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She is so god damn impossible
He thought to himself.
That was a moment, and he knew it. She had pulled away from him, just when he thought that she was going to let him in.
She had retreated from the door way back to the safety of the couch in the ZBZ living room, barely daring to glance his way. He knew she was trying to pretend like he wasn't there, like they hadn't just almost kissed in the doorway a moment ago.
So impossible
He was here for Rebecca
He reminded himself.
The days of him waiting in this very hallway for Casey were past now. And both of them needed to come to terms with that.
Cappie knew that Rebecca loved it when he would come pick her up from the zeta beta house. And Cappie had to admit to himself, that he loved it too, though he doubted that it was for the same reason. Rebecca loved to put on a show for everyone, and he still wasn't quite sure why he went along with her charade.
He knew that she loved to hang off his arm while the others girls watched her and gossiped about their strange pairing. God did that girl love to be the center of attention.
She thrived on him, and on the gossip that ensued whenever people saw them together. Rebecca craved the limelight like air and water.
She constantly needed it.
But he knew what she liked most about him coming over. It wasn't about him at all. It was about Casey. Seeing them together bothered Casey significantly.
And she loved bothering Casey.
But His reasoning was far different.
He hated how upset Casey always looked when he arrived there, giving him the same empty look she had given him tonight when he showed up. She walked around in a zombie like fashion these days and seemed to be a shell of the person that he had fallen in love with.
Still…..
Even being there and being able to see her, was reason enough for him to continue this ridiculous Rebecca game.
Ah, the dangerous Rebecca game.
He was a little out of his league here, and he knew he was close to really hurting someone that he truly cared for, but he couldn't figure out how to put the brakes on this whole thing.
To him it had been a fling, that was never meant to have been carried on this long, or this far. But he had to say, that Rebecca was growing on him. Not much, but growing none the less.
Cappie had always assumed as the daughter of a senator that she would be embarrassed of him.
The way that he felt Casey had been embarrassed of him when she would bring him to this very house. He remembered the leering eyes of her sisters when he would come looking for her. But as embarrassed as she may have been towards the end, Casey had never tried to hide him from anyone. He had been hers, and she had loved him, and she had never hidden that.
Rebecca on the other hand, had tried desperately to keep him her dirty little secret.
At first, she had tried to brush aside her attraction to him, to deny it. But soon she had given into his off the cuff charm and wit. They where constantly sneaking around, finding each other in dark corners.
Which was almost better
He knew it was awful, but when this had began, those dark corners made it easier for him to imagine she was someone else. To imagine that she smelled and tasted more familiar than she really did. He was searching for comfort in her arms and coming up vastly short.
She had been the one to make the first move, as girls usually did with him. It was strange to think about, but even now, a few weeks after that first kiss, he couldn't remember anything particularly exceptional about it.
No fireworks.
no sparks.
no passion.
She was hot. Without a doubt, he knew he was attracted to her. But other than the exterior, there really wasn't anything to write home about. As far as he was concerned, it was the perfect situation. No one ended up getting too attached if everything was kept at the surface level.
No one's heart can get broken this way.
Rebecca was fun, and she lived in the moment, and she cared about the now. Not about the future, like other people he tried his best not to think about. He really did try not to think about her. But that too was pretty god damn impossible.
He was extraordinarily sick of all that love crap. The only thing it brought into his life was hurt and pain. This thing he had with Rebecca was too simple for that.
Cappie had to keep reminding himself of the downfalls of love. Every time he came to pick Rebecca up from the ZBZ house, he would have to prepare himself. He had to keep telling himself how horrible, heart wrenching, and awful love could be. Because if he didn't keep it constantly in his thoughts, one look at Casey could make him forget.
One glimpse of her face, of that smile that she wore for him, could leave him wanting more.
More of her.
Especially when he looked at her tonight. She looked so lost, and so tiny while she clutched that oversize blanket around her little shoulders. She had her "Brave" face on, and he could tell she was trying to be distant.
She was a far cry from the pearls and sophistication of the usual attire of the Zeta Beta's. He knew that she had been through a lot, and taken a lot on her shoulders, and she looked so tired and beyond his reach. If only she would let him in, and let him help her. But she had all of her walls up, especially to him.
Which only made him miss her even more.
When he looked at her, at his Casey, he could only remember all the wonderful things that their love had brought him.
Days of laughter, spent in the sun running around campus or drinking coffee in that little out of the way café she loved. Or their Nights of passion, followed by three am trips to the store to grab pie and ice cream, or even the mornings that followed those nights.
They would lie in bed for hours, sometimes sleeping, sometimes pretending they were asleep so they would never have to leave.
His room at the kappa tau house had been their own personal cocoon. They had made his bed their world, and there everything made sense. She had been his queen and they had ruled over the sheets perpetually filled with crumbs of pie crust. There had been endless kisses, and promises, and moments where they were tangled in each other so tightly he never wanted to let her go.
She had always looked her best in those early hours to him. No makeup, hair all twisted and disheveled from him running his fingers through it. She had looked so beautiful to him, so comfortable in his arms.
He knew that their souls had intertwined in those hours lost in his room, and nothing else mattered to them. When she had finally left, her scent had lingered on those sheets before he could find the strength to wash them.
And even after that, long after she was gone, he would wake in the night to a faint aroma of her, and swear that she was there with him still.
The mornings were our time.
When Cappie thought of those mornings, he knew he had never been happy before her. Nor had he been since she had left him there, in their broken kingdom.
They had each other, they had love, and they had pie.
What could have ended such bliss?
Evan
The thought of him made Cappie's blood rise and he felt his face reddening at the image of Evan's face. How was it that he was always coming in second to that bastard? Was he really no better than Evan Chambers?
He laughed a little to himself
I guess Casey and Rebecca have both answered that for me
He reminded himself that while Rebecca was clearly interested in only him these days, her first choice had been Evan. He had gotten her first. And as far as Casey, she had been given the opportunity many times over to choose between him and Evan.
And it seemed that Evan Chambers always won out. Always got what he wanted, and Cappie was left waiting in the dust, with his head hanging low, and defeated. He was so damn tired of coming in right behind a pompous jerk off like that.
Not this time though.
He had the girl on his arm this time.
Too bad it was the wrong girl.
The right girl continued riffling through the pile of paper on the table to his left, trying to hard to ignore him.
He smiled to himself.
She was making it so obvious and he knew her too well. Knew all of her little habits, and her covers. He could always tell what she was thinking or how she was feeling by a simple eye roll, or a touch on her shoulder. Did she forget who she was putting this show on for? Didn't she remember as well as he did how deeply they knew each other?
I need to talk to her.
To tell her all of the things he was thinking, and to tell her that it wasn't Rebecca that he wanted to be holding and kissing. That he wanted it to be her that he came here to see, he wanted her to be the one in his bed at the end of the night, and the one he spent glorious morning after morning with.
He wanted to tell her that he had a pie waiting for them, and they could just leave now before Rebecca even…..
"Finally"
His thoughts were interrupted abruptly by the somewhat stern voice at the top of the staircase. Even their voices where different, he realized sadly. Rebecca's was straight to the point, matter of fact, and tough. Casey's was sweet, and like a song to him. He could hear her now, whispering "I love you Cap" into his ear, so softly that only he would hear it.
"Your late. Again"
God she was annoying.
He looked up to where she was standing. He was not in the mood to deal with her crap right now. But before he could raise his voice to interrupt, she was down the stairs in a swift motion, and attaching herself to his arm. She gave a sultry smile at him, and he thought twice about leaving her there.
She sent a different smile Casey's way, and Cappie did not like what he saw.
It was the same shit smile Evan would throw to him from up on his pedestal.
The "I've won" smile.
That's what Rebecca was radiating to Casey.
I've won and he's mine.
Casey looked on the verge of tears, and Rebecca swept him out the door before he had a chance to realize what was happening.
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