Part III
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"I was 14" Jenny grinned, munching into her salad.
"12" Alice shouts happily. She and Dana are on her bed, sharing pizza and chips.
"I haven't decided yet" Dana adds shyly.
What about you, Shane?" Jenny smirks.
I glance at Shane. I'm still sitting between her legs, eating chips as she fiddles with the pizza on her plate.
"What?" Shane frowns.
"When did you know you were a dyke?" Jenny smirks again.
"Probably when I was born" Shane smirks back "I remember this one mid-wife..." I hit her playfully and grin back.
"What about you, Carmen?" Alice asks.
"When I hit puberty" I reply "I was 11".
"You're still going through puberty, Carmen" Jenny states "You don't end until like you're 20 or something".
"So?" I shrug "The worst is over, I know that...".
"Okay, who was your first sexual experience with?" Alice grins.
"Oh, last year" I grin back "I was 16; me and Terri Jeffries fell madly in lust, more to the point, she had this high-school jock boyfriend, I flirted and we fucked... End of story".
"What about you, Jenny?" I smirk.
"Uh..." she looked up "Shane and then my English teacher, it was 7 months ago but she got transferred, and she was 2 years older than me".
"I can't remember my first" Shane frowned "But, I know it involved two blonde girls, a bottle of whiskey and a train ride to New York".
"I'm saving myself for marriage" Dana smiles up at us.
"That's so sweet" Alice beams at her "Same... I'm still a virgin".
"Sure" I hear Shane scoff.
"Dinner's almost over" Dana announces "Another 10 minutes and then it's detention".
"Yes we know, Dana" Jenny sighed back, getting up "You already told us... 5pm is dinner, 6pm is detention and then 7pm-9.30pm is chores... Thank-you" she pulls a face.
I hold my hand out to Shane who takes it and I pull her up.
"So, what happens in detention?" I ask.
"We pretend to write lines" Shane replies "Jenny puts on make-up and Alice flirts with the teacher so she'll let us out sooner".
"What about Dana?" I frown. I've not been here long but I already know that Dana and Alice are like an un-spoken couple.
"She's never in detention" Shane smiles back. She leads me out after the others.
"Detention" I force a smile "Great".
-
Detention is really boring. Shane and I sat at the back of the class, Dana and Alice down at the front and Jenny in the middle. She had pushed two tables together to fit all her make-up in around her.
Shane mumbled something about wanting to fall asleep and I just nodded. Thoughts swam around in my head. The teacher we had was short with black hair. She was sat behind her desk, intently reading a book.
I heard Shane sigh and slump forward. I started to wonder how many girls she had actually slept with... Okay, so it was already pretty obvious that I was attracted to her but attraction doesn't mean love, right? And she probably thought I was just some spoilt foster kid who couldn't take care of myself...
And, I couldn't get attached. Nothing was forever in the world of foster-care. Next week, I may be moved somewhere else... So I decided right there and then that I wouldn't let myself grow attached to anyone, not Jenny, Alice, Dana and certainly not Shane. I'd tutor her, like I said I would and I'll be the good girl with no more boozy nights and late mornings. I decided to stay in line so they wouldn't have an excuse for throwing me out.
Kit always said that if she hadn't had gotten pregnant, I'd still be with her. The first 7 years of my life, I grew up in a Spanish orphanage. I made friends that I've already forgotten their names but being half Spanish, half Mexican, my social worker thought it was best to raise me in familiar surroundings.
Then I turned 8 and was uprooted from my normal life to a different foster-home. It was different. No more Spanish lessons, no more Spanish food, no more Spanish language. I lived there until I was 12 when finally someone said they would foster me.
Karen Smith. Loving mum to a dozen foster-kids and when I moved in, things just went down-hill. I got into fights at school, kept myself from friends because I knew it would be too painful when I was moved again. I should have seen it coming but my social worker visited me one afternoon and came to the conclusion that I was being neglected.
I guess you can predict what happened next. I was put back into a different foster-home for several months. Then one day, on my 13th birthday, I met a woman called Kit. She was visiting a friend at the foster-home and we got to talking. Two weeks later, I got asked if I wanted to be fostered by Kit.
I jumped at the chance to be away from foster care and I gave my best shot at a normal life. Honest. She had just bought a cafe, she called it The Planet and it became my favourite hang-out place to be. I made friends at High School and just after the Terri Jeffries incident, I met Bette. Bette.
She became my best friend. Confidant. I told her everything. Then one day, when we were walking home from a rave, and we looked over to see a little boy standing in the middle of the road. It was corner and nobody would see him if they sped round...
The only thing I can remember is Bette's scream as she pushed the little boy out of the car's way. I watched with horror, in slow motion, as my best friend, sister, was knocked onto the bonnet of the car, rolling all the way up the wind-shield.
I screamed as her body hit the ground with a thud. Then, the ambulance screeched into sight and that was the last I ever saw of her. I was devastated and decided never to let anyone else in. I changed that day. I lost myself when I lost Bette.
Then Kit fell pregnant from a one-night stand and everything became too much. For both of us.
The Planet's pay had fallen and I made the decision to leave. Kit was keeping the baby and the only way she could afford to keep running The Planet and raise the baby was if one extra burden was taken off her hands. We argued a couple times but I made her see sense.
She made me promise to answer the phone she bought me for my 16th birthday whenever it called. She also made me promise to go to her whenever and wherever I needed. She told me home would always be with her. I went back into foster-care for a couple months until my new social worker placed me here.
St. Rosemary's Boarding School. Well, you know the rest. I was dangerously falling into danger zone just being near anybody. I know Bette wouldn't have wanted me to shun myself from the world, but what else could I do? I had nothing. Literally.
I would lose my social worker when I turn 18 and I'll have to find work. I'll be lucky if I even graduate. I have no family and I don't even know where my brothers and sisters are... Gods knows if they're still together or even alive.
I had already decided my plan a couple years ago: Phase through teenage years, get decent grades, graduate, go to college, live at college, major in some sort of wealthy subject and get a proper job. Next step would be to buy or rent a flat. Any flat. Just somewhere I could call my own.
I wonder what Shane's dreams were like when she was little. Mine was that my life was just a nightmare and I would wake up and my family's all together. We live together. Like a proper family; my dad didn't die, my mom didn't die and I had brothers and sisters I knew would always be there for me.
But, every time I woke, I was always reminded that none of it was real. Living with Kit was the only time in my life I had ever felt wanted and it made me feel special. Loved.
I'm not this mushy but all I want is to be normal. Live normally. I'm feeling sorry for myself and I know I should stop. Right now, before I burst into song and tears.
"Carmen" Shane yawns quietly.
"Yeah?" I snap out of my thoughts and glance down at her. She has her head in her arms, looking extremely exhausted.
"Where'd you go?" she asked softly.
I frown. "What?".
"I watched you" Shane states, sitting up "You had this blank look for like 5 minutes straight".
"Sorry" I shake my head "I was just thinking..." should I spill my guts and let her in or— "...When this stupid detention ends and how we'll get pay-back on Causley". Oh good save, Carmen.
Shane raises one eye-brow at me and I know she's not buying it. Whatever. But, she nods understandingly and lays her head back down.
Another hour passes in silence and the female teacher finally acknowledges that we're alive. "You may go" she says hoarsely.
We jump up, happy and yet tired. Dana is the first out and already has the list in her hand. I watch her eyes scan over the sheet and I know by the look on her face, she's suddenly not happy anymore.
"What?" Alice bends in to read.
"This is totally do-able" Dana announces "We each take two chores and we're done".
"What's the first two?" Jenny asks.
"Washing the dishes and collecting the laundry" Dana replies.
"Mine!" Jenny shrieks happily.
"Alice, you take scrubbing kitchen floor and re-painting girls bathroom" Dana adds. Looks like she's making all the decisions here this time.
"Carmen" Dana looks up "You can take picking up litter and typing up letters".
I just nod. Sounds easy enough.
"Shane" a smile cracks her face "You can organise Miss Causley's filing cabinet and desk storage".
Shane mockingly grins and high-fives Alice.
"What's the last two?" Alice asks.
Dana looks back up "Drying the dishes and cleaning the dining tables".
"Meet back here at 9.30pm?" Jenny looks at her watch.
"Break" I mutter sarcastically and walk off.
-
I walk around the school ground, carrying a big black carrier bag. This sucks. Who knew the school had this much crap? This another 15 minutes of scanning outside and then I can go to Miss Causley's office and type up her stupid letters.
I glance at my watch: 8.06pm.
Can you believe I've been wandering around the school for an hour and 6 minutes? I've gone from nomad, to desperate to just plain right sad.
I tie the second big bag full to trash and pull them with struggle to the big bin around the corner. They fit in easily and I run my way back into the school.
Shane's already in Miss Causley's office when I get there. She grins at me and I smile back.
"Causley left the letters for you to type up there" she points to an empty chair which hasn't been taken over with files and papers.
"Great" I get them and then pull the type-writer out of the last drawer. "Almost finished?".
"Nearly" Shane nods "I alphabetised the absent notes, late slips, appointments, new placements, news-letters, diary info, council info, personal notes and..." she sucks in a breath "Referrals".
"Wow" I gasp "I'm impressed".
Shane smiles back and I quickly get started on these letters so I can wash my hands sooner. I still feel that last banana peel on the stair-way on my skin.
-
It's 9.02pm when me and Shane finish. I finished typing up 17 notes, 12 appointments and several official letters. Shane was nearly done with putting away the files so I help her while we make small talk and laugh about Jenny's predictable attitude towards dirty laundry.
I hear Shane groan in pain as we close the door to Causley's office. It's weird how she wasn't with us, I thought she'd loved to have criticise the things we did.
"Wanna go check on Alice?" Shane asked me.
"Sure" I nod.
We walk into the kitchen and find Jenny washing the dishes, Dana drying the dishes and Alice intently scrubbing the floor. She looks up and smiles "You guys done already?".
"Yeah" Shane sits up on the work-top "You've got paint on your neck, Al...".
"Don't get me started" Alice groans "The girl's bathroom is now officially re-painted, very professionally I might add...".
"You done with yours, Dana?" I ask, smiling.
Dana nods "Yep, I already wiped all 52 dining tables" she doesn't sound happy and who can blame her?
"What about me!?" Jenny nearly cries "I had to go round to every dorm room and ask for dirty laundry! Me! Asking for dirty laundry, so shameful...".
I glance at Shane and we smile knowingly.
Shane looks at my watch and grins "Oh tick tock girls, 9.23pm! You've only got 7 minutes left!".
"Very funny, Shane" Alice growls, scrubbing the floor with such force that the brush she's using breaks.
"Great" Alice stands and brushes herself down "Well, if it's not good enough, screw her" she tosses the broken brush in the bin and puts the bowl with hot soapy water she was using in the sink.
Jenny glares and goes over it once, giving it to Dana quickly.
"Washing dishes doesn't agree with you, does it, Jenny?" I ask, smirking.
Jenny takes off the rubber gloves and purses her lips. "We done yet?".
"Done" Dana nods, tired.
We turn off the kitchen lights and pad slowly our way to our room. It's only 9.42pm but we've had a serious hang-over, been up since 7, made to stand in freezing conditions, subjected to an hour of nothingness and then made to do the chores that the non-existent cleaning staff were supposed to but Causley's too cheap to hire them.
And, to top it off, today wasn't even my first day of school here. Tomorrow; new classes, new teachers and new reasons to hate this place. I collapse on my bed with a heavy sigh and close my eyes.
Bette's voice is the last thing I hear as I leave the nightmare that is my life. Oh no. I'm reliving that night. The one where she died. No, it's me who's jumped to save the kid. Shit. No. Bette's screams are the last thing I hear as my body slams into the car. I hit the ground with a sickening thud and jerk awake, gasping with sweat as I scream and sit up.
Shane is sat up, staring at me with confusion as I pant and cry to myself, making myself realise that it was just another nightmare. But it's too late.
She knows my secret.
Hey, I've got several characters in my mind and I'm gonnah choose one to die, so any ideas? Is murder out of the question?...
Reviews are love x