Chapter has been edited significantly. May want to reread it.
Chapter 4
My truck was acting up again, so I borrowed Edward's Volvo. Blasting the radio, I start out for the hospital. My thoughts go back to my love's standoffish behavior as of late. Parking, I slowly walk to Carlisle's office. Knocking, he opens quickly enough.
"Hey Carlisle. Thought you might want a lunch buddy." I smirk and walk into his office. Plopping down in one of his chairs I take an unnecessary sigh.
"I was just doing some research for one of my patients. How are you doing?" Carlisle took a seat next to me.
"Isn't that what I'm supposed to ask you? Anyway, by the look of your eyes it seems someone needs to be your doctor."
"I rather be helping someone else than worry about my thirst, that can wait till I get home. I see you effective escaped telling me how you are. Something seems to be bothering you." Carlisle turned more to me.
"It's really trivial comparatively. Edward is just acting strange, like he doesn't want anything to do with me. And whenever he does do something with me, he acts like he'd rather not."
"Did you talk to him about it"
"No, I don't know how to bring it up. It would just be selfish I think to be concerned about my feelings when he just lost his mother."
"It's not selfish Bella. Esme would want us to be happy. I don't understand his behavior either. You've been good to him, something else must be bothering him besides grief. I'll talk to him for you if you want."
"No that's fine. It's my problem to take care of but thanks Carlisle. You're really too good to all of us." I stand up and he walks me to the door.
"I can't help it. Thanks for coming by Bella, you really lifted my spirits. I love you." Carlisle wrapped me in a hug.
"You know I'll do whatever I can for you. Love you too and I'll see you tonight."
Driving home I thought of all the different ways I could bring up Edward and I's problems. There was no clear cut way to go about it unfortunately. Too bad life wasn't like a movie, then I could just sit back knowing I would get my happy ending. Turning into our secluded home, I see Edward standing outside by himself.
"Hey Edward, what are you doing out here?" I ask, clutching his keys in my hand still. I walk up to him and go to kiss him. Grasping my head between his hand, he feverantly reciprocates. My senses are thoroughly knocked off guard at this complete 180. Landing back on the bottoms of my feet, I needlessly pant, pleasantly surprised. Edward's golden eyes smolder into mine and a crooked smile attaches itself to his perfect face.
"I was out here wondering why I couldn't find the love of my life. I have missed you more than one can miss breathing, figuratively." He licked his lips and anxiously dragged me into the house.
"My truck won't start for some reason. I didn't think that my sexy boyfriend would mind me going to see their dad." I tease and plop on his lap in the living room. His throaty, wanting voice stops me in my tracks.
"Oh, I thought you knew that I could get your truck revved up real fast."
My eyes widened and my body shivered slightly. Edward hardly ever talked like that. It's real strange that he seems to be back to his old behavior with me when only a few hours ago he was distant. Not that I wanted to complain about the current change of events but we still needed to talk.
"We need to talk about some things. Just to clear things up." I whisper, gasping unexpectedly when Edward's hand cups my right breast.
"Of course love, but why not just let our bodies do the talking for now." Edward took the liberty of sticking his finger in my open, shocked mouth. Taking it out slowly, he licked his finger. If it weren't for the fact that he can't read my mind, I'd think he was going for the ultimate distraction. Jumping up trying to focus on my thoughts, I head to our room.
"Alright, talk now, play later." Edward smirked and followed quickly. Behind closed doors, Edward crashed down on the bed, resting his hands behind his head. The way he looked I think I could just jump him right now. Blinking back those desires, I recommit to what I want to say.
"Edward. I don't know how to say this really, but it just seems that ever since Esme passed that we've been drifting apart. How do we fix this Edward? I swear I'd lose it if we separated. And I don't want us to be the end of me, I need you to survive." Taking a seat next to him, I hold his hand in my own.
Edward sits up abruptly and takes me into his arms. Rubbing my back he speaks softly and lovingly.
"I was thinking about, well virtually everything, when I was hunting. You are right. I've been horrible to you as of late and I hate myself for it. Without you, my sun doesn't rise. The world is a great deal darker, what once were vibrant colors would wither and be dull. Bella, please forgive me. Forgive my tragic behavior, you have to believe if I get lost sometimes that I will always find my way back to you. You are my lighthouse in a mass of stormy seas."
He spoke with such determination, with such passion. I think he would have started crying if that were possible. Tracing my finger along his jaw, I smile.
"I'll never stop fighting for us."
"Neither will I. The day I do, will be the day I die once and for all." Edward pulled me down and rolled on top of me. Crashing my mouth onto his, I intertwine our fingers together, fitting like a well crafted glove.
Edward and I consummated our relationship finally. It was much more than I ever imagined. Not to jinx anything already, but it had seemed that our shaky future had stabilized. We just cuddled together completely satisfied.
"I love you."
"Not as much as I love you." Edward answered. "I was thinking about that vacation we talked about. We could go away for a few days to somewhere sunny maybe?"
"Sunny? Okay I think you've officially lost it Edward. Are you forgetting why we stay out of the sun?" I joked with him. I had no idea where he was going with his idea, but it would be nice to be alone, just the two of us. Edward and I got up and went downstairs to do some hunting.
"You guys could go to Isle Esme if you'd like. It's not like I have any real use for it anyway." Carlisle spoke through the open door of his study.
"Oh that would be wonderful Carlisle! Thanks so much!" I clapped my hands excited.
"That's a perfect place, we'll leave tonight and stay for a week or so. How does that sound love?"
"Sounds like a plan."
Our week in Isle Esme transformed into three wondrous weeks. It all seemed to be like a fairy tale, fantastical and a dream. How is beyond me, but Edward had filled the place with roses and candles. There was even jet skis that I know didn't belong to Carlisle and Esme. At night, we'd go to Brazil and enjoy the abundant night life. It truly was the epitome of romance.
And it all ended too soon. We flew back on a dim Sunday night and landed back in Forks late Tuesday night.
"Edward, I wish we could have stayed forever! It was the best time of my life."
"Mine as well, and I was lucky enough to share it with the woman I love." Edward stared into my eyes intensely and purposefully.
Settled back into the quiet life of Forks, everything seemed so much duller than being on the island. Edward appeared to be in some kind of internal conflict almost constantly. We had grown closer since the incident, closer than I thought possible. I didn't know what was ailing him once more. Surely, if it was serious enough he would speak to me about it.
"We need to talk Bella." Edward catches my attention as soon as I come home from an impromptu shopping trip with Alice. Wordlessly, I enter the house and go upstairs to our room. I hear him follow and close the door. Taking a deep breath, I prepare myself.
"Alright lover boy, what's up?" I smile, lightheartedly. I try to gauge Edward's reaction but fail. I notice his jaw clenches and his stare never meets mine. He walks past me, coming to a stop at the wall length windows and looks to the sky deep in thought.
"You know I was thinking. Everything can change in the blink of an eye, well a human eye. It really is amazing. It's true, you don't deserve the way I've been acting. I've colored my behavior with grief and sorrow at first. And then I tried to convince myself that what I was feeling wasn't right and I tried to throw myself and fully commit myself to our relationship. But that's not really the reality, not completely. It seems, the things I've once valued and held dear, don't quite live up to the same standards. They are not quite enough."
My eyes widen, not wanting to understand his riddles. I come up behind him and wrap my arms around him, placing my head on his back. He's immobile as ever.
"I know everything is different. But we will always have each other, and as long as we do Edward. As long as I have you, and you have me we will be alright. What lies behind us, and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us. And what lies within me is an undying love that is all yours Edward."
Edward's hands reach for my hands that lie on his chest. He pulls them away and turns to face me. I smile at him hopeful that my words reached him. A tight, forced smile creases his face, and he pulls away completely free of my touch.
"Bella. I never, never meant to hurt you, you must know that. It's just as much of a surprise to me as it must be to you. I was hunting and realized that sometimes the person I really needed was the one I thought I didn't want. At least not in that way.
Her compassion, never ending caring and nurturing, and her beauty are only part of the reasons I thought of Esme as a wonderful mother. But the more I thought about how I regarded her, the more I realized that I loved her. I really loved her, more than only as a mother."
Shock flooding my senses. Shock, disbelief, hurt and finally anger was all that filled me at this moment. Whipping around to face him, I glare at him.
"What? You loved Esme as a lover?! You selfish, sick bastard! Well newsflash Edward, she's dead and I'm still here. It's been three, almost four months, get over it! And I'll be damned if I let you walk out of my life over a dead woman!" I yelled, furious and pushed him down. He didn't move from his landing on the ground, barely looking remorseful.
"I'm sorry Bella. It wouldn't be fair for either of us to keep up this charade…" I cut him off before he finished.
"CHARADE?!? This isn't a charade for me Edward. I loved you, I still do dammit! Edward, I…I don't understand. We've been closer than ever recently and all of a sudden you don't love me anymore?"
"I'm sorry, I'll help you look for a place whenever you want."
"No! I'll be damned if I'm leaving this house. You ruined my life Edward, you killed me! I gladly allowed it because we were supposed to have forever together. You need to leave Edward!" I walked out of the room and walked into the guest room, slamming the door and sliding down the opposite side of it.
((AN: Um….review please? REVIEW!))