My hand smouldered with electricity.
I held it against my face, feeling the warmth there.
My hand tingled as I made my way to the admin office at the front of the school. What excuse was I going to use? I could say that I had to go for a check up at the doctor's for my hand. Ms. Cope would believe that. I had it decided. My thoughts were in a jumble from his touch—Edward's.
I couldn't pin down the sudden intense need for more. I felt like jumping around, had I not been crying. I was still a little shaken up about the whole ordeal.
I was so completely used to keeping everything inside, never expressing my emotions, never displaying them—I was like Charlie in that way. So, as strange as it was for me to reveal myself to a mere stranger, I felt utterly relieved. The situation was natural and flowing, as if I had told Edward all my secrets, as if he knew everything about me all along.
Which was, of course, impossible. But the way he reacted, it seemed like we had done this a million times over.
Holding my hand, for instance. It felt so good. I never wanted to be without that. I wouldn't be able to.
After experiencing that feeling, I thought it would kill me—be worse pain than I had ever imagined to have it taken away from me.
I was so grateful for Edward's presence in the hallway. I would still be in a mess, possibly a worse one if Mike was with me. Plus, I would never divulge my innermost secrets to that creep. To me, with the way he tried to touch me all the time, reminded me of Jacob. This was mostly before what he did.
Before he violated and assaulted me. He would try and touch me, it started out as innocent. Just playful hand-holding, he would wrap his arm around my waist. I hadn't thought he would attempt to take it further. Trying to kiss me last two years ago at Christmas. Mum and Phil were on their honeymoon so I spent it with Charlie.
We were outside Charlie's house, on the front porch, the snow fall was quite heavy. We had just finished dinner and Billy, Sue Clearwater and her husband Harry were doing the dishes. So that left me and Jake alone. He wished me a merry Christmas then planted a kiss on my lips.
His hand reached around to my neck, trying to deepen the kiss. I pulled away, and almost slapped him. I told him I didn't want to, he just got angry about it and told Billy he wasn't feeling well, so he was going home early. I should have seen it earlier.
I would never have gone back to La Push. But I was so naive to think he would just stop there.
Because, of course he wouldn't stop. Jacob was persistent. He always got what he wanted.
What he wanted was me. I went back there, to his house, because he was my friend, and I wasn't going to throw away our life-long friendship based on a misunderstanding. I shuddered when I remembered that night. The warmth of the office felt so good, it was a pretty cold day today.
"Uh, Ms. Cope?" I peered over the desk, she had her head in some paper work. "Yes, uh, Bella?" she smiled.
"Hi, I need to leave school early today, my hand," I lifted it up for her to see. "I need to go in for a check up, see if the stitches can come out yet." I wondered if my lie was that convincing. She smiled warmly and nodded. "Absolutely, dear. Here," she passed me a "leave early" slip.
"I need you to sign it, and your father. Could you bring that back for me tomorrow, sweetheart?" I nodded and smiled. "Thanks," I murmured, walking out into the cold air. I pulled my hood over my head and strolled toward my locker. 9-1-1 I snorted when had told me my locker combination when I arrived here my first day. I had those numbers memorised—being clumsy and disaster prone, I had grown quite used to dialling those numbers. I reached in for my jacket and book bag.
I shrugged it on and threw my bag over my shoulder. I arrived home after ten minutes. Charlie wouldn't be home until seven.
So, I had about as many hours on my own. I took it as time to reflect. Reflect on the what I told Edward in the hallway today.
I breathed deeply, wishing I could talk to him right now. Maybe, now that he had time to think about it, he would think different.
He was in shock—I was in shock. As I turned it over and over in my head, I realised how stupid it was of me to say it. Surely, he wouldn't want a girl with severe emotional baggage to hand off of his arm. Who would want that? I thought dismally. What was the media telling us? What were modern day T.V shows, books and movies telling us?
That guys didn't like girls like me. We were too much of a handful, too much of a burden. Yet, for some reason, Edward had sat with me there—possibly out of pity or obligation—and held my hand, telling me that I was no burden to him. I smiled to myself and sat down at the table, playing with one of Charlie's newspapers. The phone rang.
I shot up out of my seat to answer it. "Bella?" a familiar voice anxiously bellowed.
"Why the hell did you leave? What's wrong? You need to tell me!" Alice boomed—if Alice can boom.
"Did that Edward do something to you? Was he mean or something?" she kept spewing out questions before I could answer or give an explanation. Waiting till she had cooled off, I spoke. "Alice? Relax. Okay? Please, you'll give yourself an aneurism." She sounded out of breath. "Why aren't you in class anyway? Don't you have History?" Alice let out an exasperated sigh. "For god sake, Bella. Jesus. I don't care about my fucking History class. What happened that made you leave early? I was really worried about you, so was Angela. You've been upset and closed off all day long. You didn't even eat at lunch. Care to explain?" she ranted, her voice rising an octave.
"Alice, please, Would you keep your voice down? You're going to get in trouble. And no, I didn't eat, because I wasn't hungry. You and Angela have nothing to worry about, okay? It's nothing, I've just got a case of the blues. It's nothing."
"I don't know, Bella." She retorted, her voice uneven.
"I've been having weird dreams with you in them. You're upset and I don't know why. There's this dark cloud over your head that you keep trying to hide from me, and you should know better." She scolded. I was usually intrigued and flabbergasted about how intuitive Alice is. "Come on," she said in a slightly pleading tone.
"You know you can tell me anything, anything at all. I'm here for you." I felt like such a crappy friend for blowing off her suspicions as nonsense, but, I wasn't ready to tell Alice what I told Edward. I was nowhere near as ready. "Look, Alice," I sighed.
"You need to give me time. Okay? This is nothing against you, I love you and Angela, really. But I'm not ready. I hope you can understand. I can't. Not now. I'm just...drained."I told her, hoping she would let it be for a while.
"Bella, I am seriously on my knees begging you not to keep it to yourself. If this is hurting you, I want—no, need you to tell me. You're like a sister, Bella. And seeing you so blue is hurting me." I could just imagine Alice's expression and I felt like bursting into tears. "I know Alice. And I'm sorry. I really am, but don't worry, I will tell you. Soon, I promise." She sniffed.
"Okay," she said in a trembling voice. "But don't try to keep it from me for long. The sooner you get it out in the open, even if its just between us, you will feel better." I nodded and felt stupid because she couldn't see. "Okay, Alice. Now go to class before you get caught for skipping." She snorted. "Yeah, sure. I can just weasel my way out of detention anyway. I'll see you tomorrow?" she asked hopefully. "Yeah, I'll see you then, bye, Alice."
"Bye, Bella." She responded. The line went dead. I placed the cordless back in it's charger and stared at it for a while. I heaved out a deep breath, closing my eyes. This was going to be okay. Already I felt lighter, for speaking to Edward. Alice was right in some aspect.
Telling someone did make you feel better than before, if not completely healed, than at least better. I hoped Edward still expected me at lunch tomorrow. I didn't want to sit with anyone but him. Because he knew.
I resigned myself to the living room, thinking T.V would most likely slow my brain function down so I couldn't fixate on what happened very well.
I sat there for a while, until falling asleep.
"Bella," he called from the forest.
"Bella, come with me. Please." He begged.
I could see his form from where I was standing a dozen feet away.
I took two eager steps toward him. There was blackness behind him, shadowing him. "Edward," I called.
He seemed lost and anxious. I wanted to comfort him. Tell him I would go with him, no matter what. "Bella." He shook his head.
"What?" I asked, looking him straight in the eye. His eyes were a mesmerising golden tone.
Not the piercing green I was used to, this would have shocked me in real life, but in my dreams, this seemed ordinary, as if they had always been that colour.
"I need you to understand." He told me, coming forward from the dim cover of the trees. "I need you to trust me." I nodded, under his spell.
"Of course." I whispered, desperate for him to know I trusted him already, and so deeply. "I do trust you." I said. He smiled, relieved. I heard a twig snap behind me.
Whipping my head around, my eyes rested on a creature—a dog, no, a wolf. The wolf took the form of Jacob.
I stood there, not afraid that he was some werewolf, but just afraid that he was there. I gasped, staggering backwards and falling into Edward. He caught me and held me to him. "Don't let him beat you." He whispered in my ear. I closed my eyes and rested against him.
"Don't let him have the pleasure. Don't let him beat you." He repeated. His voice provided the most beautiful music. Jacob's shape shimmered then disappeared. I smiled and turned to Edward. He smiled, but only halfway. That was always the smile I saw.
"Now, you need to help me." He said. I frowned. "I will." I said straight away."Help me." He begged, his voice growing faint. I ran toward him, grabbing his hand.
"Don't let it beat you." I repeated his earlier words.
He smiled at me, properly before he disappeared too.
I woke up, screaming.
:O LOL. Just a few author's notes.
Or one author's note.
The dream: The part about Jacob being a wolf then phasing into a human does not mean that this is all true to the book. They are all human, Jacob and none of the Quileuetes are wolves. I just thought I might add that part as a deriving aspect of Bella's imagination. It says earlier, I think in her last POV that she said Jacob was a monster. This is just her imagination forming this belief into a literal thing. It's poetic, really. *smug grin*
Disclaimer: I. Do-on't. Own. Twiiiiligghhhhttt....... :D Hugs and kissses for all your reviews and favs and story alerts. I **insane puffy heart** you!