Chapter 17: Time to Consider

~Edward~

As I lay in the queen sized bed that occupied the guest room my thoughts were going every which way. Beside me Bella was finally asleep after Carlisle had given her a mild sedative, one that would be worn off by the time our daughter needed to nurse again. Against my chest Renesmee slept more at ease now that Bella was asleep and calmer, but also because of Jasper who with Alice was sitting just outside our door. I could have lost Bella and our daughter, would have had Alice not checked up on them. I brushed my free hand through my hair trying to remain calm, knowing that my own anxiety would only serve to upset both of them. I had never seen Bella so out of sorts before. After she woke up and once we had the baby she was in a state of shock at first. As realization sunk in she put Renesmee in my arms and got up running her fingers through her hair while taking a deep breath. She had walked to the window gazing out a long time, and when Rosalie came to take Renesmee I went to her.

"I can't stay here anymore," she had said spinning around to face me. The moment she spoke those words I felt my world crumbling, because I thought she meant that she couldn't stay with me, that she had finally seen that it was too much of a risk. Evidently, she realized what I was thinking and wrapped her arms around me telling me that she didn't want us to stay here anymore. There was an overwhelming amount of relief for me, and I felt foolish for letting those old insecurities get to me.

Renesmee's head lifting away from me caught my attention and when her gaze found my face she smiled before settling back against my chest. We did need to leave if only to get away long enough to try and make sense out of this. I knew the other members of our family had already been out searching, trying to pick up on the trail of the Werewolf. Once, Emmett had found something but it led to a dead end. Tomorrow, we were heading for Boston to do some clothes shopping for the both of us. Most of our things had been lost in the fire, and Renesmee was the only one who had enough clothes to last her because Alice and Rosalie were always buying those for her.

I only hoped that going to Isle Esme would help ease our fears and clear our mind so we could decide what we needed to do. Carlisle and Esme were prepared to move us, but I had asked them to wait, wanting to see what Bella thought once we had time to calm down. My wife moved closer to me and I moved my free arm around her shutting my eyes knowing that for now we were safe.

We reached Boston just after one. Bella and the baby had slept the entire way, though Bella was waking as Emmett pulled the car into a parking space. It was a dreary, rainy day, not as cold as it normally was for this time of year. My brother had agreed to drive us so that we wouldn't have to worry about leaving the car at the airport, and had offered his support. He was also with us to help with the baby while Bella and I shopped for an entirely new wardrobe. I remember Alice being disappointed when I told her our plans, but she understood why I wanted to go, which was primarily to get Bella's mind on other things. My sister's visions were of great help and I already knew where we needed to shop to make the most of our time.

While I held the door open for my wife, Emmett already had Renesmee out of her seat cradled in one of his large arms while she continued sleeping. "Emmett, put something around her," I told him as Bella held on to my hand. Once he had, we set off.

"I'm sorry for last night," Bella whispered as we walked toward the first boutique with Emmett a few steps behind.

"Bella, you don't need to be sorry. I should have known when you said that, you meant all of us." My wife was so in tune to my emotions it seemed like she was the one with the mind reading capabilities.

"I feel like we are just running away from this, but I can't stay," she said sadly.

I gave her hand a gentle squeeze. "There is nothing wrong with getting away. We just lost everything we own, it's going to take time for both of us to deal with all of that, and I think this trip will start us in the right direction."

Once we were inside, Bella began to look at clothes while I sat down next to my brother.

"How is she holding up?"

"As best as she can," I said shutting my eyes. "I just wish we would have known something. How did he get there without us smelling him?"

"Carlisle thinks he was just passing through when he picked up on Bella's scent."

My wife came over asking me to look with her and knowing that the baby was safe with Emmett, I followed her to a wrack of sweaters and shirts.

~Bella~

Shopping wasn't something I particularly liked, but this time it was a necessity. I had everything I needed for the Island, something I was kind of looking forward too. Edward was finishing up on buying the last of his clothes while I sat gently bouncing our daughter on my lap. She was remarkably calm considering what we had gone through yesterday, though last night had been a different story. She had picked up on my anger and sadness and had fed on it crying for two solid hours before Carlisle gave me the sedative. Edward told me Jasper and Alice stayed outside the room so that Renesmee would feel the calmness her Uncle was projecting.

When my baby grew restless, I stood up turning her to face out as I settled her against my left hip. I was glad this was the last of the shopping we would need to do. After this, we would go to the hotel room Edward had gotten for us until we caught our flight. We would get everything packed and Renesmee could get in a nap before we took off.

"Are you ready?" Edward asked as he came over to me carrying our bags.

"Yes," I said managing a smile. Once Emmett had Renesmee, who had reached for him when she saw him, we headed out for the car, ready to go to the hotel and get our new things packed for the trip.

"I wonder how Renesmee will like the ocean?"

"I bet she will love it," Emmett said as he covered his face for a game of peek-a-boo.

I hoped this would be something she would like and that the peacefulness of the Island would be something she liked. I wanted to show her all the beautiful things there and thought of what it would be like to walk on the beach at night with her in my arms or in her father's without anything to worry about.

Once we got to the hotel we said goodbye to Emmett and got checked in to our small room. Renesmee was showing signs of being tired and hungry. Once Edward had set up her bouncy seat, I put her in that while he brought a jar of peaches and a jar of green beans. As he fed her, I began to go through the things we had gotten snipping off tags and folding things. There was a washer and dryer at the Island House, so we could just take care of cleaning there. "Edward, do we have a crib for her there?"

I looked over at him as Renesmee opened her mouth sucking down the bite of green beans he gave her, "I've taken care of that. It should be set up by the time we arrive along with a few other things," my husband answered.

The one thing I would like about being a vampire was the ability to multitask. I could do that now but not nearly as good as my husband. Once Edward finished feeding our daughter the baby food, I got out a clean diaper and wipes and changed her before settling in bed to let her nurse. Her eyes shut pretty fast and I stroked my fingers through her soft bronze curls gently rocking her while at the same time feeling the closeness that came when we shared this time together.

I felt the bed shift to my left and a moment later Edward had his arms around me as I moved closer to him. "I still wonder what she was feeling yesterday while we were hiding," I whispered as Edward slid his arm along side mine to help hold her while she continued to drink.

"I'm sure she was as frightened as you were, but it sounds like you were able to calm her down."

I nodded wishing I would have done that last night. "I don't know that I want us to move. After we get back. I still want to go to Dartmouth," I admitted terrified by admitting that.

I felt his cool lips pressing on top of my head. "We don't need to make that decision right now."

He was right. All I wanted right now was this, just to be with my husband and my daughter and know that they were both safe.

~*~*~

Resting on the thick quilt beneath the colorful umbrella, I watched as Edward sat down on the wet sand holding our daughter on his lap as the water ran slightly over them. This was our first full day here at Isle Esme and so far Renesmee loved everything. I heard her laughing as Edward took his hand and scooped up some of the ocean water letting it drip down on her head. A part of me wished we could just live here for a while and let the world go on as it would. Only our immediate family knew of this place, along with the help that came to clean and look after the house. Now that we were here, Edward had made arrangements to have them come only after we left however long that would be. He would go inland when we needed things.

Unable to resist being away from them, I stood up and began walking toward them when everything around me changed. I could hear our daughter crying some distance away from me. It was dark and I was in amongst the island vegetation. I heard someone laughing and Edward growling in the distance. There was the distinct smell of smoke and I felt it burning my throat. It was a dream and I fought to wake up. When I did, Edward's arms were around me and our daughter was asleep against his chest. We were still on the plane heading for the Island and I tried to remember how to breath.

Once my heart beat settled down I leaned my head against my husband's chest. "I dreamed we were on the Island. You were holding Renesmee on your lap letting the surf wash over you and when I got up to join you it all changed. I was in the dark somewhere in the jungle and I could hear her crying. Someone was laughing and you were growling, and there was smoke," I said hearing my voice quaking with every word.

Edward's free arm pulled me closer, "I won't let anything happen to you, Bella. No one is going to come to the Island. The maid and her husband already know not to come until after we are gone, and when I need to hunt we can stay on the main land if you would feel safer."

I had forgotten that Edward would have to do that at some point and the thought of being left alone when he was gone terrified me. My thoughts turned to what I had been thinking while I was huddled in Renesmee's closet not knowing what was going to happen with that Werewolf in our home. Briefly, I had wished I was a vampire so I could keep her safe, but even now I struggled with that. In the long run, that would be the safest alternative for all of us. I would no longer be a liability, and I could help keep our baby safe. Right now, the thought of being turned was almost as frightening as being alone when my husband went hunting. I didn't want to lose any time with our daughter, nor did I want to be a threat to her. More than that was my husband. He promised when I agreed to marry him he would turn me when I wanted that, but I had begun to realize just how much a sacrifice that would be for him. He would be taking my life, maybe even my soul all because of my selfish desires.

"Please, talk to me," Edward whispered.

"I'm just glad you were here to hold me after that dream," I said truthfully, though not willing to shed light on my most resent thoughts. If I was going to be turned we would have to leave Renesmee with Rosalie and Emmett, and go someplace where I wouldn't be a danger.

"Is that all?" Edward asked as Renesmee shifted against him sighing before she settled down again. I reached out and stroked my finger over her plump left cheek.

"I've been thinking about when I should become like the rest of the family," I whispered knowing that if someone heard they wouldn't understand my meaning.

My husband was quiet for a few minutes before I felt his kiss against my temple, "I don't want you to feel forced into this."

"I know, but what else can we do? We can't always have someone there watching after Renesmee and me, and I don't know if I can handle myself when you have to go hunt," I said finally admitting my greatest fear at least at the moment.

"Bella, we'll figure that out. I promise."

I heard the pain in his voice and shut my eyes hating myself for admitting how afraid I was. He would have to hunt and I would have to deal with my fears while he was gone. We had been through much worse but it seemed to all be catching up to me, which was part of the reason I was contemplating being turned.

~Edward~

When we arrived in Rio, we took a taxi to the Sheratan where we were staying for the rest of the night. I was going to hunt and also get the blood Renesmee would need while we were on the Island. When we arrived in our top floor room, I let go of Bella's hand and moved to the crib, laying our baby down without waking her.

Once she was tucked in I turned gently pulling Bella into my arms, "I won't be long, love. You'll be safe here, and I won't go far." I could hear how fast her heart was beating and felt her tremble against me realizing just how much she had hidden from me. More than anything I wanted to just stay here with them, but I knew if I hunted now it would be a while before we needed to do this again.

"Why don't you try watching a movie?"

She nodded her head and I led her over to the huge bed. Once I had pulled back the covers and propped a few pillows against the head board, Bella climbed in. I tucked the blankets around her before sitting down. "You'll be safe while I'm gone and if you get too worried, you have only to call Rosalie or Alice. They both know how worried you are."

"Why is it so hard this time? I've been to Volterra, seen what they are like and this one Werewolf breaking in to our house has me terrified."

I leaned in kissing her lips lightly, "None of those things happened in the privacy of our home, love."

Bella nodded, "Will you bring Renesmee to me. I don't want her that far away."

Her crib was a few steps away, but I understood why my wife needed her so close. Without waking our baby I lifted her from the crib and laid her down on my side of the bed. For a moment I sat watching her sleep glad that she was too young to understand what had happened that day.

After assuring my wife one last time that she would be safe, I left our room. I stood at the door listening, smelling, but nothing was amiss. Even so, I would never let my guard down and hurried down five flights of stairs to the lobby and out before anyone could really see me. As I traveled through the quiet city streets, I kept my focus on my wife and daughter. The TV was going and Bella even laughed once at something she was watching.

The last thing I wanted Bella to do was to feel she had to be turned now because of what happened at our home. We had done so well avoiding this kind of thing, but in the back of my mind I had been prepared for something like that. Carlisle and I spoke briefly and he told me what Emmett had brought up while we were in Boston. Carlisle believed it was just an isolated incident. He had checked with some of the other covens and none of them had been having any trouble with the other Children of the Night. I also wondered, as I ran through the jungle picking up on something I could take down, if Caius's obsession with them were driving the Children of the Night to leave Europe all together. Alice still saw him hunting all over the continent looking for an old legend, and none of us realized how many of them were still left.

Once I had brought down and drained my first kill, I was already focused on finding my second. It would take a few to keep me full enough not to have to hunt for a week, and by then I hoped maybe things would settled down for my love.

Draining the blood Renesmee needed from the big cat I had just killed took longer than I wanted. Carlisle had come up with this method when we agreed it was time for her to take animal blood instead of donated, and so far she was doing pretty good with the change. Before Renesmee was born, I had hoped she would be enough like her mother genetically that we wouldn't need to do this, but her body required blood along with the other things she was eating. Carlisle theorized that as she grew her need for that would likely diminish and the human foods she ate would be enough.

After filling the bags with blood and putting them in the insulated duffel I had brought with me, I headed back toward the hotel hearing the TV going and Bella talking to our baby. In the east, the sky was beginning to lighten, but the cloud cover was thick enough that we would be safe to travel to the Island without anyone seeing me for what I truly was.

Renesmee loved the boat ride out to the Island and seemed to be entranced by all the new sites and sounds she was seeing as I helped Bella step off onto land. Once she was over I gave our baby to her and turned getting all of our things. Bella led the way over the winding path through the trees and brush to the house and by that time Renesmee was struggling to be let down. Our daughter was ready to explore this strange new place so my wife put her on the soft dirt path holding her hands as Renesmee took a few steps. Our baby sat down running her hands over the dirt and screamed when Bella picked her back up.

She was struggling and crying by the time we got the door open, though once Bella put her down after the door was shut, the fussing stopped and our baby toddled over to the sofa pulling on the leather cushions as she tried to get on.

"I guess she's not ready for a nap," Bella said I put down the last of the bags pulling her easily into my arms.

"Why don't we get her into a bathing suit and take her outside."

"But the unpacking," Bella began but I silenced her with a kiss.

"We have all the time in the world for that."

A few minutes later, we were out on the white sandy beach with a warm breeze blowing in off of the ocean. Renesmee was in my arms wearing a pink one piece bathing suit. On the front, were characters embroidered on the fabric from Winnie the Pooh, stories we had yet to read to her, but likely would at some point in time. On her head she wore a beach hat with the same colors in it that her swimsuit had. Once we reached the water's edge, I waited as Bella sat down before lowering the baby into her arms joining them. The warm clear water washed over us and as it touched Renesmee's toes she laughed kicking them out until my wife let her stand up in the wet sand.

For the next little bit we stayed where we were enjoying watching our baby splash in the water. "Are you ready to get in all the way?" I asked noticing the beads of sweat on Bella's shoulders. I had put sun screen on her before we came out and she had on her sunglasses.

"I think a quick dip might feel nice."

After standing I picked our baby up holding her carefully as she began to fuss and lean away. "Just a minute, you will like this better," I told her cradling her in my left arm. Renesmee began to cry louder as we walked out into the water, though once I was in deep enough and she felt the water against her body she cried one more loud cry before she settled down. I let her drift in the water while holding her steady and she smiled up at me moving her legs and arms round as Bella dove under the water.

When she surfaced, she reached for our baby and I watched both of them as Bella held our baby in front of her turning her so that she was on her tummy. Renesmee laughed splashing her hands in front of her while she kicked her legs. Our daughter kept trying to get her face wet, "Bella, blow into her nose and dip her under."

My wife did and when Renesmee came back up she laughed leaning back toward the water.

We stayed in the surf until Renesmee began to show signs of being tired, though even as we walked back toward the shore she fussed, not wanting to abandon the good time she was having with us in the water. Once we were seated on the huge blanket Bella had spread out under the big umbrella, my wife handed me a towel and tried to sooth our daughter who cried sorrowfully as I began to remove her wet bathing suit and the diaper she wore that was made for the water.

"I think she would stay in there all day if we let her," Bella said as I wrapped her up in the towel cradling her against my chest.

"Yes, she would. She's always liked the water," I said keeping my eyes focused on our baby who blinked sleepily up at me now calm as I began to rock her. "We will come back later," I told her feeling Bella leaning against me.

After Renesmee had fallen asleep, I got a dry diaper on her and laid her on the fluffy surface of the blanket beneath the shade of the umbrella before gathering both arms around my wife.

"We really needed this," Bella murmured against my chest.

"Yes, we did. How do you feel now?"

"Tired, less confused and incredibly sad," she said and I held her closer rocking her the way I had Renesmee just a moment ago.

"I wish I could take away the pain you're feeling."

"But you can't. This is just a part of our life. I knew when we got together we would have struggles, and I just need to suck it up and try and face them. I want to be turned, Edward, but not until Renesmee is older and more comfortable being without us for a few days at a time. When that's a part of her routine I think maybe somehow it will be easier."

"You're an amazing woman. Do you realize that?"

I felt Bella smile as she pressed her lips against my chest, "I don't feel that way right now. I think we should rebuild our home. I don't want to leave, not yet." As she said those words Bella lifted her head away from my chest looking at me, waiting for my response. This was the determined woman I loved. She wasn't willing to pack up and leave even though she should be frightened out of her mind. My wife was scared but she wasn't going to let this man whoever he was chase her away from her dreams, our dreams. And for that, I found myself loving Bella Cullen even more. I wanted to show her just how much I did love her, but we had a baby asleep in front of us.

"What about you, Edward? I've been so focused on myself I haven't even asked you what you were feeling about any of this," Bella whispered, her cheek pressed back against my bare chest.

"I feel a great sadness for what we lost, and at the same time I'm extremely grateful that you were able to keep a level head and get out of there."

I felt her tense for a moment and rubbed my cool hand down her back, "I don't remember what I was thinking, aside from the fact that when I realized there was a fire we had to get out. I'm glad we had that trellis, though I would have jumped if it would have come down to it," Bella admitted and I was glad she didn't have to face that choice.

~Bella~

While I sat on the sofa talking to Charlie my gaze never let my husband and daughter. Renesmee was freshly bathed wearing a yellow short sleeved night gown grasping at his hands to move them away from his face. I'd told Charlie about the fire, just not about how it happened, and he was glad that we were all safe.

"Christmas trees can be a real hazard when they get all dried out. Are you sure you don't need to come here and stay until your new house gets built." I knew my dad would jump at the chance to have us there wanting to spend more time with the baby and a part of me was considering it. He was living with Sue now and his old house wasn't in use. "I'll talk it over with Edward," I said too tired to figure out what to do at this juncture.

"Take care, Bells, I love you," Charlie said and I had to fight the tears I felt coming on. As I shut off the phone, I found Edward in front of me without our baby. He held out his hands and I let him pull me to my feet.

"I miss him," I said softly wondering again what it would be like when I became a vampire. It all used to be so easy when I was so focused on becoming a vampire. Now I had changed beginning to realize that it wouldn't be just me who was affected. Guessing Edward had already laid our baby down for a little sleep, I followed him into our bedroom feeling my heart beat going up as he shut the door. When he turned to face me, all I could see in his expression was love and when he reached out cupping my cheeks with his cool hands, I locked my gaze with his. My whole body warmed as he tilted his head toward me and when his lips brushed against mine I held my gaze with his.

Edward's lids drooped and as he deepened the kiss I felt my knees as they began to shake. "How do you do that?" I mumbled against his lips.

His arms were already supporting me gently pulling me against his body as he trailed his lips down across my jaw, "What am I doing?" he whispered brushing his lips just below my right ear.

"Making me feel like I can't stand another second of not feeling you all over me?"

We spent a long time exploring one another's body. First with our hands and then with our lips. Edward leaned back against the mattress as I brought my lips against his, not ready for this time to end. My body was already so tired, but I needed to show my husband how much I loved him. As I deepened the kiss against his lips, we both heard Renesmee's fussing cries. I shut my eyes wishing I would have fed her before Edward put her down.

"I can bring her in here," Edward breathed as I brushed my lips over his.

"Hmm, but she'll want to play and I don't want to share you tonight," I said not feeling guilty. I placed one last kiss on his lips before I got up grabbing the long shirt at the end of our bed, pulling it on as I walked out of our room. When I arrived in the blue room, Renesmee was sitting up in her crib rubbing her eyes as big tears rolled down her soft baby cheeks. I picked her up glad she wasn't wet or dirty and after getting her soft pink blanket, I walked over to the rocking chair and sat down to let her nurse hoping she would go back to sleep, so her father and I could continue what we had begun.

My daughter lifted her small hand to my lips smiling at me as I kissed it before bringing it to rest against my chest. I shut my eyes and begun to hum the lullaby her Dumbo used to play for her, wishing she still had him. I'd long since forgotten the words to that song, but remembered that movie and how sad the scene was. I wondered what kind of things she would like when she was older, and if she would like TV, though Edward and I both agreed that we would limit that.

At some point, I realized how close to sleep I was myself and once Renesmee was drinking from the other side I shut my eyes; feeling safe for the first time since this whole mess began.

~Edward~

I knew the moment Bella had gone to sleep and left our bed not feeling upset at having to stop what we had been doing. This was a part of our lives now, having our daughter and Renesmee's needs came before our own. In the small blue room, both of them slept. Carefully slowly I shifted our daughter against my shoulder easing Bella's shirt down over her chest without waking her. Renesmee snuggled against my shoulder and for a minute, I stood next to her crib humming the song I'd composed for her when she was just a couple of days old. We would build another home as Bella suggested, but the hurt and anger I still felt over losing all of that at times made me want to go to Europe and wipe out any Werewolf I could find.

Once Renesmee was tucked under her blankets, I went back to the rocking chair and carefully leaned in pulling my wife against me. I lifted her against me holding her cradled like I had our daughter and took her back to our bed. Bella didn't stir as I laid her down and once she was settled I removed my pajama bottoms and slid in behind her. There would be plenty of time this week to love her, but for the moment my need was simple, and that was to hold her and watch over Bella as she slept.

AN: Here you go, a quick updated before I head out for a little rest and relaxation. I hope you like it. I want to thank you all for the fantastic reviews and for adding me to your favorites and alerts. Everyone have a great weekend.

~Ella~