Five
-Denial-
It was impossible. Incomprehensible. Down right nothing but a lie from a lips of people that were better off just being silent. That's what Roy Mustang persisted to tell himself. Any minute now someone would claim it was a farce. Yes soon someone would tell him it was just a joke.
Okay so maybe they'd keep the joke running a few days thinking they would get a reaction out of him. It wasn't going to work. Not at all.
After all who could believe that Edward Elric was gone.
-Anger-
After three days it started to finally sink into the Brigadier General's brain that it wasn't a joke. Havoc wasn't seeking a silent revenge on him for stealing his girlfriends. Breda wasn't being some pain in the ass for some reason or other. Riza wasn't trying to so him some humility.
Edward Elric was gone.
That single thought in itself set off a spark in him. A spark that caught into a hot white flame deep in his gut, or so it felt. There was just no way that selfish little bastard was gone. Doing the stupid thing in the end to play hero. What right did Edward had to give everything up thinking he had nothing let but his brother? If he were here he'd have beaten that boy to the floor. Made him know that he was just some stubborn ass to still think like that. Al was by blood all Ed might have but this military bunch were like a family. Dysfunctional but a family.
Hands clenching into fists he slammed them down hard enough onto the desk that a mix of numbness and sting moved up from his palms up to his elbows before fading somewhat only to come in another wave when they hit the hard, smooth surface once more. That wasn't enough for the fire in him to be satisfied. Papers were swept aside along with pens, the phone anything that he could see before him. Tearing apart anything he could lay his hands on, mind ignoring the destruction his gloves could cause thankfully.
When Riza looked into Mustang's office she was shocked at the display. Papers were scattered everywhere and fluttering around as he still batted at them, tossing them against the walls. The mess and the anger didn't surprise her so much. It was a stage of grief after all. It was the tears.
Roy was crying.
Even with his office a mess that angry heat in him didn't go away. Not yet.
-Bargaining-
It was a week before the wrath drained out of his very self. Havoc was sporting a black eye for trying to talk him down from a bout of his harsh words. Diatribe that he tossed at anyone who made even slight mistakes that were so human it hurt to see them. He was sitting at home when the spark went out and with it that fire that had been consuming his thoughts and making them spiral toward violence and rash action.
Sitting there alone in his home, head resting in his hands perched on the edge of his seat did he start to think.
Ed was gone. He had to get Ed back. It didn't matter the cost because he'd do it.
Yes. Anything.
Human transmutation was a taboo but since when did that bother him. With all the sin he'd committed in one lifetime what was one more on the pile? Couldn't this be one of those redeeming moments in his life?
It would be worth it.
Hefting himself up to his feet Roy went off to his desk to start looking for his old notes. He'd had old theories and they must life somewhere in his house. Was a matter of just finding them. He hadn't tried so hard after Maes' funeral because there was someone to blame then. Someone who had murdered the man. This time it was just Ed himself that had done the deed. Out of a need.
He'd give his soul for Ed.
He'd give his body for Ed.
He's give his mind for Ed.
Everything he had but would it be enough?
Roy hoped so as he settled in the desk chair starting to work at a way to bring back the dead for the first time since his guilt over Ishbal.
-Depression-
One missed day of work Hawkeye could understand if not appreciate with the mess that Roy had been stirring up as of late. Plenty of rough feelings between their commander and his subordinates for his grieving anger. Havoc's eye was nice and dark which meant it was healing thankfully. A break for them all was a good thing.
Two days she could accept because Roy might need a little space.
Day three she was starting to get annoyed since there wasn't even any word.
By the forth she showed up at his door. Banging away angry herself now. She still got no answer. That was why she didn't feel too bad when she broke into her superior officer's home. There was no sign of the dark haired man in his kitchen, nor any traces of coffee. Not normal. He wasn't outside either where he usually drank his morning coffee. No sounds of snoring so he was likely out of bed. His shower wasn't running either. What she did hear almost was enough to make her hair stand on end.
"Water thirty-five liters, Carbon twenty kilograms, Ammonia four liters.."
Most people wouldn't jump to such dark conclusion without any thread of proof but Hawkeye had known Roy for too long to think it was nothing. What she didn't know was what to do. So for now she left quietly praying that the man would come around on his own.
Roy did and then again he did not.
It was two months before Mustang started to function again. He came to work did what was expected of him but that was about it. No longer did he make jokes, bitter or otherwise. Quiet and meek in a manner something that was just not Roy Mustang. By the end of the second month he'd given up his rank to be nothing but a plain old enlisted man. Back to the bottom of the chain in military rank. Along with the demotion the man had made a request for reassignment in the mountains to the north. One of the sole posts up in the middle of no where miles from anyone else up against one of the borders.
Roy didn't even really say goodbye to anyone. Just left quietly like he just blew off in the breeze or happened to fade into the background.
The man stayed up there for almost two years. Alone on that mountain a shadow of who he had been.
-Acceptance-
The depression did lessen but never did quite leave at least not until Roy finally laid eyes on both Edward and Alphonse Elric. Something inside of him just slipped back into place. He was just himself again to an extent he hadn't in years.
The wave of acceptance didn't come until he sent Alphonse after his brother before he drifted too far away.
Edward and Alphonse were gone but he knew they were alright. That was why his grief was over.