"Daddy, I'm so nervous." Cassandra said as they stood backstage at the talk show waiting for her to go on. It was her first talk show appearance.
"You'll be great Cass. Don't worry about it. Just sing your song and you'll be great." he said looking down at her.
"I don't think I can do this daddy. I'm so scared. How do you do this all the time?" she asked looking up at him.
"I just picture your mom in front of me and I just sing to her. She's the only one I see." he said smiling down at her.
"That's really cool, but I don't have anyone to picture. What am I supposed to do?" she asked looking up at him.
"Picture me and your mom. We are so proud of you princess." he smiled looking down at her.
"Thanks dad." she smiled looking up at him as he hugged her.
"And now we have a young lady, whose just 15 years old. Her debut album, simply titled Cass was produced by her father Roger Davis. This is her first talk show appearance so give a warm welcome to Cassandra Davis." the talk show host announced as the audience applauded.
"You're on Cass. I love you sweetie." Alexandra smiled looking down at her.
"I love you too mom." she smiled looking up at her as she went out onto the stage.
"How do you think she'll do?" Roger asked watching her intently.
"She's your daughter. I have a feeling she'll do perfect." she smiled leaning up to kiss him before directing her attention to her daughters performance.
"Alex Baby, I'm home." Roger called out as he entered the house. He looked around and everything looked strangely quiet. He knew something wasn't right. "Alex. Alex, are you here? Cass? Somebody." he called out looking around. When he got to the back yard he looked over at the lawn chair. He noticed Alex sitting there. Here back was to him, but by the way her shoulders shook. "Alex, what's the matter?" he asked rushing over to her. "Where's Cassie?" he asked looking over at her.
"Mall with Zach." she answered still crying.
"What's the matter Alex? Why are you out here crying?" he asked wrapping his arms around her shoulders to comfort her.
"Cassie had a doctors appointment today..." she started when he interrupted her.
"Don't say it Alex. Don't even think of saying it." he told her before getting up and walking into the house.
"Roger, she's low." she cried rushing after him.
"I said don't say it Alex." he yelled looking back at her as tears rose to his eyes.
"I know Roger. She's my baby too." she yelled back going over to him.
"I can't believe this. She's 16 years old and she's dying." he yelled picking up a candy dish before throwing it across the room watching it shatter into several pieces.
"Roger, calm down." Alex cried backing away from him.
"How could this be happening Alex? We've done everything we're supposed to do for her and we're gonna lose her anyway." he cried crumbling to the floor.
"I know Roger. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I did everything I could do for her. She never, ever missed a dose. Her entire life, she never missed a dose. I swear." she cried rushing over to him, wrapping her arms around him.
"How could this be happening to our little girl Alex? How could we be losing her already?" he asked holding her tight.
"I don't know Baby. I don't know." she cried turning to take her into his arms.
"Does she know?" he asked looking up at her.
"Not yet. I thought we could tell her together. I didn't want her finding out from the doctor. She's our daughter, we should be the ones to tell her." she told him wiping her eyes.
"That's a good idea. She's our little girl, we should be the ones to break the news to her. How long did the doctor say?" he asked looking up at her.
"It depends. Her t-cells just started dropping and he said it doesn't appear that they're dropping too quickly so she could have a year, maybe 2." she said looking down at him.
"OK. A year, maybe 2. That's good, right? She has time. More time than Angel and Mimi had. What's the med situation? Is he changing them? Is he giving her something better to stabilize her t-cells?" he asked looking up at her.
"Yeah, they want to give her a stronger ART and a whole bunch of other drugs that will help suppress the disease to slow down the progression. She still has HIV. It's not AIDS yet Roger. She's gonna be OK for now. She just has to take it easy." she said looking down at him.
"You know that's never gonna happen. She's gonna want to perform even more. And finish up her second cd." he said getting up from the floor.
"Roger, she's got to take it easy. The doctor said that she can't keep up her schedule. It's too much for her." she said looking up at him.
"She's my daughter Alex. You know she's never gonna agree to that." he said going to the kitchen to get a glass of water.
"Well, she's gonna have to. I'm not gonna have my daughter running herself into the ground." she yelled getting up from the floor.
"Alex, she's only got 2 years max. She just wants to leave her mark on the world. We can't take this away from her. She's been wanting it too long. I'm not gonna take it away from her." he said taking a sip of the water before putting it down onto the counter.
"So what? You're gonna let her run herself into the ground helping this damn disease take her from us?" she yelled looking over at her.
"Alex, you don't understand. You don't have this disease hanging over your head. You don't know what it's like to live on borrowed time." he said looking over at her.
"Oh, I don't know what it's like? Screw you Roger, OK? Screw you." she yelled running up to their bedroom before slamming the door. She laid in hers and Roger's bed crying. How could he say she didn't understand. She has been living with this disease for nearly 20 years with him and 15 years with her daughter. She understood all too well. She had been living on pins and needles since she and Roger got together. Worried that he would get sick and she would lose him.
"Alex." he called out quietly knocking on the bedroom door.
"Go away Roger. I don't want to talk to you right now." she cried without looking up from her pillow.
"Alex Baby, we really need to talk." he said walking slowly into the bedroom.
"How could you say that Roger? You know I've been living with this disease hanging over my head for almost 20 years. Afraid I was gonna lose you and then we got Cassandra and I've been scared her whole life that we were gonna lose her. I've been dreading this day her entire life. So don't you tell me that I don't understand what it's like to live on borrowed time. Every minute with you and our daughter has been borrowed time for me." she yelled sitting up in the bed. Her eyes were red and puffy from crying and her nose was running.
"I'm so sorry for saying that Alex. I had no right to throw that in your face. I'm scared of losing my little girl." he said moving closer to her on the bed.
"And you think I'm not scared. She's my baby Roger. I don't want to bury my baby. I'm gonna have to bury the both of you and I knew that from day one, but I signed on anyway. The moment I saw you I knew I was gonna fall in love with you and the moment I saw Cassandra, I knew that child would be my life. But I did it anyway because I felt that what you two brought to my life out weighed the heartache I was gonna endure in the end." she cried looking over at him.
"Me too Baby. I remember when we first talked about adopting a child. I didn't want to adopt an HIV positive baby because I knew this day would come and now it's here and I have no regrets. I love that little girl more than anything in this world. I couldn't ever imagine my life without her. From the moment I saw her I loved her." he said looking down at her.
"I have no regrets either Baby. Not about falling in love with you or adopting Cassandra. I just want my daughter to be happy." she said as he wrapped his arms around her.
"So let her finish what she needs to finish for her career Alex. I want her to feel fulfilled when she leaves this world. That's all I'm saying." he cried looking down at her.
"Why don't we leave it up to her?" she cried looking up at him.
"When are we gonna tell her?" he asked looking down at her wiping his eyes.
"Tonight after dinner. Her and Zach will be back any minute and then Zach is staying for dinner, so we'll tell her when he leaves." she told him regaining her composure.
"Does anyone else know?" he asked looking down at her.
"No. I don't think I'll be able to tell them. Telling you was hard enough." she said leaning over to get a tissue off of the nightstand to blow her nose into.
"It's gonna be OK Alex. Somehow it's gonna be OK." he said looking over at her.
"I don't know how. Our little girl is sick Roger." she said trying not to cry again.
"I know Baby. I know." he whispered holding her tight in his arms as they laid back on the bed.
"Mom, dad we're back." Cassandra called out as she and Zach entered the house.
"What happened here?" Zach asked looking down at the candy dish shattered on the floor.
"I don't know. Mom, dad are you guys here?" she yelled rushing up to their room.
"Cass, hang on." Zach called out rushing after her. "I'll go with you." he told her following her to Alex and Roger's bedroom.
"Mom, dad." she called out seeing them sleeping in the bed holding each other.
"Cassie sweetie. Hey, you're back. We didn't hear you come in. We must have fallen asleep." Alex smiled looking up at her.
"What happened downstairs? The candy dish is broke on the floor." she asked as she and Zach entered the room more.
"Yeah, I was cleaning it and the doorbell rang and it startled me, so I dropped it. Don't go near it. I'll clean it up. So how was the mall?" she asked as Roger looked on quietly.
"It was the mall mom. No big deal. What's for dinner?" she asked looking down at them before sitting on the foot of the bed.
"I'm gonna order out. Does chinese sound good to everyone?" Roger asked looking over at them
"Cool. Can you get me and Zach extra dumplings? We're gonna go in my room and listen to the new cd I bought." she smiled looking over at them.
"Sure sweetie. Have fun." Alexandra smiled watching them leave the room.
"She doesn't look sick." he said looking over at Alexandra.
"She's gonna be OK for now Baby. We just have to make sure she takes the new meds. Hopefully it gives her more time with us." she said looking up at him.
"I know Baby. Come on, let's order dinner." he said leaning over to kiss her head as they went downstairs.
"Cassie, we need to talk to you for a minute, OK?" Roger said looking over at Cassandra who was sitting in the living room watching tv.
"What's up guys?" she asked looking up at them as Alexandra picked up the remote to turn the tv off.
"Cass sweetie, something happened at the doctor today that we need to talk to you about." she said sitting next to her as Roger paced around the living room.
"I'm sick, aren't I?" she asked looking over at Alexandra.
"No. You're not sick. Your t-cells are a bit low, but you're not sick Cassie." Roger told her sternly before sitting down next to her.
"How low?" she asked fighting back tears.
"Not that low, but the doctor wants you to start taking new meds to help keep them from lowering anymore." Alexandra said reaching over to tuck her daughters hair behind her ear.
"How long?" she asked as a tear escaped her eye.
"We don't know sweetie." Alexandra said trying to keep her daughters spirits up.
"Mom, I know you know. Tell me." she asked starting to cry.
"A year, maybe 2. But it's not how long Cass, it's what you do with the time you have that counts. You know that." Roger said reaching out to comfort her, but she pulled away from him.
"A year or 2? That's it? But I'm only 16. Dad and Uncle Collins have had it for over 20 years. What did I do to that I don't get more time?" she asked breaking down.
"Nothing. Cassie, you didn't do anything wrong. This is not your fault. It's no one's fault. This disease doesn't look for any specific person to hurt. You know that." Roger said rushing over to her fighting his own tears.
"Daddy, why don't I get more time? There's so much I wanted to do with my life. Continue performing, go to college, fall in love. I need more time dad." she cried collapsing into his arms.
"I know princess. I know. I'm so sorry." he cried holding her tight sitting on the floor with her.
"Cassie honey, you have been such a good girl. You have the most amazing heart and you are the most amazing person I've ever met. There is no way this is your fault." Alexandra told her going over to them.
"Mommy, what am I gonna do now? I'm gonna leave you and daddy and I don't want to. I want to be able to have what you guys have and I'll never be able to do that now." she cried looking up at Alexandra.
"You don't know that Cassandra. The doctor could be wrong. You're a Davis. They're as stubborn as they come. You have every chance to prove that stupid doctor wrong." Alexandra said caressing her daughters wet face.
"Yeah, look at me. I'm the most stubborn son of a bitch on the planet. I've had it over 20 years and I'm still here. Your mom always says you're my daughter. You could show them all princess." Roger smiled caressing her head.
"I wish that was true daddy, I really do." she said holding him tighter.
"Well, your dad and I agreed to let you choose what you want to do next. If you want to keep performing and recording your next cd, we're behind you." Alexandra said looking down at her.
"I want to mom. I want to leave something for you guys and the world to remember me by." she said looking up at her wiping her face.
"Princess, you don't need to worry about that. Your mom and I will remember you for so much more than your singing. You're our child and we love you so much. You have made us so happy the last 15 years, you have no idea." Roger cried leaning down to kiss her head.
"And you guys have given me the best life a kid could ask for. I was really lucky you guys wanted to adopt me." she cried holding Roger tighter.
"We're just lucky that we got the most perfect little girl in the world." he whispered kissing her head again holding her tight.