{Disclaimer: The Harry Potter World was created by J.K. Rowling and rights and owned by, but not limited to, Scholastic Books and Warner Brothers. I, therefore, own no parts of this save for Andromeda McGee and Wyvern the cat.}
Chapter 17 Empathy**Sometimes she was just an actress/ But you'll never really know/ A shadow moves across her face/ You cannot see her soul/ Unless she lets you/ See her soul "Silver Girl" Fleetwood Mac**
Andy woke up, feeling the pain subside for the first time in a few hours. She yawned and stretched, blinking a few times to clear the sleep from her eyes. She stared at the ceiling for a moment before realizing that these were not her normal quarters. "What the hell?" she mumbled to no one in particular.
"Feeling any better, McGee?" a sharp, smooth voice clued her in to where she was as all the events of the earlier day rushed back at her.
"No one's attempting to smash my head in with a sledge hammer any more, if that's anything?" Andy rolled over to find Snape sitting in the same chair as before reading a large, unmarked tome. She yawned again, sitting up. "Well, is it?"
"For now, yes it is," Snape answered, staring at her. He had thought about her a lot in the past few hours and what he had seen in her mind. A new respect for her had appeared. He could see what she had been through and only now had he finally realized how lucky he was to have her as a friend. He wasn't sure if 'friend' was the correct word, but it was close enough. She had saved him many times and had given him more support than anyone else he could remember. After a few seconds of silence, he whispered, "Thank you, McGee."
"For what?"
He looked deep into her eyes. "For everything that you have ever helped me with, all the times you saved my life, for choosing to put up with me after all that's happened, and for all the times I didn't thank you."
Andy grinned. "It's okay, Sev. Just don't tell anyone else what you saw. I don't want to be ragged on too much."
Her smile was contagious and for the first time, Snape almost felt happy. If it wasn't for the Induction in a few days time, he might have been completely content. But he wasn't. "I won't, that I promise you." He wasn't sure what he wanted to do at the moment. Something in him told him to take advantage of the situation, go sit next to her, put your arm around her, hug her, kiss her, do something! NO! He couldn't! She was not his! But Sirius Black is dead or at least missing, the voice told him. She needs someone, especially with what is going to happen to her. Not now! He had already let himself get too attached to her for his own good and being more so wouldn't help him, not with the Induction so close. The Induction ruined everything.
"You okay, Sev?"
He broke out of his internal argument. "I am perfectly fine."
"Are you sure? You looked sick for a second there."
Of course, he would look sick! With his body wanting him to one thing and his mind another, what else would happen? "I was just worried about the Induction and if we can prepare you in time."
Andy stood up, walking over to him. She paused for a second and made up her mind. His mind may have conflicting beliefs, but hers functioned perfectly fine on one track. Looping a hand around the back of his neck, she slid into his lap. "I'm strong; I'll be fine. Worrying will do you no good."
"You aren't helping very much, McGee." Snape wasn't sure what she was doing. All he knew was that he had a willing Andy on his lap, which was what part of him wanted, but the other part protested. He put his arms around her, just to steady her, he told himself.
Andy nuzzled her head into his shoulder, just below his ear. "Sure I am. I needed a hug and I figured this was the only way I would get one."
"You could ask someone else."
"I want you, Sev. You're the only one that I can trust any more. All my other friends are dead or gone forever and you are the only one left that I can still trust."
Snape was confused for the moment. What could she want with a scarred, beaten Slytherin who spent years killing people for no good reasons? So he asked her, "How can you trust me, McGee? After all that I have done, all the people I massacred, betrayed, murdered in cold blood?"
"That was then, this is now. What happened happened. That is the past and now is the present in which we live. The past is over and done with. Who you were is different from who you are. That's why I trust you." Her voice tickled his ear. Andy inhaled his scent, finding it pleasant like a potions laboratory mixed with musk and herbs.
Snape could see her logic, but he didn't see exactly why she chose to trust him and not someone else say like Flitwick, or Hooch, or McGonagall, or any of the other professors. He sighed, feeling her warmth near him. It was a feeling he hadn't experienced very often. Women never liked him much. With a temper like his and looks to match, it wasn't much of a surprise. His hair was a disaster from the constant stay in laboratories and Voldemort's curses didn't help much either. He had a nose only a bird could love. His skin was striped with scars. Why couldn't she see this? Before he could think any more, he felt a light pressure on his neck, sending chills down to his toes. A kiss? She kissed him?
"McGee, don't. You don't know what you are getting into."
Andy didn't answer, but kissed his neck a little stronger with an added nip towards the end.
"McGee, no!"
Andy shifted her head away from his neck. Snape relaxed slightly, hoping she listened. Unfortunately for him, she didn't. Andy looked him deep in his dark eyes and kissed him firmly on the lips. It was a simple kiss, long, but simple, no tongue, just lips. Snape protested for the first few seconds before giving in. What was there to lose?
As she broke away, a smile brushed her face. "There. Was that so hard? All I wanted was a little kiss. I've dreamed about it, you know, kissing you. Thought about it too. Always wanted to do it, but never had the chance to. I figured you might be open to it after being in mind and seeing everything, but obviously, I see that's not the case." She moved to get off his lap.
Snape's arms held her firm. "No, McGee," his voice was gentler now as he held her tight. "That's not it. I don't want anything to happen to us. Our friendship, or relationship if that's how you want to think of it, is built on complete trust. After the Induction, I don't know if even what we have will be possible and I don't want to break what we have."
"Alright, Sev, I'll respect you for that. No more, then." She laid her head on his shoulder. She had failed at her task. He had done so much for her. She wanted to help him in return, show him that he really was cared for and that there were some people who were not afraid of him.
His hold hadn't loosened. Snape found that he enjoyed holding her close, especially now that he knew she was willing to be close to him. He knew he shouldn't get involved with anyone, even if it was Andy McGee, who wouldn't purposely hurt him or betray him and obviously cared a lot for him even though he was a Death Eater.
"We can't continue like this, McGee," he spoke softly.
"I know. But for now, it is perfectly fine," she took a deep breath, finding the words she wanted to say. "I need you, Sev. You are the only one here who understands what I have to go through. You are the only one who knows what is going on and what is going to happen. I need that. Anyone else would just brush it off, or more likely shun me for saying that I am going to become a Death Eater. You're the only one who knows about it, other than Dumbledore, but he's too good to understand completely. He doesn't understand the suffering that I have been through. You do, all too well. That's why I need you. I need you to hold me and tell me that we can get through this because there's no one else who can do that. Sirius wouldn't understand; he'd exile me away from him as soon as he heard Death Eater. Remus would try to help, but it would not work because he doesn't know! Neither of them can help now any way; they're gone forever! I need you! I need you, Sev, but only if you are willing."
Snape gaped openly; glad she could not see his face. Sarcastic remarks and insults bubbled in his mind but sharp retorts would only break her further and they did not need that right now. He needed her to be strong. If she needed him for strength, then he would accept it willingly. She had helped him before and now it was his turn to repay her. He didn't know what to say or how to respond.
"It's okay if you don't want to, I understand."
"No, McGee," he changed his mind, "Andy, that's not it. I will give you whatever support you need. I got you into this mess; I am going to help you through it."
"Thank you, Sev. I really appreciate it," she wrapped her arms around him, hugging him strongly.
He almost wished that she would stop, but not quite. It wasn't that he didn't enjoy the attention he was getting, but more of he wasn't used to having it. It wasn't something that usually occurred so he was still wary of letting himself succumb to her. He rubbed her gently on her back. She was still just a little thing, but he didn't mind.
A clock chimed striking six o'clock. "We ought to go, people will wonder if we're missing for dinner."
Andy nodded in agreement. "Not that it would be bad wondering. I mean, I haven't been to the Hall in a few days and you're a natural recluse. It wouldn't bring too much difficult."
"We should go," Snape stood up, with Andy still in his arms. "If I put you down, will you promise to behave?"
"No."
"Andromeda McGee, you are something else."
"I know." She pecked him gently on the cheek and slid out of his arms. "Thanks, Sev," there was a pause. "When are we going to discuss protocol?"
"When will you be free?"
"I'm leaving on Christmas Eve for my brother's house for dinner. Christmas day is definitely out of it. I still have some shopping to do, which was going to be done tomorrow or the next day. Other than that, I think we should get everything done as soon as possible, in case his plans change, but that's my opinion."
"Are you free tonight?" Snape wasn't sure if tonight would be the best, but he, too, had other plans for the week. She was right that Lord Voldemort's plan could change whenever they wanted to, so it would be for the best.
"After dinner?"
"Yes."
"I suppose so," she smiled. "Come, my dear Slytherin, food will do good to distract us from the misery of this situation."
The two walked to the Great Hall in silence, more of not sure what should be said than having nothing to say. There was a large amount of things that both wanted to talk about but none could be said at the moment, not with some many open, unprotected spaces around them and some many people who could eavesdrop and hear the wrong thing. The only seats at the high table were at opposite ends, so Andy took one next to Professor Sprout and Snape sat by McGonagall.
Andy couldn't believe what she had just done. Why had she been so willing? What had made her want to be in his arms, to be loved by him? What had possessed her to think that he would return what she gave to him? She was lonely, that had to be her reason. Sev was the only person who she could trust any more and she had told him that. The rest of the staff had no clue as to what was going on with her life. Sure, they knew that Sirius Black and Remus Lupin were gone for a while, but it didn't hit them as hard as it hit her. They were her two saviors, the two who could keep her happy, but now they were gone and all she was left with was Severus Snape.
She didn't know why she trusted Snape. Maybe it was because she had saved him and he had saved her. There was the whole thing about a wizard's bond, but that couldn't be the whole reason. He wasn't the nicest person to be with; his temper was legendary. He spoke mostly with sarcasm and insults and treated people like they were low life scum. He'd done that to her before, but sometimes he was different. Sometimes, he seemed to understand that she needed to be held or comforted. That's why she did it, because she knew that he would understand her and that he wouldn't mind all too much.
It wasn't like he was the best man for the job, but at the moment he was stuck with it. Andy didn't even know why she liked him so much. He wasn't the best looking guy; in fact some would consider him downright homely and it was the truth. He was scarred, his nose was more of a beak than anything else, and his hair looked like it hadn't been washed in months. That was wrong; Andy had touched it and found that it was actually not greasy, but soft to touch. It was his eyes that got her. They were so deep black, a dark flawless obsidian, a moonless night. They were his best feature and so easy to get lost in. She loved his eyes. That was probably why she fell for him.
Snape was having the same questioning problems that Andy was fighting. She had to have had a reason to do that to him, but it didn't want to come clear to him. She was gorgeous in her own right and he was an ugly duckling. There was no reason that he could think of that would have made her remotely attracted to him, but somehow she seemed more content using him as a chair and kissing him or all things. He hadn't been kissed like that in years! No one in their right minds kissed Severus Snape! And she obviously enjoyed, by the look in her eyes afterward! It was not right!
Normally, under the circumstances that a willing, relatively good-looking member of the female gender climbed into his lap of her own accord and proceeded to kiss him, he would have no problems with it just because it doesn't happen very often. But if that person happened to be someone who was very close to getting inducted into Lord Voldemort's Death Eaters and someone who might have to curse or torture for the ceremony, getting emotionally attached to the person was the last thing that he wanted to do.
Yes, he did like Andy enough. She was one of the few women who did not shy away from his contact and on top of that she was bloody brilliant. He always admired smart women and hated those who chose to flaunt themselves as brainless twits. She had never done that. She was relatively good looking in his opinion, not drop dead gorgeous, but definitely not ugly. She was of a slender build, not overly curvy, but enough to show that she was obviously a woman. Her face was what he liked the most. Her features were well-defined, but not overly so that they were too sharp. She had a pert nose like a small button, much prettier than his beak like one. Her lips seemed to be always on the verge of smiling and her chocolate colored eyes sparkled with mysteriousness. He couldn't chance falling for her. It was too risky.
Not that he would mind doing so. He hadn't been loved in a long time and sometimes it was a nice thing to have. Maybe after the Induction, he would see if she was still willing and maybe then he could get things to work out, but not with everything going on now. It wouldn't work out without someone getting hurt.
People began to filter away for the night and some of the professors had already left. Snape caught Andy's eye before leaving his seat and motioned for her to come. She met up with him at the doors of the Great Hall and followed him silently back to his rooms.
As soon as the door shut behind them, Andy spoke up. "I apologize for earlier, Sev. I was being extremely inappropriate and you don't deserve to be treated like that."
Snape chose not to speak until they were back in his private quarters, "There is no need to apologize for that, McGee. I think we both needed someone at that point." He couldn't believe what he was saying. He shouldn't have said that! Bad Snape, bad!
She tilted her head up to him. "Okay. So what's this protocol thing, then?"
He was glad that she dropped the subject. "There are a few basic things that you need to remember when dealing with Lord Voldemort. First, when you first are introduced to him, kneel and bow your head. Never make eye contact with him. Secondly, always address him as Master or Lord Voldemort, never by anything else and especially not Tom. Thirdly, do not speak until you are spoken to. If he chooses to curse you, it is perfectly acceptable to show weakness and scream, but it is preferable to bear the pain silently to show your strength. Do no try to dodge the curse either. He does not appreciate that. Any questions?"
"He's going to curse me?"
"Well, not necessarily him, but you have a very good chance of being cursed before the end of the ceremony by someone."
Andy thought for a moment, "You mean any of the Death Eaters might curse me?"
"Unfortunately, yes, any of those who are ordered to curse you will have to do so."
She paused, licking her lips, "Does that mean you too?"
"Yes, McGee, I may have to."
{Author's Note: That was interesting. I don't know where that chapter came from, but that's how it ended up being written. I know it is different from what I normally write, actually a whole lot different. Wow, I scare myself sometimes. Oh, well. That's my problem. One more chapter and then the Induction! Yay!
Sunkyssed: Thanks!
Vincelia Valentine: See, I update soon! I play clarinet in band and have played that for the past two years. I also spent one year in pit percussion on the bells. I know the feeling with new instructors. My junior year our director retired so the drill guy took over and everything was lax so we only got fifth. Before the original director retired, we got 2nd and should have won since the 1st place band even said that we should have won. This year the drill guy got moved to Georgia and we got a whole brand new staff that made a lot of people unhappy which was bad. I will miss it though. I was only in for three years, because we switched districts before my freshman year so I wasn't in it then.
Anna Black: Yes, that is creepy. I really liked your drawing of Andy. Do you mind if I put a link to the picture of her in the next chapter so other people can see her?
Sora: I can't spell; it is as simple as that. Without spell check I am lost. My friends pick on me about it all the time especially since I write so much, I should be able to, but I still have problems doing so. So however the word is spelled whether it is Occulmency or Occlumency, I will figure it out whenever I find my OotP book. Thank you for bringing it up though, I will see what I can do about it.