Chapter 3: Real
Bella's POV
As I lay in my bed trying to sleep while my husband spent time hunting with his brothers, I tried to deal with everything I was feeling. I missed Edward when he was gone, but noticed that his eyes were dark and insisted that he go hunting while I was still feeling relatively well. We were talking about going on with the move to Hanover, and that choice made sense, but was still hard to consider. I guess the hardest thing I faced was Charlie. Before we found out about the pregnancy, we had plans on going to college and coming back for Christmas. But now that we knew what we did, how was all of that going to work out. A part of me wanted him to know about this, but again there was the how. We didn't know what this baby would be like, and Edward and I were still struggling with the danger this pregnancy might bring. That was another reason I wanted him to go hunting with his brothers, it seemed like we both needed time apart, and I knew if I started feeling bad again, getting him to go would be next to impossible.
A knock at my door interrupted my thoughts, "Come in."
When it opened Rosalie was there, and I was surprised to see her but then again maybe I shouldn't be.
As I began to sit up she shook her head, "No, stay in bed, I just thought maybe you might want someone to keep you company."
It was strange to have her offering to do that, and I remembered another night when she had come to talk to me. That night I found out about her transformation and the reason why she hadn't voted for me to be a true part of the family, at least the way I'd viewed it at the time, "Company would be a good thing."
She walked over to me and sat down on the mattress facing me, "I was wondering how you were feeling. I know it's none of my business…"
"No, actually I was just thinking about all of this. I never thought about having a child, not even when we talked that last time. My mom always pushed for me to finish school and be established before I considered both things, so I'm still a little freaked out about being pregnant."
Rosalie watched me for a moment and I couldn't read her expression. "I don't think anyone knew it could happen, but I think you will be able to handle what ever comes. You have always been very determined, mostly when it comes to loving my brother. Even after you found out what we were I never understood how you could stay. What I mean is that most humans would turn the other way without looking back."
"I know, but I'm not like most people. I really do love him, I just don't know about having a child."
"You'll have a household of sitters," she said lightly, and we both smiled at that.
"The thing that worries me the most is not so much making it through the pregnancy, because I know I will, but what happens after. I spent most of my childhood taking care of my mother, but actually having a baby to care for who won't be able to do much for itself scares me. I'm also scared because I don't know what this will mean for my relationship with Charlie. I know we have to keep things secret but there is a large part of me that wants him to know his grandchild."
Rosalie took my hand, "As organized as you seem to be, I don't think you will have any problem taking care of your baby, and I also agree with you about the pregnancy. Your body will take care of itself."
After she had gone, I thought a lot about what Rosalie had said both now and the last time we talked. In her time it wasn't so uncommon for women to marry as young as I was and to start a family. What I had to do now was try and push past what my parents wanted for me and figure out what I wanted. Reaching down through the covers I put my hand on my stomach and pressed in. It wasn't as soft as it had once been and I wondered when I'd feel the baby move, and if that would make things any more real for me.
~*~
A cool hand pressing against my belly woke me and before Edward could move it away, I held his hand in place, "How was your hunt?"
"Relaxing, I'm glad you insisted on me going," he whispered as I settled my cheek against his chest still keeping his hand where it was.
"I talked with Rose earlier," I began.
"I know," he answered, not saying anything more.
"If I push aside everything Renee told me about being older when starting a family, well I came to realize that having this baby won't be so bad. I feel selfish because I know we will have to do more than most parents to protect it."
I felt his cool breath in my hair and waited, hoping he would respond.
"Bella, I love our baby, but when you're sick and hurting, I have a hard time with my feelings. My natural instinct is to protect you, and I realize that it's not our baby's fault, but I struggle all the same."
"The being sick part would happen even if our baby wasn't half vampire," I pointed out.
My husband pulled his hand away from my stomach, wrapping both arms around me, "I believe even if I were human I'd struggle with the same feelings."
For a few minutes we were quiet before I brought up college, "Do you think we could come back Christmas."
"You would be showing more by then," he pointed out.
"I know, but we could tell Charlie we didn't know until after we moved. I know the risk in telling him Edward, I do, but I really don't want him not to know this baby." It hurt so much to think of him not knowing about this baby, and I felt my heart aching because of it.
"Love, there is more to this than your father knowing you are pregnant. When the baby is born we really don't know how much like me or you he or she will be like," His hand was rubbing over my back, and I had considered that, as well as telling my dad the truth.
I fell asleep before I could think of anything else to add.
~*~*~
Edward's POV
As Bella slept in my arms I considered everything we had talked about. I was well aware of how much she wanted Charlie to be a part of this, but also that it might never come to pass. If my wife made it through this pregnancy there were just too many unknown factors. The baby would likely be more like me than Bella in that it would require blood to drink. Our baby had a beating heart, which was contrary to the information Carlisle had found on the offspring of the Incubus, known as the Cambion, which were born dead.
That was another thing to consider, and one topic I wasn't looking forward to discussing with Bella, at least until Carlisle had more information. If the legends were at any part true would we need to prepare for the possibility of this baby being stillborn? But the Cambion were not really stillborn so much as they were like the Incubus with no heart at all.
My hearing focused on the two most important sounds in my world, Bella's slow steady heart beat and the hum of our baby's heart. While hunting with my brothers, I had discussed with them the conflict of loving this child, and surprisingly Emmett had been sympathetic, instead of cracking jokes. I knew how much Rosalie had once wanted a child, and how much she still wished she could have one. My brother confirmed how hard this was on her, having Bella being able to have something she could not. In turn I was also surprised that Rosalie had talked to my wife while we were gone. Emmett told me that if he were in my shoes he would simply love both of them.
Bella whispered my name and I held her closer shutting my eyes as I focused on the two heart beats, pushing away any other thoughts.
Over the next few days, Bella and I talked a lot about Hanover and she agreed that we should go on and make that move. I was relieved because in that time I'd thought of Jacob Black and the wolves. I'd wondered what would happen if they knew of this. All in all it was much better for us to get on with our lives and take things as they came.
~*~*~
Bella's POV
Now that we'd made the choice to move, I was feeling better. Charlie didn't know anything about the pregnancy, and I hoped by December we might know more about this baby, enough so that maybe he could know. It was a long shot, but I could remain hopeful.
Needing to get a few things packed from my room at Charlie's, I took off in my truck, assuring Edward I wouldn't overdue it. It was sunny, enough so that they couldn't be with me, but again I found myself wanting time alone. When I walked into my old room the first thing my eyes focused on was the rocking chair. It had been mine since I was little and it wasn't all that uncomfortable. I stood still wondering what it would be like to hold my baby in my arms while sitting there. After taking a breath I walked over and sat down placing my hands over my stomach.
I didn't remember anything from when I was little and in Phoenix there was never a rocking chair in my room or any other place. There was an old recliner, but Renee got rid of that a few years before I moved here. I wondered if we could take it with us, and then again maybe not. Charlie probably would jump to conclusions, which he would be right on, and I just wasn't ready for that.
"Bella?"
Jacob's voice startled me back to reality, and I quickly got up and walked over to my bedside table kneeling down to get the old books I loved, "Up here," I yelled.
"Charlie said you guys were leaving for college." Jacob stood at the door as I turned around, in his usual black sweats and nothing more. His hair was a mess and he looked tired, but it was really great to see him.
"Yeah, I am feeling better."
Jacob kept looking at me and I sighed walking over to him. "I'm still human."
"I know, so what changed your mind?" Jacob sounded skeptical and that annoyed me.
"I can enjoy everything I want as a human and what are a few more years?"
Again Jacob just watched me and I sighed before turning away from him, "If all you want is to check to make sure I'm human then you can leave. I'm a big girl Jacob. I'm not so blind now." I never though I was, but he always had.
"Bells, I just don't want you to get hurt. I'm also sorry for what I did at your wedding."
His voice was soft and I knew he was hurting again, but I also knew what I'd promised which was never to hurt Edward again, "He's not going to hurt me Jacob," I whispered, turning back around to face him.
"Maybe your right," he conceded.
For a moment we stood watching one another, then he moved toward me and leaned his head forward brushing his lips against my forehead. "Don't forget about me kay?"
In an instant he was gone and I stood there trying to figure out who it was I'd just been talking too, and more specifically if Jacob really was ready to let go of loving me in all the wrong ways.
Knowing that I'd come here for a purpose, I turned back toward my room and began to gather up all the things I wanted to take with me to our new home.
~*~
Late that night, we boarded a plane for New Hampshire. Charlie had driven us and Charlie and I barely managed to hold the tears back. He had turned to my husband and shook his hand, telling him to take good care of me before he'd gotten into his car and driven away.
We were flying first class, and there was more than enough room for me to stretch my legs. We promised Carlisle to phone if the vomiting started up again, but so far I felt fine. "So how big is the house?"
"Not as big as the one here. There are two levels and a basement. On the top floor there are three bedrooms; one is a master bedroom with a private bathroom. There is also a full bathroom for everyone else to use. Downstairs there is a family room, a kitchen with a half bath, and a formal room for the piano. The basement is the full size of the house, but I haven't figured out what to do there, maybe you can find something useful for that space," he murmured as he pressed his lips against my temple.
My stomach was churning, but not because of the baby. I was nervous to be starting a new life with my husband. I wasn't worried about us, just how things were going to work out. I'd planned on it just being the two of us, but now had to rethink things for there being three.
The constant need to go to the bathroom was a part of life with my pregnancy so advanced. So much had happened in such a short time, and so fast that we barely had time to prepare for anything. Rosalie was preparing to carry me to the bathroom but I asked her to let me walk. She put me down and as I stretched, the cup in my hand slipped. I moved to get it when there was an audible rip and horrible pain
Everyone around me was frantic and I was twirled around and taken upstairs. The pain was physical and mental as I realized my baby was in trouble, but blood filled my mouth and I couldn't talk.
"Bella." Edward's soothing voice woke me, and for a moment I didn't know where we were. It was the sound of the planes engines that brought me back to reality, and a moment later I was clinging to him trying my best not to make to much noise as I began to sob.
"Shh, I have you. It was just a dream," he whispered gathering his arms closer around me.
It took a few deep breaths to finally calm myself and I thought about the vivid dream. I'd had some on the Island about a child like Edward, but those had slipped away once my husband and I were more intimate. This dream was different, menacing almost. "I dreamed that I was pregnant," I whispered so soft that I was positive only he was able to hear me, "It happened really fast, only a month and Jacob Seth and Leah broke away from the original pack because Sam and the others wanted to hurt our baby."
At my words, I felt Edward's arms stiffen around me, and it was my turn to comfort him. "It's okay, it was just a dream, but they were on our side. I got up to use the bathroom and I was drinking blood," I said in wonder, hoping that it never came to pass. "My placenta detached and the baby couldn't get any air, it was kicking me and making me bleed. Our baby was dying," I whispered feeling my body shutter at the thought.
We were both quiet, though Edward would occasionally hum my lullaby. I didn't know what that dream meant, but it scared me. I hoped there wouldn't be any more like them any time soon and managed to drift off to sleep.
The next time I opened my eyes we had landed, and the plane was already at the gate. Beside me Edward was on his feet getting our things from the overhead compartments, and I hated myself for telling him about that dream. If our baby was able to hurt me, how could I convince him not to blame our little one?
"I was just about to wake you," he said, grinning at me as I looked up at him.
He reached out and I took his hand letting him pull me to my feet. There weren't very many people left in first class, and enough room for others to move past us as I felt the first wave of nausea hit.
Edward had a barf bag ready and I sank into the seat as the heaving began again. I felt a tear slide down my cheek as the heaving continued, hearing a woman's voice asking if she could get me anything.
In a moment Edward was placing something in my hand and I realized it was one of those nausea tablets Carlisle had prescribed. Grateful, and once I'd rinsed my mouth out, I stuck it under my tongue, shutting my eyes.
This time a man came, likely the pilot asking us if there was anything he could do. Edward asked him to give us a few minutes and he agreed to do that.
"I hate this," I grumbled once the tablet had dissolved.
"We'll get you home and into bed, hopefully that will help," He answered sitting beside me.
"I didn't mean to upset you by telling that dream."
"Bella, worrying won't help," he reminded and I sighed, feeling a little better.
Once I was more capable of moving without getting sick we left the plane and headed for baggage claim.
~*~*~
Edward's POV
While Bella slept, I sat on the edge of the bed finishing my conversation with Carlisle. "Do you think that dream holds any truth, aside from what she said about everything being accelerated?"
"That is not an easy question to answer. The circumstances of this pregnancy don't fit the legends of the Cambion in that they developed within a month of conception. Bella by all counts is at ten weeks, far past what the legends says," Carlisle explained.
Keeping my eyes shut, I sighed, "As the baby develops do you think it will be strong enough to hurt her?"
"The vampire genes should be the more dominant, but why don't we cross that bridge if it comes to pass. In the mean time I need you to make sure you keep her hydrated. If the fever comes back I want you to call me. Esme and I are starting to get things ready for the move to Hanover, and we should be out there in a few weeks."
That surprised me, and I opened my eyes, "I thought you would be going to Denali," I said.
"We will go at a later time. I don't want to be to far away in case Bella needs more specialized care, and I want to be established by the time this baby arrives."
How had I gone from not loving this baby to wanting to see our child have a fighting chance? It was funny how love worked in that way. Once the conversation was finished, I clicked off the phone, shutting my eyes as I focused again on the two heart beats. Bella was strong, but I wasn't sure if she would be strong enough to endure nine months of carrying my child.
The next afternoon, the movers arrived with my Piano. Bella was asleep again, having woken up several times last night dreaming of our child. She told me we had a girl in her dreams, and that our baby grew at an alarming rate, but wouldn't say anything more than that. By the way her heart would beat when she was telling me about the dreams, I knew there were things she was holding back.
Once the Piano was set up, I began to tune it hoping that the noise wouldn't wake my wife. Tuning it didn't take much of my time and once it was ready I began to play my wife's lullaby while listening to her steady breathing upstairs. My fingers glided across the ivory with practiced ease and as I was about to start into the third verse, Bella's heart rate began to speed up and I heard her moving around in the bed.
A second later I was there, kissing her cheek. My wife opened her eyes, "You didn't love our baby," she whispered wrapping her arms around my shoulders and neck as tight as she possibly could.
"Shh, was it because of what you said about the baby hurting you?"
I felt her head nod once and shifted her so that I could lie on my back, and her body was resting next to me. "Bella, I am afraid of what this pregnancy will do to you as it advances, but I'm already in love with this little one. I tried not to be, but this one is a part of you."
"But if the baby hurts me?"
"It will be hard to face, but maybe Carlisle and I can figure out a way to help so that it won't hurt you."
My wife was quiet for a few moments, "I wish there was more to see about this dream, but the same parts keep replaying in my mind."
"Maybe it's time to find something else to think about. You haven't seen much of the house," I said, kissing the top of her head.
"I think I can manage getting up to do that," she answered.
Once on her feet, Bella looked around our room as I opened the shutters.
"It's bigger than your room."
"I thought we could use more space."
After Bella had dressed I took her hand and led her down the hall showing her the full bath. I led her past the banister to the other side where there were two doors. "We need to figure out what to do with these two," I said as she glanced in the larger one.
"I want to make one room for the baby, but I'm afraid of doing that. I feel like it would be bad luck, like if we get too excited something would happen."
Once we finished the grand tour of the house, Bella sat at the island while I began getting things out for her lunch.
"When are you going to hunt?"
"I think later tonight, but I want to see how you do first," I answered, piling some roast beef on a piece of wheat bread.
"Would you think I was crazy if I told you that me being pregnant still doesn't feel real? I know you can hear the heartbeat, but I don't. I can feel that my tummy isn't as soft, but I still can't put my mind around this completely."
With her sandwich done, I set it in front of her before taking the chair to her left, "You're not crazy, it didn't feel real to me until I realized that the humming I'd been hearing was the beat of our baby's heart. We have a lot to think about and adjust too, but I think we will be fine.
Bella only nodded as she began to eat slowly at first to make sure it would all sit and faster when she was sure it would. Our room was the only one we really needed ready for use. The other two rooms could wait.
~*~
After spending a full day exploring the vast property around our house, as well as showing Bella the house that Carlisle and Esme would eventually occupy, my wife was exhausted. We had been trying to watch a movie, but when Bella kept falling asleep I shut the TV off and stood bringing her to her feet before cradling her in my arms.
"I'm really not that tired," she mumbled as I made my way to our room. As she said that, her eyes never opened and she settled her cheek more firmly against my chest.
In our room I started to lay her on the bed but she opened her eyes wanting to stand up. Once I was sure she was balanced I let her go. She went into our bathroom and I sat on the bed waiting, glad that she wasn't sick again. I'd made sure she had plenty of water to drink today and hoped if we kept on that she would be fine.
Once my wife was dressed for bed and under the covers, I settled in bed next to her. I began to hum her lullaby as she snuggled closer to me, and made sure the electric blanket was securely around her. Just as she was about to drift asleep, Bella gasped and grabbed my hand pulling it against her abdomen. At first I didn't feel anything, but then there was a flutter against the palm of my hand. "Does that hurt?"
"No, it just feels strange," she said, her voice full of excitement. There was more fluttering and I moved my arms away from her and sat up pulling the covers back. Gently I pulled her shirt up moving to place my cheek against her tummy. I felt Bella place her hand on my head at the same time I felt the fluttering against my cheek. The range of emotions I felt, were mixed between excitement and extreme worry. Bella was only just ten weeks along and barely showing. It wasn't uncommon for a woman to feel their baby this early, but it still concerned me. Before sliding her shirt down I placed my lips on her stomach, glancing up at her.
My wife had a smile on her face and she looked radiant, "Is that supposed to happen?"
"Not this early, but I wouldn't worry," I said keeping my voice carefully controlled as my thoughts took me to her dreams. If she was feeling the baby kicking now, how would it be in a few months, but I couldn't think that right now.
Once I was settled back against the pillows Bella settled back in my arms. "I'm afraid, Edward," she admitted.
"Of your dreams?"
My wife nodded. "I don't want you to hate the baby, but there was a time that you started to love our little one. See, you were able to hear its thoughts not long before we had it. Our baby could understand what you were saying and stopped hurting me."
"You don't need to worry about how I feel," I assured, rubbing my hand down her back as I pulled her closer. "I love both of you, but right now you need to rest,"
It only took a few minutes before my wife was in a deep sleep, and without moving away from her I reached over and took the phone. "Carlisle, we felt the baby move," I said softly, knowing my father could hear me.
"Did it hurt her?"
"No, it was just a fluttering, but this is too early."
"Some women who have had more than one child start to feel the movement around the twelfth week, but I think you might be right. I'll book a flight for tomorrow," he began.
"No, I think she will be alright at least for now. She told me more about her dreams, and said that the baby got to a point where it could hear and understand me even before it was born. I want to love this child, but I don't know if I can. If it starts hurting her, how do I deal with that?" It was hard to think about not loving something that was so much a part of the woman I loved.
"We will figure this out, son," Carlisle promised, and I agreed to take things one day at a time, but knew that was going to be more difficult once more things started to happen with this pregnancy and the woman I loved.
~*~*~
A/N: Mac, thanks for the Beta as usual. Everyone, thanks so much for all the great reviews. I wasn't sure about writing this because it totally goes against all that happened in BD, but I've gotten lots of great feed back and I'm happy for that. Thanks for all of the reviews and for reading this. I realize that the baby moving as early as it did isn't the norm, and what I found online and what I know from a friend who is expecting, is that the moving can be felt by moms who have had more than one right arond twelve weeks which is what I based that on.
More soon, thanks again for reading and Reviewing
~Ella~