Part IX

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3 days have passed since Dana died. They went by quickly but I hardly noticed. Alice, on the other hand... She was heart-broken. Traumatised. I regret telling her where Dana was because 2 seconds later, she raced towards the lake like it would matter. Like she could do something to help Dana.

I screamed like hell and ran after her, afraid it would make her worse if she saw Dana, lying there with a bullet in her stomach and blood everywhere. Shane followed me but stopped dead when we came to Dana.

Alice was screaming at Dana, telling her she couldn't leave her, she couldn't be without her... I broke down in tears again. Dana's lips had paled blue and she looked deathly white.

Jenny had wrapped her arms around Alice and pulled her back. 10 minutes later, paramedics and a police car pulled up. Alice watched with resentment as they strapped her to a stretcher and covered her pale face.

The police took statements from all 4 of us and Causley. I wouldn't show it, but I was mad at her. Nobody at phoned the police and she had let Dana let die.

So did I.

I blamed myself mostly. Alice would probably never want to talk to me again and I didn't blame her. They haven't caught Cal yet. He escaped with his ex-cell mate and went on the run.

I'm secretly glad he's gone. I hate to imagine Alice would do to him if she was left alone in a room with him. She would kill him. Worse. Torture him and then kill him.

Causley took us into her office when the police and paramedics went away. She made a speech to which I can hardly remember now but it involved something about how sorry she was. Bullshit.

She wasn't sorry. She was just happy it wasn't her on the receiving end of that gun. Ass-hole.

Then she told us she would bury Dana by the lake and implant a tombstone in honour. Alice mumbled something about planting some flowers and Causley just nodded.

45 minutes later, she let us go back to our dorm. Alice went straight to her bed and Jenny sat up on her bed and just stared at ceiling. Shane hovered between the two.

I, on the other hand, was covered in blood. I said nothing as I walked into the bathroom and stripped automatically. The water was scolding hot but I didn't realise. Tears fell down my cheeks as I washed the blood from my hands and hair. I didn't even notice Shane strip and step in until she had wrapped her arms around me.

This had become a regular thing. Shower together, secretly look and pretend that we don't realise, don't know. This time, everything seemed so real. So final.

I turned and fell into her arms and she hugged me so tight I thought I might bruise. Normally, when I think about Shane's naked body, I'm dreaming or just day-dreaming and you'd think a wet and naked Shane pressed against me might be my dream come true. It wasn't. It only made it more real that once again, I watched someone I loved and cared about die. Right in front of me.

And both times, I could have done something... But I didn't... I hated myself. Shane's soft lips on my jaw brought me crashing down to earth and suddenly I didn't care anymore.

Didn't care that I shouldn't get close to anyone, or love anyone. I did love Shane and it was pointless in ignoring it.

So I let her continue to kiss my jaw and neck and I moaned when she pushed me up against the bathroom wall. I stared into her teary-eyes and wiped them away. My hand drew down to her mouth and she kissed me there. Her hot tongue still burned there.

My insides were flipping over and over as she brought her hand down my stomach. Alarm bells started going off in my head.

"Shane, wait" I croaked out, grabbing her hand before she could go any lower.

Her eyes questioned me. I swallowed.

I shook my head, tears falling out. "We're just sad..." I whispered out "And I think... That taking advantage of each other is... Wrong".

Shane looked down, wincing as the tears fell out. I realised. She didn't want sex, she wanted comfort. Her best friend had died... Dana was gone.

I took her in a hug and wept myself as she did. We clung to each other and I soothed her back when she started choking out strangled sobs. Her heart was broken and this time, there was no glue to stick it back together.

"Shane" I kissed her shoulder. The water scolded us but I knew she didn't care. I pulled us down to the bathtub floor and she curled up in me, still crying. I stroked her hair and cried with her, every once in a while muttering softly about how it would be okay.

We stayed there until the water was cut off, even after. Just curled up in each other's warmth. 2 hours later, Shane silently dried herself and slipped on a pair of clean shorts she had brought.

I stared at my blood-stained dress. Dana's blood. I'll never wear that dress again. I picked it up and shoved it into the bin with force. Shane left and I sighed, pinning my hair up into a bun. When I thought I was going to have to go out there naked, Shane reappeared, carrying my girl-boxers and a black tank-top.

I smiled sadly at her and slipped them on, sighing when I felt her hand in mine. She leaned into my body, and rested her head against my neck.

When we walked back in there, Jenny had lighted some candles and opened the windows. Alice was fast asleep, curled up in Dana's bed, wearing one of Dana's red sweaters.

Shane disappeared for 5 minutes and then reappeared, carrying the remainder of the Russian Vodka bottles. She planted them under her bed and looked around.

I guess she must have thought that Alice should drink her sorrows... Jenny was lying on her bed, staring at the ceiling, looking like a zombie... Even though she and Dana never got on very well, I knew she didn't want anything bad to happen to her.

I also flopped down on my bed and lay my eyes shut. Before I knew it, it was the second day since... School had been cancelled until further notice. Alice had still been sleeping; Jenny had gotten herself dolled up and went to visit Amanda for a high.

Shane and I just lay on our beds, staring at each other silently. She beckoned me over and I went without a sound. I sat on her bed and waited.

She pulled out a Russian Vodka bottle. I gulped it down happily, wincing at the taste. Before I knew it, we were all awake, sitting on Jenny's bed, drinking the Russian Vodka.

"Dana was a good person" Jenny said quietly "Always gave everyone a chance".

"She was" Alice muttered back "She was perfect".

"To Dana" Shane raised her bottle.

"To Dana" we chorused together, clinking.

"She told me..." I begin, sighing. Alice looked up, waiting.

"She told me to tell you..." I look to Alice "She said... Tell Alice I love her".

Alice closed her eyes in pain and Jenny reached out to comfort her. Tears strolled down Alice's cheeks but she ignored them and gulped the bottle of vodka down faster.

"She didn't want to be left alone" I whispered "She didn't want me to leave her... She saved my life—" my voice broke "I told her she was brilliant".

Shane took my hand and stroked it softly.

"I'm gonnah start a flower-garden" Alice murmured from her bottle "I'm gonnah call it The Dana-Garden".

"I think she'd like that" Jenny offered sadly.

That's how we spent the evening. Just drinking silently together. We were drunk but certainly not happy. Alice finished the rest of the vodka bottle and staggered back to Dana's bed. She flopped down and fell asleep.

Jenny was tipsy, dried tears still visible. She mumbled something incoherent and lay down. Shane; surprisingly wasn't very drunk. She collected the empty vodka bottles and stashed them back under her bed.

I was somewhere in-between tipsy and drunk. All I can remember is a pounding head-ache and falling into my bed. When I woke in the morning, everyone else was still asleep.

Day 3 since...

I winced and groaned, clutching my head. That's some we spent Day 3 without Dana. In and out of the bathroom for pain-killers, throwing up and chucking water on our faces.

We spent the entire day in bed, feeling like shit. A couple of girls that Jenny seemed to know were told by Causley to hand us up some food.

Jenny ate it happily, Shane nibbled, I ate and then threw up and Alice pushed the plate away and turned back over, falling into sleep.

Day 4... The morning of Dana's funeral.

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I stood next to Shane and Jenny and watched as the small box of Dana's ashes were buried into the ground where Dana had been shot. Dana only had her grandmother left and she had chosen for Dana to be cremated. With some persuasion from Causley, she agreed to let Dana be buried where she had died.

Causley had got someone in to plant the tombstone early. She was really going all out. A small white picket fence went around tombstone and bit of ground where Dana was to be buried.

Alice stood alone, tears falling from her eyes. I think she might never get over this. Maybe we all wouldn't.

The whole school had come up to honour Dana. I thought it was nice but I knew that Alice would just want to be left alone. All she wanted was Dana back.

I watch with Shane as the janitor patted down the muddy ground that covered the box of ashes. Causley passed him a large collection of flowers wrapped together and he placed it down on the patch that he had dug up.

As the janitor stepped out of the small picket-fence to join Causley, I found myself reading the tombstone over and over again. It was black all over with gold shiny letters that said:

R.I.P

Dana Fairbanks

1973 – 1990

Loving Daughter, Granddaughter and Friend

May Angels Lead You In

It was really nice. Sad, but nice... If Causley wasn't doing this all out of guilt... The small picket fence, the shiny tombstone, the beautiful flowers. We all knew she felt guilty as hell that Dana had died. And she was guilty. I blamed her.

After the priest had prayed with us and sent Dana to heaven... Or wherever we went after death, he asked Alice if she would like to say a few words.

I expected her to say no but she stepped forwards and pulled a eulogy note from her jean pocket. Her trembling fingers opened it up, as tears fell from her eyes, she took a deep breath and read.

"I knew Dana for 7 years. She was my best friend from the very first moment I got here. I remember the first night here... I was scared and crying and she appeared, telling me everything would be okay. And it was... After her parents had left, we grew closer—" she sucked in a breath "I loved her... She was my soul-mate... And I know that Dana wouldn't want sadness in her death... Only laughter, her passion for everything in life and tennis was what kept her going... Even after death".

Jenny stepped beside her and wrapped an arm around Alice's shoulder. Everyone who was holding a candle lit it slowly and lowered their head in prayer.

Soon after the sun was going down, everyone was moving out but me, Shane, Alice and Jenny stayed. Causley never said anything but it wouldn't have mattered if she did.

Dana's grandmother gave Alice a brown plastic bag, hugged her and walked away, tears in her eyes. We stayed until dark and waited until all the candles had run out.

Alice had planted herself right next to Dana's grave, the silent tears pouring out. It was midnight until I stood, and walked towards Alice, shaking her softly.

"Alice... Sweetie, c'mon, it's late..." I whispered. Shane came up beside me and we helped Alice up, steadying her. She shook with coldness and sighed.

Jenny wrapped an arm around her waist and they walked away from Dana's grave. Me and Shane walked a few feet behind them, hand in hand.

"Jenny's in love with her" Shane stated, whispering "Isn't she?".

I paused. And then nodded "She didn't want anyone to find out...".

"Do you think we need to talk to her?" Shane asked, leaning into me.

I wrapped my arm around her to pull her in closer and shook my head "No" I whispered "I think she knows just how important Dana meant to Alice... I don't think she'll hurt her anymore than she already is...".

"Wonder what's in the brown bag..." Shane muttered.

"I'm sure we'll find out" I replied softly.

We walked back towards the castle and entered to the warm atmosphere. Alice went straight up to bed while Jenny went to someone else's bed... I'm sure you know who...

I passed Causley on the way up. She looked she had crying. Too bloody right. Then the police followed her down the steps and I twigged. She was crying about the fact that she was getting pulled up for doing drugs.

I never normally say about somebody, but I really want her to go down. And take that slimy-murdering-ass-drug-dealing-mother-fucker down with her.

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We got back to the dorm and Alice again, went straight to Dana's bed. Me and Shane sat across from her on her own bed and waited.

She was quiet until she opened the plastic bag and pulled out a framed photo of her and Dana; a couple years younger than they were now. She cried some more as she put the frame by her bedside cabinet. Dana's Grandmother had given Alice some of Dana's clothes, drawings, letters and a diary she had kept as a little girl.

I thought it was sweet of her. I watched with sorrow as Alice read through Dana's letters, every once in a while saying what was written. A couple of times, Dana had written to her Grandmother about Alice, saying how much she loved her.

Alice cried even more at that. We moved over to hug her as she finished the last letter:

"I'm thinking of asking Alice out... I'm scared but I think she likes me, when we play at tennis, I always let her win and she knows... I think she knows that I love her... And for once, I don't care... Take care of Louie... Love Dana x".

Alice put the letters away and sighed sadly. "I'm gonnah go to bed" she whispered, pulling on Dana's sweater. She curled up in Dana's bed. Shane and I walked over to our beds and flopped down.

"Today was hard" I smiled sadly at her. I don't think I'll be smiling happily for a long time... I don't think any of us will. Jenny returned a couple hours later, tired-looking with rumpled clothes. She was using sex as a way to make her feel better and if it worked for me, Shane and me would be doing it. A lot.

But, unfortunately me and Shane were going nowhere. We were close friends. Very close. And with Dana dying, it didn't seem right to tell her how I feel. Or if I even wanted to tell her how I feel. Alice was getting over something tragic and she would need all of us to do that... It didn't seemed fair to start something when Alice needed all of our attention.

So I smiled to Shane and told Jenny to get some sleep. And when no-one was awake, I dragged the Ouija Board from Jenny's bed and walked up to the roof. I looked out of Dana's grave and sighed sadly, tears falling out.

I shoved the Ouija Board into a metal bin and lit a match, watching as the cardboard burned up, turning to ash. I felt a sense of freedom, weird as it may sound.

When the flame had gone out, I tipped the ashes from the top of the roof and watched with a sad smile as they joined the wind in its battle with the air.

"Goodbye Dana" I whispered to the wind.

I turned my back on the pain and sadness and smiled real for once as I walked towards the door. Everything would be alright. I knew that. Everything would be alright.

A/N:

From personal experience I know that grief goes on for months and months, sometimes years but... I wanna do another couple of parts totally depressed and then lift onto something lighter...

Reviews are my inspiration x

Oh and Friday 13th is coming up soon and nobody believes me but I swear, it's very real! Statistics showed that more bad luck happens through-out the world on Friday 13th than any other day...

So, please watch out for anything that you could fall into... Or could fall on you... Just look out lol

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