Malchik Gei
By: Shozetsku
Warnings/Authoress Notes:
Yaoi. Cursing. Shonen-ai. Non-canon; but not entirely AU. And basic yaoi fangirl-ness. If you do not like this, then do not read this.
This was inspired by listening to the song Malchik gei by Tatu waay too much. I highly recommend you listen to it while you read this. While the Russian version is better, the English version adds for better backdrop. Most likely this will be a three shot.
Chapter Two: Meetings
Sakura looked around the room of twittering and giggling crowd, "Order! ORDER! Oh, c'mon shut up girls!" There was a yell of indignation, "AND guys! C'mon! Just shut up, Ino has new pictures!"
There was immediate silence. Sakura nodded derisively in triumph. "Unfortunately Ino is not here yet from the photographers so now that I conveniently have your attention we need to talk about some important issues that concern the SasuNaru Fanclub, these issues are and are not limited to," Sakura consulted her list, "the issue of the name of the fanclub." Sakura looked up from her list, "What's wrong with the 'SasuNaru Fanclub'?"
"Why isn't it the NaruSasu Fanclub?" someone called from the congregation. Sakura folded her hands on the podium she was leaning against. "Because, even though 'NaruSasu' is alphabetically correct, Sasuke is the primary aggressor, or seme; and Naruto is the primary submissive, or uke."
"Naruto isn't submissive at all! He gives Sasuke a run for his sex!" called one of the few boys in the audience. There was a collective giggle and brief twittering throughout the club about the subject of Naruto giving Sasuke a run for his sex, in both literal and figurative terms. There were collections of pictures brought out and people asking for copies and the like, some of the artsy of the members had already constructed a doujinshi, writers had started fanfiction, the works. The din of separate conversations climbed back up as Sakura lost her audience, yet again.
"Shut UP!" she screamed, there was a shocked yet immediate silence, "Thank you, now all in favor of changing the name of the Club to the alphabetically correct, NaruSasu?" hands were raised, Sakura counted. "All in favor of the old name of SasuNaru?" more hands were raised, many more, Sakura didn't need to count. "The old name is kept then."
"The second issue, Funds. Now, our primary source of income is from the ninja in our club sneaking pictures and the sale of those pictures to club members. But getting cameras, film, getting the pictures developed with enough copies for everyone is barely allowing us to break even. The merchandise department has come to a good idea of making an adaptation of the Uzumaki spiral and the Uchiha fan symbols and combining them into a discreet emblem that will serve as the emblem of our club." Sakura held up a piece of paper with an enlarged picture of the potential emblem. "Do we approve this emblem to represent ourselves?"
The picture looked almost exactly like the Uchiha fan. But within the red of the fan there was a spiral circle within it. No one had any real objections; there were low murmurs of consent throughout the room.
"Now that that's settled would it be a good idea to make these into things like bracelet charms, rings, or pins?"
"What about the boys? Some of us are still closet you know!" came a voice from the crowd.
"There would be clothing patches that can be attached to the inside of a garment such as a shirt sleeve or the lining of a pocket for the boys." Sakura said right on cue.
"All in favor?" most, if not all hands were in the air. Some people even raised both hands in the air. "Motion passed. Expect emblem merchandise within two weeks or so."
"The fourth issue is one I didn't think we'd need to address." Sakura said with a bit of a disappointed sigh. "There are those within the club whom wish to either inform Sasuke and Naruto or pursue one or the other romantically." There were calls of outrage and anger.
"SHUT UP, YOU NEANDERTHALS!" Sakura screamed. Silence reigned again. "Now, this isn't even going to be honored with a vote. This is the rule. We the members of the SasuNaru Fanclub are fans of Sasuke and Naruto when involved in an intimate relationship with EACH OTHER. Not anyone else. If you have joined this club you have agreed that Sasuke is best with Naruto and Naruto is best with Sasuke. Ahh, Ino, there you are; do you have the pictures?"
Ther was a round of squealing that met these words and even more squealing when Ino held up the bags in her hands.
"Now before Ino can distribute them to all who have pre-ordered pictures they need to be sorted by account name. Which gives us just enough time to run down the rules of our club:
1 – We support Naruto and Sasuke's relationship whole heartedly and will publicly defend them if and when hey choose to become public with their relationship.
2 – We do not let on any clues that there is anyone who knows about their relationship outside the ones they themselves tell. Which shouldn't be anyone because I'm on their team and they haven't told me.
3 – We will do everything within our power to discreetly help them make up when they have fights.
4 – Both homes will be well stocked with ramen for the enjoyment and stamina of Naruto to aid him in keeping up with Sasuke's libido.
5 – We will deter any and all females that pursue either Sasuke or Naruto to our cause or otherwise hinder in any and all ways possible short of murder.
6 – There has been enough drama in both Naruto and Sasuke's lives; we will do all we can to ensure their overall peace of mind.
7 – if you are not a ninja do not attempt to procure photos of Sasuke and Naruto going at it, one you'll get caught. Two it's easier for us because we've been professionally trained for this.
And finally, and recently added 8 – Sasuke and Naruto are meant only for each other no club member is to attempt to romantically pursue either. Punishment will be dire."
Translation: 1 – we are proud yaoi fangirls. 2 – we don't tell people we are. 3 – we don't want to see them fight because when they fight they don't have sex. 4 – we must keep Naruto and Sasuke at the same energy level to ensure maximum amounts of pictures for our photo collection. 5 – they are cute together, don't let some bitch ruin that. 6 – keep them happy so they'll go at it like rabbits. 7 – if you must take pics of them make sure you don't get caught and blow all our cover. 8 – just because you're in the club doesn't mean we won't kill you for making a move on either of them.
You don't mess with Fangirls(boys).
"Ok, when you hear your account's name come up and receive what you paid for." Ino said consulting a list of her own.
"SaturnDragon requested the Love-Love Video, the Bath-time Fun Poster, and the Basic Blushing Picture Set." Ino grimaced, "Who the hell comes up with these product names? We need some new people in the merchandise department." A girl in the third row came up gleefully for her fangirl treats.
"Michiyo Inoue asked for the Doujinshi, Nosebleed Package and she paid the extra for the tissue box with some of the greatest sasunaru moment printed on it." Sakura said taking a look at the list too. Sakura looked up, "This better not be your real name; that could cause awkward questions to float towards you." A girl stood up saying it was not her real name and quickly got her things, hugging the tissue box to her chest and smiling blissfully.
"Clemen, asked for the Love-Love Video, Doujinshi, and the Advanced Picture Set." Ino looked up at her, "You better be 18 to be ordering the Advanced Set." Clemen neither confirmed nor denied anything.
"Your Mom's Face –"Sakura did a double take, "Your Mom's Face? Who the hell put their account name as Your Mom's Face?" the one responsible stood up, grinning from ear to ear. Sakura turned back to the list, "Let's see, you have the, the WHAT? The '12 months of yaoi day by day desk calendar'? What is this?" Sakura consulted the accessories brochure, " '365 full color pictures of Naruto and Sasuke in their most steamy moments, these tear away pictures can be kept for as long as you want because the picture comes apart from the calendar date itself, leaving a normal looking calendar and you with your own collection.' " Sakura looked up, "I want one."
"MOVING on!" Ino said loudly, "Sometimes Inutasha. Who? Oh! Sorry! There you are! Umm, you have the 'I love boys… with other boys' Value Pack. Oh, so that's what this was." Ino got out a bulky pile of assorted things, "Oh, and your next payment is due soon." Ino said quietly.
"This stuff is damn expensive!" Sometimes Intasha hissed. Ino sweatropped, "You got the most expensive thing in the brochure, of course it's expensive!"
"Gay Boy #12?" Sakura asked consulting the list, a blushing boy stood up, "You had the fun in the 'Sun and Surf Picture Pack' right?" the boy nodded still blushing. "Here you go."
"Pink Kunai Knife?" Ino said reading down the list, "Oh that's you Sakura. You got the doujinshi; which you'll be letting me borrow. And you also got the SasuNaru Outdoor Theme Wall Scroll? Where do we get these things?" Sakura took the magazine and wall scroll and put them next to her seat.
"And that's the last of the people who have already paid for their merchandise, the rest of you can come up and give your account name and we'll give you your stuff with a written reminder to pay your tabs." Sakura said regarding the list carefully.
The rest of the girls and the few guys there mobbed the table.
-Several hours and five fights over the last 12 months of yaoi day by day desk calendar later.-
"Well, that was a good third meeting don't you think?" Sakura said walking down the streets with Ino.
Ino nodded, "Who knew that this sort of thing would become so popular? Did you know that there are already other branches of this club?"
"No way! Well, tomorrow is another day!" Sakura said brightly waving good bye to her friend.
"Hold up! You'll need these." Ino handed her a bag, "a camera, extra batteries, extra film, a filter to keep the sun's glare from ruining the pictures, a new zoom lens, and just in case, a small packet of tissues."
"Long live yaoi." Sakura said smiling gleefully at the thought of Naruto and Sasuke going at it during another mission.
"Amen." Ino responded.
---
"I wouldn't know about these things, Dobe." Sasuke said irritably. Naruto, undeterred, kept up the questioning.
"But I'm serious! There was no ramen left in my house and when I opened the cabinets there they were! How do you explain that?" Naruto looked at Sasuke, who only rolled his eyes, "Your sort term memory failure?" Naruto punched his lover in the arm. "Teme."
Sasuke smirked, "Not here, you know how bickering with you gets me." Naruto took his turn to roll his eyes at Sasuke.
"Perv."
"But I'm not giving up, I'm telling you Konoha's gone strange. people aren't sneering at me or cursing me anymore, and I swear there are girls who keep following me around beating up whoever does."
"You don't like the fact that people are treating you better?" Sasuke inquired with raised eyebrows. Naruto punched Sasuke again, "That's not my point, I'm just saying it's such a sudden and extreme deviation from the normal that I think something's going on."
Sasuke looked at Naruto, shocked. Naruto was so happy that Sasuke was finally listening to him and then Sasuke said, "Naruto, I'm impressed. You used the word 'deviation' in the proper context." Naruto did the only thing that was appropriate, he hit him. Again.
"Honestly sometimes I wonder how I fell for you, you asshole." Naruto said crossing his arms and huffing slightly in agitation.
"Keep trying to pick a fight like that and I'll just have to show you in the nearest allyway." Sasuke whispered sexily into Naruto's ear causing him to blush profusely.
There was an audible clicking noise of a camera going off rapidly. Naruto and Sasuke both grimaced; there was a group of girls not far off, one of them taking pictures. They were obviously a group of Sasuke's fans because one of them had a white scarf that had a pattern of what seemed to be Uchiha fans.
Naruto's already frayed temper flared, "Clear off you groupies!"
Realizing that they had been caught the all jumped and blushed embarrassedly. The one with the camera fumbled with it and bowed in apology, "Gomen nasai, Uzumaki-san!"
Both Naruto and Sasuke recoiled at the suffix, no one but no one, called Naruto with the suffix of 'san'. And the others in the group of girls realized it.
"Baka!"
"You did not just do that."
"We're gonna get kicked out for this, I know it!"
The girl who first spoken clapped a hand to her mouth, "Masaka! How could I have been so stupid!"
"You tell us."
"K'so! Let's just haul ass outta here."
"Right behind you!"
The girls collectively turned tail and ran. One of them tripped, colliding into two of the others. They helped each other up and ran to catch up with the others. Naruto walked up to where the girls had fallen, one of them had dropped something out of her pocket. Naruto picked it up.
"They were definitely your groupies, look now they even have membership cards." Naruto held out the card for Sasuke to see. The only text on the front was 'FAN CLUB' but there was a picture of the SasuNaru Uchiha fan and Uzumaki spiral within it.
"This isn't my family's crest. There's no spiral in the top portion." Naruto spotted something, "Hey there's a name on the back. Kitsuna Ri? What kind of a name is that? Is 'Kitsuna' even a word?"
"It's obviously an alias." Sasuke said exasperatedly.
"There's something going on in Konoha. And it's affecting the girls." Naruto said thoughtfully.
"You're grasping at straws. There's nothing going on but a group of strange girls, and girls are strange to begin with." Sasuke replied in a bored fashion.
"Well, I say something's up!" Naruto said defiantly.
"And I say that you and thinking is rare for a reason." Sasuke said rubbing the bridge of his nose.
"Hey!"
End Chappie 2
Well, school's out and I had all day to myself basically. I got up at 9:40, it's 11:00 now, I was only out of the house for 2 ½ hours, and I basically wrote this whole thing today so... ... DAMN.
If you said in your review you wanted to join the sasunaru fanclub I mentioned our screen name in the chappie. Anyone else wanna join?
Sorry no real SasuNaru hard core slash like last time but -shruggs- what can I say? It didn't seem to fit in this chapter. Next chappie though! I promise!
I will update as soon as school permits! But reviews help me to write faster!