Men are stupid! They're all jerks! Erik included!...I feel the need to use more exclamation points. !

"Hey, um, you need to start with a disclaimer, you know!" The pitiful voice squeaks behind me. I whirl to glare at the shivering figure tied with rubber snakes and lying on the bed.

"What do you mean by a 'disclaimer?'" I snarl.

"That's where you remind anyone who cares that you do not own The Phantom of the Opera," the Authoress replies.

I ponder this for a moment.

"Bugger the disclaimer!" I say and now to continue my ranting—

"But what about the review replies?" she cries. This is getting on my nerves.

"BUGGER THE REVIEW REPLIES! YOU MADE ME MISERABLE AND NOW I AM GOING TO VENT!"

She is subdued. Good. Now, where was I? Oh, yes…

Men are jerks, Erik included. I never thought I'd say that, but it's true. First, he takes me away from Gerry and Brooke. Then we have this near connection in the woods and he ruins it by bringing up Christine.

I don't understand his fascination with her. Sure she sings like and angel, but that's only because he taught her to. It's not even as if she was much of a challenge. She could already sing well…teaching me to sing; now that would be a challenge.

Humph. She not very pretty, but we've established that, haven't we? Too bad, I'm gonna reestablish it. Christine has the biggest eyeballs I've ever seen. It's like The Little Mermaid, except no heaving chest. She's flat as a billboard. I'm not saying that I'm a perfect Aphrodite in comparison, but she's nothing like what I expected.

Maybe it's unfair of me to assume that Erik would only 'go after' a raving beauty. It's stereotypical really, to match the perfect Beast with the perfect Beauty, as though Erik isn't human with preferences of his own. I guess he prefers her.

But she's not even a nice person! How can he love that little bi—

"PG! WE'RE ONLY RATED PG, PLEASE!"

Got it!

How can he love her so much? She hates him. She's a vicious little vixen. His face scares her. It doesn't scare me…at all. I think…I think…

"Hark! Do I hear a confession coming on? Pray, continue. Or shall I continue it for you?"

I turn to fix my prisoner with an amused stare, "You can't make me do anything, dear Authoress. You are my captive."

She gives me a suitably creepy smirk, "Au contraire, Anna, I may be bound hand and foot by rubber snakes, but I am still in your mind."

"How could that be?"

"Do I need to spell it out? I am still the Authoress and you are still the character. I'll always be there speaking thoughts in your head."

I gulp. I am now officially creeped out.

Misty continues, "Now, do we get that confession or not?"

I nod and turn back to the keyboard.

I think Erik is handsome.

"That's it? I could have told you that."

No, no…I like Erik. I've had a crush on him for a long time. I almost told him back there in the woods. It was strange traipsing through the woods with Erik. I enjoyed it, probably more than he'll ever know.

But I guess it's nothing but a phangirl infatuation. Same with Gerry. That's what worries me. I don't want to love Erik the way I obsess over Gerry. It's not what Erik deserves. He deserves more.

Does this make any sense?

"Not really."

Why am I making such a big deal out of this?

"Good question."

Erik loves Christine! I'm just a sister to him. It's his fault for dancing with me and making my heart flutter all weird like that. It's his fault for dragging me out here where everything is just peachy perfect for a romantic romp. It's his fault for asking me about love, making my heart jump in my throat. It's HIS fault for thinking of Christine when he's sitting with ME!

"May I remind you that you are the one who jogged Erik's memory of Christine?"

"Shut up! Wait…how did you—EEK—"

XXXXXXXXXX

Authoress emerges from a cloud of lint, daintily brushing fuzz puffs from purple robe. Yes, I have regained control of my phic, though I must acknowledge that many brave and comfortable socks gave their lives in the effort to restore my reign. I ask a moment of silence in their honor…Thank you.

Now, to business previously neglected.

Disclaimer: I do not own POTO. But I am now the proud owner of the original POTO of 1925 on DVD all thanks to Lady Brandybuck of the Shire. I LUV YA, MERRY! That movie is so cool! Lon Chaney makes a great Erik. So many of his gestures make me think of our beloved Phantom. He probably looks more like Erik than any of the others. But the end is totally not Erik. I won't give it away, but let's just say that any of us could tell them it was very OOC of O.G. to behave thus. And the music they added to the film…I think our Phantom would have been on an instant punjabbing expedition if he ever heard it.

WooHoo! Over 300 reviews! You guys are awesome…I think I have the best readership in all the Phandom.

MoonDancerCat: I am glad that you identify with Anna. I've tried to make her unique, giver her quirks and such so that she seems more real. I take it by your review that I have thus far succeeded.

Solecito: I know! We just got Finding Neverland but I haven't seen the Dear Frankie previews yet. Are they good?

Tian Sirki: You and your reviews are just awesome! I don't know when or where I'll introduce more POTO characters or more of my own. I'll let you in on a little secret: I'm making this up as I go.

xxXGoddessxofxdeadxloveXxx: I believe it comes out during the first few days of May…at least that was a rumor I heard.

Songwind: I wish I could waltz…I think it would be very romantic.

Pleading Eyes: I'm so glad…wait…Humphrey Bogart is on my T.V. screen and he is looking soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo HOT! OMG! He's to die for!...Sorry, where was I? Oh, yes! I am so pleased that you do not find the fluff pointless. I dislike pointless fluff, so thank you.

OneWhoWalksWithPigeons: Have I told how cool your name is? No? Well, it's cool. No need to worry about me. I've got everything under—

"Brooke, may I help you? You don't look very happy."

"I. AM. PISSED! I've never been so humiliated in all my life!"

"Well, there's no need to scream about it."

"I AM going to scream! I am going to vent…RIGHT NOW!"