I'm not crying, I'm gushing. I'm overflowing and choking on hateful tears.

"Hm? Toris, you are crying? You've never cried before."

"I-I'm crying bec-cause I..." I've never cried this hard. I've never cried in front of Ivan, but for the first time I'm shaking, practically convulsing, from the flood of tears and emotions that had been pent up for so long.

"I thought you had changed! I came back... that's why... that's why I'm here. I thought you had changed, I thought you were different. I thought this..." my voice fades as my head catches up with what I'm saying. Finally, I mutter softly, "I thought this would never happen again."

He puts his hand on my shoulder, looks me in the eye, but when he says, "Oh, Toris" it's like he doesn't see my pain at all. There's a small smile in his face, masked under mock-sympathy.

I shove him away. I try to get up, but when he grabs my ankle, I end up only making it to the floor.

"Toris, you are still mine. You can't leave."

"No, I'm inde... independent," I pant. When I kick, he lets go.

I only look back at him one more time. He is about to speak, but before the words leave his mouth, I answer him:

"I can't live like this anymore. You know I'm not part of you anymore. Good bye."

I lurch forward and grab my coat, and pull it on. It rubs on the gashes in my back and I flinch.

Suddenly, he's behind me, gripping my shoulders. He whispers false promises into my ear, little things he never told me until now. I don't let him stop me and a wriggle painfully from his grasp.

Before I know it, I'm outside. I'm back outside and again in the frozen night. The cold air tosses my hair, tickles my back where the blood has soaked through the thick fabric.

What am I doing? I can't just leave. What if he comes after me?

But now I have to shake those thoughts from my worrying mind. There are more important things to think about. I don't know how to make it home.

It's been such a long time, but as I stumble over snow drifts, I remember how. All the forgotten things come back to me. I'm remembering myself.

Yes, I am Lithuania. I'm not just a satellite state anymore.

"Lithuania, that's me," I giggle. Maybe the pain has gone to my head, but I can't stop grinning. "I'm me. I'm me and I'm free."

Once or twice I fall over, sinking into the fluffy snow. Despite my cuts and the cold, I'm laughing. Everything is going to be alright, right? Yes. Yes, it is.

Somehow I make it home. I open the door, and collapse onto the floor. My floor. My floor is wonderful.

"Like, Toris!" Feliks exclaims.

"What are..." I can't finish. Too tired.

"Ohmygod you look awful," he continues, ignoring my question. "Like, where have you been? I have been, like, missing you and stuff. When was the last time I saw you? After World War II or something? Haha, like I don't even know."

I manage to pull myself back to my feet and drag myself to the bathroom. Feliks keeps talking, but it's not annoying to me. It's kind of soothing.

When I take off my jacket, he gasps.

"Whoa, like what happened? I don't think that I have, like, a band-aid big enough for all that."

"Ah, I can... do it myself," I can barely finish a sentence. Eventually, I make it to the bathtub. I don't even care that I'm still wearing pants. I turn the faucet and let the hot water soak into my freezing body.

Maybe I fell asleep in the tub. The next thing I remember is being dry on my bed and covered in a blanket with Feliks shoving a bowl a soup in my face.

"I made you some, like, soup. Yeah, you totally look like you need soup."

"Ah, thanks," I smile and take the bowl. "Um, do you think it would be possible to have a spoon?"

"Ohmygod, did I seriously forget a spoon? I'll, like, go get one."

"Thanks again. For everything."

"Except for spoons, right? Cause I totally didn't get you one."

That soup was the best tasting soup I had ever eaten. Maybe it was because, for once, I was finally free.

Now, Ivan's words come back to me. Before I left, he told me: "Toris, I know I hurt you. I never wanted you to leave, and this is how I show it, da? I know no other way. Please, stay. I've always loved you the most, maybe that is why I hurt you so much."

And I said, "No."