Lily attempted, over the course of the next few weeks, to keep every exchange she had with James civil and friendly, emphasis on friend. By doing so, she only managed to succeed in driving herself mad.
They sat together one February night in the Head's Room. They had spent an hour working on Hogsmeade weekend dates as McGonagall had asked them to. The conversation had been stilted and, as she knew, the blame lay on Lily's head.
"So… er… um… how're things?" Lily asked, attempting to engage him in a friendly conversation.
James looked at her oddly as he answered. "They're fine… how're you?"
"Great…" Lily had no idea what else to say. She started to gather her papers and make ready to leave. She was nearly standing when he spoke.
"What's wrong?" He asked.
The question reminded her of an ex-boyfriend of hers. Every time they disagreed or argued, he'd ask "what's wrong with you?" which ultimately led to the demise of the relationship. She hated when he asked that, phrasing it that way. Why was something bloody wrong with her? Couldn't there be something wrong with someone else?
"Er… okay… there can be something wrong with me…" James said, looking at her strangely.
"Are you telepathic?" She asked, honestly considering that option. Besides telepathy, how could he have possibly known what she was thinking?
"Er no. You spoke aloud," he explained.
She wanted to die when he told her that. She sunk down into her chair, leaning her head against the seat.
"So er… can you uh… tell me what's wrong?" James tried again. There had to be a way to fix this.
Lily looked at him. "What do you mean? Fix what?"
"This, this whole thing between us. What's bothering you, Lily?"
"Nothing? I'm fine?" Her statements came out like questions.
"Sure you are, Lily. Please tell me what's bothering you."
"Nothingsbotheringmehowslavina?" She said quickly.
"Sorry, didn't quite catch that. What'd you say?"
Lily took a deep breath. "Nothing's bothering me. How's Lavina?"
"I haven't the slightest idea how Lavina is," James answered, looking at her strangely. "I haven't talked to her since my house. Why?"
This answer was worse than what she was expecting. That meant James was flighty and merely involved with Lavina for the physical relationship.
"Can't I ask about someone without my motives being examined?" Lily snapped.
"Touchy, aren't you?"
Lily glared at him.
"Lily, please tell me what's wrong." James said softly. "Something's bothering you."
She didn't speak.
"Come on, please tell me?" He smiled so charmingly that Lily thought her heart would break. How could someone who looked so innocent be so flighty?
She kept her silence, even though she longed to say something.
"Tell me what I did wrong. I mean really, lay into me. Make me regret whatever I did." He spoke lightly, hoping to evoke a smile. When that failed, he continued to speak, though this time only voicing his thoughts aloud. "What did I do? I haven't cursed anyone lately. I gave up on dueling ages ago. Quidditch hasn't been played lately so you can't be mad at me for losing—not that we'd ever lose. My pranks have also been at a standstill since Christmas. You didn't recently find out our big Marauder secret since you've known forever. Snape hasn't messed with me nor I him so that's not it." James looked at her, "Come on, tell me, please Kooks?"
The use of her nickname made her want to cry but she didn't. Instead, she swallowed and then spoke.
"You haven't misplaced your glasses lately, have you?" She asked coldly.
"Misplaced my glasses?" James repeated, looking extremely confused and, of course, adorable.
"Lost them. Placed them somewhere you can't remember. Like Lavina's nightstand?"
"Oh!" Understanding flooded James's face. "That's what you're mad about! Merlin, I thought you were upset about something important!"
Lily looked at him haughtily. "Dating someone, or snogging them at least, is fairly important."
"Dating? Snogging?" He gazed at her incredulously. "Wait. Do you think I'm seeing Lavina?"
"Aren't you?"
James started to laugh. "Lavina? Seeing her? Merlin, I'd go insane if I dated her. Of course I'm not dating her!"
Lily glared at him. "So that's why you were near her bedroom, hair messed up and glasses on her nightstand?"
"I have no idea how my glasses got there. And my hair could never be messy, what are you on about?" He joked, running a hand through the strands that were always going in different directions.
"Sure you don't, James. Listen, you don't have to explain anything to me. It's none of my bloody business."
James sobered up. Until that moment, he had thought the entire affair was funny. Now it was just getting annoying.
"It's every bit your bloody business. It's you I fancy. I've fancied you for ages, as you very well know."
"You fancy me and yet snog Lavina?" Lily raised an eyebrow. "Doesn't seem like you fancy me much now does it?"
"For the last time, I haven't snogged Lavina! I was looking for my glasses! I have no idea how they got to her room. I guess she put them there to make you mad. She hates you." He said the last bit calmly.
Lily glared at him. "I wonder why?" She asked sarcastically.
"Because of me, I know. I'm awful, terrible, horrible. I'm a prat and a twat and a prick and an idiot. I'm responsible for every wrong assumption you make. I'm also responsible for the fact that you can't decide if you bloody fancy me or not. I'm destined to be driven mad by you and I know. But yes Lily, it's all my fault. Everything's my fault." Lily spilt the ink that had been resting upon the table beside her during his speech. James glanced at it before speaking again. "Oh yes, my fault too. It's always my fault, everything is. Whatever, Lily. Blame it on me." James stood up, giving her one last glance before walking away.