A/N: It's been a while. Sorry, I'm a little rusty.

Hyuuga Hinata – Fire Lilies.

As winter melted into floods of creeks and streams, bleeding into spring, so did my training slowly cease until I had stopped waking up in the morning altogether. Spring time had always made me sleepy – I was at my top energy levels in the fall and winter, probably because fall was harvest season and it was almost built into my DNA strands to be excited for harvest. And as for winter, my birthday (which had stopped being exciting after my fifth time inviting friends over for a piece of cake and presents to no one showing up anyways) kept the winter interesting. And even though my mind disliked the thought of my birthday, being still a child, it was an automatic form of excitement to my body. The hope of someone actually noticing and perhaps celebrating my birthday with me was always a little candle lighting up the darkness of winter.

For the past three or four years, I had just spent my birthday in my room with a small cupcake I had baked for myself, a single candle and some exotic tea. Back when I was ten years old, Hanabi would help me with the baking and we'd eat the cupcakes together, we'd have six each and eat them until our stomachs threatened to burst, ruining our supper. But she had soon lost the appreciation of fun and began her intense training, our father moulding her into a form of him, something he could never do with me. I felt a small satisfaction, a small glimmer of thankfulness that Hanabi could take my place as the clan leader. It was not something I ever felt I could pull off – I was happy with my own small accomplishments, and I hadn't nearly enough confidence to ever think I could be a leader.

Hanabi would do the clan well, I had told myself. Hanabi would take this clan to a better place. But I knew deep down, in that dark place where I kept my anger; that she would make the clan worse off than it already was. Each night as I held my younger sister in my arms while we slept, I knew I was the only one to ever see her in such a vulnerable position – showing signs of affection toward someone. The clan's mindset had nothing to do with things like love or adoration, or even admiration. There was no room for any of that. Even marriages turned farther and farther from love and closer to animal breeding each generation. It was all about the kekkei genkai now, the Hyuuga's weren't human, we were just bred and born to be beasts; snarling animals.

I suppose that's what being a kunoichi was about, though. We're fighters, not humans. But even so, I couldn't bring myself to accept that in order to win my clan over, I'd have to stop feeling and start fighting.

Enough so that I would resent my very birth into this clan in the first place.

I spent the spring days getting up at ten a.m. rather than the usual six a.m., brewing tea and sitting outside enjoying the chilly air and yet warm sunshine on my back. The smell of spring was always a good one – the smell was fresh and clear, it opened my thoughts, and I waited for weeks for the sakura blossoms to bloom.

Although I felt much more at peace at this time, there was a gnawing feeling in my gut reminding me of Neji, and each day that passed, it became harder to avoid him. In fact, as I had promised myself, I began seeing Naruto much more often. The first day I knocked on his apartment door to ask him to spend the morning at the market with me was a very nerve racking one. I'll admit I've been through worse, but I'll also admit it took me eight days of spending three hours outside Naruto's door, and then booking it for the terra cotta plant pot every time I heard stirring about inside the room. You think by now, I'd be used to panic attacks.

But admittedly, the days I spent with Naruto were also quite peaceful; every time he smiled he filled me with a very soft warmth, and I could feel the blush filling my face when he'd compliment how nice my hair looked as it grew, or ask me questions about certain vegetables we were picking up at the grocers. His comments weren't exactly romantic, per say, but they were enough to fuel a hormonal teenaged girls fantasies about the boy she likes…and it was also enough to allow me to fall further and further into my infatuation with him. His cerulean blue eyes burrowed themselves into my dreams, and as I got used to his warmth, I began to push away my love for Neji. I never would know if he had any feelings for me; I wasn't even sure if I had feelings for him. I just hated thinking about Neji, and Naruto was the perfect escape.

For the first time in my life, I felt like a person, not a tool.

But still, even though my cheeks were no longer sunken; my eyes were dead. I struggled to smile even when thinking of Naruto. I was supposed to love him, right? I was supposed to want to spend every waking minute thinking of him, yet with each day that passed, it became harder and harder. Desperately I began spending each day with him, but even standing right next to the rambunctious blonde, I became distanced from him. His voice, so familiar, so warm and so happy began distorting itself in my head. It became cool, deep and sharp, sending shivers of electricity down my spine.

"What are these flowers, Hinata?"

And just like that, I would be snapped out of my subconscious daydreaming and reminded where I was and just who I was with.

"Geraniums," I whispered with a soft, yet dead smile. Naruto and I were in the flower shop; he said he wanted to buy me something, but he had no clue about the different kinds of plants and he wanted to make sure I thought they were beautiful, or something like that. It was kind of hard to concentrate on his words, as I absentmindedly fluttered from flower to flower, reading the information tags without really absorbing any of the sentences.

"You're worthless, Hinata."

I quickly glanced over to Naruto with an expression of terror. It wasn't his voice, but it came from his lips.

"E-excuse me?"

"I said, these flowers are a little expensive," he replied with a bit of a concerned smile. "Are you sure you're feeling alright? You seem kind of sick lately."

Did I seriously hear him call me worthless? It felt like a millennia passed before my expression softened and I worked up a reply. My eyes reverted to the ground and I gripped my purse tightly, hoping to god I didn't hear Neji's voice come out of Naruto's mouth again.

"Y-yes, yes I'm feeling fine, just a little tired," I smiled. How fake; I wondered in the back of my thoughts if Neji would be able to see past it.

Naruto proceeded to walking me home, and I spaced out the entire way there. Before I knew it, I was in my room again, sitting on my futon, gripping my bouquet of flowers tightly. They were fire lilies, exotic, orange and far from subtle, just like Naruto. I silently wished he would've bought me the white roses as I stared at the price tag. The white roses were beautiful, they were calm and didn't have much to say, one could quietly wonder what was on their mind. But the fire lilies…they were beautiful too, but they were just so… it was like the difference between a puppy and a kitten. Both loveable, perhaps, but who wants a dog drooling and slobbering and making a mess of your house, and having accidents on your kitchen floor, when you can have a cat, which probably has just as much cons as the puppy, but…but…

I hate loud things, I hate rambunctious things, I can't stand it when people are in your face and pushy and ignorant and…

"I can't love Naruto!" I screamed. "I can't! I can't!" I stood up and threw the fire lilies, my vision blurred with tears as I watched in horror the attractive flowers crash on to my dresser and knock over my mirror. I saw my world shatter into little bits and pieces all over my floor, the plants break out of their paper cage and onto their bed of glass.

I stood, panting, my dress askew, my arm still outstretched, until everything was again silent. Slowly I made my way over to the disaster area, I looked down and saw my distorted reflection in the shattered pieces of mirror, and noticed the tears running down my face, my eyes puffy and red and…I was miserable.

I barely remember cleaning up, my mind was so teeming with thoughts. My outburst brought memories of warm, passionate nights, with Neji's arms around me, his lips on my neck and face. Did he kiss me? I wondered. I remember Hanabi being on a mission, and upon returning, I remember asking her to sleep in a different room. Why was that? Why was I always wanting the comfort of my bed when I was with Naruto? Why did Neji always ask about my sleeping? Why did I wake up so cold, but only remembering warmth?

And then Hanabi missed me, she returned to my room she slept with me again and the life inside of me began dying. Why?

So many questions, so many…

I called Naruto. To clear my thoughts, or to escape them, my reasoning was unsure. I knew that the only way to get rid of this was to be close to him, to have his hands running the length of my body. I arranged to meet him at his apartment, being only sixteen and a virgin, I didn't know what to expect other than what some of the other girls had told me about sex. It was supposed to hurt the first time, I knew that, I was prepared for that. But anything would be better than this mental agony. I tried to think carefully about what I would wear, but I still ended up throwing the first thing in my drawer on. I brushed my hair, I tried to stop crying, I wondered if I should shower first, if my legs were shaved, what Neji would think.

I dropped my brush and sobbed for so long. It felt like forever, but I needed to get it out. I was a failure as a kunoichi, as a woman, as a Hyuuga. Nothing I started I ever finished. My garden, my precious, precious garden was probably unrecognizable for all the weeds and trees and what ever else had grown there. My training was practically non existent, and no one in the clan seemed to care, no one did care about me or anything I did, so why did it hurt so much suddenly? No, I didn't want their affection. Whatever my qualms, I couldn't face them there. I'd have to face Naruto, which was just so much easier.

The moment I found myself ready to leave, my last tear shed, the moment of no return, I felt a deep sense of regret. Regret for an action I had not yet committed. Even though this was probably the best thing for me to do – I was going to sleep with my boyfriend. Was he my boyfriend? Did he consider me of that? Did he misunderstand my intentions of coming over? Did I really care?

Leaving my bedroom, I walked down the hallway fast, heading toward the exit, away from all that was familiar to me, into unknown territory.

And upon entering the kitchen on my way out, there he was, his steel eyes burrowing into my back. I stopped, I held my breath as my eyes widened. Neji stared back at me.

"Where are you going?"

--

R&R