Suspense. It's a bitch isn't it? Especially when the writer doesn't update for two days. My dearest apologies. :) And oh my god. If you don't already watch True Blood. I suggest you do. I'm onto the second season. Holy mofo. Anyways. I suggest throughout this chapter you listen to-"Breathe (2am) by Anna Nalick" through the dream sequence and "Lullaby by the Dixie Chicks" through the rest. Oh, just makes me all teary that song. Even if it is country. Hope you guys like this one. :)

The darkness reappeared; it was pierced with a shining light. It glowed against my skin, warming me. I stared out at it.

I was in a dreamscape. I wore the clothes I usually wear. I also wore the diamond bracelet on my wrist. I smiled at it—knowing what it represented.

But what I didn't know was where I was, or even how I got there. I stood in the middle of a meadow. It was night, the crescent moon glimmering like a coin in the dark sky. I stared...the stars seemed to move. They formed a shape. No, not a shape, a face.

Edward stared down at me, a small smile on his face. "Bella." He said, his voice echoing through the wide expanse of trees around the small clearing I stood in. There were wild flowers dotting the thick grass, swaying gently in the abnormally warm breeze. Abnormal for Forks anyway.

"Edward? What are you doing up there?" I asked, my voice echoing too.

He smiled my favourite smile. I couldn't help but smile back. "Why are you down there?" he questioned, raising an eyebrow. I shrugged. "I don't know..." I said, glancing around, unsure. Unsure of everything. What had I done to get here? "Edward, where am I?" he sighed, his eyes sad.

"A place where I'm not." I gulped. "What?" I asked, incredulous. "You're here with me now." I said, growing impatient. His face dissolved into passing clouds. "Edward!" I called out, feeling incredibly lonely in this unfamiliar place. "I'm right here." He said from behind me. "Oh, Edward!" I cried, running towards him. He caught me up in a tight hug.

"Bella," he murmured against my neck. "What?" I whispered back, my hands gripping his shoulders. "I love you." For some reason I was crying. "I love you, too, Edward." He sighed against my skin. A familiar voice echoed through the space we were embraced in. It was Edward's voice, but he was far away. "Do you hear that?" I asked, frowning, trying to concentrate on the voice—it was raspy, pained, not a usual tone for Edward. I closed my eyes. My neck hurt for some reason...my ribs...what was happening?

Memories flashed briefly before me. I leaned forward into Edward, only to stumble through air.

"Edward?" I called, the moon was obscured by the thick grey clouds, leaving me in total darkness. "You can't let him win." His voice told me. "Can't let who win?" I asked, desperate.

There was no answer. I took a deep breath...my wind blowing gently across my face. There was a shift in the climate then. The temperature dropped spontaneously. I shivered, the wind whipped relentlessly around me, almost knocking me over with it's force. A form emerged from the tress up ahead.

"Edward!" I called, running forward. "Why did you just leave me—" I fell back, stumbling to get away. I stood up, finding my balance. "Stay away from me." I warned. I picked up a heavy log to ward Jacob off with. He stared at me curiously, a smirk on his face.

"You can't hurt me anymore."I told him. "You're not winning." The expression on his face faltered, he frowned, seeming confused. He stepped out into the clearing with me. "Leave." I ordered, my voice strong and sure. I wasn't going to let him win.

This was my battle, and I was winning it.

"You can't take anything from me anymore. Now go." He walked forward then and I stood my ground, holding the log firm with both hands.

I stared him down, never blinking. His eyes looked panicked then. He turned away before his body erupted into a contorted mess. Fur sprouted from his skin, he was on all fours and he was...running away from me. I smiled, triumphant, watching his retreating form with pity.

I'm not sure he even deserved that. A hand encircled mine. I didn't have to look to know who it belonged to. I turned to stare into his eyes. "What do we do now?" I asked, perplexed as to how he kept showing up instantaneously. He dropped my hand, taking my face.

"Bella. Just, don't give up." He told me, his eyes anxious. I nodded. "I'll do anything for you." I admitted. He lips brushed mine then he was gone. I stared out across the empty space. I could hear his voice again, it was growing louder, as were other noises, other voices.

"What do you want me to do, Edward?" I yelled up to the sky which was growing faint...the moonlight was growing brighter. "Edward?" I yelled again. "Bella..." he whispered in my ear. I looked down at my hand, I could still feel his hand wrapped around it, even though he was no-where in sight. I frowned—what was going on? I sucked in a deep breath, closing my eyes. "Edward," I called to him.

"Edward. Edward, Edward, Edward." More noises, more pressure. "Edward, Edward, Edward!" I said frantically. I felt pulling and tugging at my body, something down my throat...my ribs! They ached painfully. My cheek...it was wet. I felt something else. I could feel the itchiness of blankets over me.

I could hear a faint beeping noise. What? I concentrated harder, not letting go. More pain...more noises...more light!

I broke through the surface.

My eyes were still closed but I was finally aware.

Aware of everything. I could remember. "I love you." Someone was mumbling close to my ear.

"I love you. I love you. You can't give up, remember? You have to stay." Edward said. I could distinguish his voice over anyone.

I prised my eyes open, they fluttered, my vision was blurry, the lights pierced brutally into my eyes.

"Edward," I whimpered. "Bella!" I felt the bed move, he was leaned over my face now. "Bella," he breathed. "Bella." I tried to focus on his face.

His eyes watched me—nothing but love and relief in them. I mustered a weak smile, breathing a sigh. "Edward." I murmured, my throat hurting.

"Where am I?" I asked, my eyes darting groggily around the place. I moved my head to get a better look. His hand came up to my face, his thumb stroking my cheek. "Hospital," he answered, gazing intensely, like he was afraid he was dreaming. I knew what that felt like.

He breathed deeply, he closed his eyes and leaned his forehead against mine.

"I thought I'd lost you." He whispered, his breath brushing my face. I reached my hand up to his face. "You'll never lose me. Not really. I'll always be with you." I promised. Tears welled up in my eyes. "I've missed you." I murmured. I could see his lips turn up. "You have no idea how good it is to hear your voice." I stroked his cheek with my thumb, too, comfortingly. "Being with me is painful, isn't it?" I smiled. He laughed once, humourlessly.

"I'd rather be in pain with you, than be numb forever. I need to feel, and pain is better than nothing.

Because with the pain, you also have this." He said, using his other hand to smooth my hair from my face. "How long do you think you'll be able to love me?" I challenged. "Is forever enough?" he asked. The tears spilled over. I sniffed. "Definitely," I smiled. I shifted my body and was met with stab of pain.

I gasped. "Oh," I huffed. "Ow," Edward looked alarmed. "Are you in pain?" He demanded. I nodded sheepishly. "Why didn't you say something?" he asked disapprovingly. I didn't say anything. I needed to experience what we just experienced. Moments like those are what you remember forever. I didn't really care about the pain, not much.

"Wait, Edward. Where's Charlie? Is he here?" I asked, worried about what Charlie would think of his house in a shambles. "Jacob?" I choked. Edward glanced at me, his eyes flat with darkness. "I haven't been back there. Charlie went to go get him. He may be...in need of medical attention. I don't know if he's beyond help or not." I swallowed loudly, nodding. "Thank you." I added sincerely. He looked at me then, his eyes softening, his mouth turning down in a sad grimace.

"You shouldn't be thanking me, Bella. I should have stayed with you." He scolded himself, sitting back down by the bed. He put his head in his hands. I reached out to him, my hand touching his hair.

"Edward, please. Stop it." I demanded, he lifted his head, his eyes were bloodshot and his face looked distraught. "Did he...did he, rape you?" he asked in a hard voice. I shook my head. He sighed; seeming only slightly relieved, took my hand and held it in his. "If I had been a moment longer..." he shook his head, unable to finish the thought.

"It should have been me beaten within an inch of death." My eyes widened.

"Edward!" my voice rose, but I also winced, my throat hurt really bad, bruised from where I had almost been choked to death.

"Edward," I said, lower, tears running. "Don't you ever say that. None of it matters anymore. I'm going to be okay, we're going to be okay." He frowned up at me, putting my hand to his cheek. I could feel the wetness of tears on his face. "I owe you my life." He scoffed. "I owe you. Much more than that." He said.

"What's going to happen now?" I wondered out loud. He took a deep breath. "I don't know." He answered truthfully. He was uncertain too.

"What I do know? Is that I'm never giving you up. You are my life now." I tried to blink back more tears. He stood up then and reached over to the red button you're supposed to click for more morphine. "Hey," I protested. "I want to see Charlie. I don't want to go to sleep." I whinged. "Charlie will be here when you wake up."

"Will you?" I asked, scared that he might not be. He nodded. "I'm not going anywhere." He promised, sitting back in his chair by my side. "How long have we been here?" I asked. He sighed. "It's around three in the morning," he answered softly. I pondered this. "Aren't you tired?" I eyed his drawn face speculatively.

He shrugged. "I didn't want to sleep, either. Not until I knew you were okay. I can stay here all night." I shook my head. Trying not to cause myself anymore pain, I gingerly scooted to one side of the hospital bed, facing away from Edward. I pulled the blankets back...sort of. "Come here." I said quietly.

I heard him stand up and shuffle across the linoleum floor to the bed. His arms wrapped around me, not too tightly but firm enough.

My head rested on his right arm, his left around my waist. "I'm so glad I haven't lost this." He said after a moment. I smiled.

"Yeah," I agreed. "Good night, Edward." I murmured against his hand that I held. I kissed his palm. I could feel his lips press against the top of my head, he leant down further, kissing my shoulder, then my cheek, then my temple. "I love you." He whispered into my hair. "Love you, too." I whispered, closing my eyes.

A thought occurred to me then. "Oh, Edward?" I asked. "Yes?" I sighed, preparing. "For the record, your parents..." I began.

"It wasn't your fault."

With that, the pain killers swept me up into a numb slumber, Edward's face buried in my shoulder.

***

When Charlie took me home at the end of that second week, I was feeling much better. Edward had categorised the incident into two groups of blame.

First, Jacob Black. Second? Himself. Even though I was acutely aware that without him, I wouldn't have my life, he still decided to drown in guilt. He wouldn't listen when I told him it had nothing to do with him, my attack, but he wouldn't have it.

So I gave up for the moment, feeling too tired to press the point, and let him be sorry for a while. Dr. Cullen had been my attending physician, so he was there a lot of the time, I got to know him better, too. He had informed me that two of my ribs were apparently broken.

My ankle broken, my throat bruised, a fracture to my clavicle—which in human speak means collar bone, and some lacerations to my face and abdomen. I took the fact that I was able to be here to hear the diagnosis as a plus. I had lived, when I thought for sure I wouldn't.

That I wasn't long for a future—for Edward. But I was. So I took anything I got, and felt happy to have it, whether it be a foot cast or a couple of stitches on my stomach. I had made Edward leave the room when they were doing that last thing. I had cried because of the pain, and that would only torment Edward more than need be.

Edward had suffered, tremendously, and not just this week, his entire life. On the brink of death, lying in a pool of my own blood, Edward had whispered his secret, afraid that he'd never get to tell me. I had been listening, and now I knew. We hadn't broached on the subject since my first night in hospital, I didn't want to rub salt in his wounds. But we would have to talk about it sooner or later, then I might get some answers I've been dying to know.

For example, why he thought my attack was punishment for his parent's accident. And, why he thought he deserved punishment for something like that in the first place.

My heart ached for him. He had been living like this the whole time, and I was so oblivious. I did know however, that he had been harbouring guilt, a dark secret. But I didn't want to push, just in case he thought he couldn't trust me. That would have broken my heart...again.

Edward practically carried me out of the hospital and into Charlie's cruiser. I told him I was fine to walk, I had the cast on, and it didn't hurt. But he insisted, sweeping me up off my bed and cradling me to his chest. I'd take this over a wheelchair any day. And by the looks that the women in the waiting room gave me, I'm sure they agreed. I smiled, closing my eyes and nuzzling my face against his neck. I gently kissed his throat and he chuckled.

"You're being highly inappropriate Miss. Swan. For goodness sake, your father is watching." He teased.

I grinned, kissing up and down his neck. He sighed. "Oh, Bella. You'll be the death of me." He murmured. I smiled, nipping his ear lobe.

He stiffened, clearing his throat. He placed me gently on the ground in front of Charlie's cruiser—Charlie already in place on the driver's side, perking an eyebrow at our antics. Edward loped over to the door, opening it for me. I smiled and pecked him on the cheek before slumping down in the seat—very ungracefully. He closed the door behind me and gave a knowing nod to Charlie. He nodded back and started the engine. Edward backed away from us, smiling at me.

"I'll call you when I get home." I nodded and sighed as the automatic window whizzed up between us. I turned, frowning at Charlie's innocent expression. We had gotten to the highway when he finally decided to speak. I knew it was coming, I hadn't prepared, but now was as good a time as ever.

Besides, we didn't have forever. "Bells?" I faced him. "Yeah?" He sighed, his eyes looking sad and confused. "What exactly happened? Why did he do it?" I looked down at my hands.

"You're not going to like it." I warned. "Isabella. I want to know." He was serious, using my full name. I sighed, swallowing the dry lump in my throat.

"It happened last Summer." I began. "I went to the Black's house. I had a fight with Jacob at Christmas and I was hoping to patch it up." My voice was getting shaky.

He wasn't travelling as fast now, it didn't matter though. The roads were practically deserted. "He told me he got a girlfriend and I was happy for him. But then I realised he was drunk. And he started making...passes at me." Charlie stared at me, wide-eyed.

"He what? Oh, Bella. I am so sorry. Why didn't you tell me?" He demanded. I closed my eyes and kept going on with the story instead of answering him.

"He said he was tired of being rejected." I shook my head.

"I forget what else he said, but..." Charlie was frowning at me and glancing at the road to make sure we weren't veering into the wrong lane.

I took a deep breath. You can do this, Bella. You can do this. Because you've won. I nodded to myself, willing my words to keep flowing. "He hit me and threw me down, Dad. He...raped...me." Charlie's foot stomped down on the brakes, the car's tyres screeched against the wet asphalt.

We spun a little, Charlie frantically turning the steering wheel so we ended up on the side of the road, out of the way of traffic. He turned to me then, his face incredulous...and pink. "He raped you?" I nodded. "Oh my god." He groaned. "Oh my god." He repeated, breathless.

"Bella." He started calmly. "Please, please tell me that that is it?" he stared at me, his eyes wild.

I stared silently. I tried to articulate a response. "Five," Charlie went very still and wary. "Five, what?" he asked.

"It happened five times." I whispered, a tear fell. "Bella," he whispered, hurt and anxious. "Why didn't you tell me?" he asked, distraught.

"Why did you let me leave you alone with him?" I shook my head, not knowing an answer to that. Was it shame? "I don't know," I whispered back. "I guess, I thought he'd stop. I thought I could handle it...But..." I shrugged, more tears falling. Tears for what he had done to me, and tears for hurting Dad.

"I didn't want it to go between you and Billy. That's why I said I wasn't coming back after that summer. But after Billy died...What kind of person would I be if I said no?" I reasoned, frowning up at him helplessly. "You would be human!" He put his hand to his head, his other was clutching the steering wheel.

"I swear to god, if I had known..." his jaw tightened, his mouth turning down into a sad grimace. His eyes stared furioulsy, they looked hungry for vengeance--bloodlust. "Bella. You can tell me anything. You should have told me this!" I let out a sob.

"I'm sorry, Dad." I sniffed. He wrapped his arms around my shoulders, I could feel his body shake with tears, too. That just added more tears. "I'm sorry." I repeated.

"No!" he said sharply, sniffing and pulling away from me. "I'm sorry." He said, his eyes rimmed with red.

"You don't have anything to be sorry for!" he hissed, holding my shoulders tight in his hands. "You have to know that it is not your fault. It's mine! I let him in my house! Those bruises.

He gave you those bruises, didn't he?" he demanded. I nodded, wiping at my eyes. How often had I cried lately? An ocean's worth of tears. "You need to tell me these things.

Especially if someone hurt you. Especially!" he choked out. I nodded, sobbing. "I will, Dad. I'm sorry if I hurt you by not telling. I was just...afraid." His lip trembled, he hugged my shoulders again. "If you are ever afraid, always tell me, okay? Do you promise?" I nodded against his leather jacket. "Okay," I answered in a broken tone.

He squeezed me then let go, sitting back against his seat. "You don't have to be afraid. You have every right to feel safe." He whispered. I nodded. I understood that now.

He sighed, rubbing the heels of his palms in his eyes. There was something I had forgotten about. Something that no-one had mentioned for an entire two weeks. I gulped, working up the courage, because it was somethin I had to know. The phantom of my nightmares. "Dad?" I croaked, he looked at me. "Dad, what happened to Jacob?"

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