AN: Thanks so much for reading and the reviews are amazing and so thoughtful.

Chapter Four: part two

And then it was December. It had become acerbic along with the colder and harsher temperature. My emotions, although confusing, were new and flipping around like a tilt a whirl but I defiantly wouldn't call them cold. The opposite really, I was burning; I was happy. I shouldn't be; I should have been contemplating all the risks relationships caused but it was okay to pretend there were none when the relationship hadn't started yet. I groaned, pulling a white sweater over my head, hadn't started? No, it hadn't started; it would never start.

It was hard to remember facts like that when my subconscious kept pulling me into fantasies; distracting fantasies.

I walked down the stairs letting the vagaries dance over my rational thoughts; clouding and obstructing the truth of what a conjunction of two people can really mean.

I stopped short a foot into the kitchen, "What are you doing up?" Renee was at the kitchen table with a mug of coffee. She glanced up warily as if the caffeine hadn't had a chance to wake her.

"Couldn't sleep," She told me bending her chin and tipping the cup back, effectively downing the rest of the drink.

I frowned, walked over and sat next to her. "Is something wrong?" I hedged.

"Wrong," she repeated, her eyes roving around as if locating the answer, "Not wrong…"

I sighed, "Do you want to talk about it?"

"Something just caught my attention last night, worried me, but nothing is wrong," she spoke slowly, calculating her words as she spoke. It wasn't like her and it made me mistrust her judgment of 'wrong.'

"Well what were you doing last night?" Friday night, was she out with Phil? They went out most nights; a couple months ago I would have known exactly where she'd been. Now my thoughts were stretched over too many issues and that along with the fact that I'd gone to a midnight movie with Alice and Jasper last night had me at a loss. I'd gotten home late and hadn't bothered to check on my mother. Maybe she'd been right before, maybe I was finally turning into a teenager.

"Nothing," She blinked at the empty cup still clasped in her hands, "I just called Charlie; watched the cooking channel."

"You called Charlie?" I questioned, pulling out the important piece of information.

She smiled, didn't touch her eyes, and answered, "I just wanted to clear up some things about your trip." She nodded to herself and set the mug down. I pulled my knees up and wrapped my arms around them.

"And that got you thinking?"

"Well not exactly…"

"Mom," I reproved gently.

"Oh Bella," her eyes twitched and it was like she lighted from within, like her old self, her normal self, resurfaced. "Don't mind your old mom, she's just being silly. Anyway your tutor is coming over soon, right?" She didn't wait for me to answer, "And I don't want to crowd you, so, uh, I have some errands to run." She stood, patted my shoulder and started on the stairs.

Rubbing my neck in possibly unfounded tension, I took her cup and started on the dishes.

--------

Edward showed up twelve minutes earlier than our session officially started, a little earlier than he usually did. Renee had been gone for over half an hour by then and the house seemed damp and withdrawn with just a book to keep me company.

I'd been reading 'The Scarlet Pimpernel' for a change of pace but gladly shut it when the bell rang. I hurried to the foyer, tossing the book on the stairs as I went.

With a deep forgiving breath I opened the door, "Hello Edward," I greeted. I shivered as the warm air rushed toward the frigid outdoors.

Edward closed the door in a hurry, pulling off a black toque* and leaving his hair in chaotic disarray. I couldn't help laughing as he went about taking his coat, boots and mittens off revealing dark black jeans and a cotton black top.

"What?" He asked, an easy smile causing his cheeks to stretch and his teeth to show just a bit; a perfect smile.

"Your hair," I informed him reaching toward it without a thought in my head. My fingers were stroking it and patting it slightly down before I realized how forward I was being. I stopped immediately completely embarrassed.

I turned before he could see the red that had ripened my cheeks and took a few steps away. "Better?" He asked apparently unaware of the awkwardness the situation was ruling me by.

My cool hands took hold of my cheeks, cooling them though not fully controlling the red before I twisted back to look. His hair did look better, still messy but not static clinging toward the ceiling. I downcast my eyes as I replied, "You'd be the judge of that, now wouldn't you?" Joking around was much more manageable.

He laughed and with his shoulder nudged my own as if to remind me to keep moving. I hadn't noticed I'd stopped. I swallowed and followed his back as he entered the kitchen. He leaned against the wall instead of sitting down and with both his hands he examined blindly how his hair fell.

He barely touched the strands; maybe he didn't want to make it worse. "Yeah, it's better," he said grinning, his eyes lazy. He looked so calm; serene, half asleep.

"You're not sitting down?" I pointed out.

"Neither are you," he didn't open his eyes to see this, to see me standing aimlessly, but he knew, somehow.

"Any reason?"

"Actually there is." He stood erect now, cocking an eyebrow at me. "Would you be opposed to our time running a bit long?"

I shrugged, "That's fine."

"Well I have an unorthodox idea."

"Oh."

"I was thinking if you wanted, we could watch a movie."

I crinkled my nose, as I smiled, "How French…" It was a statement that meant to mock him but that came out more like a question.

"Well it is, actually."

"Huh?" eloquent again.

"A French movie."

"Oh."

He took a breath, recovered a smile that had faded and spoke again, "It's a good test to see how you're doing, or should I say, how I've been doing. There isn't a lot of dialog and I'll put on subtitles if you get lost but I think it'd be," he shrugged, "an interesting trial and error kind of thing. Would you be interested in trying?"

The expectation was not lost on me. "Sure."

"Do you have a DVD player?"

"Sure," I cocked my head to the side, telling him to follow, and walked past the kitchen and into the living room. "You have it with you?"

"Left it in my coat pocket," he told me as his footsteps patted back out of the room. I laughed quietly as I went about setting the television up. He startled me by patting my shoulder with the movie but I tried to play it off and took it without a backward glance.

The case looked like the kind for CDs, clear and thin, a jewel case, and inside was a mostly black disc. "Beauty and the Beast?"* I asked and I popped it out. As I placed it in the DVD player I returned my eyes to Edward to see him giving me a sheepish look.

"Have you seen it?" he asked from his relaxed pose on the closest couch, the one that directly faced the television. His shoulder was leaning on the arm and he was giving me an expectant look.

"I don't think I've seen this version."

"It's really the best version," he stated with a lazy half grin. I waited at the player until I could safely press 'play' not wanting to bother with finding the remote unless absolutely necessary. I fiddled with the volume as I waited for it to boot up.

"Do I need to get into the language/subtitles menu?"

"It should play the English Subs without being selected."

With his words I pressed 'play' and stood. The intro music started swirling around the room. I drew the blinds so it would be slightly darker before sitting on the other end of the sofa with Edward.

Half my brain was focusing on hearing and interpreting as the movie played the other was devoted to the boy next to me; the way I could hear his breathing the way his knee was barely touching mine. My body was angled toward his though, of course, still pivoted at the screen.

But something was stinging around me; something was choking the air out of my lungs. In the dark I could feel the hair on the back of my neck rise and hear my desperate attempts at slowing my heart rate. The movie continued and I found I really did like it, if not for its' plot for the way it had caused this sensation.

"Are you cold?" Edward whispered.

"Huh?"

"You're shivering," he pointed out.

"Oh, uh, well, sure."

He reached for the blanket that was over the back of the couch and it made me wonder how much of the room he'd memorized when the light was on. "Do you have another blanket around here?"

"Huh," I asked distractedly, "Oh no."

"Then scoot."

"Huh?"

"I'm cold too; come closer."

I blushed like mad then, bashful, but did as he instructed; my head against his neck; our thighs together. It felt good, it felt careful and strange and awkward. It felt like carefully constructed made for TV moments.

I didn't look up as his fingers brushed my arm while he tossed the blanket around us. I didn't move almost at all once I was next to him, I didn't want to spoil this moment; I'd done away with enough.

--------

And when the movie ended and the credits rolled, the music played and story lingered in my mind I finally let my head tilt back, my eyes looking up. "I think I passed your experiment."

"What?" he whispered.

"I barely needed the subtitles," I clarified.

I felt more than heard his breath, a steady drumming inside my ear; alleviating. "I'm doing a good job."

I smiled at him closing my eyes, feeling tired, drained; feeling that midnight movie and the agitation cooling down.

I liked these flashing seconds with him; I liked the way his weight felt against me. I liked the way his hair was falling around him and the way the TV screen was bright enough and aimed just right that I could see the colour of his eyes. I liked the way he made me feel and the way, even blinded as I was, I could feel his eyes watching me.

I loved the way his arm moved against me, how his body twitched every so often. I did.

"You're a good teacher."

"You've been a good student."

"Thank-you."

"Are you falling asleep?" he hummed half under his breath; the soft cotton of his shirt caressing my fingertips as they moved under our blanket.

"No, are you?"

"Not falling, already."

I laughed the way you do in a dream though I wasn't dreaming and let my eyes slide open. "How can you be asleep with your eyes open?"

"It's hard to explain."

I looked down, away from him, "You are a master of words; too complicated? Or am I simply a lost case?"

"No, you'd understand; you'll understand eventually, one day."*

I smiled, returning my gaze to his. "You make everything sound beautiful."

His breath blew across the top of my head, letting my words sink in. His eyes tracing my face, watching everything move; contour to him. And then his right hand freed itself from the blanket and his knuckle was against my cheek and I didn't know what to say or what to do.

Just as suddenly he removed the extra contact and looked down at his closed hand; I followed. An eyelash lay just at the tip of his index knuckle, and his head bent closer and while I stared at that tiny curve he blew it away* into the warm room*.

His nose swept my hair instead of lowering like I wanted him to and then he was moving in earnest and I was left feeling an emptiness that couldn't be contained.

--------

Edward didn't take my money for our session that day, as he left me still wrapped in that blanket, at the doorway. He said he'd see me Wednesday and to watch the movie again.

His smell remained on me the rest of the day, it almost smelled like wet oak, like music reeds when they're damp, and honey. A soft masculine sent that I was worried would fade too soon.

--------

I was in the kitchen putting the food away as Renee showed Phil out. He'd come for supper Monday night and so Renee and I had locked ourselves in the kitchen since school let out. I'd banished her to chopping because, honestly, she could barely do even that.

She was thankful as we worked, letting the praise come on thick without a mention of the previous morning or Charlie. Instead we talked about average things, movies, music, her kids at school, my friends. She didn't bring up Edward and I didn't bring up Phil.

So it really took me by surprise when my ears caught the end of Renee's goodbye, "Love you Hun, I'll call you tomorrow."

"Love you too, see you later," he replied and I could just make out a smacking, smooching, sucking sound.

I almost dropped the dish I was carrying.

I set the dish on the counter and flicked my attention to the kitchen entrance waiting for my mother to make her appearance; she usually helped me clean for a job this big.

"You didn't tell me you loved him," I accused.

She didn't try to back peddle like she normally would about her feelings for a guy instead she said, "I do."

"And how long have you known him even?"

She rolled her eyes and she walked past me to scrape the pan that had been soaking in the sink. "Long enough."

"And you didn't tell me," I tried not to sound as hurt as I felt.

"Well it was the first time we said it," she justified.

"What? Really, just out the door like that?" I didn't say the rest of that sentence that was clouding my head 'how romantic,' because even inside my head I heard how rude that sounded. But it was a valid point. Neither had even bothered to dress their 'love' up for the other. Weren't those words supposed to be special?

"When you feel it you have to say it regardless if the moment doesn't look so opportune."

I ignored the strange aching feeling her words left, "And how long have you known?"

"Huh, about how I've felt?"

"Yeah."

"Well it almost seems like the moment we met I knew something. But it didn't exactly hit me until I watched that cooking show."

"What cooking show?" I finished setting the food, all perfectly sealed away from the degenerating air, in the fridge and had moved on to wiping the counters and table with a wet cloth.

"Don't you remember?"

"Uh, no."

"Remember I said that I was worried yesterday morning, that something had caught my attention, made me think."

"Yeah..."

"Well that cooking show, I was watching it and suddenly I knew I loved Phil. Really loved him, more than I've ever loved any man."

I felt a pang for Charlie but didn't comment. Instead I listened as she started humming along to a song from the seventies that she used to beg me to learn to play on the piano. Fat chance learning a complicated song like that, I could barely manage scales.

Finally I asked the question that was plaguing me, "How do you know you're in love? How do you even know what it feels like?"

Her humming lulled, "It's like everything feels better; like every time you see him you feel, just feel. And even when you're not with him you think about him almost like you're always waiting for a chance to talk about him because you know he's important; important to you. You find yourself at the grocery store thinking, 'wow he'd really like these oranges' or in class looking at childish artwork thinking, 'my, that scribble kinda resembles Phil.' Sometimes I'll be walking around in clothing stores and picking out shirts that match his hair."

And I couldn't help pressing my fingers to the necklace that was hidden under my shirt, thinking how that was how I felt about Edward.

"And I know I'm in love because I care what he thinks about, I care what he cares about. It's not an exact science. People can fall in and out of love continually but you know just somehow know, when the right love comes about."

Renee kept talking, kept explaining about love, but I didn't hear another word. My fingers had pried the crystal from out of my shirt, my eyes had glued themselves to the colour and my mind was reeling putting my emotions into easily classifiable rows, facts and blueprints.

Where was the logic in the heart?

Notes:

* Toque: I'm really not sure if toques are a Canadian thing or not but they are kind of like a giant sock you wear on your head. Wait, wait, wait that sounds really stupid. I think some people call them beanies, but when I look that up on google images I get one of those kid hats with the windmill things on the top. So really it's a hat you wear when it's cold.

* 'Beauty and the Beast:' So here we go another French movie. This one was directed by Jean Cocteau, came out in 1946, and is to my knowledge well known.

* Edward's strange understand everything one day speech: Hmm, doesn't really sound like he's talking about the same thing Bella is, now does he. Nope, sure doesn't.

* Eyelash: There is an urban legend that you'll get a wish if you blow an eyelash away from off the back of your hand. So if that whole part sounded insane, well, I thought that was a common belief.

* Warm room: Okay, I had to write this; it made me smile a lot. Bella fully admits that the room is warm here so the whole sharing a blanket because they're cold is total BS. I don't know why I always seem to write about people sharing blankets…