Th'
Lost Letters of Gan'a'f
(Pirates, in mah opinion,
as enny fool kin plainly see...)
Thet does it! Fry mah hide! ah's nevah travelin' by water agin!
Legolas, yer so lucky yer too possum t'travel away fum yer elven fo'ests. ah have spent sevahal days in a holdin' cell wif Cappain Jack Sumpin-Bird, cuss it all t' tarnation. Mr. In-Charge (No'rin'ton o' sumpin like thet,), ah nevah pow'ful got his name, (He was warin' a stoopid triangle hat, an' he had a tiny ponytail, ah reckon. He also spoke like a prissy, stuck-up, Mammy's fella... but ennyway...) he believed ah was a pirate, so hyar ah's.
ah muss make a recommendashun, these cells is way too small t'hold two varmints. ah woke up this hyar mo'nin', an' foun' Jack on mah sh'der. Oh yessuh, thar was also a li'l puddle of drool, but ah was speckin' thet fum a pirate. ah hope ah nevah meet t'other pirate evah agin. Gimme Orcs, gimme evil wizards, gimme giant, unblinkin' eyes, jest doesn't gimme pirates! In mah opinion Pirates is acshully Really Awful, Disto'ted, Nevah-Sh'd-Have-Come-Out-Of-The-Possum Eggs! Not only this, but they muss be some so't of alien sent t'decrease th' intellyjunce of th' hoomin race! (ah do reckon this hyar is so't of a waste of time on their part, Men kin't git much mo'e stoopid than they already are...)
Look at all th' time on mah han's, ah's reckonin' about aliens fo' fineness sakes!
When evah yo' feel like a-comin' an' savin' me, be mah guest.
Gan'a'f th' Gwine Insane, Grey
P.S. Do yo' haf enny extry bibs Jack kin bo'row?
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Whut in tarnation kin ah say? Gan'a'f's a whiner...
So'ry
it's sho't, I'll git th' next Letter up fast...
You must review... you cannot resist the Redneck power...!
Faerlach: I'm glad you like it! And I'm glad you can understand it – lol
Alateriel567:
You'd be surprised how many mothers think their children have gone
insane after reading some of my stuff. Keep reviewing and I'll keep
posting! Jurrasic Park... hmm...
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