Disclaimer: Ideas for Jule's list and the special thing Sam is doing for her were taken and modified from the movie "A walk to Remember"

CHAPTER 5

As she manned the switchboard, Kira attempted to put her best face on, hoping no one would notice she was preoccupied. All she could focus on was Jules and what she had witnessed in the locker room. Female Constables always were a team all on their own in any Headquarters they were stationed in. They were not only officers but they were woman in a profession suited for men; at least that was the stereo typical opinion in society. They had different challenges placed upon them aside from just being a cop. Challenges of proving they could do it just as good as the men physical and mentally. The challenge of being attracted to the opposite sex and vise versa when you were on the same team. But the most challenging was competing with men twice your size and strength and being scrutinized harder for the way you looked in uniform and your weight being some what of a personal matter with most woman suddently being announced to the whole Police force every month. It takes a lot of getting use too.

Kira contemplated Jules behavior hoping to convince herself that there wasn't a problem. She didn't want to know her friend was in trouble. Too bad there was no denying it Kira thought. At first she was hoping when she heard Jules throwing up in the bathroom she was just sick or maybe nerves. Weighing in did that to most of them, even the male officers. But then she saw Jules flushing down enormous amounts of food in the toilet, and the worse was when she witnessed Jules taking a razor and cutting herself by her lower left waistline and suddenly having a euphoric expression on her face. Kira knew all to well Jules was a bulimic, probably with anorexic tendancies, along with the cutting. Kira knew because she had similar issues, until the death of her best friend from the same sickening disease opened her eyes to reality. It is never about the weight or looking good. It is always much deeper than that and Kira debated if she should tell Sergeant Parker or maybe speak to Sam. Kira had not been working in the SRU long enough and didn't know if it was too much of a risk of confronting Jules. Kira knew all to well the last thing Jules needed was more stress and fear of the Team finding out and then possibly being placed on medical leave.

Her thoughts were suddenly interrupted with a hand waving across her face as she realized Ed, Spike, and Sam where standing around her.

"What's up Kira?" smiled Ed, continuing to get Kira's attention by waving his hand in front of her face. "You okay there? He asked.

"Oh Hey Ed. Everything is great" Kira smiled back at Ed, hoping they wouldn't notice she was upset. "Sorry, I didn't sleep well last night....allergies it's driving me crazy."

"How did everything go?" She asked all of them.

"Great. Greg still outweighed all of us. Spike, here gained 5 pounds coming back from vacation" Ed laughed as Spike elbowed him.

"Now don't forget the most incredible phenomenon?" Spike interjected

"Spike it is not a "phenomenon" that you eat a few of your mother's meatballs over vacation and gained 5 pounds and Jules could eat the same amount and lose 5 lbs. " Sam told Spike as he put his arm around Spike shoulders. "The actual phenomenon is how Jules completely kicked your ass and dusted you in record time, at 5 foot 1inches and 120lbs. You totally got your ass kicked by a chick" he continued laughing at look on Spike's face.

"Uhhh…but she also kicked Lou's ass also, and I'm not alone " Spike chuckled

"I swear….that girl has got some metabolism or has a pocket treadmill. Jules' has out eaten me a couple of times. And the question I have is where does she put it?" Ed sarcastically said as Spike and Sam nodded in agreement as they all busted out laughing.

"Briefing in 5" Greg yelled as he stepped halfway out of the briefing to make sure they could all hear him.

Spike and Ed headed for the briefing room as Sam slowly followed taking short steps waiting for Spike and Ed to gain more distance. He then turned to Kira "Everything copasetic?" he asked excitedly.

"Yeah….its all set up" Kira responded without any expression.

"Thanks, that really sounded convincing" Sam stated with concern. "Really did it all go okay" Sam asked her again.

"Look Sam, everything is all set up, I followed your instructions to the tee. But I think you and Scott and the testosterone competition both of you are having needs to stop." Kira snapped. "I just think Jules is under a lot of pressure right now and the last thing she needs on her plate is trying to choose between you and Scott. On top of making sure you two don't kill each other. Just back off Sam". As soon as she finished her sentence, she wished she could take her words back, knowing it was too late.

"Thanks a lot Kira" Sam angrily replied as he stormed off towards the briefing room.

"S-A-M wait" Kira yelled out as Sam slowly disappeared into the briefing room.

******************************REWIND - TWO WEEKS EARLIER AT THE SRU PARKING LOT*************************************************************

"Hey Jules, wait up" Sam yelled running towards Jules who was headed towards her jeep after they had just completed a long 12 hour shift.

Jules turned her head briefly to see Sam walking and continued until she got to her jeep and Sam caught up to her.

"Where you going?" Sam asked. "I was thinking we could go grab a coffee and a bite to eat. What do you think?"

"Sam...I don't want you to take this the wrong way but" Jules tried to say as Sam interrupted.

"Jules it's not like you're dating Scott and yeah I know he is going to be back tomorrow night from Afghanistan. But we have been hanging out a lot, and I really enjoy your company. So come on, what do you say?" Sam pleaded with Jules hoping she would accept.

Jules smiled and couldn't resist the offer; she was starving for the obvious reasons and thought Sam's company would help. "Okay" she stated.

"But Sam, were friends okay and I'm going to tell Scott the same. If I didn't work with you things would be different, but it's not worth getting personal. I'm sorry but the team comes first" Jules stated sternly looking Sam in the eye as she hoped he would say something to convince her otherwise.

Sam looked at Jules thinking Did I just here her say she wants to be with me?

"Really I'm making the same thing clear to Scott. I know both of you want me to choose, but it won't work either way. "You work with me and as for Scott" Jules sighed "Well he is just uncommitted and always deployed. Plus you two are close friends and I don't ever want to get in the way of that. It's too much, I need to focus on the team" Jules adamantly stated.

"Look let's not worry about it tonight okay. Primary mission coffee and some dinner" Sam said with a smile. He always knew how to interrupt her when she was too serious and needed to relax.

"Okay, okay, tomorrow though we need to talk" Jules smiled. "I'll follow you on your bike then?" Jules said as Sam nodded agreement.

As Jules climbed into her Jeep, she didn't realize one of the pockets on her backpack he was carrying had slowly unzipped and a black diary slowly falls out of it without her noticing.

Backing her jeep up from the parking lot she sped off to the drive way where she would wait for Sam to pull out with his motorcycle.

Sam turning towards his bike sees the black book and picks it up. He glances through the book and discovers the book was a diary from Jules's mother by the inscription in the opening. He then reads a small piece of paper placed in between the pages. Only for you Jules, only for you sweetheart as he takes the diary and places it inside his backpack before turning his motorcycle engine on.

********************************Fast Forward - SRU Woman's Locker Room********************************************************************************************

After a long day with the PFT and weigh in and 2 hot calls, Jules was ready to go home and put this day behind her. She unlocked her locker to get a change of clothes when she noticed her mother's journal in her locker with a message in a bottle placed on top of it. What the heck... she thought as she pulled the message out of the bottle and read:

Dear Jules,

Don't worry I didn't break into your locker. You know how Kira needed to borrow your curling iron the other day? Well that's pretty much how we got the combo to your lock. We will figure out the work thing between us, I promise....we are worth the risk Jules. We can tell Scott together, we can figure it all out. Am I convincing you yet?

You dropped this couple of weeks ago before we left for dinner. I hope you didn't miss it too much. I meant to give it back. But the slip of paper with your list fell and I just couldn't resist....you know the list which had your top 4 as being:

1. for me to know and you to find out

2. Witness a Miracle

3. Figure out who I am and do it on purpose

4. Find and see Saturn someday

Anyway don't kill me but you can cross out #10 from your list. "Finding a message in a bottle". Sorry if I could figure out how to get you near a beach and throw the bottle in the ocean and somehow insure you get it I would of. Believe me I looked into it. (Smile).

I also wanted you to be able to cross out #9 from the list, which is to be granted 3 wishes. So if you look to the left of your locker you will notice I locked up 3 lockers. In these 3 lockers are 3 wishes from your list. You can only open one for now. The combination is the 5 digit date of when we first met. (Does that count as witnessing a miracle that I actually found 3 locks at the store that had that had the date of when we met? Yeah, I didn't think so").

Empty the contents of which ever locker and I'll meet you at 6:30AM your place. Don't worry each locker has the instructions of exactly what you need to do. I'm hoping soon you will trust me with what your #1 is.

Love,

Sam

After reading the letter Jules could not stop grinning from ear to ear. She couldn't believe someone was willing to do something so special and so selfless for her. As much as it warmed her heart, the worries of how much she wanted to be with Sam scared her. All the pressure and worry about telling Scott, and what do her and Sam do about the team?. Scott and Sam had been friends for a long time it turns out and she didnt' want to get in the way of that. But Scott was always deployed, and there was always something between her and Sam from the very beggining. It was a lot of pressure for Jules. "How could I be deserving of something so great like this? I don't deserve you Sam "said the voice of insecurity to Jules. Jules then took the small razor out of her locker. "Just one last time, I just need to get through tonight" she said to herself as she stared at her reflection.

TBC

HOPE TO UPDATE SOONER THAN FRIDAY. SORRY I WAS LITTLE LONG WINDED WITH THIS CHAPTER. I HOPE ALL YOU ENJOY IT.

REVIEWS PLEASE