I woke up the next morning. Outside my window, the weather matched my mood. My head ached from crying. It felt like my heart was aching too.
I had slept in- I hadn't been able to sleep until late. The sound of my mum crying in the next room had kept me awake.
I got up and went to the door of my parent's- my mum's- bedroom. She was sleeping soundly, curled up on one side of the bed.
I spent the morning watching TV. Or at least, sitting in front of the TV while it was switched on. I didn't see anything as I stared blankly at the screen.
The next day I went to school. I couldn't stand the thought of another day at home, where everything reminded me of my dad.
But school was worse. It seemed like everyone knew. Everywhere I looked I saw sympathetic glances. People seemed to avoid me- like I was infected with some disease.
I didn't see Juniper all morning. At lunchtime, still no sign.
"Where's Juniper?" Steph asked me quietly.
I shook my head, and she didn't press the issue.
I was hoping she wasn't at school for some reason, but as I stood in Gym class- talking to Mike Newton, who was too distracted by Bella Swan to know about my dad- I saw her. She walked into the Gym slowly, her eyes scanning the room. I turned away, not wanting to see her. But then I glanced back, and she was staring at me. Our eyes met for a moment, and then I turned away. I couldn't stand looking into those green eyes. Eyes that I still loved, despite everything.
We were playing soccer outside. I paired with Clive, who's partner was sick. I concentrated on not looking at Juniper, focussing on the ball and Clive as he struggled to kick the ball in a straight line. She was paired with Ben Miller. He was clearly pleased about this, and attempted soccer tricks in an attempt to impress her. I didn't know if he was succeeding.
I went home straight after school. I found my mom in the kitchen. She wasn't doing anything- just staring out the window. I walked up behind her and put my arms around her. And we stood there for a long time, just watching the rain.
The day after was the same. School was weird. My friends were good- they were quieter than normal, but they didn't treat me any differently. I couldn't concentrate in classes, but none of the teachers minded. I could feel Juniper's eyes on me during Gym class, but I didn't look at her. I couldn't.
I slept in on Saturday, or tried to. In truth, I lay in bed, wishing I could fall into dreamless sleep. I had been sleeping badly- most of the time the sound of my mom crying kept me awake, and when I did fall asleep my dreams were full of painful memories of my dad. The last conversation we'd had replayed in my mind- my dad's voice constantly repeating,'I'm really proud of you'.
At lunchtime, Steph and her mom came round. Steph's mom and mine went to the kitchen. I could hear them talking softly and drinking coffee. Steph and I went to my room. We sat on the floor in silence.
"Andy, what's happened to Juniper?" Steph asked finally.
I shrugged.
"Well obviously you two have had a fight or something."
Again I shrugged.
"Andy!" Steph said. "Tell me. What happened?"
I sighed. "She came round here... that night. I was kind of upset and I didn't really want to see her. I got angry at her. And... Steph, she's an orphan. Her parents are dead. She lives all by herself. And she never told me."
Steph didn't say anything for a moment. Then she said,
"What did you do when she told you?"
I flushed, remembered how I'd pushed her away.
"I told her to go," I mumbled. "We haven't spoken since."
To my surprise, Steph frowned at me.
"I thought you really liked Juniper?" she asked me.
"I did really like her," I replied. "I... I loved her."
Steph put her hand on my arm softly. "Then don't you think she deserves better than that? She lied to you, and you were angry- that's fine. It's fine if you want to break up with her. But you have to tell her Andy- you have to tell her why."
I looked at Steph. She was right. I still loved Juniper- I couldn't deny that. And even though I wasn't sure I was ready to forgive her yet, I did have to talk to her.
Steph and her mom didn't leave until late. My mom said she was tired and went to bed. I sat on the couch, thinking about what Steph had said. I had to talk to Juniper. I had to.
Picking up my coat and car keys, I left the house.