A/N: Here it is, the last chapter. Hope it pleases all my readers and makes up for some of the jerky moments involving Edward… I love you all, and thank you very much for liking this story.

Disclaimer: All things Twilight belong to the highly favored Stephenie Meyer.

Chapter 8

BPOV

Jacob kept avoiding me and finally I found out why. I ran into his best friend Sam and he told me that Jacob was waiting to see if I was going to tell the captain about his drinking problem.

"Remind him that I told him it was his problem. I promised him I wouldn't tell on him." I was furious. I was so mad that I walked straight to my private spot on the balcony, not even registering that I saw Edward on the way there.

I wasn't there very long before Jacob joined me. He slipped out the door very silently and cautiously approached me. I knew he was there and stayed facing away from him. I turned suddenly.

"How could you?! I told you before that this problem was yours and that I would leave it to you to take care of." I lowered my voice and continued. "You didn't even call me to let me know how you were. That was very inconsiderate. Just because I broke up with you doesn't mean I didn't care what happened to you." He stared into my eyes for a few seconds, not saying anything. Then, his expression changed to joy.

"I knew it."

"You knew what?"

"That you regretted breaking up with me. That you were in love with me." Wait, what? Where did that come from?

"Um, no. I care about you as a friend. I've never been in love with you."

"Are you sure? Why would just a friend get so mad about a little neglect?"

"Jacob, we dated for a few months. So yeah, maybe I did care a little more than just friends. But I am not in love with you. I never have been. A little neglect? I dropped you off at the airport and never heard what happened to you. You never returned my messages or answered my calls."

"Who got in my way?" He was upset, and started shaking and pacing himself. He muttered for a few moments, and didn't even listen to me trying to explain.

"Jacob, I was in love with someone else, but they weren't the reason I wasn't in love with you. He didn't love me back, sure, but I went out with you because I thought I could maybe get to love you. It wasn't really about Edward, and it isn't his fault we didn't work out. We didn't work out because you didn't share any part of you with me." He stopped pacing and whipped around to face me.

"Edward. Of course. Should have known. And I didn't share myself with you because I was afraid."

"But you can't have a relationship and be happy if you don't learn to be yourself. You can't let fear keep you from living. You need to show the real you. An unhealthy you, maybe, but you. I told you I want to be your friend and I want to be there for you in whatever way I can. But I cannot go out with you again."

"So, Edward Cullen has your heart." His face crumpled a little at that statement.

"No, he doesn't. But yes, I know what you mean, but no, he didn't want it. Remember? He chose Lauren. I think he chose her before I even met you."

"Alright." With that one last word he walked away. I was worried. I didn't mean to let Edward's name slip out, especially out loud outside on the deck. Anyone could be out there and hear. I called it my private spot, but there was just as likely to be someone else there as not. It was a public spot and I was always cautious in case someone were out there with me. Such as Edward Cullen, the one person I did not want to hear me.

He just so happened to walk from around the corner just after Jacob left. It was daytime and he could see that I was blushing. But he didn't say anything. I had sat up on the railing after Jacob left and he leaned on the railing next to me. I opened my mouth to say something, but he shook his head slightly and I stayed silent.

"I thought that if I asked out Lauren, then you would forget all about me and either go with Jacob or someone better. Then, once you were safely over me, I could break up with her and have no worries about you. I've needed to say this for a while."

However, he didn't finish. The bell rang to remind the employees that it was time for the staff meeting and dinner. He looked annoyed at the bell, but still hurried away. I was left to stare after him, amazed that he'd finally talked to me at all.

I sat at a two-person table in the dining room so that I would have time to think without having to try to be talky. After dinner was served, but before the speeches started, Jacob came over to my table.

"Bella, my friends don't really know we broke up. Except Sam, of course and he just figured it out. Please, just pretend we're still together just for a little while. Then we can figure out a way to end it in public. Unless you see how I've been trying to change and decide to give me another chance." He'd obviously already forgotten our conversation from a few minutes ago. I sighed.

"No, Jacob. I really need to sit alone and think right now. We can talk later about how to break it off for your friends. Just leave me alone for a while."

The speeches the captain and the cruise director gave were the same ones they gave at the beginning of the summer season. The tension from the employees was different, however. The winter season was busier than the summer because people always want to escape the cold. There was also the slight added tension of the relaxed rules about dating on the ship. After a few months with the new policy, people were starting to get together. And they were surveying the newbies and the pros who only worked the winter seasons.

The entertainment department is supposed to be a big family. We spend a lot of time together and have the most time to get to know each other. Before the policy of no dating staff was changed, there was always a veiled sense of competition among the women. We all knew that the penalties if we were caught were not worth a short relationship. But now women and men were openly hostile with those they thought were after "their" man or woman. Practices were competitive and the women were dressing for it. They wore make-up and really tight practice sweats. Those in entertainment that wanted female lead or that liked Edward in spite of the rumors scrambled for the front spots in practices.

I remained main female lead, but Edward was branching out this season and using more numbers with more leading parts and was offering lead roles to more people. I didn't mind that I wasn't the sole female lead anymore. I liked the roles, but was still uncomfortable with the attention. I still remained in the back for dance numbers, and I was so grateful.

Once we got our first round of programs cast, the competition air settled down. I was discovering that I had more friends than I thought. Since I wasn't stuck with Edward and Alice or Jacob, I had to choose my own activities to do. I was seeing acquaintances become closer friends as we shared these activities.

One of my favorite ways to spend my off hours was in the library reading one of the great books they had. The ship librarian spent her shore hours scouring bookstores and had bought fiction and non-fiction, in the native languages and translated to English, from almost every port. Angela was always there to talk to as well.

Our first day out on our first cruise of the winter season to the Caribbean I was tired of waiting for a sight of Edward so I wondered into the library. I found out that I had a love of books in common with two of my acquaintances. Embry and Quil were twins who worked on the ship as bus boys in one of the two ship restaurants. Quil was taking college classes online and Embry was doing a correspondence course. They were both going for degrees in law and were in competition to see who got their degree first. I started going to the restaurant right before their shift was over and we would walk to the library together.

I enjoyed talking to them while they cleaned up the tables. Actually I listened while they kept up a running gossip commentary on the secrets of the ship. They were used to being ignored by everyone. People naturally talked about things around them. They knew I disapproved of their gossiping, so they never told me anything "really juicy," unless it had to do with me, Alice, Edward, or Jacob.

Embry and Quil read mostly non-fiction and when we had all three finished a book, we talked about them. I didn't read non-fiction so they taught me a lot about different people and countries. I also found government very boring but they were able to explain most of our country's processes to me. Most people on the ship avoided telling me what they heard about Lauren and Edward and me and Jacob, but Quil and Embry were up-front with me and just wanted answers.

"Alright, Isabella, are you going to just tell us the truth or do we need to keep guessing?" Quil and Embry were the only ones besides my dad that I allowed to call me Isabella.

"Sorry, Edward and Lauren's business is theirs, and not mine to tell. All I can say about any of it, though, is that I have truthfully answered all your questions to my best, and that Jacob and I are no longer together and there is no chance for us to ever date again. You'll have to ask Edward for the rest. But you can't tell anyone about me and Jacob yet."

"Well, he said for us to ask you. He thinks you told us about the DayStar and we told the whole ship. He almost yelled at us yesterday to ask the, um, I think it was 'gossiping little snit'." Embry flinchingly told me.

"What?! Did you tell him I didn't?" I was shocked breathless. So that was why he'd been avoiding me? Because he thought I'd spread all those rumors about him and the DayStar? He obviously didn't remember that Lauren still had friends on board the Inspiration.

"We didn't have a chance. We asked him if he'll tell us the truth about it, just like we asked you and he jumped off and started yelling and wouldn't give us a straight answer." Quil said.

"That was last week, right before your practice."

"Oh man, no wonder. He has been avoiding me. You guys didn't mention my name, did you?"

"Never. We never mention our sources' names, unless they are involved in the story. But still, no one knows they told us." I left them, suddenly in no mood to go to the library. They gave me mirrored sympathetic looks and told me they understood.

Sometimes I thought that trying to be Edward's friend was too much trouble. Or at least it was now that I had screwed it up so badly. I went to my room, grabbed my cell phone, went out to my spot, and called Alice. I was so glad that it was deserted. Most of the staff and guests were involved in activities during the day.

"Alice, I don't know what to do. I think I'm gaining ground with him again and then something happens that blows it all up. I don't know if I-" She cut me off.

"Edward told me all about it. I'm sorry Bells. I tried to tell him that you didn't tell, that you wouldn't even tell about Jacob's drinking problem. That set him off more, for some reason. Got mad because you didn't tell him about that. Man, he is looking hard for reasons to keep you away." This boy is confused. He didn't want the right to worry about me, remember? Alice said he was looking for ways to push me away. He was lying when he said he wanted to still be my friend.

"Why? What about me makes him want to keep me away? I wish I had never told him I loved him. I thought, though, that we were going to be friends again." I told her about what he'd said the day of the staff meeting.

"Listen, I don't really know what to tell you. He is my brother and he does tell me some things, but I can't really help you. If one thing between you is gone, he looks for another. He's just grasping at straws. I don't know why he doesn't just give up and tell you—oops. I better go; I better not say anything else."

"Alice, what do you mean? Tell me what?"

"I gotta go, Bella, mom needs me in the kitchen. Talk to you later. Try to knock some sense into Edward, for me, will ya? Bye." And she hung up.

"Bye." I really wanted to do just that. Knock some sense into Edward, with a large, heavy object. I found myself looking around for something that fit the description. I was distracted from my crazy searching when I heard someone below the level I was on talking about Edward.

"Can you believe it? Lauren went about it all wrong. She shouldn't have been outright about her hate for the children's center. You don't really show who you really are until after you get married. Then you have the right to guide their money usage." The girl said.

"Lauren was just caught off-guard. How would you feel if Jacob were to come up with a sudden secret?" I listened harder when the second girl mentioned Jacob. Could have been a different one, but something told me it was my Jacob. Or at least, the boy who used to be my Jacob.

"Well, I would handle it better than Lauren, that's for sure." The first girl said. And then the second girl confirmed they were speaking of Jacob Black.

"You know, I don't think Jacob and Bella are broken up yet."

"Yeah, well, he wants to let her down slowly. He still cares about her as a friend, but according to him, she sucks as a girlfriend. I think he should just get it over with, but he doesn't want to look bad in front of the captain. And she's still totally in love with him, he says. She's a nice girl and won that award so it makes him look good to be with her. Definitely got him my attention. Well, I better go. We're thinking of a way for him to sit with me at the table without her knowing."

I couldn't believe that I had promised to help Jacob out by making it a mutual break up semi-public. I had told the twins to keep it secret about me and Jacob until I okayed it. But Jacob had stopped that. I glanced at my watch. It was almost time for the guys to be at work, so I went to the restaurant and waited outside. Ten minutes later, Jacob walked by with a girl I'd never seen before. I assumed it was the one I overheard. He sheepishly let go of her and came to me.

"Well, well. Trying to make it look good for your friends? I didn't know you were trying to make me look like an idiot," I said, trying to not let venom leak through too much.

"Bella, I would never. I'm trying to win you back. Leah is just a friend. She works in security."

"Oh, so that's how she knows me."

"Huh?"

"Nothing. We need to talk."

"I gotta go right now; I left something in Leah's room and she's about to be late for work. I gotta get it tonight. We'll talk tonight. Oh, are you gonna want to sit alone or with me tonight?"

"Oh, I think its best I not sit with you."

"What? We'll need to sit together sometimes if we're to keep it up." Jerk. I really wanted to cuss the idiot out, but tried to keep my voice normal. My revenge would be sweet indeed.

"Maybe tomorrow night. Call me or get with me tonight. I mean it." I was not sorry at all about what I was going to do. Jacob expected that I was too nice to get him embarrassed; he thought I'd rather take it myself than give it. Maybe he was right. I almost decided to leave, but the twins came around the corner and looked upset.

"Isabella! What are you doing here?" Quil asked, a little shocked to see me.

"I wanted to talk to you two—"

"Wait, we've got something to tell you," Embry said.

"Yeah, we just saw Jacob and Leah together."

"Yeah, I saw them too; I even overheard Leah talking to someone about me. She's a brat. He's of course denied anything—"

"We saw them kissing. He can't deny anything. They were in a corner down that hall. They weren't noticed by many, but still," Quil flinched as he said the last part. I was now livid. I was cussing him out in my head and my anger leaked into my next words.

"Oooh. I'm glad you told me. I came here to tell you to go ahead and tell people about our break up, but then I almost changed my mind after talking to him. But since he lied to me, there is no reason to be nice. Tell everyone I broke up with him this summer. Don't worry about the reason, that's a secret I am gonna keep. Let people speculate about why all they want. Make sure everyone knows." Quil and Embry smiled slyly and went in to work.

As I was hoping, by dinner all the crew and staff were buzzing with the news. Some people said that I'd broken up with him because he was dirty, smelly, and rude. Others said that it was because he was too wimpy to defend himself against a guy picking on me. Then some called into question his morals and his sexual leanings. Others speculated that he'd hit me and I'd left him on the side of the road in Chicago. In other words, the twins had spread rumors that would embarrass the pants off Jacob and make Leah rethink her involvement with him. None of the rumors made me look bad at all.

I chose a table close to the door and to the side, out of view of most people in the hall. It was a lounge night and I was to go in the middle. I had plenty of time to enjoy a little revenge.

Jacob was completely caught off-guard. He strutted into the hall with Leah close behind him and Sam beside her. Probably a cover-up. When he walked in, people who saw them stopped talking and looked at him. He stumbled and faltered his steps. His smile faded, but then he plastered a fake one on and continued to the captain's table. He pulled out Leah's chair and searched the room. I didn't make it really easy for him to find me, and he had to stop once the first singer was on stage.

It was eventually my turn to sing, and the piano started playing, but the song wasn't one of the two we'd practiced. I turned and saw that it was Edward playing. He played "I Will Survive" and "Best for Last", the two songs I had sung at the first lounge night last season. I wondered what he was doing. Edward never played piano for lounge nights, and the regular player was just off stage. I tried to get Edward to look at me, but he kept his eyes on the keys.

I had to sing the songs he played, and barely hesitated when he played the first notes to each song. He'd slowed it down, knowingly compensating for my shock.

He left the piano as soon as the last notes faded before I could turn to him. I just stared at his back as he walked off stage. I followed him and could feel Jacob watching me all across the room, and sure enough he beat me to my table. I just kept walking, passing him and going right out to my second favorite spot.

"You told them?!" He whispered savagely, grabbing my wrist and spinning me around.

"Told who what?" I spat back, trying to get him to let go of my hand. He was squeezing it too tightly.

"I thought we'd agreed to keep the break up a secret until we could do it and save face for both of us! But you had to go spread it all over the ship and then those songs? What's up with those songs?" He squeezed even tighter and I flinched in pain.

"No, Jacob, you wanted to save your face. And that was almost a believable lie about wanting to get me back. That is, if I hadn't already overheard Leah talking to one of her friends. I didn't know who she was until you walked by with her. And then you went around the corner and made out with her?" He stood up and loosened his grip but didn't let go.

"Who, I never, what? Who saw us?"

"That doesn't matter. You didn't have to lie again. I was going to break up with you here, to keep your rep intact and all that crap. You crossed the line by trying to make me look like a fool. I didn't tell anyone about your alcoholism because I cared enough about you as a friend to leave that up to you. I didn't want you to lose your dream of navigation before you had a chance to change." I breathed in deeply and continued, editing what I told him now. No point in being completely honest with him now.

"I told some friends that we broke up over the summer, because I knew people would start giving me those 'Poor, poor, Bella' looks if they caught you two. I deserve better than that."

"Okay, okay. That was a bad judgment call. I was hoping to use her to our advantage if we couldn't work things out. But you went and destroyed it. You spread those rumors, and then you sang those songs! You, you," He tightened his grip again. He was shaking with anger and I was kind of afraid. But not enough to stop talking.

"No, I didn't practice those songs. If you will remember, those were the songs I sang at the beginning of last season. Edward unexpectedly was the player and I don't know where he got off playing them. I couldn't embarrass myself onstage just to save you? Is that what you're wondering? Not after you tried to embarrass me."

"Bella, I told you I was just playing up to Leah so she could help—." Right then Leah slammed open the doors with the captain in tow. Jacob immediately let go of my wrist. I gripped it in my other hand and rubbed it. It would hurt tomorrow, I was sure.

"Using me? How dare you!" She slapped Jacob and stormed off. He started to follow her, but was stopped by the Captain.

"Officer Black, will you please explain to me what I just overheard?"

"Oh, no. Bella, you said you wouldn't tell!" He grabbed my wrist again. Geeze. Was he trying to sprain it or something?

"Black, she didn't tell anyone. I came out to see if you two were okay, since you left in quite a hurry before the show was over. Now, what's this I heard about alcoholism?"

"I don't know what she's talking about, sir. I'm not an alcoholic." He was practically cutting off the blood flow to my wrist now, begging me not to say anything. I really couldn't, I hurt so bad.

"Oh, but your friend Sam Uley says otherwise. He came to me earlier and said he was concerned because it had gotten worse last season and he didn't know if he could continue doing his work and take on more of your duties. He was very concerned about your violent temper when drunk and that you might do something to hurt Miss Swan." He looked pointedly at his hand on my wrist and Jacob let go. I was able to speak up now.

"Captain, I can assure you that Jacob does not get violent when drunk. I will stake my job on that fact." Captain turned to me, studying my face to see if I was being honest.

"Okay. We may be asking you some questions. Such as why you failed to report his illness. I want you both in my office at 0900 in the morning, and right now we will go back into the dining room and finish eating." He spoke the last at Jacob and they left. I started to follow them then went instead to the upper balcony and the stairs up to the private balcony that few tourists knew about. Long ago I claimed it as my own and for some reason it was always empty when I wanted it to be. Except tonight.

"I beat you," Edward said, turning towards me. I joined him in leaning against the railing. I was still aggravated with Jacob and my adrenaline was flowing. This was my time to tell Edward once and for all everything. He wasn't avoiding me at least, so I took that to mean he would be okay if we talked.

"Why are you being such a dork? I was just trying to be your friend. I don't deserve this, this, punishment just for telling you how I feel, do I?" I couldn't hold the tears. "All I did was that. Just that. I didn't embarrass you, or hurt you, or take anything from you, and you've changed everything." Edward didn't answer when I paused, so I kept on drawing on all the months of confusion and loneliness and hurt and anger.

"I think that you are an amazing man, or at least you were before all this. Last season Anderson told me about the DayStar. I found out that that was the cause of your problems with girls. I don't understand myself. I mean, I visited one in LA and thought it was the best idea I'd heard in a while. I almost spent this year there, but you have to pay to intern there and they didn't have a job opening. I plan to spend a year there after I graduate." Once again he didn't say anything. I was losing steam and his lack of involvement wasn't helping.

"I was very proud to have once called you my friend when I saw what you had helped build and then when you turned Lauren down for those beautiful people." I turned away from Edward and kept talking as if I was talking to myself. "Some people just can't see how beautiful all of God's children are. Even if they are smelly or dirty. They just need love and to know that someone really cares about them. I wish I could do something like that. I just have no idea." I gave up talking and just stood there, facing out to sea.

He finally spoke, but it was my turn to be silent so I stayed as I was. I didn't want to turn around, expecting some sort of rebuke for spreading the rumors about him and Lauren and the children's center.

"It really is your entire fault, you know. You broke down every single defense I had against someone like you. I've always been different from other people. There was this desire deep inside to do something with my life. I've been out with a lot of girls, but they all had different directions from me. Not all of them were like Lauren—shallow, uncaring, selfish. Some of them were amazing women. But their hearts weren't for the same thing I'm into. I thought that I would be safe because there was no way anyone would want to date me as long as the DayStar took all my time and money. I thought I was safe." I heard him shuffling around behind me, but I still stayed rigid. I was trying to process what he was saying and what it meant while taking in the words he was still speaking.

"When I was younger I organized clubs and stuff to help the homeless. I was always in the parks and under bridges; those people were my friends as much as anybody my own age. I wasn't perfect. I went through my stage of running. But when I started working Dream, I decided to change my life back. I visited the LA DayStar with one of my friends and was enthralled. Then, I heard they were trying to build one here and I donated all of my extra money and time to getting it where it is now. I never wanted anything to get in between me and the DayStar. So many girls rejected me after they learned about the DayStar that I decided never to let any girl close again. It really hurts." He breathed in deeply and I wondered why he felt he needed to hide this part of himself away from us.

"No one really understands how much it means to me. Alice hasn't even visited it, and my parents almost ignore that I work there. They love me, but are more impressed by money." So, Alice knew about this all along.

"Really, I was interested in you the first time I met you. You were beautiful and were really into helping people. I lied to you so many times to keep you away. I can't fall in love right now. I'm unprepared. I'm learning to balance the DayStar with the rest of my life. I'm a horrible person because I played on your fears and esteem issues to push you away. Thus the conversation at the beginning of last season." He paused and I turned around.

"Edward, I didn't ask you to marry me."

"That's what Alice said."

"I'm sorry that so many women hurt you. That doesn't mean I will. I'm inexperienced with relationships myself and was afraid. And then there was Jacob." His eyes flashed with anger, but I couldn't tell if it was at me or Jacob.

"I'm sorry. I could have saved you from that too. I wanted to point out that he avoided things and just wasn't very open. I kind of sensed there was something not quite right about him." He avoided looking at me.

"No, it was my choice to say yes to him. I could have done so no matter what happened with you." I didn't know what would happen now. I didn't want to be the next one to say anything. I wondered if he would be a man and ask me out and leave the future to itself, or just give up. If he cared that much about me, he would be a man.

"Can we be friends again?" He asked. I nodded and turned to leave, expecting that to be that for now. But he grabbed my hand and pulled me back.

"And, maybe work up to something more?" He leaned in towards me, effectively stopping anything else I might have thought or said. His lips brushed mine and everything else faded away.