Chapter 3: A clown's sorrow

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God I hate this hill. I'm so tired that I'm actually considering just collapsing on the side of the road somewhere. Who was the idiot that decided to build the school on top of a giant hill? I would like to go back in time and meet him, so that I could do painful things to him, but I was too tired at the moment to find the idea very appealing.

Suddenly it occurred to my tired brain that there was a way for me to avoid walking up this hill. You see, I still had four wishes left and I probably wasn't going to need all of them. I turned to the genie floating in the air beside me – damn that makes me jealous, does this guy even need to exercise at all?

If I were to wish for it, could you make it so that I don't have to climb this hill? Without anyone noticing of course.

"If that's your wish, then yes," he smiled happily, apparently he got bored when there was nothing for him to do.

Then I wish, in a manner that nobody will notice, that I wouldn't have to climb this hill to get to the school.

"Your wish is my command," once more there was the sparkly lights that usually showed up when he did stuff like this, but this time something very unsettling happened.

I turned see-through. Well, according to him I was now invisible, but that's details. What disturbed me was that I could see things through my body, and let me tell you, that isn't the most secure of feelings. In fact, I was trying very hard not to scream in terror and run off somewhere, this is quite a feat since, just a moment ago, I'd been seriously lacking in the energy department.

Then something just as unpleasant happened. The genie picked me up. And all of a sudden, I was flying through the air at an absolutely terrifying speed.

Finally, the flashback – or was it my life showing before my eyes – ended and I was able to see the school closing in at an alarming rate. I would've screamed, but I was still frozen in terror.

However, just as I was about to slam into a wall and turn into a puddle of Kyon-goo, the genie halted and gently lowered me to the ground, onto which I collapsed immediately, holding back the urge to kiss the ground beneath my feet. Even as a member of the SOS Brigade, there were still some things that people would talk about for a long time. Besides, it was the freaking ground, it would've tasted awful.

Once I'd recovered enough to be able to breathe properly, I turned to the genie.

That wish only applied for today, understood?

The genie looked a little confused, but nodded anyway, happy to please, I guess.

Good. Now. We should get to class, it'd be hard to explain why I was late if I'd been at school before we started.

Once I arrived I noticed that Haruhi wasn't there yet. It's amazing how she's the first thing I look for upon entering the classroom, not Kunikida not Taniguchi, Haruhi. The eccentric girl who makes my life a living hell. But no matter how much I complain, I have to admit that without her, my life would be really boring.

Haruhi didn't show up until a few seconds before the bell rang and the teacher entered the room, signaling that lessons were about to start. Lessons that would make my already spinning head, hurt. A lot.

But when class finally ended, many hours later, I couldn't help but think that this time I had a good excuse for not being able to pay attention during it, since I'd had something of a near death experience with the whole flying to school thing. Then again, stuff like that never mattered to Haruhi or the teachers before, why start now?

Arriving at the clubroom proved to be deceptively non-apocalyptic, lulling me into a false sense of peacefulness. That is, until I realized that Nagato was nowhere to be seen. Now I was starting to get worried. She was almost always present in the clubroom, kind of the same as the furniture, not that I'd ever compare Nagato – who has saved my life more times than I care to count – with a piece of furniture, but the point still stands.

Of course I knew that there was no point in worrying about it, after all, there wasn't really anything I could do about it. So instead I took a seat opposite Koizumi, defeating him in another one of his board games whilst drinking Asahina's wondrous tea.

My fears were proven to have been correct as Haruhi burst through the door, Nagato standing calmly behind her.

This will not end well.

"Yuki has found a mystery!"

That was what I was trying to tell me, but did I listen? No, I wanted to ignore the signs so that I could be happy in my own ignorance… strangely enough I can't say that I blame myself for it… is that bad?

"There's something strange happening at the library! Let's go and hunt it down!"

Exactly what's happening in the library?

"There has been recent occurrences of books disappearing from the shelves," Nagato doesn't look as excited about the mystery as Haruhi, although I doubt that it would be possible – even for a normal person, let alone Nagato – to match the hyperactive eccentric of a girl, that we call our leader.

Doesn't that just mean that someone's been stealing books?

Nagato shook her head slightly, signaling that that wasn't the case.

"Kyon! Stop slowing us down and move!" our fearless Brigade leader ended her sentence by grabbing me by the tie as she began to drag me out of the clubroom.

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Haruhi didn't drag me the entire way to the library, but I kind of got the feeling that she'd wanted to do so. I guess even Haruhi can't ignore the odd glances of the people surrounding us forever.

When we arrived however, she took off like she'd had a rocket attached to her back, she'd probably do that too, if given half the chance. This train of thought inspired me even further to keep Haruhi away from any manner of explosives.

Nagato followed her calmly, at a slower pace, Asahina did as well, but I wasn't doubting that she'd probably get lost amongst the shelves. Koizumi on the other hand, turned towards me with that ever present smile of his.

"You wouldn't happen to have any ideas for a mystery, would you?"

Well actually I now have a genie that fulfills wishes stalking me everywhere I go. Can I really say that? Well, I could, but it would probably mean a lot of trouble, so. Nope, sorry, I got nothing.

"What a shame, I just can't seem to think of anything that would please her. It's all quite frustrating actually."

I'm sure it is, deal with it. It's always a treat watching you squirm, except for the times when the world is ending since I can never really focus at times like those. It's hard to get used to the apocalypse, especially if it's almost always your fault.

Ignoring Koizumi, who wandered off somewhere, I walk in another direction, namely towards the short novels. You see, if past experience had taught me anything, then I was going to be stuck here for a long time, might as well find something to pass the time with.

I finally found something that seemed interesting enough, so I began to search for somewhere to sit down and read quietly. I noticed Asahina among the rows of shelves but decided to leave her, considering that she was standing around what seemed to be adult books, I got the feeling that it'd just be too awkward.

Of course my pastime didn't last for long, only an hour or so, before Haruhi showed up and greeted my enthusiasm for mystery searching with a glare that could've easily killed me, if looks actually could kill. Please don't think about that one too much, if Haruhi ever made that possible then people all over would start dropping down dead.

"Kyon…" I think I might've fidgeted a little at Haruhi's tone, "what do you think you're doing…?"

Reading? Lying would've been useless at this point, I figured I'd try getting away with the truth. Considering the face Haruhi made, I can't say that I thought for a moment that I'd been successful, in fact, I was thinking about what would be written on my tombstone the moment the word had left my lips.

'Here lies Kyon,' I don't think anyone remembers my name anymore, not even my own parents, 'Low ranking member of the SOS Brigade. Death by stupidity.'

"Really? I hadn't noticed," the sarcasm in her voice was enough to convince me that, despite practicing the use of sarcasm on a regular day to day basis, there was no way I could ever compete with Haruhi, "Get your ass out of that chair and find me some goddamn mysteries!" this sudden outburst was followed by her literally yanking me out of the chair, the momentum propelling me a few steps forward as a result.

If not for my sudden urge to escape to a place very far away from Haruhi, I probably would've mused on the whole 'goddamn' part. If she saying that isn't irony, then I don't know the meaning of the word. But, as I said before, I was too preoccupied with making a hasty tactical retreat in order to avoid the rage of our Brigade leader to think much of anything.

During my escape I came to realize that it had already turned dark outside, apparently the library had already closed. I say closed but it was more of a semi-closed kind of way. There wasn't any alarms since there was still personnel about doing various tasks. I'm guessing that either Koizumi or Haruhi convinced them that we were here to investigate the disappearing-books-case.

Finally deciding that it was safe to slow down, I once again began looking for ways to pass the time until Haruhi would be satisfied with the results. Instead, I ended up running into Nagato, who wasn't reading a book. Whilst this wouldn't normally have been unusual enough to mention in such a manner, the fact was that she was standing still with a book in her hand, ready to be read at a moments notice if she wanted to, but she wasn't reading.

She seemed to be looking at something, so I walked up next to her, curious of whatever it was that she was looking at.

Have you ever heard the expression 'Curiosity killed the cat'? I think I should've learned exactly what that means by now, but as I stare at the human sized, humanoid, mountain of books slowly turning to face us, I've got to admit that I still have a lot to learn about caution. I suppress my urge to scream like a little girl, instead turning towards Nagato.

Is that thing what's been making all of those books disappear?

A single nod is my answer.

Well I guess that sort of makes sense… is it dangerous?

"It is."

I see… is there anything you can do about it?

"I am unable to cause it any harm, without also damaging the books that it consists of."

Is that a problem? Oh wait, whoever convinced the staff to let us stay, probably did so by telling them that we'd their books back safely. Bummer, I guess that means that fighting this thing is out of the question. What to do, what to do…

"You could just make a wish you know," the genie's voice gives me a little start, he'd developed something of a liking to Asahina and had followed her when we all split up a few hours ago, so I hadn't really been expecting him to suddenly show up out of nowhere. I recovered pretty quickly though, I guess I'm growing used to all the weirdness happening in my life.

Do you have any suggestions for a wish that could deal with this situation?

"You could simply wish for me to defeat it without using violence."

You can do that? He nodded proudly, kind of like a small child who wanted to show everyone a new trick they'd learn. Very well then, I wish that you defeat that thing without using any violence.

"So be it!" his loud exclamation was accompanied by colorful sparks shooting of in every direction, covering his body completely. When the light subsided the first thing that sprung to my mind was:

What the hell are you doing?

"I'm going to read it a bedtime story," the genie – now wearing those classical reading glasses that old people wear – looked absolutely serious about this, and then he began telling a tale about a clown with shoes so large that he was unable to walk.

It was a sad story, a children story without a doubt, but still a sad story. This was empathized by the genie crying throughout most of it. Nagato blinked, whilst I was having a hard time not to begin tearing my hair at the stupidity of it all, but as the genie finally finished reading, the monster was sleeping on the floor, snoring quietly.

The genie then quietly tiptoed up to it, and pulled out one of the many books that it was made out of. Suddenly the books were no longer a monster but simply a pile of books lying on the floor. It was a somewhat surprising turn of events, but I wasn't going to complain about it.

Haruhi however, did complain about Nagato and myself finding the lost books in a pile on the floor. Apparently there wasn't enough of a mystery for it to be worthy of our attention. She did however decide to take credit for the Brigade's fulfilling of our tasks., she was also able to belittle my part in the solving, instead giving Nagato all of the credit.

How can I stand such maltreatment without arguing? Meh… I guess you get used to it. Besides, Nagato deserves whatever praise comes her way, after all, she's the reason why a certain blue haired girl haven't actually killed me yet, and that certainly wasn't because of lack of effort.

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A/n: I grew up with Kenny Starfighter, and I adore it… I wonder if that's noticeable?