Part XI
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"How may I help you?" a voice jumps me out of my thoughts. I turn and see a middle-aged woman, standing in Gypsy clothes with retro jewellery and no shoes. She has a chain wrapped around her fingers.
"I...Uh... I was just... Looking" I mutter out.
"I'm Madam Teresa" the gypsy sits down at her desks and beckons me.
I shake my head "Oh no, I don't have any money".
"Then don't pay" Mother Teresa smiles "I know a good soul when I see one...".
I hesitate and then go to sit down opposite her. She takes my hands and closes her eyes, mumbling something in another language. Weird and cool at the same time.
"I see someone" she whispers "A good friend, a sister, Ben... Betty... No, it's Bette".
My heart stops. Holy shit.
"She has something to tell you" Madam Teresa opens her eyes and looks at me.
This is the part where I should jump up, start crying, shake my head and tell myself that this stuff isn't real and I'm just getting my hopes up... I don't.
"You're so very sad" Madam Teresa mutters quietly "And scared, angry... so very angry... Someone you knew has passed, someone you were close you... Like a gang or group".
I shiver and just nod.
"Bette says don't be angry or sad, life's too short" Madam Teresa continued "You've to stop denying it".
"Denying what?" I frown.
Madam Teresa shook her head "Denying how you feel inside... You could have so much love and happiness but instead, you choose sadness and misery... You blame yourself for the things that fate was responsible for and you punish yourself through pain and depression".
I stare.
"She wants you to let go" Madam Teresa added "Bette wants you to let go of everything... Of everything you blamed yourself for in the past... All she wants is your happiness and peace".
"That's not as easy as it sounds" I whisper sadly.
Madam Teresa laughed softly "I'm sorry... There's laughing in my head... She says you're too much of a drama queen".
A smile spreads across my face. It's what she used to call me before the accident. Drama Queen. I was. Probably still am.
"You have a blockage of energy in your aura" Madam Teresa frowns intensely "Because of all the pain you've been through... Do you want to unblock your energy?".
I just nod.
Madam Teresa closes her eyes and I do the same "Just breath softly" she whispers "Relax... Feel yourself drifting away in the wind; gentle and happy..." she took my hands again and started chanting as I breathed in and out.
I felt a glow of light fall over me in a split second and then it was gone. I opened my eyes to find Madam Teresa, staring at me, smiling happily.
"It's unblocked" she tells me softly "Now it's up for you to decide whether you want the happiness back in your life".
I pause. Happiness. What did she mean by that? I smile, thank her and leave her shop to lean against railings and let the cold air wash over me.
"Hey" a voice approaches me.
I stay silent.
"I'm sorry about what happened" Shane offered, standing close beside me. If I moved an inch she'd be pressed full flush up against me.
"Don't bother" I sigh, looking away. Pause. "How's it going?" I gesture to a shop were Alice is sat across from a gypsy as Jenny stands at the jewellery bit, looking fascinated.
"Dana apparently came through" Shane's tone tells me she doesn't believe it. Do I? "The woman went on and on about love and peace... Alice is real pleased".
"Great" I mutter back.
"I think if something false gives her the courage to move on... Then maybe it's not really a bad thing" Shane sounds as if she's trying to convince herself, not me... Maybe she's right.
"She never wanted to hurt" Shane adds "I know that losing Dana has made her different... Alice is not the same Alice anymore... But she didn't want to hurt you".
"Wanna see it from my point of view?" I turn sharply and she backs me into a wall "I think that sub-consciously Alice blames me for letting Dana die, ergo; the whack... I also think that all you and Alice care back is getting here... What about Jenny? She sold her body for us, and you didn't even try to stop her...".
Shane leans in "Alice does not blame you... And that Jenny-thing is totally different".
"Really?" I smile bitterly "So, if it was me instead of Jenny, selling my body to random desperate girls, you'd have let me do it then?".
Shane purses her lips and slowly wraps her arms around me possessively. I let her, god knows why. She shakes her head; her face set firm.
"No" Shane straightens up to inch over me a little bit. She pulls me closer for a hug and shakes her head again "No, I wouldn't have let you do it...".
I can't decide how I feel... Should I be mad that Shane thinks she can make those kind of decisions for me or be secretly happy that she wouldn't even let me think about it..? Be secretly happy that she doesn't want me near anybody else..?
Shane pulls back "But, I don't have to tell you not to do it... You're too smart to do something that stupid... And the reason I didn't go after Jenny was because I didn't wanna leave you... Especially not with Alice".
"Make me feel better" I sigh sadly.
"I could" Shane bends down and her hands run over my thighs. She hikes my left leg over her hip and tucks her hand around my other leg.
"No Shane..." I grip my head, shaking it "No... Stop it".
"Why are you so scared?" Shane whispers into my ear "I won't hurt you".
"But we did" I reaffirm my strong voice, looking her straight in the eye "We did hurt each other... I don't think it's a good idea to get involved right now...".
Shane grips me tighter, digging her knee right into my crotch. I so hate her right now: my body betrays itself and I let out a moan, my fingers gripping her arms.
Shane leans in; smiling as she bit, sucked and kissed my neck. My fingers run through her hair in an attempt to bring her closer. This is stupid!—break it off now—do it!
"Shane stop" I push her away.
She seeks my eyes, brushing my hair out of my way with her soft kissable thumb. "What?" she whispers.
"You're good" I lean in to plant a chaste kiss on her lips. She tries to latch on to mine but I pull away in time. I smile and lean in, wrapping my arm around her waist and letting my fingers rest on her back-pocket.
"The thing is..." I pull back, revealing the purple fluffy keys I just nicked from her back-pocket without her realising "... I'm better..." I smile, slip out of her grasp and walk towards the car.
I hear her laugh.
You've met your match, Shane McCutcheon. Live with it.
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I must have fell asleep in the car because I opened my eyes to see Shane turn the engine off and look up to the castle. Jenny sits up, yawning and Alice jumps out from the car.
I sigh and climb out quietly, stretching my sore legs. "Carmen" Alice begins, leaning against the car.
I turn and fold my arms.
"I'm sorry about..." she begins, gesturing to her head.
"I'll send you the bill" I slam the door loudly and pace towards the castle.
Shane wandered by my side. We walked back into castle and up the stairs quietly. "Keys?" I turned to her. Shane shrugged back and just kept walking. She had a point: Causley wasn't exactly going to need them in her cozy wee jail cell.
Shane opened the door to our dorm as Jenny and Alice caught up with us. We walked in quickly; me just wanting my bed because getting knocked out and then your dead best friend basically telling you to lighten up, even she's the one who's dead, kinda takes it out of you.
"Oh hell no" Shane's voice breathe.
"What?" my heart quickens.
I follow her gaze and stop dead in my tracks. There is a flame-red haired girl lying on Dana's bed, wearing a black skirt and leather red top. Interesting.
"Yo!" Shane cried "Flame girl!".
"Shane" I hiss under my breath.
I glance at Alice and Jenny. Jenny looks shocked and Alice looks pissed. Mainly because I just think that his newbie is sitting on Dana's bed and shouldn't we have twigged it? I was only sent to their dorm because a bed was free... And now... Dana was gone and her bed was free... Did we think it would be any different?
Alice strolled towards the red-head and shook her with force. That's one way to wake her up. The girl jerked awake and looked up through bleary eyes.
"Huh? ... I—" the girl mumbled.
"Who the hell are you?" Alice interrupted her.
The girl sat up, yawning and wiping her eyes. She took a second to take in her surroundings and then stared at us. "The lesbians, right?" she pointed.
Lovely.
Alice's eyes widened and she folded her arms in anger. Jenny stepped back, not wanting to get involved in one of Alice's; 'don't-mess-with-me-things'.
"Who are you?" Alice pressed, clearly damn annoyed.
"Alright, love" the girl stood, showing her tall height and slender body "I 'eard you first time".
We waited.
"I'm Becky" she offered, wrapping her arms around herself.
"Nice to meet you Becky" I forced a smile "Now, if you don't mind, I'm gonnah go to bed because somebody knocked me out and if she goes any further..." I laugh bitterly, then glare at Alice "She's going to get on my bad side... And that's not something you wanna do" I hiss the last part, making my way to my bed.
"I'm new" Becky added "Someone just said to come up here... That there was a new opening here".
I didn't hear the rest of the conversation. My head hit the pillow and I knew no more.
When I woke up, I kicked ass. Believe me.
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I was jerked awake by the screaming sounds of two girls. Pathetic, right? I groan, sit up and see Alice and the new girl wrestling around on the ground.
"Ah!".
Ohh... That had to have hurt.
Jenny is sat on her bed, plastered in make-up, filing her nails. Typical. Shane appears from the bathroom, tooth-brush hanging from her mouth, looking tired and yet totally beautiful.
"Stop it!" I get up and march over there, tearing them apart. Whether she means it or not, Becky has just whacked me in the stomach and suddenly—somehow—Shane is now involved, kicking shit out of her as I hold Alice off.
"Stop it!" I scream. Fine. Don't say I didn't warn them.
I grab Alice's ear, haul her up harshly and then reach for Becky's ear, grabbing her up as well. All I hear is groans and protests as Becky and Alice are up on their feet, my nails digging into their ears.
"Now!" I cry "Are you both going to shut up and let me get my morning coffee!?".
"She started it!" Becky growled.
"I don't care!" I growl back "Will you both get on or not!?".
"Fine" Alice sighs.
"Fine" Becky mutters hotly.
"Okay then" I release them and they quickly grab their ears in pain. Huh, I honestly didn't know I had that much strength...
"School's back on" Jenny adds, still bored.
"Oh, what!?" I groan "Dammit".
Shane storms back into the bathroom and slams the door shut. Great. Everybody's fighting. Alice turns, grabs her jackets and races from the dorm, muttering something about Becky.
Becky sighs and goes back to Dana's bed.
This is certainly awkward. I sit next to Jenny hesitantly, expecting a slap. I deserve one. I really shouldn't have told Alice about Jenny's secret love-crush of her... But I did, and I'll live with the consequences...
"How are you?" I whisper quietly.
Jenny stops the nail filing for a second but doesn't look at me. She resumes the nail filing and then sighs. "I'm fine, Carmen" she forces a sick sweet smile "Why wouldn't I be?".
"Well..." I'm still quiet because Becky's still in the room "...Last night, I'm sorry I said—".
"Get over yourself, Carmen" Jenny snaps, cutting me off.
I freeze. I knew that voice. I flash-back to the first time I met Jenny and it's that voice. Her face is expressionless and it's then I finally twig. She's not Jenny anymore.
Everything she had been doing was leading back to this: the random sex, slutty clothes, general disinterest... It was playing back to her being her old self.
"Do you mind?" her posh snobby voice rang through my ears. She pointed to her covers and winced "I just got those washed, yeah? ... So, please... Get off them before they get dirty again..." she folds her arms and gives a half-smirk, half-glare.
I stare. This cannot be happening. Where the fuck was Jenny? The Jenny I knew, the one who had warmed to being nice, kind and sensitive... Where had she gone?
I jerked up away from her, my eyes still on hers. She looked away after a second and sighed boredly, glancing down at her perfect fake nails.
"Whatever" I roll my eyes at her and storm into the bathroom, slamming the door shut behind me. I hate this day and everything about it.
Oops. Wrong move. Shane must have had a shower because she's wearing her skinny jeans but just putting on her top. Naked.
"Sorry" I glance away, sighing. Great. "I'll just..." I turn to go.
"Don't" Shane stops me, putting on her white wife-beater "What's wrong?".
I turn to face her "Everything is wrong, Shane! Dana is dead, Alice is a bitch, don't even get me started on Jenny and who the fuck is this new Becky-chick?" I sigh exhaustingly "It's just too much to deal with... And me and you..." I pause as she studies me "We were never really friends to begin with, were we?".
"What?" Shane moves closer.
"Shane" I look down, trying to find words "This... Us... Whatever this flirting thing we have going on... Can we just... Stop? Just, go back to being friends or whatever... I really can't take another breakdown".
"Can you?" Shane stares at me harshly "Can you actually look me in the eye and tell me you feel nothing?".
My mouth opens to answer her but I stop. I can't actually say that to her face. It hits me like a ton of bricks... I can't. The words won't form...
I find myself rushing out the door only to wish I hadn't. Jenny and Becky are in the middle of sex when I choose to run away from Shane, again.
"God!" I wince, rushing out the dorm.
A/N:
I bet you thought I had all forgotten about this? Huh? Admit it, you did... Oh ye of little faith... I've been so busy juggling other stuff but I'm back, thank-god, I was beginning to forget what this plot was all about... Kidding :)
Oh, all mistakes are my own fault and I'll change them tomorrow, I'll try do it when I'm at school but I seriously doubt it...
Reviews are love!
Love and Hugs
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