Chapter 7 – Heartache

Superman continued to scan the ruins of the North Tower either not willing or unable to accept all was lost. He ignored everything going on around him. Suddenly he flinched and turned his attention to the South Tower as his expression changed from desolation to alarm. He turned to the fire chief standing at his side and spoke with urgency, "We need to evacuate the South Tower and all the other nearby buildings. The fall of the North Tower has undermined their structural integrity and none of them may be safe at this point."

"You're right, some have already evacuated but we need to get everyone out and away from this whole area. I'll get the word and urgency out."

A police sergeant came running up with a phone, held out. "Superman I have a call for you. It's the President."

"The President?"

"Yes"

Taking the phone Superman answered, "This is Superman I understand you wish to speak with me?"

"Superman, have you been made aware of the other two planes that crashed, one into the Pentagon and one into a field in Pennsylvania?"

"What! No, when?"

"Within the last hour, but that is past your doing anything to prevent at this point. We need you in the air helping us to clear the sky of all aircraft with the exception of U.S. authorized fighter and interceptor jets. As we speak there are still a few commercial and private planes in US airspace. We need them all landed ASAP. Can we count on your help?"

"The South Tower's not safe, just a second I want to check with the fire chief here before I abandon this site to scout the airways."

Understanding what was being asked of Superman the fire chief spoke up, "We should be able to manage the evacuation of the buildings. That is unless you see or hear signs giving imminent cause for concern."

Superman once again scanned the buildings from top to bottom then spoke to the chief. "There's evidence of damage caused by the fall of the North Tower but nothing suggesting imminent danger. I would suggest all of the building here be evacuated as quickly as possible. The buildings just don't sound right to me." The chief nodded understanding.

Turning back to the phone he spoke, "Sir, I will commence aerial reconnoiter of all US airspace momentarily. If I encounter any suspicious planes I will personally land them at the nearest military base."

"Excellent, I won't keep you longer other than to say, we owe you much gratitude for what you did today, you are a true hero."

"Mr. President, what I did was nothing when compared with what the firefighters and police officers have done and continue to do. They are the ones risking and losing their lives. They are the true heroes not me."

Xoxo

Superman searched the sky for a couple hours making sure all planes were beyond suspicion only escorting a couple to military bases. All others he watched land at commercial airports. Soon he was alone in the air with only the birds and the occasional military jet to keep him company as he flew from coast to coast keeping a particular close watch on the major cities.

Once he was satisfied the skies were clear he flew to the crash scene in Pennsylvania but found there was really very little he could do to help at that scene so he flew to the Pentagon and helped there for several hours. Late in the day he returned to the World Trade Center and dropped down towards the fire chief he had been working with earlier.

Looking up the chief shook his head seeing Superman floating down towards him. "The evacuation is complete Superman. By the way, you were right. We had a structural engineer here just a little while ago. He says the immediate surrounding buildings, in particular the South Tower and other World Trade Center buildings are not sound and he wants to do more intensive analysis to determine the full extend of damage. He has red tagged all the buildings here and is inspecting some other nearby ones as well."

Superman nodded and his eyes were once again drawn to the meager remains of the North Tower. The chief saw the pain and guilt he was feeling wash over his face. "Son, you did everything you could do. We all did. Sometimes what you can do is just not enough. It's a hard lesson to learn and I can see you're having a hard time accepting your own limitations but loss is a part of life we have to accept it and move on."

"I should have known the building was about to fall. The signs were there, why didn't I see them sooner? Maybe we could have…"

"Could you have worked any faster, I doubt it. Would I have sent my men in? That is what we do, we run into burning buildings to save lives while everyone else is running out. As long as there were people in danger our fine firefighters and police officers would have run to help them. That is a fact that even your presence doesn't change." Superman tore his eyes away from the desolation and looked into the older man's eyes seeing a kindred spirit.

The man continued, "We all have to accept what happened and make peace with our response. If you hadn't been here many many more would have died. You did make a big difference never forget that. Now go and take care of yourself, you really look like you need a break."

"How are the three people I pulled out, have you heard? I was worried about the woman. She was already badly hurt. I had no time to be careful. I think all three may have been hurt even more during the trip out of the building."

The man held up his hands shaking his head with a slight smile, "They were all three taken to Mercy General. The woman was in critical condition but expected to survive. Both men appeared to have broken bones but that's all I know other than it was a miracle any of you made it out alive."

Xoxo

Superman entered the hospital causing a stir as he passed by a crowd of people waiting for aid. Soon he was being escorted by a doctor to a room the two firefighters were sharing. The men were surrounded by family members and a hush fell over the room as the doctor escorted Superman in.

One of the men looked up surprised and happy to see him, "Superman, I don't know how you did it but thank you. I heard the rumble and thought we were all three dead. I don't even remember seeing you. I was just suddenly coming to on the gurney. You saved us. How can we ever thank you."

Superman answered somewhat embarrassed by all the attention he was getting, "I was just doing the same thing you were doing, trying to get everyone out. I needed to see for myself that you are both alright. Sorry about your ribs and leg." Looking over at the second man he continued "and your injuries too. I think I caused them getting you out."

"Hey, you have nothing to be sorry for, we're all three alive because of you," the second man said softly. "The last thing I remember before everything went dark was a flash of red and blue and then darkness. I thought an angel had come and spirited me away. I guess I was right, you are an angel."

Superman looked away momentarily then met the man's eyes shaking his head, "I'm no angel, I'm just a man who can fly, move fast and lift heavy objects, nothing more. You are the ones risking your lives time after time."

One of the men's wives spoke up, "You don't give yourself enough credit you are a hero among heroes, you could rule this world instead you serve it. You are Earth's guardian angel and we are all thankful for everything you do."

"I'm glad you're both doing well, I don't want to interrupt your family visit more than I already have so I'll be on my way." Uncomfortable with all the praise he made his was out of the room and followed the doctor back to the front desk.

Superman was told the woman was still unconscious in ICU suffering from broken bones, a concussion, severe burns and smoke inhalation. Her condition had been upgraded from grave to severe a short time earlier and she was expected to recover although her burns would take a lot of time to heal.

Superman returned to the World Trade Center and hovered over the site for a long while once again taking in the entire scene. He went over the entire event in his mind still unable to comprehend or reconcile in his mind how anyone could have conceived such a thing. Did they know what was going to happen? Did they have any idea how bad it was going to be? What kind of human being could plan and carry out such a diabolical plan? Finally, how had he missed the signs of the impending building collapse? He should have known sooner, he should have been able to do more. Too many had died on his watch.

He floated in the stillness as the harsh memory of all the screams and cries for help seemed to fill his head, overwhelming him yet again. After failing so many how could he hope to continue serving mankind. How could he expect others to have faith in him when he had lost faith in himself?

Xoxo

The reporters all worked late into the evening covering all the angles involving the fall of the North Tower, the Pentagon, the downed plane in Pennsylvania and what was being divulged about the hijackers on the plane meant for the South Tower that Superman had diverted. They had all solemnly watched the President as he addressed the country that afternoon. Lois had tried to call Clark several times but each time her call was sent directly to voice mail saying the phone was either out of range or turned off. Perry kept trying to send her home but she refused to leave not wanting to be alone or off the unfolding events.

Superman was last reported several hours earlier visiting the hospital where the final three people he had rescued had been taken. Lois was becoming desperate to talk to him. She wanted to see or at least hear for herself that he was alright. Perry finally insisted on taking her and Jason home himself.

The house was dark but she saw his shadow on the balcony. Turning to Perry she motioned to the silhouette. "We'll be fine."

"Call me if either of you need anything. You can tell Clark that as far as I'm concerned he is still on 'that assignment' out of town and the planes are grounded. He can come up with what ever he wants to fill the cover. I'm open."

"Thanks Perry. I'm not sure I'll see you tomorrow either, I may work from here." He nodded in understanding as she kissed his cheek then he solemnly left the apartment.

After putting a sleeping Jason in his crib now located in the guest bedroom which they had partially converted into a nursery, she went back to the living room and opened the patio door and walked out to stand beside the still figure.

"Clark, you scared me, are you alright?" When he didn't answer she spoke again, "Clark, why didn't you call me. I was worried sick about you."

He sighed and glanced over at her then looked back out at the evening cityscape before answering, "I'm sorry, my phone's broke."

"Are you alright? How long have you been here? Why didn't you call me when you got home?"

"I'm sorry, I just got here a little while ago."

"Are you alright?" she asked just the one question hoping he would finally answer it but she was met with silence. "Clark, are you alright?"

He looked down at the deck then over at her, "Of course I'm alright. There was nothing there that could hurt me."

"Clark, you don't seem alright, please come inside with me." She held her hand out to him then noticing the smoking fire pit on the far end of the balcony she looked at him concerned. "What were you burning?"

"The suits," he looked over into the fire and seemed to almost forget she was there.

"You burned your suits, why?"

"I can't wear them anymore."

Taking a deep breath at the short incomplete answers he was giving she tried again, "Why are you burning your suits and what do you mean you can't wear them anymore?"

"They're wrong, I can't wear them anymore."

She grabbed him by the arms and made him face her as she looked him in the eyes in the near darkness. "Clark, what is wrong?" As she spoke she shook him trying to get him to look back at her.

Clark finally seemed to take real notice of her again, "The suits are wrong the colors are too bright they represent too much hope. I can't wear them anymore."

"Are you going to make new ones?"

"I already have. The colors are darker. The innocence is gone from the world Lois, I've lost my optimism and I don't think I can get it back."

Lois embraced him, "It'll be alright. These feelings will pass. Now come inside with me."
She broke away and grabbing his hand pulled him after her leading him to the nursery and to the sleeping child in the crib against one wall. "Innocence is not lost to this world it's safely stored in your son and in children all over the world."

He looked down sadly at Jason and placed his hand on the baby's sleeping stomach then pulled it away as if afraid he was taking some unseen force from the infant. "He'll need all the innocence he has to survive this world and all the trials it has to offer. Perhaps it was time I woke up to the real world."

Lois left him for a few minutes looking down at the sleeping child while she called Martha to let her know Clark was physically unhurt but seemed emotionally distraught. Telling her they would call back the next morning she hung up and went back to the nursery.

Lois once again took his hand and pulled him over to a comfortable upholstered chair near the window and pushed him down then settled into his lap. She was glad she had worn comfortable cloths to work that morning because they ended up sitting there for what seemed like hours just watching their sleeping son till they both surrendered to sleep themselves wrapped in each other's arms.

She didn't know how much later it was when she woke up to Clark's movements and hearing his anguished cries. He was thrashing as much as the confining chair would allow and seemed to be reliving something of the day's events. Lois grabbed his chin to hold his head still then spoke loudly enough to wake him. "Clark, it's alright, you're home. Wake up"

"No, no it can't be…" he mumbled

"Clark, you're safe at home wake up, it's alright."

He finally relaxed and his eyelids fluttered open, he looked around confused as to where he was momentarily then spoke up. "Aaaaaa, sorry." He looked over at the still softly sleeping infant then back at Lois.

"Let's go to our own room so we don't wake up Jason." She got up and stretched the kinks out of her back caused by her odd sleeping position. Once again she pulled him along this time to the other bedroom where they climbed onto the bed still in their cloths not even bothering to get under the covers. They fell asleep quickly each feeling comfort from just being in the other's arms and both just wanting the horrible day to finally be over.

Lois was again awakened by Clark's movements and mutterings just a short time later. He seemed unable to escape the day's events. She tried to sooth him with soft words but when that did little to help she again woke him up. "Clark what's wrong, you need to tell me so I can help you. Please tell me?"

"I let them down, I let them all down." He whispered and turned away as if ashamed to look her in the eye.

"Clark, look at me… look at me!" He reluctantly turned back to face her, his eyes glistening in the moonlight. With her heart aching from the pain so evident in his face and eyes she continued. "What do you mean, you let them down. You saved hundreds, maybe even thousands of lives, how did you let them down?"

"There were others, I told them I would be back for them. I told them to wait that I would be back but I never got back to them. They died waiting for me to come back to save them."

"Clark, you did everything you could. You couldn't stop that building from collapsing. You can't blame yourself and no one else blames you. It wasn't your fault."

"I should have known. I should have moved faster."

"Oh, honey. If it had been possible for you to move faster or to have known more I'm sure you would have done it and known it. You can't let this destroy you too. The world needs you now more than ever and Jason and I need you safe and healthy." She cradled him in her arms and the two fell silent till they once again fell into a fitful sleep.

She woke up to the sound of Jason starting to stir in the other room. She sat up and looked down at Clark still asleep but appearing far from resting peacefully. His brow was furled and he was clinching his jaws tightly. She climbed out of bed and went into the dressing area where the vanity was and threw some water on her face then quickly removed her stale wrinkled blouse and slacks replacing them with a simple lounging outfit. Stealing a look at Clark as she passed she went and retrieved Jason from his crib where he had been entertaining himself for several minutes watching the mobile above his crib.

"Hi sweetie. You are such a good boy." She smiled for the first time since the prior morning as she picked up the squirming infant. "I bet you're hungry huh? Let's get you in a fresh diaper then we'll go see daddy."

She carried the cooing and happy infant back to the bedroom where Clark was still sleeping and lay back down beside him with Jason between them. Clark woke to the sounds of Jason's contented gurgling as he nursed nearby.

Clark opened his eyes and seeing the two of them beside him he relaxed and softened his expression. "You two are so beautiful. With such beauty in the world there must still be hope." He kissed his son's head and a small smile graced his face.

Looking up into Lois' eyes he expressed unspoken thanks, and then kissed her lips surrendering himself to her care. He knew he needed her help before he would be ready to go back out into the world as Superman. Before donning that mantel once again he would have to be able to put the mask back in place. It would not do for the world to see him this insecure and full of self doubt. He would never be able to help those in need if he could not exude confidence and courage in the face of adversity. At the moment he wasn't sure of his courage and certainly his confidence was lacking.

As if reading what he was thinking Lois spoke up. "There is no need for us to go anywhere today. Perry covered for you saying you left yesterday morning for an out of town assignment. The planes are all grounded so all you have to do is come up with some out of town piece of your choice and come back in a few days with it."

Clark nodded. "Good, I need some time before I can be myself again. Will you stay with me?"

"Nothing will make me leave you today, or as long as you need me. I can work from here just as easy as at the office on what I'm covering and Perry understands that." She saw a grateful look once again cross his face. "I called your mother last night but we should call her again soon so she won't worry."

"What would I do without you? You think of everything."

"We always have made a great team. It's nice being the one providing the support for a change. You always do so much. Would you like me to fix you some breakfast?"

"I'm not hungry. I don't need food the same as you do."

"You need to eat. Your mom told me a long time ago not to let you get away with that garbage of not needing to eat or sleep. I'm going to fix you some breakfast and you are going to eat it, that's it."

"Are you trying to poison me with your cooking?" He couldn't help but smirk.

Getting up leaving Jason on the bed next to his father she started to leave the room but turned back at his remark. "Who said I was cooking, my morning specialty is cold cereal and bananas. Now get up and change, you look like you slept in your clothes" she smirked back feeling the tiniest bit of normalcy coming back in their lives. They would be alright, life would go on perhaps with them all a lot wiser and hardened but life would go on.

Xoxoxoxoxoxo

Please remember to review.

I really appreciated all the comments and feedback for the last chapter. It was very hard to write and I shed a lot of tears in the process. This chapter was also tearful for me but easier to write.

Again thanks for all the reviews

I am sending hugs to everyone as the anniversary of this horrific event approaches praying nothing like it ever happens again.