Alright everyone... this is it. The last chapter. *wipes tears from eyes* I am so sad to see it end, but I am excited to start on book 3.
Kristine thank you so much for all your hard work and mad beta skills.
"Z, we need to talk," I said softly. We had been spending the last few days avoiding the Heath issue.
"Okay," she whispered.
I led her over to our favorite tree by the wall and motioned for her to sit down. We both sat, never breaking eye contact. I had been dreading this conversation. I had hoped she would bring it up, but after a few days of nothing, I decided to broach the subject.
"Zoey, I know the last few days have been hard on you. With Stevie Rae," I paused, realizing that it had been only a few days not weeks since her passing. I continued, "And the death of those two boys you knew, and ultimately what happened with Heath, you've had your fair share of drama. Plus the twins told me about your mother and step father's display during their visit. Last week was a bad week. I want to apologize once more for not being here for you. I am pissed that the competition was that week. I'm glad I won, but if I had a choice, I would of stayed here with you."
Her hand rose to my lips stopping me from continuing my rant. I stopped and enjoyed the feeling of her fingers on my lips. Over these past two days, we barely touched one another. No kissing, no hugging, nothing. It was one of the main reasons why I wanted to talk. I needed find out what happened to us. I wanted it to be like before, before all the drama of last week, before Heath - and his damn, dumb-ass act of cutting himself for Zoey - and before she shied away from me. I could see the struggle in her eyes but she didn't look at me long enough to fully decide if she still wanted me. Yes, I stayed with her the night she came back. I held her in my arms. It was so wonderful just to wake up with her nestled up next to me. But as soon as she woke up, she pulled away from me, emotionally and physically. I reluctantly let her go and before I knew what was happening, she had built walls around herself.
She continued to hold my lips in place. She spoke softly, "Erik, I know I have had a hard week and a lot has happened but nothing that has transpired here is your fault. You can't be in two places at once. You needed to be at that competition… it's what you do… I'm glad you went and I'm glad you won. You are truly an amazing actor. So don't beat yourself up over this okay?" she raised her eyebrows as she lowered her fingers. I gently took her hand and placed it in mine giving it a gentle squeeze.
"Okay," I said. I was willing to acknowledge her feelings and accept that the competition was a golden ticket for me. I had other schools asking for me to transfer, Broadway beating down my door to get me signed up, and Steven Spielberg asking me to audition for his new film for next year.
I pushed that aside. I needed to discuss other issues. "Z, I've wanted to talk to you about Heath. I know it is a sore subject but we left off three nights ago and I want to discuss it now." I grasped her hand and looked straight into her eyes making sure she was ready. She wouldn't look me directly in the eyes but she wasn't shying away either.
She swallowed hard and nodded her head.
"I know the last time we spoke on the matter you told me you still had feelings for Heath. I want to know - what type of feelings?" I asked sternly.
When she didn't answer me, I stroked the back of her hand with my thumb to reassure her I wasn't upset.
"Do you still like him as a boyfriend, do you love him?" My heart hammered in my chest as I held my breath.
"I don't know," she said timidly, looking down at our intertwined fingers.
I knew she was confused but I remember her telling me that she liked him more than an ex-boyfriend.
"Z, we can't work through this if you don't talk with me. Do you love him?" I said, pulling her chin back up so that I could look into her eyes.
"Yes. No. I don't know. I feel for him but I'm not sure it's from the imprint or the fact that we dated for so long. He's changed. He hasn't been drinking for a month now, and he gave up on smoking pot. He has changed. When I saw him down in the tunnels, he acted like he did when we were dating. I miss that side of him; it was what attracted me to him. And now, everything is confusing me." A tear fell from the corner of her eye. I lifted my hand to wipe it away.
"What's confusing, your feelings for me or Heath?" I asked, wrapping my other hand in hers.
"Both, I care for both of you. I'm just not sure what to do anymore. I care a great deal for you. You make me smile when I had a bad day in class, you know just what to say when you want to sweep me off my feet, and you know just how to make my heart pound with just a glance in my direction. You could have anyone and you chose me. I feel so lost. I have never been in love so I don't know what it feels like but I do know that I care a lot about you and it hurts me to see you hurting because of me.
I've been with Heath for a very long time and I miss the person he was, the one I saw, from an early age, as somebody I'd want to marry someday. But now my life is different. I am a fledgling and hopefully, if I make the change, will become a vampyre. All my plans are out the window. What I thought my life would be like is now distorted. In just two months I have become a fledgling, taken over the Dark Daughters, broken up with my human boyfriend, got rid of a skanky ex-best friend, befriended four great friends, snagged the hottest guy in school, found out that I have affinities for all five elements, imprinted with Heath, saved him from whatever was down in the tunnels, and watched Stevie Rae die in my arms. I would say that I have been through a hell of a lot within the last two months… for me." She stopped to catch her breath. When she put it like that, it was a lot that had happened to her. I knew there were a few things left out, but all in all it was a hefty list for one person.
"Zoey, yes, you have been through a lot in such a short period of time. I can't tell you how reassuring it is to hear to say you care for me. I will not lie to you it does hurt me that you still have feelings for Heath. I don't like to share, I don't like the fact that you imprinted with him, I especially don't like him for taking you away from me." She was about to open her mouth when I lifted my hand halting her from speaking.
"But like I said to you the other night, he is only human. You and I are alike. Well, we are alike now and when we both make the change then we will both be vampyres. Heath will grow old and die one day, it's a fact. I have no doubt that he cares for you. But, with an imprint you are linked. He will stop at nothing to be with you. His feelings are clouded with the want and need to have you feed on him. It is as addictive to him as it is to you. He craves that feeling, believe me, I know."
"How do you know?" she asked, looking up at me.
I sighed, I didn't want to bring this up, but to get my point across, I had to. "When Aphrodite and I dated we started to feed off one another. Of course, I am still not that crazy about blood per say but I love what it does to me. I get 'drunk', if you will. It creates a rush of desire and need to be consumed by the person feeding off of me. It drove me crazy until I could do it again." I paused to look at Zoey's stunned face. We never really discussed my past with Aphrodite, I avoided it like the plague.
"What types of desires?" she asked, innocently.
I closed my eyes willing for her to understand, to not judge me. I opened them to see she was intently staring into my eyes. "When I would feed off of Aphrodite, I would get turned on, horny. It did the same to her as well. Those desires fueled us to move our relationship…. further." I stopped once again, not really wanting to discuss Aphrodite's and my sex life.
"What do you mean further?"
"Please, Zoey, don't ask," I pleaded.
"I want to know."
I took in a deep breath and let it out very slowly trying to stall as long as I could. "When we would feed on each other it usually led to us having sex," I said with a quick breath. I looked down not wanting to see the disgusted expression on her face.
"Don't forget blowjobs, remember?" she said. I lifted my head up to see the corners of her lips turning up slightly. She remembered seeing Aphrodite in the hallway trying to give me a blowjob. I somehow forgot that even happened, all I remember was seeing Zoey for the first time. Well, damn! Touché.
"You know I totally forgot about that incident," I said stating the truth.
"How could you forget, it's burned into my mind to this day," she retorted, laughing dryly.
I let out a nervous laugh along with her. I knew she would never forget that day. Deep down I wished she would.
We sat in an uncomfortable silence as I collected my thoughts. I wanted to inquire why she was so interested in what feeding would feel like, considering she feed off of Heath.
"Does that happen to you?" I asked looking down at our hands.
"Does what happen to me?" she asked innocently. Either she didn't want to talk about it or she really didn't understand my question.
I cleared my throat. "Does feeding off of Heath cause you to want to further your…relationship?" I asked, regretting it immediately. I didn't really want to know if they were close to having sex. That would just kill me.
"Oh….umm… I'm not sure you want to hear about that." I looked up to see she was looking out into the dark courtyard.
"Zoey, how far have you two gone?" I questioned, furrowing my brow in concern. Did I already lose her to him?
Oh god, please let me be wrong.
Please be wrong about this.
It would hurt me more than the damn imprint if she was willing to sleep with him and not me.
She didn't answer, only staring out into the darkness.
"Zoey, please answer me," I could hear the strain in my voice.
"Nothing happened between us," she finally answered.
"Nothing… nothing at all happened while you were feeding off of him. You felt nothing for him, you didn't desire him at all?" I could feel my blood boil because I knew she was lying to me. Was she trying to spare my feelings?
"Zoey, I am not an idiot. I just told you what feeding off of someone feels like and you're telling me you felt nothing? No desire to jump Heath's bones, to be with him.. sexually?" I could hear the agitation in my voice as I tried not to picture her straddling his lap as she sucked his bloody neck.
"No, Erik, you are not an idiot. I'm not sure you want to hear what happened."
Yeah, you're right. I don't want to hear about it but the little voice in the back of my head wanted to know.
"Yes, I do."
With an exasperated sigh, she spoke, "When Heath cut himself, I felt an instantaneous desire to lick the blood from his throat. The smell alone was pulling me closer without warrant. I had no control over my actions. One minute I was beside him in my driver's seat the next I was almost in his lap. We had never been intimate, just kissing. So…" she paused, turning her face back to mine. I saw her pleading me with her eyes, "without knowing what I was doing, my hands were on his chest and I slowly moved down to his… you know." Her eyes suggestively moved down to my 'package'.
Oh
Oh!!!
I could see the blood rushing to her cheeks as she saw me fully understand exactly where her hands were.
"Is that all?" I questioned softly.
Please be all
"Yes, that's all," she whispered.
A gust of air escaped my lips. I was actually relieved that nothing else happened. That only brought up another question I wanted to ask.
"Zoey, do you still plan on seeing Heath?" I inquired.
"I don't know Erik."
Don't know. Either you are or you're not I yelled inside my head. This is the part I am still not sure about. Could I share Zoey with Heath knowing that he won't be around after sixty, seventy years; could I deal with being a second person in her life? I knew Zoey was a part of my life now, I just needed to find out where I ranked with her. Am I number one or number two?
"You said you cared for me. What do you mean exactly? Do you like me a lot but love Heath or do you like Heath but love me?" I asked bluntly. I needed to hear her say it.
"I already told you I have never been in love so I don't know if I love you…or Heath," she said lifting her head up to look at me. I could see she did care for me but she also looked like she was torn about something.
"I know what you said and I understand, but I need to know if you like Heath more than me?" The scared 'deer caught in the head lights look' appeared in her eyes as I spoke. She looked so frightened right now.
She opened her mouth to speak but nothing came out. She raised her hand and grazed my cheek. With a dry, soft voice, she managed to speak, "You….I like you more." Tears started streaming from her eyes. She dropped her hand and I cupped her face as my thumbs whipped away the tears.
I didn't speak another word as I pulled her close to me. I licked my lips and stared at hers pleading with her to let me kiss her. When she didn't pull away, I leaned in and touched her soft pink lips with mine. I felt her hands travel up my arms as I kissed her again. Once her hands were around my neck, I felt her warm tongue on my bottom lip. My heart rejoiced as I opened willingly for her. As our tongues met, I could feel all the frustrations, anger, and pain leave my mind. I was here right now with my Z and I was number one.
I moaned in pleasure as she tilted her head back deepening our kiss. One of my hands moved to the back of her head, intertwining my hand into her hair. The other hand moved slowly down her arm to her warm hand.
I took her hand in mine lifting our joined hands up my chest. Using her thumbnail I dragged it alongside my throat. It was a small cut, which stung a little bit, but I knew it would heal soon. I wanted her to feed off of me. I wanted to show her that if she 'craved' blood to take it from me. I was serious the first night I saw her and Heath. I would be that guy for her if she wanted another taste. Hell, I was craving for that feeling again.
Zoey broke away from our kiss and just gaped at the scarlet mark on my neck.
"I can't, Erik," she whispered, with a shaky breath.
"Yes you can, Z. I want you to," I said, almost panting for her to lean in and lick my throat. I could feel the warm blood trailing down my neck.
I could see in her eyes, she was confused. Did she not want to because of her imprint with Heath, or did she just not it from me? I knew when to stop pushing the issue. With my thumb, I collected the small amount of spilled blood and stuck it into my mouth. I saw Zoey watch me intently as I repeated the process. Her eyes were focused on my lips. I gave her a small smile and leaned over and kissed her, hard. Instantly she opened her mouth as our tongue collided. She groaned in pleasure as I was sure she could taste my blood. I pulled her closer to me moving my hand to her lower back. With a swift move, I was now lowering her gently to the ground. With my free hand, I propped myself up so the weight of my body wasn't fully on her. As our tongues battled for dominance, I felt Zoey lift up her leg allowing my body to slide in between her legs. I let out a loud groan as I was right up against her. This wasn't what I had in mind, but I couldn't care less at the moment. Her hands tightened around my neck pulling me closer to her. I obliged…willingly.
Without knowing I ground into her, cursing under my breath as my very painful erection was finally getting a little relief. I did it again, harder, only to solicit a moan from Zoey's lips that vibrated down my throat. My lips and my tongue moved with a new found force. I wanted to be consumed by her. My hand reached down her thigh to cup just behind the knee and pulled her leg over my hip. She instantly froze and I wondered if I took it too far this time.
I pulled back slightly to see she had a look of shock on her face. I released her leg letting it drop gently to the ground.
"Are you okay?" I asked
She just nodded her head but I could see that same look of confusion and I knew 'play time' was over.
I slowly climbed off of her and held out my hand to help her up off the ground. She timidly took my hand. I lifted her up into a seated position. I rested against the large oak tree pulling her slightly to rest up against me. She gave me a questionable look and I just flashed her a warm smile and pulled again. Without words she cuddled into my chest and I couldn't help myself when I kissed the top of her head.
"I'm sorry about that," I said softly.
"I'm not. It just shocked me when you moved my leg," she admitted.
So, note to self: don't move her leg… got it.
"Z."
"Yeah, Erik."
"Can I ask you something?"
"Sure," she said softly. I could hear the uneasy tension in her voice.
I smiled. "This is something I should have asked a long time ago and not just assumed. Z, will you be my girlfriend?" I asked looking down at her half buried face. She lifted her head to look up at me. A smile played on her face as she nodded quickly.
"Can I take that as a yes?"
"Yes," she blurted out and kissed me softly on my lips.
~*~
Over the next few weeks we never really brought up Heath again. Well, there were those text messages Zoey would get telling her that he was healing from his ordeal in the tunnels and that he was going away for two weeks just before Christmas. I did a happy dance and making my opinion known. If my calculations were correct, she wasn't going to be able to see him for almost a month. A whole month just with me!! See? I knew I could share. Well, it helps when the competition isn't around.
Of course, that didn't stop her from wanting to go see Heath a few times, which pissed me off to no end. I would tell her that it wasn't good to go see him and then she would remind me of our conversations. She was stubborn at times but we would end up making up in the end, because I was a sap and didn't like it when we fought.
She always had a guard up when we were with her friends. She wouldn't hug me for long periods of time. I had it down to a count. One Mississippi, two Mississippi, three and then she would be out of my arms. At first I would grunt and pull her back but I could tell she was uncomfortable. So after two weeks of pulling away I just dealt with my counting system and released her before she could fully pull away. It broke my heart a little to know that she didn't want to be in my arms. I knew how I felt about her, that wasn't going to change. But I hoped soon she would come around and realize that she was slowly pushing me away. I still don't know if it was Heath or something else. I didn't pry again, I would let her come to me.
It was her birthday coming up in a week and with the help of her friends I had a plan to make it extra special. I opened the jewelry box and fingered the tiny snowman necklace that I bought. As soon as I saw, it reminded me of her. I had planned it as the entire theme of party. I was so excited, I was sure she would love it.
I hope you enjoyed Erik's wonderful mind as much as I enjoyed writing it.
So tell me watcha think. Review and let me know. :D