have soup!" the creature raced off and reappeared a few seconds later with a large steaming mug of tomato soup. "Miss wants something with soup? We have much to go with soup."
Andy looked at the giant mug and figured it would hold her until dinner. "Actually soup will suffice perfectly fine for the moment." She took the mug, sipping slowly to check the temperature. It was absolutely perfect. "It's wonderful, thank you." She left the kitchens, finding the hustle and bustle of busy elves to be something she did not need at the moment.
Drinking the warm liquid, she wandered through the empty halls, contemplating how things would change. She still didn't know when Voldemort wanted her to become one of his minions, but she had a gut feeling that it would be soon. The Dark Lord did not strike her as a patient type.
There were still things that she wanted to get done before she would become two-sided. She still wanted to see Ben in person and apologize for not being there for the past seventeen or so years. Andy knew where he lived; she had stopped by for an afternoon a few weeks ago. Ben had been very acceptable of her return. She hadn't met the rest of his family yet; they were shopping at the time, but Ben had invited her over for Christmas Eve dinner.
Andy was not completely certain of where her future would end up with all the twists and turns happening lately. Fate got more amusement from screwing around with her life than anything else. It was a perfect Murphy scenario; if anything could go wrong, it would. She lived with it, though because anything was better than Azkaban.
She turned a corner, finding herself in an alcove with a broad window giving view to an expanse of the Forbidden Forest. Leaning on the windowsill, she focused on the pristine beauty of the dark tree covered with the contrasting white snow. Icicles hung off dead branches like eerie wind chimes, exquisite and deadly.
Closing her eyes, she imagined using the spear of solid water to take her life through the heart, ending her pathetic existence once and for all. It would be easy enough to do, but no, it would never happen that way. Her will to live was too strong for her to take her own life.
"Its lovely, isn't it?"
It took her a moment to register the voice. It actually took her a few seconds later to fully figure out whom it was due to the fact that the person and the word 'lovely' were rarely around each other. "Yes," she answered truthfully.
"We still need to talk, McGee."
"This morning wasn't enough?"
"It was until I received something else that pertains to your future."
Andy straightened up to face Snape. "What else can there be? I've already decided that I will…"
"Shh!" he cut her off sharply with a wave of his hand. "Not here. It's not as safe as you would think. Come, we need to speak in private."
"Sev, how many times is this going to happen today? Is it all that urgent that you have to hunt me down every couple of hours to exploit more misery into my future?"
"If you plan to survive this, then yes, it most certainly is." He turned in a swirl of black, heading towards his office. Andy paused looking out the window one last time before following.
Snape's new office as DADA professor was not much different from the one Andy had inherited. It was still dimly lit and could provoke fear in even the steeliest of students. Snape led her through the office and into his private quarters. "Sit, McGee, we can talk here. It is secure enough for our needs."
"What needs to be said? You already told me that I basically have no choice in the matter. If I want to stay alive, I have to join Lord Voldemort. It's as simple as that." She stayed standing.
He sneered as he took a seat in a firm high-backed chair. "That is where you are wrong. Now I suggest you sit and listen." He waited until she complied before continuing. "This morning, I told you that Voldemort wanted you to join his side of the battle. Unfortunately for you, he decided to make things a bit more difficult for us. This morning at breakfast, I received a letter from him stating that he has chosen an induction date. We now have eleven days to get you ready for this."
Andy did the math in her head. "That's New Year's, isn't it?"
"Precisely. Lord Voldemort plans to ring in the New Year with an induction ceremony. What better way to celebrate than bring fresh blood to the cause?" he quoted the letter almost mockingly.
She blinked and took an automatic sip from her soup mug. "You aren't kidding, are you?"
"Would I have any reason to lie to you, McGee?"
"I never know with you. It's always impossible to tell."
Snape chose to ignore the comment. "We have eleven days to get you ready to face Lord Voldemort. In that amount of time, I cannot honestly say how well you will be prepared for this, but we will at least attempt to give you some form of training."
"What kind of training? You mean like physical, get-buff training?"
"McGee…you know exactly what I mean. We have to mentally prepare you in order to meet Voldemort so you, with you Gryffindor tendencies, do not give us away."
Andy glared, "I am perfectly capable! I spent sixteen years in Azkaban without losing my mental stability or dying for that matter!"
"You didn't even know who you were at that point."
She closed her eyes, pausing. "That, even from you, was a low blow."
"It got your attention, did it not?"
"Curse you."
"Good. Now, here's what we are going to do. Have you ever heard of Occulmency?"
Andy thought for a moment. "Yes, of course, hasn't everybody?"
"McGee, I am trying to be perfectly civil with you so you don't go and get yourself killed. Whether I think so or not, Dumbledore believes that you are a valuable asset to this side of the war and requires that I keep you alive for the time being. I suggest that you start returning the courtesy."
"Fine, Sev, I'll cooperate. You try sometime getting told that you have eleven days before you get inducted into a secret evil cult that's planning on world domination when you would obviously be much happier supporting the opposite side. It's a tad bit stressful."
"Yes, I would assume so." He could understand her difficulties accepting what she was doing, but at least she wasn't throwing a tantrum again. "Occulmency is the science of concealing your thoughts. Some people have latent talent in the field, others have no talent and will never be able to use it, and some may be taught how to use it. What I am going to do is reach out into your mind. You may feel a slight tingling sensation. What I am trying to do is find your mental wall."
"Mental wall?" Andy queried.
"A mental wall is a natural blockage that people have. The strength of them vary from person to person, but by concentrating you can build one of your own or reinforce one that already exists."
"Ah."
"I want you to look into my eyes. It helps with direct contact."
Andy gazed straight ahead into Snape's inky black orbs. For a man whose looks had seen better days, he had gorgeous eyes, deep pools that reminded her of the velvet night sky during a new moon. She let herself sink into the darkness.
Snape had known her eyes were dark in color, but never realized the actual hue. They were a smooth shade of chocolate brown, mysterious yet trusting. He made eye contact, letting the tendrils of his mind reach into hers. He was not expecting much resistance, especially from a Gryffindor. The lions tended to have very weak walls, not as weak as Hufflepuffs, but weak none the less. Slytherins had the highest tendency for strong mental walls next to the Ravenclaws, and he was no exception to the general rule. His was reinforced through the practice of having his thoughts closed off to every person since he joined the Dark Lord's forces.
He pushed at Andy's mind gently to find the resistance level. It was surprisingly tough, but Snape didn't let it faze his search. Reaching further, he shoved harder. Her wall still held. He began to get an image of a solid stone wall with no window, each stone carved in vivid details and all different. That was enough for now. He didn't want to go any further without her permission. Breaking walls could be painful.
"I have good news for you, McGee."
Andy snapped out of her concentration. "You saved money on your car insurance?" Snape looked startled for a moment before Andy continued. "Never mind, television commercial that I saw at Ben's house."
"Right."
"So what's this good news?"
"You have a relatively strong mental wall."
"Okay, I think that's encouraging. What good does that do me?"
"It gives you partial ability to block your thoughts from Lord Voldemort if he attempts to go into your mind to find where your true loyalties lay."
"Ah. What happens next?"
Snape smirked. "We see how strong you really are. What I am going to do is break down your wall. Any mental wall can be broken if a person know how to do it. The only draw back is that once your wall is broken down by an outside source, you get a severely painful headache. It will go away in a few hours, but it does hurt for a while."
"You're going to break through my defensives? Doesn't that give you full access to my mind?" Andy looked slightly anxious about having Snape poking around inside her head.
"Yes, McGee, it does, but don't worry, I won't use any of the incriminating information that I may find against you."
"That makes me feel so much better."
Snape made eye contact with her once again and located her mental barricade. He nudged it gently, feeling it push back against him. He prodded harder, getting less give as the force increased. It was much stronger than he had expected, some thing to do with Azkaban, he supposed. Taking a deep breathe, he hit her hard with the full force of his mind. The wall gave way into shattering shards of stone and mortar. Andy screamed.
Images barricaded him wildly like a rabid amateur film festival. Some he by passes completely, like images of her brother, Ben, and Sirius and Remus. He noticed many of himself, to his complete surprise. Obviously his impact on her was larger than he had thought. One memory struck him as entirely too vivid as he got sucked inside it.
Snape saw the scene through eyes of a Death Eater. It was obviously before his time, for he recognized none of the people present. A guard led a small woman through the crowd of minions. It was Andy, years younger, but Andy nonetheless.
The Dark Lord sat on his golden serpentine throne, raised on a dais above everything else. "Miss McGee," he hissed menacing, "I will give one last chance. Join me or suffer a fate worse than death." Snape assumed this was the second time around and that she had refused him before. He decided that she deserved more credit than he had given her for being able to do that.
Andy looked defiant. "I've told you numerous times already. I refuse to join you."
Lord Voldemort was taken aback by her reluctance. No one in their right mind refused his offer. "I have then decided that death is too good for one who defies me. You are going to become a nonentity."
She raised an eyebrow, a puzzled look appearing on her face, asking if it was possible. "You're going to erase my entire existence?"
"Exactly. Then just to be safe, you get to spend the rest of your miserable life in Azkaban."
Snape watched her face crease into a mask of fury and rage. He could empathize with what was happening, but knew he could do nothing to change any of it.
Andy leapt at the Dark Lord, arms extended, intent on strangling him. He raised his hand and before she was even close to him, she flew into the opposite wall with a sickening thud. Snape could hear a quiet moan combined with a few explicit curses escape from her mouth. Voldemort continued as if nothing had happened. "I shall cast the spell. Slowly memories, photographs, and writings of you will disintegrate. No one shall remember that you were ever born." Voldemort pointed his wand at her. "Obliviate Andromeda Josephine McGee." A ripple shot out of the wand, spreading across the entire earth. Sooner or later, Andy would cease to exist.
Snape watched Andy's still form. She hadn't moved since her collision with the wall. He pitied what would happen to her.
"Will I forget who I am as well?" she asked quietly from her crumpled ball on the floor. She hadn't even bothered to get up again.
"Oh, yes, of course you will. I can't have you, of all people, leaking out who you are."
"Just out of curiosity, is there any reversal to your spell?"
"No." Lord Voldemort grinned evilly. Obviously he was wrong about that, Snape decided to himself. It was a good thing that he had been wrong. Without Andy, Snape decided, he would probably have been dead a few times already. It would have but him out of his misery, but he could be thankful that she had saved his life.
Andy shrugged, dismissing the idea. It wasn't if she would be told if there was a cure.
The guards grabbed a hold of her and Apparated. Snape moved with them, appearing now in Azkaban. He shuddered, feeling the familiar dread seep into his bones.
They dragged her down the rough corridors. Prisoners reached out from their cells toward the guards as they were a hope of redemption. Screams reverberated off the walls, finding all the despair and making it part of the fortress. Andy was thrown into a cell that would be her home until what would seem like eternity. Snape heard the key click in the lock, closing her inside until the Death Eaters would come and let her out.
He heard her begin to speak softly, tears muffling her voice. "Good-bye, cruel world. I shall never see you again except in my dreams. If I survive, you will never be the same again. Parts of me will disappear." She paused, looking up at the stone ceiling. "Good-bye, Peter. You'll get your chance in the spotlight eventually. Good-bye, Remus, and good luck. They'll find a cure for you, I know they will. Good-bye, James and Lily. May your life be happy together. Good-bye Sirius, my love. Good-bye, cruel world. Andromeda McGee is gone forever now." She chuckled quietly to herself. It was eerie laughter that sent shivers down his spine.
The scene faded back to his quarters at Hogwarts as he pulled away from Andy's mind. He saw her in a new light, stronger than he had thought her to be. She would get through the induction with minimal problems as soon as she was trained in the protocol. Her mind would protect her from everything else.
Andy could feel sharp bursts of pain slamming into her head every few seconds. "You were right, this does hurt."
"I know, McGee," his voice was softer now, not purposely, but with the fresh empathy he had gained for her. "I apologize, but it needed to be done. You should be pleased to know that your shield is strong enough for our purposes. It was a challenge to break down. Now the only thing we have to do is work on protocol for the ceremonies."
"Not now I hope," she muttered through the throbbing.
"No, not now. It is for another day. Right now, the only way you will get rid of the pain is to sleep for a few hours until dinner."
Andy glanced around, grabbed a throw pillow resting on a nearby chair, and curled up on the couch. Almost immediately, she was sleeping.
Snape wasn't sure that it was the best thing to let her sleep in his rooms, but figured that it would be hard enough to move her in the state she was in and even harder to explain if anyone say him moving her to her rooms. Taking the blanket off the back of the couch, he covered her gently with it. After what he had witnessed, she could sleep here as long as she wanted to.
{Author's Note: Yes, I know it has been a very long time since I posted on this story. I think it was August, to be exact. I have been way to busy for my own good. I started my senior year in high school taking two Advanced Placement courses in English and European History as well as two Freshman College course with Syracuse University in Calculus and Chemistry. Marching band was over on October 26, with my band ranking 7th out of 7 band and 2.4 points between us and the first place band. I tested for my Third Degree Black Belt on November 8, and passed. In the mean time, I started with the fall play, had to drop it due to the conflicting schedule of a babysitting job that started without warning, and now work about ten to twelve hours a week baby-sitting a two year old girl. Currently, I will be crewing the play instead. Just to make things more interesting, my boyfriend and I celebrated a year together on November 1. Needless to say, I have been incredibly busy! I do want to thank all of you for reading this after the long wait for me to start up writing again. I hope to continue a bit more regularly now that things are calming down for a few weeks until January.
Angelkas: Of course I plan to write the Induction! That has been the high light of my thought process when I first came up with the plot. It is even more sick and twisted now. You shall how people can die from the torture.
Lily Skylo: Thank you. I think this answers how Andy takes things. Will Sirius ever be informed of it? Well…in a sort he will be, but other than that, I can't tell you; you're not a monk. Ignore the monk thing, it's a bad joke.
Josie: Yes, I'm still here, alive and kicking.
Anna Black: Thanks for the Occulmency idea!
Peace, Love, and Cheese, Nataly Ravenlock}