A/n: Thanks a bunch to everyone who has read, and subscribed, and big thanks to BournePriceless54, CenaCandiceFan4Life, nychick4, Angelwilliamsfan, and Sukkasaku for your reviews, I'm glad you are all are enjoying this and subscribing :) thanks for being interested guys/gals you are all AWESOME!
P.S. Yesterday was my birthday and I was planning on getting this up then but there was so much other stuff going on with school and crap that I was to busy. But better late than never right!
Disclaimer: I only own Fate and the plot. Everything else belongs to the founders of TNA, who I think is Jeff Jarret, and whoever the hell is in involved with founding TNA, Dixie Carter I think had something to do with it to so no offense intended to her or Jeff, it's just a fanfic, don't have a cow.
Okay, so whilst I'm here I've decided to get a diary and start keeping track of everything going on here in the Knockout Lookout competition, as well as TNA in general. Not only because they is nothing better to do on this long stupid rides back to Tampa, but also because if I keep on keeping everything that is really going on with me locked up in my head, I'm afraid that it might just explode. I'll call these... 'Confessions of a TNA Knockout'. Pretty original right?
Like I mentioned before I'm currently riding back to the training facility back in Tampa along with the other slowly decreasing nine other girls in the competition. I'm still no back to hundred percent with my bruises from last week since I'd yet to pick up on the whole 'falling flat' concept. I guess I'll just have to try to get it this week. Oh, and to make matters even worse, I have to share a room, and now my van with my 'partner' Leslie who's currently drooling away on the sleeve of my favorite AC/DC concert t-shirt. I swear if I didn't want to get eliminated on the spot I'd whack her across the head with this book cover, but violence is strictly forbidden in the competition unless told otherwise and I can't, so I wont. Yet.
And as for my status with this whole, Fate Heartfield thing I've still got going on, it's all going pretty well I guess. No one has said or done anything to show that they know who I really am, and I'm sticking to my assigned back story like glue so I'm guessing that it's all going pretty well... well besides the guilt part anyway.
I still haven't been able to get over the fact that I'm lying to Ryley, and Frankie, the entire world besides everyone who knows me back home. And the realization that I could possibly be taking the chance of a lifetime from all these other girls, even Leslie and Amber included now. Most of them were so sweet, and they really wanted this, but me, I don't. Don't get me wrong I've met some really great people in the company even though my contract forbids it, and they're all like one big happy family, all completely devoted to each other, and to TNA. And that-- that is were our intentions differ. I like the company, but it's not what I want to do with my life, this is Fate Heartfield's dream, not Fate Nash's. My dream has nothing to do with body slamming girls in front of millions of people.
I just really don't want to be a Knockout I....
"Ew gross!" Leslie suddenly cried startling me as she sat up groggily after the van ran over a pothole in the road. A long trail of saliva running from her bottom lip to the short sleeves on my favorite AC/DC concert t-shirt.
"What?" I demanded looking around for any sign of trouble as to what she was shrieking about.
"I was... touching you! Why the hell didn't you push me off you lesbo?!" She growled.
I huffed and rolled my eyes ignoring her as I tried to go back to finish my writing, I hadn't even noticed that she had scooted back over and her eyes were darting to the page in my diary.
"What the hell are you writing Heartfield?" She inquired curiously.
I quickly snapped my diary closed locking itself in the process before I reached behind the seat and shoved it into the bottom of my pink duffel bag under my training clothes before I zipped it up and turned back around.
"Nothing," I replied with an innocent smile. Leslie only frowned, "what?"
"You are such a freak," the bitchy brunette snarled before resting her head on the cool glass of the window beside her and quickly falling back to sleep, but not before muttering a 'bitch', in there as well.
I rolled my eyes before a small smile spread across my lips as I reached into the right pocket of my tiny black jacket and pulled out my Blackberry, quickly pulling up the photo I'd snapped of her a little earlier with drool rolling down her pretty little pale, round face. Not so hot now are ya?
I giggled softly but quickly stopped as Leslie opened one eyes and glared it at me before closing it again and returning to sleep. I stuck my tongue out at her and blew her a silent raspberry before I rested my arms in my lap and landed my head black allowing myself to finally relax and unwind for the first time since I climbed in this van over an hour ago.
I had really a long week ahead of me.
"Ow... ow.... OW!" I cried as I dragged myself back into my hotel room after another long hard day of training.
I'd finally grasped the falling down thing and I was doing it like a pro, now all I had to do was learn how to do that from the top of a turnbuckle, aren't just the luckiest bitch you ever saw?
Of course Leslie would rather eat live cockroaches; a.k.a her accomplice Amber, than share a room with me so she switched with Frankie who was picked to room with Amber, and Ryley decided to give her partner Savannah the room to herself and the three were currently helping me into the room that we all shared together.
"Ready?" Ryley asked turning to me as they began to release me to stand on my own.
Reluctantly I nodded and removed my arm from around their necks and braced myself as my body impacted face down with the softness that was my large queen sized bed. My loud groan was muffled because of the sheets but unfortunately it didn't muffle the throbbing pain on nearly every part of my body as well.
"Do ya think she's gonna make it?" I heard Ryley ask though I was too exhausted to respond with a whitty comeback.
"I dunno," Frankie began, "sweetie, we're gonna go downstairs and grab some food. You want us to bring you back anything?" She asked I heard the sound of her grabbing her purse along with Ryley's before she made her way back to the doorway.
"As-prin," I muffle-groaned once more still not moving an inch.
I waited until I heard the sound of the door open and close before I cautiously rolled over this time trying to ignore the sharpshooting pain that ran up and down my spine as I reached over and began rummaging through my purse on the nightstand until I finally fished my phone out and dialed in speed dial number 2, number one was to the loft that Naomi and Jill shared together back home since the three of us graduated from college together. When they bought it they wanted me to move in as well, and I was still considering it actually. They had both began calling, and leaving me text messages starting earlier this week, but I was still just too upset about the photo of me gracing the World Wide Web that they posted to speak to either of them right now. The three of us had been like sisters since freshman year at the University of Michigan.
"Yo?" I heard the sound of the gruff familiar voice answer on the other end of the line.
"Daddy! I wanna go home!" I wined loudly not caring who heard, my roommates and I were the only one's from the competition on this floor so there wasn't a big exposure risk.
"Fate.... we've talked about this. You. Can't. Go. Home. At least not yet," He responded sighing deeply.
"Well obviously we need to talk again because this isn't working. I'm black and blue all over and we are supposed to be coming back for the show in two days, how am I supposed to go out there and be charming and cute if I can't even stand up on my own?!"
"Alright Fate just, calm down. Take a deep breath and calm down. Look I know it's hard, believe me TNA is on a whole different level of intense than the WWE, and it's even tougher for the women of the company, but just like them you are going to have to tough it out, your a Nash, you can do this."
I sighed and forced myself to push myself up into a sitting position of the bed, my legs dangling over the side. I felt a little stronger, the pain died down a little, but not much.
"Fine," I huffed reluctantly. "So, how was the house show?" I asked remembering about the event that took place on the night after we arrived back here in Tampa.
"It was good, Jeff's got some big plans for the Main Event Mafia," there were then two loud, and also familiar voices in the background. "Kurt, and Book wanted me to tell you hi."
I giggled, a smile forming across my face for the first time since training started, "tell them I said hi. And goodnight, I'm gonna go to bed and try to sleep off some of this pain," I laughed.
"That's my girl. I'll see you at the show alright?"
"Alright, night dad,"
"Night princess."
I smiled as that nickname brought back old memories. Kevin wasn't always the same distant, emotionless man that I knew only a few weeks ago, back when I was a little girl, way before TNA back to his days in nWo or whatever. Kevin was the role model dad. He tucked me in almost every night, read me stories, kissed my boo-boos, he and mom were happy and she wasn't the complete, plastic slut that she is today. I was both their number one priority back then just like a sweet, innocent four-year-old girl should be to her parents, if only it'd stayed like that maybe I would still be so sweet and innocent and not stuck in this mess right now.
I hung up the phone, a smile still lingering on my face as I reached over to put it back on the table and turned out the light to get a good night sleep. I would defientely need it for my last day of training tomorrow.
As I climbed under the covers and closed my eyes waiting for sleep to come to me.
Five minutes later I was still lying in the same position on the bed with my eyes wide open. I knew that there was still one more thing I needed to take care of before I was able to sleep peacefully tonight, or any night; there one last conflict that I needed to resolve.
I sighed as I once again sat up in my bed and reached over turning on the antique lamp on the nightstand beside my bed before I slowly scooped my hand up into my phone and dialed speed-dial one. It rang two times and I fought the urge to hang up then when suddenly there was a click and my breath caught in my throat.
"Fate? Fate is that you?" I heard the soft female voice speak over the phone and my body immediately tensed up screaming at me to hang up in her ear right now.
"Yeah, Naomi. It's me," I replied calmly taking a deep breath. I was still extremely pissed off at her, and Jill as well. But I wasn't ready to throw away four years of friendship with either of them over one mistake. "I'm listening."