Prongsie,
Listen mate, you need to snap out of this lovesick thing you've got going on. I understand that Lily Evans is the love of your life but it's our last year at Hogwarts and we've got to go out with a bang, yeah?
So here're my ideas for the first (of many, many) prank:
-Since I think that summer should be prolonged, why not fill the Great Hall up with sand and have an oceanic scene going on?
-Make everyone who enters the Great Hall change into bathing suits.
-Except the Slytherins. We don't want to see the slimy gits in their suits. I suggest we dress them more appropriately, as in watermelon suits. Big gigantic watermelon suits that ooze seeds the moment they walk through the halls.
What do you say? Add in any ideas you have. We need more! I wrote Moony and Wormtail but Remus has been ill lately so I don't know when he'll reply.
Sour confessions late,
The one and only Sirius Black
Padfoot,
Lily is here to stay, as is my eternal love. Merlin that sounds mawkish (that's a word my neighbor, Evelyn, taught me recently. She's studying for her A-levels. I'm to introduce you to her as soon as I can. She's got quite a crush on you.)!
Your ideas were good.
My ideas…
-Liked the beach idea. We need to get the teachers too, though. I suggest making McGonagall wear a hot pink and lime green striped bathing suit and Dumbledore a pair of orange trunks.
-The watermelon is definitely a nice touch. We could get the house elves to spice up the food, too, changing it into a luau!
-The Sorting Hat's song. That needs to be changed.
-Charm the statues to wear bathing suits too, along with all the fellows in the chain mail… their name I don't remember… dammit what are they called? Suits of armor! Yeah, them. Charm them to wear bathing suits.
Sour confessions late,
The one and only-est Prongs
James,
You have issues, mate. That's all I'm saying.
Pranks, sound good. We'll do the beach and the suit of armor crap.
Sour confessions late,
The cool one, Padfoot
Paddy,
I have issues? What about you? Speaking of which, how goes the home life?
Prank done. Wrote to Remus and Peter. Remus replied. Peter's AWOL.
Sour confessions late,
The coolest Marauder, James
James,
Yes, you're the one with issues.
Home life is terrible, naturally. As if mother dearest would be content with me being a Gryffindor. Ha. She loves that Regulus is a Slytherin. Damn it sucks. But I've got my new flat. Uncle Alphard died and left me a hell of a lot of money so I bought a flat. It's great. I got it decorated.
I've been talking to this girl, Mary Macdonald. She's mates with your Lily and I'll snoop some for you, I suppose.
In fact, being the amazingly good looking and loyal chap that I am, I've already asked a few questions. I've managed to find out that Lily lives near me here in London. A few streets away in an attic flat. She spends her summers abroad, traveling. She lived in Krakow last summer and Paris the one before. She's mad about traveling, that one. She also loves her kitten, Monty? I don't know how it got its name but it's magic and never gets bigger than it is, which is kitten-sized. I'm to meet with her soon since Mary wants to see her. Why not tag along, mate?
Remus is having a great time in Surrey, isn't he? He wrote me about some girls he met. Petey's AWOL but what else is new?
Sour confessions late,
The amazing Sirius Black
Sirius,
I haven't got any issues. Well. Okay. One. Lily. But whatever.
Home life sucks, then. Sorry. Come stop by soon. Mum's mad with worry about you alone in your flat. She's still convinced that we're little five year-olds who need nannies. Though I wouldn't say no to my last one… remember her? Bloody gorgeous she was. Francesca was her name.
Lily lives nearby? I'm planning a visit as I write. I've got the house-elves packing for me so I'll be by the day after I send this. Mum's not too happy but this is true love! Not you, Lily.
Mary Macdonald. I know who you're talking about. She's definitely hot. She's Lily's best mate though? Didn't know that. Guess I haven't been studying her all too well after all.
Moony wrote me about the girls. He's mad about one of them, Paz Safford. Thinks she's the best thing alive. He's so wrong. It's definitely Lily.
Sour confessions late,
The best person ever, James Potter
Moony!
We're writing you together, Sirius and me. I've got the quill first though.
I'm staying at his flat and you need to get over here ASAP. The girls are gorgeous, though I'm only interested in one…
Speaking of her, I saw her yesterday! I was walking down a street—Hi Moony! Sorry to interrupt but Prongs is lying. Not some street, it was Lily Evans's street and he knew it!!—Whatever. It doesn't matter. The point is, I saw her and went absolutely mad. The exchange went down like this.
Lily (L): What are you doing here?
Me (M): Walking. That's allowed, isn't it? This isn't Hogwarts that you control.
L: (glares, speechless with anger)
M: (speechless with shame)
L: (glares and turns to leave)
M: Wait! Sorry Evans. I didn't mean to sound like a prat back there.
L: (stops but doesn't speak)
M: The real answer is I'm visiting Sirius. He lives a few streets back.
L: (stops glaring)
M: Do you live near here or are you visiting someone?
L: I'm visiting my boyfriend. He's on the English Quidditch team. (she points to a flat that's houses a guy who's even better looking than me, if you can imagine it!)
M: Oh… who is he?
L: Bartholomew Gasquick.
M: (I was shocked beyond belief and didn't say anything. Sirius hadn't mentioned a boyfriend who I'd heard of!) That's… interesting…
L: Heard of him, have you?
M: (nods pitifully)
L: Well I'd best be getting off. He worries when I'm gone too long. Something about not getting to enjoy the more pleasurable fifteen minutes in life while I'm away. (smiles impishly) See you around.
M: (glued firmly to the spot) Bye Evans.
L: (smiles again) Bye. (walks across the street before turning around) I was only kidding, Potter.
M: About what?
L: It's more than fifteen pleasurable minutes.
M: I'm not interested in the details of your life, Evans.
L: Really? That's why you've walked this street nearly a dozen times today?
M: I was lost.
L: Lost. Right. Okay.
M: (not responding. Besides, we were yelling across the street.)
L: (sighing quite loudly since I heard her.)
M: Have a good summer.
L: You too.
M: (I started to walk away but I changed my mind and crossed the street to stand near her.) You aren't really dating Bartholomew Gasquick, are you?
L: Thought you didn't care?
M: I lied.
L: I suppose I'll throw you a bone since you've yet to ask me out today. Quite well done, by the way. (sighs again. Merlin she's gorgeous!)
M: (waiting)
L: (nothing)
M: (still waiting)
L: (still nothing)
M: Well?
L: (walks into the doorway and opens the door. Steps through the door and turns around.) Have a great holiday, Potter. (closes the door.)
I swear to every single god out there that she will be the end of me. I about had a heart attack when she added that bit about the fifteen minutes, or more. Merlin, she's quite a devil. But a stunningly gorgeous one.
Oh wait. Sirius wants to write.
Hello again, Moony. I decided you need my commentary on the exchange.
Lily (L): What are you doing here? (She thinks you're a stalker.)
Me (M): Walking. That's allowed, isn't it? This isn't Hogwarts that you control. (James attempts suaveness, unsuccessfully.)
L: (glares, speechless with anger) (Well placed anger.)
M: (speechless with shame) (Such a baby, this one. Where have all my lessons gone? Has he forgotten EVERYTHING I taught him?!?)
L: (glares and turns to leave) (Rightly so, love.)
M: Wait! Sorry Evans. I didn't mean to sound like a prat back there. ("Au contraire, Lilykins. I'd love to marry you and have you bear a billion of my babies. Unfortunately, you hate my guts.")
L: (stops but doesn't speak) (Merlin she must be stupid to stop for you, mate.)
M: The real answer is I'm visiting Sirius. He lives a few streets back. ("I'm also stalking you.")
L: (stops glaring) (Her eyes have begun to hurt from all of it, I bet.)
M: Do you live near here or are you visiting someone? (Curiosity killed the cat but saved the mice. I made the last bit up, I think.)
L: I'm visiting my boyfriend. He's on the English Quidditch team. (she points to a flat that's houses a guy who's even better looking than me, if you can imagine it!) (Yes, better looking that James. But not me! I'm the superior one!)
M: Oh… who is he? (More curiosity. Digging his own grave. Isn't it love fun?)
L: Bartholomew Gasquick. (Bloody hell, I've heard of him!)
M: (I was shocked beyond belief and didn't say anything. Sirius hadn't mentioned a boyfriend who I'd heard of!) That's… interesting…("Oh Lily! What happened to bearing my children?!?"
L: Heard of him, have you? (Obviously rubbing it in.)
M: (nods pitifully) (When isn't Prongsie pitiful?)
L: Well I'd best be getting off. He worries when I'm gone too long. Something about not getting to enjoy the more pleasurable fifteen minutes in life while I'm away. (smiles impishly) See you around. (Fifteen minutes? Only?)
M: (glued firmly to the spot) Bye Evans. ("Oh please Lily, don't go! I love you! Marry me! Now! Come on! Let's steal a broomstick and fly to Vegas!")
L: (smiles again) Bye. (walks across the street before turning around) I was only kidding, Potter. (Throws him a bone, she does.)
M: About what? (Digging that darn grave even deeper.)
L: It's more than fifteen pleasurable minutes. (Told you! Never ask!)
M: I'm not interested in the details of your life, Evans. ("Ahem, I love you but even for me that's too much information.")
L: Really? That's why you've walked this street nearly a dozen times today? (She's insightful, that one!)
M: I was lost. (Liar, liar, liar!)
L: Lost. Right. Okay. (This girl's smart, gotta hand it to her.)
M: (not responding. Besides, we were yelling across the street.) (He didn't know what to say more like.)
L: (sighing quite loudly since I heard her.) (She's an angry sigher. I noticed that in class.)
M: Have a good summer. (Quite witty, isn't he Moony?)
L: You too. (Same on her.)
M: (I started to walk away but I changed my mind and crossed the street to stand near her.) You aren't really dating Bartholomew Gasquick, are you? (Again with the questions!)
L: Thought you didn't care? ("I'm quite pleased that you do, secretly of course.")
M: I lied. (Honesty's the right policy.)
L: I suppose I'll throw you a bone since you've yet to ask me out today. Quite well done, by the way. (sighs again. Merlin she's gorgeous!) (See, a girl after my own heart! Bones!)
M: (waiting) (Wait for it.)
L: (nothing) (Wait for it!)
M: (still waiting) (Keep waiting for it!)
L: (still nothing) (Keep on!)
M: Well? (Almost there!)
L: (walks into the doorway and opens the door. Steps through the door and turns around.) Have a great holiday, Potter. (closes the door.) (And none. Brilliant exit, I must admit. She's quite good at this.)
Well there you have it, Remus lad. With the wisest and hottest Marauder's input.
Since you asked ages ago about how me and Mary were doing, I figured I should let you know. It's going bloody brilliant! She's gorgeous and funny and actually makes me chase her. She's not like the other girls who just sat around and waited for me to notice them. No, she doesn't want me to notice her half the time! Tell me that's not amazing.
Listen mate, I gotta run. James is smashing his head against the wall in teenage angst about Lils. He's besotted.
Sour confessions late,
Padfootand Prongs (the greatest Marauder around, ever!)