Strange Bedfellows Chapter 3, a bleach fanfic

Sorry folks, this one was sitting on my harddrive forgotten, so I figureed I'd post it now I've found it.

Enjoy!

Cooling down.

Hitsugaya Toushiro was not amused.

The reason for this could have been any number of things, such as the fact that he'd been awake all night doing paperwork that Aizen had left behind since Momo wasn't in any state to hold anything sharper than a wooden spoon unsupervised, or the fact that all through the night some inconsiderate bastard had been screaming something quite vulgar at the top of their lungs.

It had sounded a little like the 4th-division's lieutenant, but he'd crossed it off as soon as the thought reached his mind. Unohana's 2nd seat never raised her voice beyond what was considered necessary, even in the midst of battle. She was also far too reserved to have been screaming something as ludicrous as 'Fish Sausage' in the middle of the night.

Unlike his OWN fukutaicho, who seemed to have a direct circuit link between her brain and mouth when inebriated; the things Matsumoto would say and do when sufficiently sloshed were completely incomprehensible to the young (for a shinnigami) captain.

As it were, he was currently marching down the hallways of the tenth division, his face a mask of calm despite the annoyance in his emerald eyes. If he noticed that everyone he passed seemed to shiver, their breath hovering before them, then he ignored it.

'One simple thing.' He muttered, marching down the hallway, his fists clenched slightly in irritation 'I ask her to do one simple thing and she disappears for a whole day.'

To be fair, he really should have expected it from his lieutenant; Matsumoto Rangiku was a fun-loving sort that, if given the choice, would be quite content to sleep off the effects of the night before, waking up some time past noon only to go out and get sloshed again, simply because she could.

It wasn't that she wasn't competent; she'd been in the division longer than he had after all, and had seen off at least one captain in her term as lieutenant. During the intermission stage, she'd held down the 10th like a drill sergeant, ensuring that when the new captain was promoted, he wouldn't have anything to gripe about.

It was one of the reasons Toushiro was so eager to accept his position as captain of the 10th, with a 2nd that competent, he needn't have worried about getting bogged down by all the stuffy regulations the older captains seemed used to.

Then he'd actually MET Rangiku…

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"So this is the Seireitei…" a younger, in age if not appearance, Toushiro noted, his features neutral as he walked along the shaded walkway that supposedly led to his future division "Doesn't look like much."

"The rumors do tend to deviate from the truth." His escort, Ukitake Juushiro admitted with a small chuckle. He'd personally requested to introduce the prodigal captain to his new division and was quite the pleasant person to talk to, though Toushiro was fairly certain he'd never met the man in his life, and so couldn't, for the life of him, understand why the man was so eager to meet him.

"The tenth division is generally the middle man between other divisions," Ukitake explained as best he could "peacekeepers if you will. While they have been known to work alongside the 2nd division punishment forces, they tend to be more inclined to arrest their targets than say…"

"Beat them to a bloody pulp?" Toushiro offered pertly, eyeing the older man with a raised eyebrow as he chuckled weakly.

"I…wouldn't phrase it QUITE like that." Ukitake stated, knowing he was going to catch hell from Soifon if she learned of the conversation, looking up in relief as the walls of the tenth division barracks came into view "Ah, here we are!"

Toushiro nodded, frowning slightly as he looked over the rather non-descript, yet still articulate, building, before turning to the captain "And you're certain this is the quickest route from the Sou-Taicho's chamber?"

"Outside of using Shunpo? Yes." Ukitake assured him, not insulted by the youth's attitude at all. He'd asked similar questions of his superiors in the past, though it was usually along the lines of 'how to get to the 4th division in the shortest amount of time before coughing up a lung'.

"By the way." Toushiro noted, looking up at the older captain inquisitively, his arms crossed contemplatively "Why are the barracks scattered all over the place? Wouldn't it be easier to set them up in order? Like in a circle or something?"

"That WAS the original layout." Ukitake admitted, rubbing the back of his neck nervously "But, well, ever since the new 11th division Captain got into a…disagreement with the 12th Division captain, it was deemed unwise to place the two divisions within shouting distance of one another..."

Toushiro frowned but said nothing. Having only recently graduated from the academy, albeit top of his class and after only one year there, he had not yet been brought up to speed on the recently (at least two years ago) elected 11th division captain, but he'd heard enough rumors of the eccentric head of the 12th to know to avoid being in the man's prolonged company for long.

"…and that's why the barracks are placed as they are." Ukitake explained, coughing gently as he smiled down at the young captain "anything else?"

"I heard the Fukutaicho for the 10th has been keeping things together." Toushiro noted, walking along with an evaluating look in his eyes "That said, I've yet to hear his name."

"Really? That's odd." Ukitake noted, a little confused if he was honest with himself "Oh well, no harm I suppose, she should be right…here?"

Toushiro's eyes widened as confetti and streamers descended before him, several party whistles and rattles chiming off as a banner dropped from the ceiling, the bright, day-glow kanji for 'Welcome to the 10th, Taichou!' emblazoned across it.

"What in the hell?" the newly appointed captain wondered, only to baulk as he was suddenly enveloped in a rather compromising hug, his face pressed between two massive, albeit terrifyingly familiar, flesh cushions.

"Shirou-chan!" a voice he dimly remembered from Rukongai greeted cheerfully, the use of the hated nickname causing him to gape at her in surprise "I knew you'd make it! Now we can-!"

"Baka." Toushiro muttered, though his frown had defrosted somewhat from the trip down memory lane. That was the effect Matsumoto had on the mercurial captain, one minute she could ignite his ire to new levels, the next she could calm him down with only a few words or actions. "If only the former wasn't the more common of the two." He muttered to himself.

"Ara, Taichou!" A familiar voice called out, "Don't you know talking to yourself is the sign of a disturbed mind?"

'Speak of the devil…' Toushiro muttered, gripping the bridge of his nose to ward off a headache "Well pardon me if I have a penchant for INTELLIGENT conversation." He muttered, turning to face his errant lieutenant, only to come face to cleavage with her assets "Dammit Matsumoto!" he snapped, stumbling back, red-faced "What've I told you about doing that?!"

"Doing what?" Matsumoto asked, looking honestly confused "You're the one that keeps bumping into me."

For a second, one GLORIOUS second, Toushiro tempted the thought of flash-freezing the woman, but resisted it with level-headedness, counting to ten backwards, and the knowledge that it would only result in MORE paperwork. "Never mind…" he muttered, placing a hand to his head to ward off a migraine, "What took you so long delivering the reports?"

"That? Oh I finished those hours ago Taichou!" Rangiku replied, smiling as her captain blinked up at her in confusion "Didn't you get the report on your desk?"

Toushiro thought back to the mountain of paperwork still waiting for him on his desk and sweatdropped, his migraine starting to return as he tried to recall anything that had been signed in his lieutenant's scrawl, only to blink as he was pulled into her bosom again, a hand to his forehead.

"Ah! Taichou! You're getting a fever!" the buxom woman exclaimed, promptly gripping the captain's wrist and dragging him down the hall, despite his protests "Not good! You'd better lie down for a while!"

"Wha-! Matsumoto! Let me go!" Toushiro demanded, his face flushing slightly from the proximity of her assets to his face. Contrary to popular belief, he WAS aware of how well endowed his Fukutaicho was, he WAS a man after all, sort of.

It was simply the fact that he'd yet to go through what the Soul Society deemed 'puberty', as a result of his exceptionally high reiatsu, which prolonged longevity, and his not knowing how old he actually was. Physically, he suspected himself of being thirteen, at the very least, though mentally he deemed himself higher than certain OLDER captains…like Kyoraku Shunsui.

Now there was a basket case. He didn't envy the man's fukutaicho one second.

"Here we are!" Rangiku beamed, Hitsugaya stumbling as he bumped into her, the captain looking up to find his lieutenant had dragged him all the way to the onsen "Go get changed Taichou!"

"Matsumoto…" Toushiro began, only to sigh as the woman pranced off, shaking his head in the defeat as he moved towards the men's room.

Ten minutes later, found the whit-haired captain reclining in the steaming waters of the hot spring, his arms resting on the edge of the bath, a cool cloth on his head as he let the water seep all the tension out of his frame.

'I'll stick around for a while…then head back to the office.' He reasoned, sinking a little deeper into the water with a groan, actually dreading the waiting stacks of paperwork on his desk. He idly wondered if Aizen had snuck in one last illion before running off with his Hollow buddies, but brushed it aside with a sigh.

"Taicho!" Matsumoto's voice called out, the woman no doubt yelling at him from the women's spring on the other side of the wall, judging by how close her voice was "How's the water in there?"

"Fine." The captain replied with a grunt, rubbing the cloth on his head, covering his eyes with the rag and sinking lower into the water as he spoke "Just right, I can feel all the tension washing away."

"That's good!" the woman chirped, even as Toushiro caught the sound of the door to the men's spring slide open behind him with an adible click "Then I can wash your back for you!"

Toushiro started, whipping round in alarm, his eyes bulging out of his head as he got a worm's eye view of a sight that would've made him the envy of every pervert in Soul Society. Well, more envied than normal anyways.

"Ara, is it too hot for you?" Matsumoto asked, looking down in confused concern as her captain's face turned an interesting shade of red "You're not to good with hot things, are you Taichou?"

"M-MATSUMOTO!" Toushiro choked, whipping round, showing his back to the woman, sitting ramrod straight with his hands on his knees, face a brilliant shade of pink "THIS IS THE MEN'S BATH!"

"Oh? Didn't the innkeeper tell you?" Rangiku asked, looking down at the blushing captain in confusion, her bucket of washing utensilson her hip "The women's baths are closed for cleaning, so the men's is temporarily unisex for today."

'I'm going to FREEZE that old bat!' the mortified captain vowed, recalling how the senile old lady had chuckled at him as he walked past 'No, stay calm, just need to assert my authority and-!'

He froze as a pair of familiar mounds pressed against his back, shivering as he felt Matsumoto hold him the shoulders. "Here, let me get your back for you." The busty lieutenant offered, her tone helpful as she rubbed a lathered washcloth over his bare back.

"I…I can do it myself!" Toushiro insisted, though he didn't move an inch to stop her. That would have meant turning to face her after all, and considering their…situation…

Plus, it was getting distinctly uncomfortable south of the waistline.

"You've got really soft skin Taichou." Matsumoto noted, her tone whimsical as she scrubbed the captain's back with what felt like agonizing slowness "So pale too…you need to get out more."

"M-maybe if SOMEONE would quit lazing about and do their share of the paperwork I'd find time to get out more." Toushiro muttered, trying to get a dig in as he glared over his shoulder, only to flinch and look away as Rangiku's assets bounced before his sight, covered in soap and water 'DAMMIT!'

"There, all done." Rangiku chuckled, patting him on the back, earning a relieved sigh from the captain, only for it to change into a shocked squawk as a hand slipped under his towel "Now for the front!"

"MATSUMOTO!" Toushiro snapped, whipping round to repirmand her, having had more than enough, only to freeze as the woman pulled him into her chest, effectively cutting off his protests, his eyes widening at the scent of perfume.

'She's warm...' a treacherous side of his brain noted, the dazed captain looking up through the twin peaks, only to shiver as he caught his lieutennant smiling down at him through the steam.

"You need to relax more…Taichou…" Rangiku insisted, her smile sending shivers down the captains spine as she held him closer, leaning in to whisper in his ear "I spent the whole day setting it up so that we have the springs to ourselves…" he smile turned strangely feline for a moment as Toushiro's eyes grew wide in alarm "so lets see if we cant loosen you up a little…"

Ukitake Juushiro looked up from attending to his beloved bonsai to stare at the sky, a sense of concern washing over him, as if somehow, somewhere, he was missing out on a defining moment in someone's life.

"That reminds me." The 13th's captain noted, blinking in recollection "I have to send those manga I had Ichigo and Rukia buy sent over to the 10th." He smiled at the date on the calendar, which was encircled with little Hitsugaya Chibis "Ichigo DID say it was really popular with young boys, and Toushiro-kun needs to lighten up more."

And so Toushiro finally, at least in the eyes of Zaraki, Ukitake and Kyouraku, becomes a man.

Don't like the pairing? well go ahead and flame me. They'll be used to heat the onsen.

Rangiku: Oohh, Taicho...

Toushiro: M-MATSUMOTO! That's-! GACK!

R&R!