A/N: Hello once again. Just a little note... this is the one I had the most difficulty with. I have trouble relating to Reid and trying to write him in a believable way is something I really struggle with. So a very special thanks to WrenWing (aka TN... my Hotch Twin!) for reading over this section and giving me a bit of advice on how to make it better/stronger. And thanks once again to all who have reviewed/favorited/alerted! You are all awesome! Enjoy...
KNOWLEDGE
Knowledge is power. I've heard that my entire life. Having the right knowledge will take you anywhere. It has saved my life so many times. It got me beaten up a lot as a kid, but earned me three PhD's and got me to the FBI's Behavioral Analysis Unit.
It has also brought me fear.
I told Garcia that I know what it's like to be afraid of your own mind. Always knowing the probability of any particular outcome to any given situation. Like the likelihood of survival of missing children depending on how long they've been missing. That's a hard one to put out of your mind. There is a good side to having a mind like mine. I see things the others don't. I can find the hidden meanings behind a killer's codes. I see the significance in the smallest, seemingly insignificant details of their crimes. It makes me good at my job. It makes me a valuable asset to the BAU. It takes some of the pressures off of the others so they can focus on the parts they each do best.
But I also know I have to use this knowledge as quickly as I can while I still have control of my own mind. My mother has schizophrenia. It is a hereditary psychological disorder. I told Garcia that, too. I know the probabilities. I know the statistics. I know at some point in my life Dr. Spencer Reid may cease to exist and someone I do not know or recognize may be processing my thoughts and making my decisions. What I don't know is when. That's what frightens me the most. Not having the knowledge to answer that question. I have to help as many people as possible while I still have the ability, because it could be taken away in an instant.
Now…if I could only figure out girls.
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Supervisory Special Agent
Dr. Spencer Reid