Author's Note: This is a product of extreme boredom and angst. So, here's the gist of it: It's just a big hodgepodge of events that contains possibly any, if not all, characters that has been spawned from Square Enix Studio. Enjoy. Don't complain to me about OOC or any such nonsense, for I shall ignore you and think less of you as a person for not heeding my warning.

Disclaimer: Don't own. Don't sue.

It was like sticking a pink crayon up your nose. One of those awkward and inevitable childhood moments that make for great laughs 20 years down the road, but is nonetheless painstakingly discomforting initially. She didn't really intend for the impromptu argument to break out over a simple little question, but that didn't stop the argument from escalating further.

"Whass a p'nis?" her bottom lip quivered out the question, as her eyes grew epically larger in semblance to the action puppies take when kicked in the face.

Laguna coughed erratically. "What's that honey?"

"A p'nis. Whass ish it?" She asked quietly, but this time with a renewal insistence.

"Well, ahhh… I-i-it's ummm.." Laguna's stuttering really didn't help the matter. Nor did the stalling.

"It's a phallic shape instrument used in a copulative manner for the purpose of pleasure and procreation, though frequently it is utilized for the former." Sephiroth broke in without skipping a beat.

"What the hell kind of explanation is that Seph? She's four years old for gods' sakes." Laguna whispered heatedly into the fair-haired man's direction.

Blank stares met with the angered expression.

"I gave a perfectly reasonable answer to the child's question."

"You! You keep your stupid cock-a-mammy answers to yourself!" Laguna whispered back.

"The child can hear you. That defeats the purpose of your whispering." Came the deadpanned reply.

"It does not! And she can hear YOU!" Laguna spat back.

Ignoring Sephiroth's snort of derision, Laguna plastered on his best smile and turn to Ellone. "Honey, a penis is a little wee-wee that boys have."

"A wee-wee?" Her eyebrows furrowed in attempt to understand the concept of the "wee-wee."

"Yes darling, a wee-wee." Laguna reiterated with a sage nod of his head.

"This is ridiculous." Sephiroth muttered under his breathe as he made his way to the door.

"And where do you think you're going?" The ever-present testiness that appeared only in conversations with Sephiroth reared its ugly head as Laguna crossed his arms over his proffered chest.

"Away. From you and your redundantly inadequate explanation on human genitalial."

"Hey, I think I gave a perfectly good explanation." Came the haughty reply.

"Yes, that was completely and utterly sufficient in explaining to your four year old daughter how the human sex organs work. So, when she grows up to be a misguided and hormonal fourteen year old she'll know what to do her partner's "wee-wee," as you've put it, and the rest of her adult life wouldn't be wholly affected by the misinformation you have been feeding her throughout her adolescence."

"That was the most I've heard you say since you decided that I'm too stupid to waste anything more than a monosyllable on." Laguna replied scathingly, albeit with a hint of awe.

Another snort pervaded the air. "Yes, well all the Valium in the world helps me forget I'm your, heaven forbid, friend. And the Zoloft helps with the depression that accompanies that thought."

The remark was answered by a long moment of silence between the two men and the forgotten little girl.

"I don't even remember what we were arguing about anymore." Laguna said blinkingly.

"…"

"So, a p'nis ish a wee-wee?"