Act 3: It's Too Late

Fillmore: I'm not going to bother helping him until he comes to us.

Ingrid: What's sad is that I don't care about him either. Stage 3 is going to hit him hard.

Host: Welcome to BET Comedy jam! My name is DJ KWIZZ and tonight, we have a special guest. A real funny guy! Give it up for VALLEJO!!!

Vallejo: (comes out on stage with a smirk on his face) What's up, homies? (no cheers from the audience) I never knew the chocolate factory opened in the bitch because there are no white people in here.

Audience Member: This is BLACK Entertainment Television, not the Disney Channel!

Vallejo: So, what's the deal with black people holding guns sideways?

AM: Because we're black, you jackass! GET OFF THE STAGE!

Vallejo: (irritated) And what is the deal with chicken and waffles...

AM: GET THE F*** OFF THE STAGE! YOU SUCK MORE THAN A HOMO AT CLUB MEXX'S, YOU GAY CRACKER!

Vallejo: (angry) SHUT UP! FIFTY YEARS AGO, WE COULD HAVE HUNG YOU UPSIDE DOWN WITH A F***ING FORK UP YOUR ASS! (audience members are laughing) YOU CAN TALK, YOU CAN TALK, YOU CAN TALK! THROW HIS ASS OUT, HE'S A NEGRO! (audience members stop laughing) HE'S A NEGRO! HE'S A NEGRO! OOOHHH!!! OOOHHH!!! You see? That shocks you. It shocks you. See what buried beneath you stupid motherf***ers?! (audience members start to leave)

AM: YOU'RE NOT FUNNY! YOU'RE TERRIBLE! GET OFF THE STAGE, YOU CRACKERASS!!

Vallejo: CRACKERASS?! ARE YOU CALLING ME CRACKERASS, NEGRO?!

AM: YOU'RE JUST A WHITE GUY! YOU'VE NEVER HAD ANY SHOWS! HALL MONITER, THAT'S IT!

Vallejo: F*** OFF, PORCHMONKEY!

At this point, what's left of the audience hear what Vallejo has just said and, like the stereotypical black guys they are, gets their guns and turn it sideways...

Back at the school.

Vallejo: My name is Commissioner Vallejo and I have a problem. (mutters to himself) Even though I don't.

Fillmore: Well. It least you came to us. This full body cast will heal quicker if you let it.

Ingrid: I never knew one white guy could survive twenty-five bullet holes and still survive.

Vallejo: So, am I one of you people, Fillmore?

Fillmore: Never, you racist bastard.

Vallejo: At least I still have my dignity.

Ingrid: You never had, and you never will, dignity after what someone posted on the Internet.

Vallejo: What are you talking about?

Fillmore: Someone had a camera at that comedy jam and videotaped your tirade. Now, it's all over the Internet.

Ingrid: That made stage three. Making something bad about you worse. Your racism, you fag.

Vallejo: What can I do to stop it.

Fillmore: Stop drinking cocoa. Go back to your alcohol, your cocaine, your porn. Just stop drinking cocoa.

Vallejo: (angry) If I weren't in this body cast, I'd kill both of you.

Ingrid: Who's up for basketball?

Vallejo: Fillmore's black so he's automatically going to say yes.

Fillmore: Let's go shoot some hoops, Vallejo.

At the gym

Vallejo: Wait. If you hate me so much, why are you taking me to the gym?

Fillmore: (puts Vallejo in the middle of the gym) Enjoy the basketball game. (runs away)

Vallejo: Basketb... Oh, crap! All the players are black!

Basketball Player: There's the racist guy! LET'S KILL HIM!

Vallejo: FILLMORE!!!!!

He's on it.