WARNING: The following chapter contains content that maybe offensive, i.e, sexual assault.

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

This chapter was pretty emotional, I know I cried when I wrote it. :\ I reccomend listening to "Happiness (ironic, isn't it?) by the Fray" and/or "Halleluja by Rufus Wainright."

I watched, slightly detached, as the green forest blurred by my window.

I was in a haze, Edward did that to me. I sighed dramatically. When I reached my house, I remembered Alice. Oh crap, I was going to have to tell her. I grimaced at the thought, but knew that I owed her an explanation.

I felt ready to do it now. I slid out onto the muddy kerb, slamming my door shut, my eyes meeting Alice's. She was sitting on the porch steps, waiting for me. She saw me, her head snapped up and she grinned.

She flitted to my side, gracefully, and took my hand. "Hello, Bella." She sang. I giggled. "Only you would find this exciting, Alice." I told her. It was true, she found almost anything exciting.

A shoe sale was like world peace, Christmas time and a million freaking birthdays rolled into one.

I let her pull me up the stairs, I retrieved my house key from my pocket, shoving it in the lock and turning. It stuck a bit, then came open. I took a deep breath while taking my jacket off and stowing my bag by the sofa. Alice's eyes were twinkling, then she must have realised that what I had to tell her wasn't happy at all. She fidgeted with the hem of her designer sweater, unsure of what to say next. So I helped her.

"Alice?" she looked up at me. "Hmm?" "Relax. Now, I need you not to freak out. Okay? I'm telling you this in confidence." I warned her in a stern voice, I seemed to be doing that a lot lately. I sounded like Charlie—that was both amusing and horrifying. I closed my eyes, rubbing them with the heels of my palms. Alice stayed surprisingly silent, although I knew the expense was killing her. I motioned for her to sit. She obeyed, sitting down on the couch, crossing her legs.

I sat down, too, sensing a wave of tears as I confessed.

With an enormous intake of breath, I began. "Okay, so, you know how I used to come here every Summer?" She nodded, frowning slightly. "Well," I continued, my voice becoming shaky. "I used to have a friend. His name was—" I couldn't bring myself to say it out loud. "He was my friend. We had been since we were five."

She smiled slightly, although I knew she sensed there was some underlying hurt. "It was about two years ago, he said he liked me. He didn't elaborate, so I just shrugged it off." A tear ran down my cheek, Alice stayed still, trying to understand. "I didn't know," I whispered, my mind trailing off. "And then, that same year, I came here for Christmas." I stared at my hand that was picking the threads out of the sofa cushion. "Mum and Phil were on their honeymoon." I shook my head, trying to get back to the point.

"So, we were talking out on the porch, and he tried to kiss me." My voice squeaked, and I tried to control it, I wasn't even at the worst part. I needed to slap myself. "I pulled away, he got upset about it." I sniffed, wiping at my eyes. "So, that was that." Alice breathed a sigh of relief. But I continued.

"I didn't want to let it come between us." Alice frowned, realising there was more. "So, when I came back last Summer, I went down to La Push. I thought about how we had been best friends since grade school. You didn't just give that up over a silly misunderstanding, right? Anyway, I drove to his house.

It was a Sunday, so Charlie was out fishing with Billie, his father." I breathed in shakily, more tears erupted. I winced but kept going. She had to know, even if it killed me. Her eyes were shining, her expression concerned, but she hadn't fully grasped what I was confessing, not yet anyway.

"I walked into his room, because I couldn't find him in the living room..." The memory cemented in my mind, the words flowing.

"I have to make things right." I told myself as my truck inched toward La Push. I had been putting this off, I hadn't had time to make amends last Christmas. Maybe our friendship could still be salvaged. After all, Jake was my only friend in Forks. I didn't want to spend every summer here alone.

That would be beyond hell. I gunned the engine down the highway. Jake's little red house sat alone and silent, surrounded by thick forest on all sides. His shed down by the back of the house was like a refuge for him sometimes, when he wanted to be alone. I smiled as I caught sight of his motorbike.

We had fixed them up, biking around the Quileute reservation a couple times before Charlie forbid me from doing it anymore. He could be such a killjoy, but then I guess, he had seen too many bike accidents on the roads.

I pulled up on the kerb, Jake's rabbit was occupying the driveway, he wasn't allowed to drive it yet, but that didn't stop him. I hadn't seen him in months. How would he react to seeing me? And after what had happened?

I pondered all this, sitting silent and hyperventilating in my truck.

The smell of the leather seats calmed me. It was familiar and homey. I took a deep, readying breath, preparing myself for the cold shoulder, if Jacob were so inclined. I stretched my legs, procrastinating, staring up at the cloud cover ahead. Was it ever sunny here?

I thought cursedly about the dreary weather as I slowly made my way to the porch.

Up the steps, one by one. Take a breath and knock. I did. There was just silence.

I frowned, it wasn't that hard to hear someone coming, especially in a house as small as this.

I hesitantly opened the front door, peering inside, trying not to be intrusive. "Jake?" I called. "It's me. Bella. Jake, I need to talk to you."

I called through the house. There was no answer, maybe he was out with the Quileute boys. But that wasn't usually his style. I bit my lip, considering letting myself inside. I always used to, but now it seemed like a violation of privacy, like the incident with Jake had wiped our record void of any familiarity of me.

I was a stranger, I had to wait for someone to come to the door to go in. I sighed, glancing back at my truck.

Maybe I could call Charlie so he could ask Billie where Jake was. I stood there, deciding.

Where could he be anyway? Apart from me, I didn't know he had other best friends. Maybe he had made some, or gotten a girlfriend—that thought made me relieved. And cheerful. I would be delighted to meet her. I trotted back down the steps of the porch before I heard a shout. "Bella?" I spun around, looking through the gap in the door, I couldn't see anyone.

I jumped back up the steps and pushed my way in. "Jake? You home?" I asked, rounding the corner of the hall to the living room. It was also empty, but I was sure I heard his voice. I crept toward his bedroom door, he could be sleeping. But then who would have shouted my name?

I pushed my hand against the door, it was open. I walked in, the room looked mostly the same as it always did. The door closed behind me, I jumped, startled then I saw who was there. "Jake." I breathed. His face stayed emotionless and I wondered how much damage I had done.

"Hey," he murmured. I bit my lip. "How have you been?" I asked, trying to strike a conversation. He shrugged.

"You know." I nodded, not really knowing at all.

I glanced studiously around his bedroom. It was a little messy, but thats how I remembered it.

"I see you still can't keep your room tidy." I stated, trying to make him laugh or at least smile.

He did neither. My eyes came across a picture on the nightstand. It was a picture of Jacob, and a girl—a girl I knew.

Leah Clearwater. They were in a tender embrace. I blushed, feeling rude for staring at it. "You got a girlfriend?" I asked, smiling.

He didn't smile, his eyes were black—too dark. I began to feel uneasy. I never felt anything but safe with Jacob. Something had changed. "Yeah—Leah." He said, his voice a low monotone.

"Huh. She's really pretty." His eyes showed some emotion then—finally.

"Yeah, she is. She's hot." I raised an eyebrow. Jake was never this abrasive. "Won't let me fuck her, though." He said flatly. My eyes widened, shocked. He said what? I frowned, my mouth hanging open. "Oh," was all I seemed to get out. Maybe I should leave.

Jacob obviously didn't want me here, nor was he in a talkative mood. "She's not really my type, though, I guess." He sighed. I frowned. "I always had a boner for this other chick." His words were slurred. How could he be so crude? My Jacob? What the hell was wrong with him?

He was always so polite, he was younger than me, for pete's sake. And I hardly ever used that kind of innuendo. He smirked at me. "Are you...drunk? Jacob?" I asked in a small voice. He shrugged. "So this chick. She rejected me." My heart beat sped. I knew who he was talking about, and I didn't want to hear it.

"Jake—" He cut me off. "And you know what? I'm tired of it." He spoke, his voice low and husky. I could almost smell the liquor.

"You're drunk. I'm going home." I tried to walk past him, he slammed his hand against the door. "I'm tired of you rejecting me. I want you..." he trailed off, his eyes glazing over as if he was possessed. He smiled at me then. "And I'm going to have you." His hand wrapped around my wrist. "Jake!" I yelled. "Jake, please!" I cried.

"That's right, beg." He hissed, grabbing my other wrist. I stomped on his foot, his hand let go of my wrist, only to slap across my cheek. I gasped. He hit me. His eyes widened then, as if he realised what he was doing. I almost cried with relief, but the monster in those eyes reappeared.

The bile was rising in my throat. I should never have come here. I struggled out of his grasp, making a run for the door.

He came up behind me, slamming my head into the wood. I screamed. He grabbed me by the arms and threw me down on his bed.

He was on top of me in an instant. I tried to scream but his weight was keeping the air from coming into my lungs. I needed that air to breathe, I couldn't use it to scream.

Any attempt would be feeble and too quiet. He undressed me then, pulling off my jacket, almost tearing it to shreds. I whimpered as he pulled my jeans down, throwing them across the floor.

"Jake, don't. Please, don't!" I begged, tears running down my face. He wouldn't listen. He was doing everything so quick. I was already naked underneath him, trembling with fear and disgust. How could he be doing this? How could Jacob? How could he?

"Shh," he hissed. "No-one has to know." He promised, unbuckling his belt. I closed my eyes, squinting them tightly shut. I felt the pain. The searing agony. I cried out. "Ugh! Please, Jake!" I wailed, hiccupping with tears. "Stop!" I whimpered. No, our friendship could not be salvaged.

"Get off me!" I screamed, finally getting enough air to do so. He slapped me hard across the face, rocking hard against me. I screamed, he covered my mouth with his hand. My arms were pinned to the bed. I tried not to think of it, but it was impossible.

Not with this pain. He finally let go of me, rolling onto his side. I curled up in a ball, whimpering, sobbing. "Monster," I whispered. Shaking and trembling, my face hurting, all of me was hurting. I stumbled off the bed, grabbing my clothes and pulling them on, running for the door. I was outside in a split second, but running hurt, moving hurt.

I stumbled over onto my hands and knees, emptying my stomach in horrid wretched over the bushes in the front yard. I made my way to my truck, speeding as fast as I could to get home. I sat down in the bottom of the shower, fully dressed. I was in shock. How could he do this?

I kept asking myself that question over and over again. It was just a lapse in control. He was drunk.

I cried myself to sleep that night, waking up a few times to go and vomit.

"...the next day, Jacob came to my house, after Charlie left. I screamed at him, hitting him. He chased me out into the back yard. He did it again, three more times that day. I told Charlie I had the stomach flu and I fell down the stairs—to explain the bruises on my face. I didn't have to explain my other injuries," my voice was so low, Alice had to lean in to hear me.

"I threatened to tell on him," I shook my head, wiping at my eyes, the motion was useless, more came streaming down. The agony of the memories was tearing at my chest. "He did it again, he had come over, again. He knew what he was doing. He even came prepared each time, bringing protection." I shuddered, Alice looked sickened. "I was terrified, screaming at him to leave me alone. He got angry..." I whispered.

I sniffed, my eyes sore, stinging, the tears didn't stop. I let myself go then, having finished my story. I looked up into Alice's horror stricken eyes. "He what?" she whispered, staring straight ahead, her mouth hanging open, a tear beading in her eye. "Oh, Alice," I sobbed. She took my hand and scooted closer, letting my lean on her shoulder.

"I can't believe this," she breathed. "I just—Bella, I'm so sorry." She said, I could hear her voice was on the edge of tears.

I looked up at her again, through blurry eyes. "Sorry for what? You've been nothing but a great friend to me." I said solemnly, giving her the best smile I could muster for that moment. She burst into tears then, hugging me tightly against her.

We cried together, my body shaking with sobs. She tried to soothe me, rubbing my back, smoothing my hair across my shoulders. In my living room, we sat, for hours. I had ended up with my head resting on her lap, hugging a pillow to my chest.

After a stretched moment of silence, Alice spoke. "Have you told, Edward?" she murmured.

"Yes," I whispered. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you first—it's just—" She squeezed my hand. "Bella. It's okay. You do not have to explain yourself. I'm glad you could tell me, though." I smiled. "Thanks, Alice." I mumbled, squeezing her hand back. I had been so worried about this moment, and for no reason. Alice was as loving and caring as I had hoped. She was only worried about me. Hearing about what had happened had made her upset. She held me in her arms, comforting me for the rest of the afternoon.

"How did he react?" she asked. "He was...I don't know. He was shocked at first. Then, he looked angry. Then...he held my hand and told me I wasn't damaged. That he couldn't change me." I smiled, teary eyed. "Wow," Alice murmured. "I expected he'd be angry." She added.

I frowned. "You did?" I asked, sitting up so I could watch her face. "Well, yeah. I mean, I saw you two today. You're right, I know what I saw, and I saw how he feels about you. I could see it in his eyes." I smiled, wiping the remnants of tears away. My sleeves were damp.

"I saw it even before you did." She stated, smiling smugly. I frowned and rolled my eyes. "And he's god damn right about that, too. He won't change you. He can't."

"Damnit, Alice. My eyes hurt enough already, stop making me cry." She grinned. "You're so strong, Bella." She said, seriously.

My face fell, my lip trembled. More tears gushed, my shirt was ruined. "Have you told anyone besides me and Edward?" she enquired, raising her eyebrows. I shook my head. "I haven't told Edward exactly what happened, either." She frowned. "Why...?" I raised an eyebrow. She bit her lip, considering this. "He might go commit a felony.

Possibly, well, certainly murder." I said. She sighed. "You should tell him. I'm not ordering you to, but he should know. He probably wants to know, so he can help you get through it. I'll be here, too." She promised. I knew I would have to tell Edward more of the story sooner or later. I sighed and smiled at her half-heartedly. I cringed at the thought of going through that episode again, like I had just been through on the sofa with Alice. But, it felt good to let out, like before, with Edward.

Even if it had only been very vague. I bid a thankful goodbye to Alice, she kissed me on the cheek before prancing of into the dark to her Porsche.

I made dinner for Charlie when he got home. I made fish and a salad. He had two servings, thanking me before starting on the dishes. I smiled.

"I'm going to bed," I declared. Charlie frowned, looking at the clock.

"So early?" I shrugged. "I'm tired." I stated, throwing him a quick smile and dashing up the stairs to my bed.

I showered, washing my hair, throwing my damp, salty clothes into the hamper. I collapsed onto my beloved bed. My wet hair draped over my pillow, dampening it, but I didn't care. I was so drained from today. It was quite a day, I had to admit. My eyes were red and sore, the bruise on my ribs was throbbing slightly. I felt weak.

I could be struck down so easily. I remembered my dream from that night. The dream when Edward had told me not to let him win. It sounded like something he would say, it felt real. Like I had heard those words with my own ears.

I felt my heart ache for Edward, a few miles away, but it felt like separate countries. I sighed longingly, rolling onto my side.

In the morning. I'll see him in the morning. I chanted the words in my head. But doing so did not speed time up.

I imagined him sleeping beside me, just like last night. His arm draped around me tightly.

Even though he wasn't there in body, he was there with me.

I totally cried during the scene at Jacob's house. And where Alice is telling Bella she is strong. Love that bit.

I hate Jacob! :D Love love love.