A/N: I just want to warn you now that this chapter dives into the root of why he flips out in Book 3. So don't hate poor Erik too much. He has a lot of issues to mull through. I apologize now, due to the extensive cussing that will occur at the beginning of this chapter. As I said, he is working out some issues… most guys (and girls) go through a tirade when they get angry or upset. Don't deny it. You know you do.

Many thanks to my amazingly talanted Beta Kristine.

I found myself wandering aimlessly in the snow. It was really coming down now and showed no signs of stopping. I looked up as tiny snowflakes feathered around my face. It was cool but soothing to the touch. I stuck my tongue out just like a seven year old Zoey did on Christmas break.

I sometimes miss being a kid. Everything around you is a new experience - a new adventure that could bring excitement and joy from something so simple as cardboard boxes, a sheet cave in the living room, or catching snowflakes on your tongue.

I lowered my head and let out a heavy sigh. I couldn't go five minutes without thinking about her. Of course, she was in my every waking thought now. All I wanted was to be with her, to make her happy, to make her smile, and I was failing miserably. Where did I go wrong?

Did I hover too much?

Did I make her uncomfortable?

Did I do something to her to make her want to see Heath?

Did she like me but love Heath?

I honestly don't know what I did to make her question our relationship, to want to be with someone else instead of me, even if that person was imprinted with her somehow. It was simple for me. I wanted only her, but she wants both of us.

That's just bullshit.

I can't help it. I never like the idea of sharing. Even as a kid, I didn't share well with my younger brother. I could fully admit that.

I was human enough to admit that it infuriated me to no end that she still had feelings for Heath - the kid who almost got us killed a month ago. The same one that was stupid enough to try and break her out of the House of Night, the one that smelled like beer and pot. Yeah he's a winner, Z, I thought to myself. I still don't know what she sees in him! Maybe she felt sorry for the guy, I certainly did. Then, the asshole comes back into her life a month later and cuts his neck willingly to allow her to feed off of him. What the fuck!?

I walked the hidden but familiar path towards the auditorium. I needed the soothing smells of the old stage. It was my place to think. As I walked up the steps, I was bombarded with the memories of last night. I was here only twenty four hours ago, before my life started to unravel right before my eyes. I couldn't help it, I turned and fell onto the steps of the auditorium, not caring that I was starting to feel the cold wind brush against my thin sweater. I raked my hands through my hair several times feeling the locks going damp.

"Why?!" I yelled, knowing that no one was around. I yanked at my hair and enjoyed the sudden pain. I pulled again, harder this time, trying to extract the ache from my heart. "Why are you doing this to me?" I whimpered like a little school girl crying over a broken heart.

How could this happen to me? I am Erik fucking Night, why was this one person able to make me crumble like this? No one, not even my parents could make me feel this vulnerable, this helpless, or this hurt.

I dropped my head into my hands and just sat there, in the cold, trying to figure out what happened to my Z, to us. A month ago, everything was new, fresh and exciting, just like most new relationships. For the first three weeks, everything was fabulous. There were no signs of doubt or hesitation on either side. We were perfectly happy; at least that's what I thought. I didn't hover over her like a lost puppy. Yeah, I wanted to spend all of my time with her. But that was normal, right, to want to be with your girlfriend?

I slammed my hand into the cold step knowing the one part I missed. The crucial component that could shatter everything I thought about our relationship. I never asked her to be my girlfriend.

Well, shit.

Somehow we didn't even talk about it. I never really came out and asked her, I thought it was understood that she was my girlfriend. Those three great dates, countless hours of sitting and watching god-knows-what, and our intense secluded make-out sessions in the library. All those constitute as being in a relationship, right? Then why was there the need to declare the actual term? Was it something she wanted me to officially ask and I didn't? I thought back to countless times I could've brought it up but found myself distracted. Was I wrong to not ask her and just assume? Did she think it was okay to be with Heath because we weren't 'official'? Would that justify her actions at all?

No!!!!! I yelled in my mind.

Was it my absence during this tragic week for her? Was it my inability to comfort her in her time of need? I would have done all those things if I were here instead of in New York. I was trying now! If only she would let me in and talk to me.

If I would have known that everything would turn out so wrong, I would have stayed home. Nothing, no event, was worth having your heart ripped out with a wooden spoon by someone you love.

And damn it all to hell, I was falling in love with her. Every day, something new would catch my eye. The way she would rest on my arm when we were watching a sad, sappy movie or how her eyes lit up just before I would kiss her, as if she was shocked that I really wanted to be with her. When in reality, it was just the opposite! I was shocked that she wanted to be with me. She could have any guy in this school and she chose to be with me.

The first day she arrived here, she was immediately ogled by most of the male population. I couldn't blame them. I got my first glance at her when she first arrived and I was hooked. I wanted to get to know her right then and there. I remember debating over what to say or how to approach her. Professor Nolan graciously saved me when she asked me to give a monologue to her second period class. I didn't know, then, that she was in the class but none of that mattered when she looked at me the way she did. It was like an instant attraction. Fate? Destiny?

I lifted my head and gazed, blindly, into the white abyss.

Destiny…

I closed my eyes and thought of Nyx. I pleaded with her, knowing what I felt the first time I saw Z. It was that feeling that stopped Aphrodite from succeeding in her sick, twisted attempt to keep our non-existent relationship going. I had thanked Nyx for that… but now, I had to question her motives, just a little. I knew the goddess was a kind and loving being, but cruelty was something I was sure she was incapable of. But I had to ask anyway.

"Was this some kind of test, Nyx? Was I supposed to fall in love with her only to have her rip out my heart? Was it my destiny to feel this pain? Why would loving her feel so right but hurt this much?" I asked, speaking no louder than a whisper. I closed my eyes again and just let the wind caress my face.

As I sat there, cold and confused, I felt a warm pull within my heart. My eyes remained closed but my hand shot up at the sensation deep within my chest. Nyx?

I knew in some form that she was there with me. I spoke softly, "Nyx, I know you are very fond of Zoey. You have gifted her with the elements, you have colored in her mark, and you have extended her tattoos, clearly acknowledging your approval of her actions. I know how special she is to you. But where do I fit in with her? I care for her more than I have for anyone else in my life. I worry that she takes too much on, in protection of others. I miss her if she isn't around and my heart beats faster when I finally see her. I love her, Nyx. I am falling in love with Zoey Redbird." I sucked in a breath of cold air and held it as the last two affirmations sank in. Another warm tug, within my heart, let me know that what I saying was the absolute truth. I did love Zoey and I was falling in love with her.

"Thank you, Nyx, for always being there for me when I need you." I closed my eyes and took in a few deep breaths.

I knew in my heart I was in love with her. However, my head was telling me she cheated on me, which only tore at my heart even more. I wanted to be with her for as long as she wanted me, but could I live with the fact that, if she were imprinted with Heath, she would always be connected with him?

Could I let it go and know that I was the better choice?

Maybe

Could I get past the fact that she desired him over me… sexually, lustfully?

Maybe

But, I had to remind myself that it was the bloodlust, not him. Or at least that's what I'm going to tell myself. I refuse to think about her wanting him, just because he's Heath. The bloodlust, however, I would like to discuss with her. And soon.

I know the lure of feeding off of someone (well a fledgling, not a human) and what it does to my sexual drive. I worry that if they see each other again what could, and most possibly would, happen. I don't know if I could handle that aspect of their imprint. I have been with Zoey about a month, and the most I have gotten away with is a graze of her breast, accidentally, mind you, and a quick grope of her ass, not accidentally. I told her that I would wait until she is ready for anything more. I refuse to make her feel rushed in any way. I'm sure I will not die from the strongest case of blue balls in history.

She is important enough to me to wait for her, because I love her.

I stood up, brushed fresh snow from my jeans, and started walking away from the steps. My thoughts were luring me in the direction of the stables, which is where I left her, but my heart was telling me she still needed time to think.

She will come back on her own time, I told myself.

Instead I trudged through the snow back to the girl's dorm room. I would wait for her there.

As I walked up to the door, it opened and Cole came out with an odd expression on his face. Somehow, I totally forgot he was even there until now.

What a great friend I am.

"Cole, what's up?" I asked.

"They kicked me out, saying something about a meeting with the Prefects," he said with a huff.

"Kicked you out? Did Zoey come back?" I asked ,with a bit of excitement.

"No, but I think she called Shaunee a few minutes ago," He answered.

"What did she say?"

"Don't know, man."

"Did you have fun at least, you know, before all the drama hit?" I asked hoping that today wasn't a total bust. Judging by the fact that he was still here and not back in his room, I assume he had a good time.

"Wow, that Shaunee is a character. After you left, we started watching a movie because all that sad news about Heath was getting really depressing. She curled up into my side and I have to say, it felt nice to be needed. I mean really needed." He looked over my shoulder and I could have sworn I saw him smile. In all the years I have known him, he has never really met that a person who made him smile like that. Good for him.

"Did you know that she is very smart and very funny?" he asked.

"No, I didn't know that," I said playfully. I knew how she was when I was around. I could only imagine how she was without me there.

"Well, I'm going back to my room. You coming?" he asked as he took a step past me.

"No, I am going to wait for Zoey to come back. Plus, I want to see why she called Shaunee instead of coming back here. I'll… umm see you tomorrow?" I opened the door and looked back to see Cole disappear through the wall of snow.

"Damien, what's going on?" I questioned, as I saw him scurry from the common room to the library.

He halted in his tracks and looked at me with a perplexed expression on his face.

"Um, Erik. Hi." he said awkwardly.

"Hi, what's going on?" I said again.

"Come with me." He whipped past me and into the library. I gave him a bewildered look and followed without question.

I walked into the dark room and saw Erin and Shaunee in the middle of the floor.

"Erik, umm Zoey asked me to tell you that she will talk to you when she comes back," Shaunee said, looking from me to a very worried Damien.

"What? Where did she go?"

"God, I'll tell him," Erin piped in. "She went to find Heath."

What?

That means she did 'call' to him and that they are imprinted. My heart sunk with Erin's words.

You love her, it doesn't matter…

"Did she say where he was?" I asked.

"She didn't say, she just asked us to manifest the elements and think about her," Shaunee disclosed, as she looked directly at me.

Think about her? Was she in danger?

"Is everything okay?" I asked, my voice laced with concern.

"I hope so," Damien said as he sat down next to Erin.

"Let's get started," Erin said, closing her eyes.

"I'm going to be in the common room watching the news, just in case," I stated, leaving the library with one more glance back at the three of them.

I closed the door to give them as much privacy as possible when I heard Aphrodite's voice behind me.

"So what's the nerd herd doing in the library?" she asked, as she sauntered over to me.

"They're doing something for Zoey," I answered coldly. Any conversation dealing with her and Zoey always ended badly.

"Well, I saw her by the stables," she said as she sat down on the couch. As much as I didn't really care for her, I was intrigued by the information she was willing to tell me.

"Okay…" I baited.

"Well, she was going to find her boyfriend-"

"Ex-boyfriend," I interrupted her.

"Whatever, ex-boyfriend… then, she got on her stupid horse and went to go find him," she said, as she picked up the remote and started to flip through the channels as if there were nothing wrong with that statement.

"She went out in this weather on a horse?" I asked, completely flabbergasted at the idea of Zoey riding a horse in this snowstorm.

"Apparently."

"Why didn't she inform Neferet? I am sure she would of helped." I ran my hand nervously through my hair. Why weren't Damien, Erin, and Shaunee going to Neferet?

"She didn't want to wait," she avowed, as her eyes never left the screen.

I stood for a few minutes waiting for more information. But, none came. I sat down at the very edge of the couch and watched, in silence, as Aphrodite aimlessly flipped between the news brief reports that the storm getting worse and The Notebook. Who knew she had a soft side?

As I thought about the horrible storm, my mind, naturally, went to Zoey and the danger she was putting herself in, all for that no-good-son-of-a-bitch. How can one person get into so much trouble here in Tulsa?

I glanced down at my watch and noticed that I had been sitting in the same position for over an hour. I glanced over at Aphrodite and noticed she hadn't moved from her spot on the couch, either. Her eyes were glazed over as she blankly stared at the TV screen.

I craned my head towards the library doors hoping to see someone, anyone, emerge from the room with news. But no one came out.

I started to get scared when there was another news bulletin about the blizzard that was enveloping the town in sleet and snow. She was out there on her horse riding like it was no big deal. What was she thinking? Even if she knew where to find him why hadn't she called anyone by now? I fought with myself not to steal the school's SUV and go find her myself.

Another hour went by and I was starting to really worry about her safety. Was she all right? Did she need help but couldn't call anyone? My plan about stealing the car was looking better and better. At least it would have heat. Just because we are acclimated to cold weather we could still get sick if our bodies get too weak, which could lead to our own body rejecting the change and ultimately death. I wasn't going to let that happen to her. If we were going to have a chance to make us work, then she would have to make it through the Change. So would I, but I wasn't the one in the blizzard trying to save an ex-anything.

"I have to go find her," I said, standing. My muscles were stiff as I took my first step in two hours.

"Go where?" Aphrodite sneered.

"I don't know, but I can't stay here."

"Well then, go," she said, with a flick of her hair.

I rolled my eyes and turned to leave the room when suddenly the door to the library opened. Damien was the first to appear followed by Shaunee and then Erin. Damien scurried past me and out of the girl's dorm room in a hurry. I gave the Twins a puzzling look as they made their way to me.

"Hey, how did it go? Everything alright?" I asked, stepping closer, anxiously running my hand through my air for the umpteenth time tonight.

"Yes, she just called us and told us that she found Heath and that they are both doing well," Shaunee answered, as she stretched her arms over her head.

"She found him at the depot in town. She said that she called Detective Marx and that he was driving her back here," Erin added

"She asked us to wait for her in the main building. It seems like an odd request, but who are we to argue with her, our future high priestess?" Shaunee shrugged her shoulders.

They prattled on about how they could feel Zoey tapping into the affinities, how they could sense when she would use one then send it away.

"It was miraculous, actually," Damien said with a great deal of zealousness, as he returned a few minutes later. "Let's go! She will be here any minute."

"What did the hag want?" Shaunee asked, a little too loud, peeking over my shoulder to look at Aphrodite.

"Nothing that I know of. She just told me that Zoey took off on Persephone to go find Heath." I turned around to look at her still sitting on the couch. I found it odd that she would stay in the same vicinity with me, or the gang for that matter. Something was up and I wasn't sure what it was, but I was definitely keeping an eye on her. There was no telling what she was up to. Something just seemed off about her knowing that Zoey was going to find Heath and that she was taking Persephone. She had a vision, perhaps? But then, why hadn't she gone to Neferet about her vision?

"How did she know she took Persephone?" Damien asked in a whispered.

"I don't know, it's just what she told me." I shrugged my shoulders, not really knowing that answer. But I was planning to find out.

We quickly left the common room and headed for the main building. I was immensely relieved that she was on her way back and not still out in this weather. As we walked into the empty building, we were greeted by the warmth of the gas lamps burning on all four walls and the sweet smell of lemongrass and eucalyptus.

Just then, a sudden gust of cold air swept across us as the main door opened and Zoey walked in, trailing a swirl of snowflakes in her wake.

She was here, she was alive, and she was safe. I let out a sigh of relief and held back the need to feel her in my arms. My heart pounded in my chest as the overwhelming feelings I had towards Zoey grew. I, without a doubt, was in love with her, my Z.

Okay everyone, only 2 more chapters left..