Chapter 5

Slumped on the ground with the pile of letters scattered around her, Ginny wondered what she would do now. What she could do after reading those letters. Rubbing her swollen eyes, she desired desperately to sink down into a bed and sleep until she forgot all about the last few hours, or if she were lucky enough, the last ten years.

She was so tired. She had never felt this drained.

After Draco had flew off to his future as a Death Eater, Ginny had spent the next few weeks and possibly months, crying in her family and friends' arms. During that period of time, Ginny had felt immeasurable grief. She wasn't crying over the end of a relationship, since she had witnessed and been through plenty of those. Instead, she was devastated because of the circumstances surrounding their break-up. After she had cried to the point where she just couldn't summon up anymore tears, she channeled her sorrow into anger. She fought for the Order as a nurse, pulling long hours and did whatever the meditwitch required. When the hospital needed nurses in the middle of the night to tend to wounded Order members or civilians, they could always count on Ginny to show up, regardless of whether or not she had worked that entire day. Though her brothers, Harry and Hermione were the ones fighting in the frontline, they nevertheless hovered over Ginny, as they helplessly watched her eat less and less and work more and more. If anyone ever dared to question her or tell her to slow down, the haunted look that she cast them was enough to keep anymore comments at bay.

Though she became a mere shadow of the girl she had previously been, she still believed wholeheartedly in their cause, preaching to anyone who would listen about the goodness that the Order wished to bring about. She declared that everyone in the Order was incorruptible and fearless, repeatedly telling those around her that the light would always defeat the dark. However, to those who paid careful attention to her, they wondered whether her words were to convince them or herself. Hermione, who was considered the cleverest witch in the Order, quietly believed that Ginny was desperately clinging to the belief that ultimately they would triumph because she could not bear the thought that she and had Draco had been separated for a lost cause. But since Hermione was intelligent, she knew never to voice this thought and chose to simply observe her friend.

When the Order's numbers gradually diminished, and the number of loyal and alive members were so few that they had to resort to defense tactics instead of offense, Ginny's anger and fire withered until she simply felt numb. She was so numb to all the pain, to all the deaths, to all the grief. She had watched enough death and torture to last her a life time. After her encounter with Draco at the battlefield where she watched him cruelly murder, she felt completely cut off from her emotions.

She was numb up until the point of Lupin's request of her. Then, all the old pain roared back to life. She wanted to fight again. But now, today after reading all these letters, which brought the suppressed regret bubbling back up to the surface, she didn't know what she wanted.

Carefully picking up the letters, Ginny stacked them one on top of each other and wrapped all of them together with a piece of string. Then, she dusted off her skirt and pushed herself off of the ground and pressed the stack of letters fiercely into her chest.

She had better get back to work, lest Snape come to check up on her and find her holding the letters, Ginny thought.

Making her way back to the servant's quarters, Ginny was in a dream-like state. She was too deep in her own thoughts to care about what was happening around her. She didn't hear the guards call her names, she didn't hear the howling wind roar through the windows, and she definitely did not hear the whisper soft steps of another woman following her.

Should or, more truthfully, could she continue on with her mission? Could she betray Draco again? But, if she did not finish what she had set out to do, did that mean that she was disloyal to her family, her friends, the Order? How could she choose between the two?

Rationally, she knew that she must remain faithful to her cause. These were the people who protected her, the ones who were depending on her, the ones who had given up so much to see that the world did not fall into the hands of Voldemort. She couldn't turn her back on them. But, her heart told her something very different. After many years of denying the truth, she finally had to admit, she still loved Draco. Loved him with an intensity that overpowered all her other emotions and thoughts. She had left him once because of duty, but what did that result in? The corruption and destruction of a young man who had a chance at redemption, as well as the erosion of her own former self. Didn't she deserve to follow her heart for once?

But even if she chose Draco over the Order, would Draco choose her over the Dark Lord? This thought stayed with her for the entire night.

---

"Severus," a sweet voice called out.

"Yes, Drusilla? What is it?" Snape replied.

"Well, I was wondering if you were free this evening?" Drusilla asked.

"Well, no, I have no plans," Snape responded warily. Unlike Draco and Voldemort, Snape had never liked Drusilla. In fact, to tell the truth, he quite loathed her. But Severus Snape was not a fool. He knew that Drusilla was a menace, and he believed wholeheartedly in the adage of "keep your friends close and your enemies closer."

"Lovely, then I'm sure you wouldn't object to supper? Say, around seven? I wish to speak to you about some recent…issues."

"I'll see you at seven then," Snape replied coolly.

"Perfect," Drusilla smiled before turning away.

"I look forward to our conversation tonight," she called over her shoulder. Snape could feel a shiver work down his spine at the musical laughter that drifted down the hallway.

---

Draco sat completely disoriented in his study. He hadn't expected her to find those letters. He had buried them away long ago, because he didn't want to see evidence of his youthful foolishness, but they were too sentimental, at the time, to be thrown away. Thinking back, he should have burned them.

Rubbing his hands over his weary face, Draco had too many questions and thoughts passing through his mind. Why did she cry when she read them? Did she regret her decision? Was she still in love with him? How did she feel now? Did she see him differently? But most importantly, how would he handle this situation now?

Damn it! He was not supposed to care. She was supposed to not care. Draco had thought that he had made peace with his fate and was making the best of what life had handed him, as the last ten years could attest to. He didn't need to have his emotions in fluctuation again over Ginny Weasley. He had wasted so many years over her, and he didn't need to spend anymore time on her. Maybe he should send her away. Far away. Then he could resume his life. Everything would return to normal. But he didn't know if that was he wanted anymore.

Draco hated uncertainty. There was no place in his life for uncertainty, since it sometimes meant the difference between life and death. Standing up, he shoved his chair against the wall and made his way out of his study and down the winding corridors into the servants' quarters. As he approached the dingy place, he immediately winced. He hadn't known that the servants' quarter was so foul. Not that he cared about any of the other servants, but he was worried about a certain redhead. What if she grew cold in the night, did they have thick blank-

Draco shook his head. It didn't matter if she froze down here. She didn't mean anything to him.

As he grew nearer to the last door in the hall, Draco's heart started quickening. It was just about hammering when he soundlessly opened the door.

Ginny was sitting on a shabby stool in front of the minuscule window, staring sightlessly into the midnight sky as tears streamed down her face. At the sound of the door closing, she whipped around and a fleeting look of shock passed through her eyes. After a moment of awkward silence, she blinked away her tears and stood up.

"Draco, I…I didn't know," she whispered, clasping her hands around her arms and rubbing them.

Draco couldn't look at her, so he turned his head to look at the tiny bed sitting in the corner. He noticed that the threadbare quilt was much too small and would definitely not keep the cold out from the dark and damp room. When he finally reined in his emotions, he turned back to her and sneered, his cold façade back in place.

"For what, Weasley? And when did you start calling me by my first name?" he drawled.

For a moment, Ginny looked taken aback at his attitude.

"I saw your letters, and I…I guess I just want to apologize," she said in a low voice. "I never knew that you-"

"Suffered? Yes, well your desertion seemed to have played a number on me at the time," Draco interrupted. "You made your choice, Weasley. You chose to leave me. You made your bed, so now you're going to have to lie in it. There is no room for regrets. What, did you think that now the Order is in shambles you could come back and 'seduce' me into taking you back?"

"I never-" Ginny began indignantly.

"I told you, I've moved on."

"Then why did you come here tonight?" Ginny asked softly.

Draco was startled. Why did he come down here tonight? It obviously wasn't because he still cared for her. He had just wanted to get some answers. Yes, he wanted answers.

"I just wanted to know why you were crying over my letters?" he finally answered. "They shouldn't have meant anything to you."

Ginny gave a weak smile and licked her chapped lips.

"To hell with my pride," she murmured. "I read your letters and remembered the boy I loved. I was reminiscing over all the memories we shared and thinking about the love that…could still exist."

Draco scoffed and sneered, but Ginny simply shook her head and let out a deep breath. She looked at Draco with a sad expression.

"Tell me Draco, your family is all but destroyed, to what do you still owe your allegiance to? Voldemort? Does killing all those people fulfill your loyalty to him? Do you even have a conscience anymore? And maybe there is no room for regrets in your life, but there are in mine. I don't regret choosing the Order over you, but I do regret you losing the innocence and conscience you once had."

"I owe allegiance to no one. I owe loyalty to no one," Draco snarled. "I do what I do because this is how my life is now. Don't try to trigger guilt in me, Weasley, there is none left. I have no conscience, and your attempt to redeem me is pathetic."

"Draco, I've made compromises for you," Ginny said. "Why can't you make any compromises for me?"

"Why should I? You are nothing to me. Are you still that naïve? You think that I would fall in love with you again, leave my life as is and live happily ever after with you? Don't be ridiculous, Weasley," Draco scoffed.

"I never said that, that was what I wanted, Draco," Ginny protested. "I just want to know if you even have a reason for what you do anymore. You wrote in those letters that you hated everything that you had to do. You couldn't stomach torture, and you were unwilling to continue. I know that the boy who wrote those letters is still there, Draco, but I think that you're too proud to change."

"I owe you no answers," Draco responded. "I told you, you're nothing to me anymore. Nothing."

All of a sudden, Ginny rushed forward to Draco, threw her arms around his neck and kissed him. Instinctively, Draco put his arms around her waist and pulled him towards her. It was just like before. She would rush into his arms, and he would automatically envelop her with his body. It seemed like despite the years and the changes that they had undergone, their bodies were still in tune with each other. Reality rushed back to Draco in an instant, and he shoved her away. At a complete loss for words, Draco immediately turned around, ripped the door open and bolted out of the room.

Ginny smiled. That would leave him with something to think about tonight. Despite all of the terrible crimes that Draco had committed, after tonight, Ginny amended her previous assumption that he was beyond redemption. If nothing else, Ginny Weasley was quite perceptive, and she could tell that tonight, Draco had forced his coldness. And though he claimed not to care about her at all, he had come here to the servants' quarters, something he most likely had never done, just to see her. Maybe, just maybe, his soul was blackened but not completely irreparable.

---

On the other side of London, Lupin and the rest of the Order sat in a small dining room.

"We haven't gotten any word from Ginny for quite two months," Lupin said gravely. "I think it's time to assume that she has failed her mission of finding information about the person who is so important to the Dark Lord. She most likely was eliminated."

Harry jumped up from his chair in a rare show of anger.

"Damn it! Don't say that!" he yelled furiously.

"Harry, we have to face facts," Hermione pleaded, putting her hand on Harry's arm, trying to calm him. "Ginny would never go so long without contacting us."

"She's right, Harry dear," Molly murmured in a resigned tone. "We can no longer keep hoping that she's still alive. We're just lying to ourselves."

"I refuse to believe she's dead," Harry snapped. "And you are all fools if you believe Ginny Weasley is gone."

The door shook on its hinges when Harry stormed out of the room. The others sighed sadly but returned to the task at hand.

"It's okay, Remus," Molly said. "You can tell them."

Remus grimaced but pulled out his quill and wrote in shaky handwriting: Ginevra Molly Weasley – Dead.

---

"So, Drusilla, what was it that you had to schedule such a secretive dinner for," Snape asked, leaning back in his chair.

Drusilla smiled as she sipped a glass of red wine. Snape felt his insides churn, watching her wear such a devious smile.

"No doubt Severus you've heard of the Dark Lord's recent disproval of Draco. And no doubt you, who sees Draco as a son, would not wish any harm to befall him," Drusilla continued on without waiting for a confirmation from Snape. "I feel the same way."

Snape snorted into his wine. He had never heard of Drusilla ever caring about anyone else.

"Do not scoff, Severus, it is not attractive," Drusilla snapped in rare show of anger, though she immediately smoothed her features into a warm smile again. "I am not completely without emotions."

Snape simply raised an eyebrow in response.

"Well, the Dark Lord has devised a seemingly perfect plan to Draco's ruin," Drusilla informed him. "You see, he does not want to kill Draco, as you probably believed, instead he wants to break him mentally and emotionally."

Hearing this, Snape immediately sat up straighter.

"What do you mean?" he asked, frowning.

"Have I caught your interest?" Drusilla laughed. "The Dark Lord knows that Draco has many loyal followers, if he kills him, then he could cause a mutiny. Because of that, he decided that he's going to cause Draco to disappear without ever having to dirty his hands with Draco's death. Apparently, the Dark Lord has heard about a certain Miss Weasley. You do know her, don't you? No need to respond, Severus. He recalls that Draco and this Miss Weasley had a relationship in the past and hopes that they rekindle it. At first, he suggested that as soon as Draco became enamored with her again, that we should kill her and in turn break him, but…"

Drusilla trailed off, watching the expression on Snape's face closely. Realizing that Drusilla was testing his interest in this matter, Snape immediately closed off his expression.

"Stop playing games, Drusilla. They don't amuse me. Don't forget, you came to me for help," Snape told her coldly.

"Well, if you insist," Drusilla sighed dramatically, but smiled and continued. "As I was saying, he was planning on continuing with this plan, but I persuaded him otherwise. As I said, I don't wish for Draco's death. Just the opposite, my desire is that Draco replace the Dark Lord. That's why I need you to…invite a certain Mr. Potter to the Malfoy Mansion."

Snape stared at her, completely confused. Was Drusilla talking about killing the Dark Lord?

"Drusilla, do you mean-" Snape began in a dazed tone.

"Severus, I believe some things are best left unsaid, don't you?" Drusilla interrupted.

Snape quickly regained his composure. If there was one lesson he had learned over all these years, it was that he should not ever betray his thoughts.

"Fine. But what, may I ask, is the reason you wish for Potter's presence?"

"He will be presented as a choice for Miss Weasley. In the near future, Miss Weasley will be asked to make a choice, and I believe that choice will in turn catalyze a fury in Draco that will be unstoppable. I doubt Draco could handle being forsaken twice," Drusilla replied. "Before this event though, I will of course place a few well chosen words about the Dark Lord to Draco, and the chain of events will be set off. At the end, Draco will hold more power than he ever imagined."

"Why are you doing this? What's the benefit for you?" Snape asked, suspicious of her motives.

Drusilla smiled a genuine smile.

"I will have repaid a long overdue debt."

Sipping his wine, Snape contemplated the decisions at hand. No doubt Drusilla was dedicated to Draco, but was there any other reason behind her plan? How did she speak so lightly of killing the Dark Lord. Snape knew that lesser men had underestimated Drusilla and had suffered for their mistake. He would not do the same. Severus Snape would watch his back.

"Fine," Snape said after a long moment. "I accept it. But how do you plan for me to capture Potter? He's the Order's most precious member. We haven't been able to capture him in the last ten years, how are we going to do it in such a short time?"

"Oh, you didn't know that Miss Weasley purposely let Draco capture her?" Drusilla feigned surprise. "She was sending the Order little notes about us, but in the last few months she hasn't gotten any responses from them. Most likely because I've intercepted all of her notes." Drusilla let out a small chuckle, seemingly amused by her own joke.

"The Order no doubt thinks that she's dead by now, and I think that just may send a Mr. Potter into a trap. I'm counting on you to facilitate his capture." Drusilla finished.

Snape didn't answer. He simply took another sip of his wine.

---

Sitting in his study, Draco rubbed his temples while thinking about the events that had occurred earlier. Ginny was right. He had never made any compromises for her.

Why had he left to become a Death Eater? He believed at the time because he owed his life to the Malfoy name. Now that his father was dead, what was his reason? He sure as hell didn't care about the Dark Lord. Was he just being proud, as Ginny accused him of being?

Hours had passed since his meeting with Ginny, and it was late at night. Draco was tired. Completely and utterly fatigued. So weary, that he even admitted to himself that the love he shared with Ginny might still be alive. If he compromised just a little, he might be able to regain the happiness he once had.

Draco ran a hand across his lips. That kiss they had shared just a few hours ago. It had felt so natural, as if they were back at Hogwarts and trying to kiss whenever they had a chance. Ginny was able to give up her pride and tell him that she still thought about him and may still love him. What if this time, they both compromised a little?

"Flint!" Draco yelled.

Marcus Flint immediately appeared in the doorway, stifling a yawn as he tried to look alert.

"Yes, sir?"

"Get the warmest blankets we have and bring them down to the servants' quarters. Give them Ginny Weasley. Now!" Draco added as Flint stared at him with a highly confused expression.

"Yes, sir!"

Just a small compromise.

---

Author's Note: Wow, it's been quite a while since I last updated. Thanks to Jack Tamara for some great encouragement. I have been completely loaded down with college, but I hope I'll be able to finish this story before this year's over! Sorry about the long wait. I actually was ready with a new chapter a while ago, but I thought it was just terrible, so I scrapped it. Hope this one is better!