Disclaimer: If I owned anything important, scratch that if I owned anything, I probably wouldn't be here.
Author's Note: The following are the song titles and artists for the earlier chapters. Just in case you wanted to know.
"Something There" Beauty and the Beast
"You'll Be in My Heart" Tarzan
"If I Never Knew You" Pocahontas
"Somewhere Out There" An American Tale
"Can You Feel the Love Tonight" Lion King
"At the Beginning" Anastasia
"One is the Loneliest Number" Three Dog Night
"Good-bye May Seem Forever" Fox and the Hound
"Holding Out for a Hero" Bonnie Tyler
"Next Contestant" Nickelback
"Beautiful Disaster" Kelly Clarkson
"Love Potion #9" The Searchers
"Love Will Find a Way" Lion King 2
"Kiss Me" Sixpence None the Richer
"Wig Wam Bam" Sweet
"Jack the Lion" Harvey Danger
"Barbara Manatee" Veggie Tales
"Something to Talk About" Bonnie Raitt
"Must Have Done Something Right" Relient K
"Special Fred" Stephen Lynch
"What Goes Around" Justin Timberlake
"Linger" Cranberries
"Melt With You" Modern English
Now On With the Show
I haven't done a lot of things in my life that I can be proud of. I've chased the world's last hope for peace; with the sole intent of handing him over to my murderous father. However dishonorable those acts may be the worst is probably the way I treated those who cared about me, my uncle, my mother and her, the one girl I could find true happiness with. I used her, and then betrayed her.
I remember the first time I saw her, it was damnably cold and there she was standing by an old woman I assumed to be her grandmother. I'll never forget my initial reaction to her, my first thought was how does she stand this cold weather? Secondly why isn't she afraid of me? Then finally, she's kind of pretty, that thought was accompanied by an uncomfortable tightening of my trousers.
Ever since that first sighting I've been plagued by thoughts of her, these thoughts seem to haunt me and it appears that their only purpose is to distract me from my goals. Sometimes a memory of her will steal across my thoughts and I find myself stopped dead in my tracks. It's all very annoying, especially when I'm trying to train or think up strategies.
'And it's been awhile
Since I could hold my head up high
And it's been awhile
Since I first saw you
And it's been awhile
Since I could stand on my own two feet again
And it's been awhile
Since I could call you'
I have no one but myself to blame for my current circumstances. I am the one who has made all the decisions leading up to this point in time. I tried to do too many things at once and had everything blow up in my face.
'And everything I can't remember
As fucked up as it all may seem
The consequences that I've rendered
I've stretched myself beyond my means'
I was addicted to the idea of regaining my honor and returning home. I used that girl to try to capture the Avatar. I tied her to a tree and threatened her and her family. I chased after her with every intent of destroying her and those around her. It didn't matter to me who got hurt in the process, just as long as I was able to return home.
I betrayed her while we were trapped together in the caves, I sided with my sister, a stupid move I'll admit, but I wanted to believe my sister. Believe that she held the key to the way home, to restoring my honor.
I'm not proud of the way I acted, it doesn't even seem to matter that my siding with her was all part of my uncle's plan. Mostly because I betrayed him as well, deciding to place all my loyalty with my sister. Of course that didn't go as planned, seeing as how she decided to dispose of me once we reached Fire Nation waters, declaring that I was a traitor to the crown and by entering Fire Nation waters I was breaking the codes of my banishment.
Luckily I escaped and I managed to free my uncle as well, in order to help train the Avatar in fire bending. However, I was still untrustworthy and an outsider, preferring to keep mostly to myself. This doesn't mean that I didn't crave human companionship, it just means that beyond my uncle I felt like there was no to relate to. Then the girl I deceived began talking to me, including me in day to day life around the camp; it didn't seem to matter to her what I'd done in the past, all the mattered to her was the present and the future. She claimed that while I had made some poor choices, all that counted was that I had made the right decision in the end.
'And it's been awhile
Since I can say that I wasn't addicted
And it's been awhile
Since I can say I love myself as well
And it's been awhile
Since I've gone and fucked things up just like I always do
And it's been awhile
But all that shit seems to disappear when I'm with you'
But as the way it is with me I screwed up again. I was still resentful with the knowledge that I had given up everything and fought constantly with my companions over stupid things, like whose turn it was to cook or wash the dishes. All the nice things that they'd done for me seemed far away and I could do nothing but snap at them, and in general just make things worse.
I probably fought with her the most, the fact that she was my only friend, so I should be nice to her never occurred to me. I had reverted back to those childish crushes where you pick on the one you like the most.
'And everything I can't remember
As fucked up as it all may seem
The consequences that I've rendered
I've gone and fucked thing up again'
Believe me I didn't want to fight with her. In fact it was my fondest wish that she return my feelings. I was plagued by thoughts of her, my every waking moment I thought about her, then at night I would dream of her. It was slowly driving me mad.
'Why must I feel this way?
Just make this go away
Just one more peaceful day!'
I haven't been able to look at myself in the mirror in a long time, ashamed of myself for acting the way that I did. Ashamed of the way I treated her. I haven't said, "Sorry," to anyone in a long time. If anyone deserved my apologies it was her.
I miss the way we would sit across from each other late at night when everyone else was asleep, the moon and the fire providing the light. Sometimes we would talk and other times we wouldn't talk about anything at all. One very special night that I will never forget we weren't talking at all just enjoying the night, when all of a sudden she leaned over and kissed me! I was so stunned that I couldn't move or breathe or think. When my brain finally kicked in I pulled her closer and kissed her back with all the pent up passion that I'd been feeling for her over the last few weeks.
'And it's been a while
Since I could look at myself straight
And it's been a while
Since I said I'm sorry
And it's been a while
Since I've seen the way the candles light your face
And it's been a while
But I can still remember just the way you taste'
The worst part is that I can't change the way that I am. I wish that I could. I wish I could be the man that she and world needs me to be. I can't remember the last time I did something that wasn't for selfish reasons. Even spending time with her was because I was lonely. I saved her life because I can't live without her. I loved her because I needed her to love me in return.
I wish I could blame my personality flaws on my father. While he did scar and banish me, he isn't the entire reason that I act the way that I do. Yes, those events did have an effect on my personality, but deep down I know that I'm a moody, broody and lonely person. And there's nothing I can do about it.
'And everything I can't remember
As fucked up as it all may seem to be I know it's me
I cannot blame this on my father
He did the best he could for me
And it's been a while
Since I could hold my head up high
And it's been a while
Since I said I'm sorry.'
I'm sorry that's all it took. I honestly was surprised that two simple words could change my life completely. The first time I said it, it was to her, the girl who helped me change. After that it was easy, I apologized to my mother, my uncle, and everyone I could think of that I'd ever hurt in the smallest way. By the time I was done I was crying, and she was holding me in her arms, forgiving me.