Chapter 13: The Last Chappie Wahhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

They had been walking in silence for some minutes. Neither wanted to start the conversation, knowing that once it was started there would be no stopping the inevitable and chances are it would end badly. Kai was trying to find a way to say what he had to in the least harsh way possible but he knew that there was no lessening what he had to do. Ray was racking his brain trying to figure out what he did wrong and how he could fix it without Kai breaking up with him. His brain kept drawing a blank and instead just visualized all the worst possible ways that Kai could and probably would use to break his heart. Finally, Ray couldn't take the silence anymore. He was far to close to a breakdown from his break up scenarios to draw it out anymore.

"So are you planning on stopping anytime soon or are we going on some weird type of spirit walk?" Ray tried to joke to lighten the mood. They stopped walking.

"A spirit walk," Kai looked puzzled for a moment. Until then he had been lost in his own little world. Lost in thought trying to figure out what he could tell Ray, he almost forgot that the boy was walking beside him. He couldn't decide if he was going to give him the whole story, starting with his and Tala's relationship all those years ago, or if he was going to give him the short hand version which consisted of a lot of apologizing and several clichés but no real in depth explanations. Would he just come out and say it right away or start a conversation first? Either way he had to say something now before he lost his nerve. When Ray started talking again it caught him off guard once again.

"Yeah you know what a spirit walk is don't you? Usually in most cultures it's a journey mostly on foot, much like this one, with no clear purpose, much like this one. It's supposed to be some enlightening right of passage where they learn some life lesson."

"I know what a spirit walk is. And we're not going on a journey or anywhere in particular really. I just didn't want to do this at Tyson's house with everyone there. Heck I'm not even sure I want to do this at all." Ray's heart clenched. So he was right. Kai did bring him here to break up with him.

"Then don't do it then." 'Please don't do this Kai. Please tell me that you just brought me out here to tell me that you're sorry for avoiding me and that nothing's wrong.' No matter how much he prayed he knew that that wasn't what was going to happen.

"I kind of have to." Kai looked down at the concrete. He knew Ray's eyes had a questioning look in them.

"Why do you have to? That doesn't sound like the Kai I know. Since when do you do stuff you don't want to do just because you have to?"

"It's complicated."

"So uncomplicate it. Tell me why you have to break up with me." This time Kai did look up and into his eyes. 'Please tell me that I'm being paranoid and that you're not going to dump me.'

"I really wish that right now I could honestly say that wasn't coming to break up with you but I am and I'm sorry." He tried to hold Ray's gaze but this time it was Ray who was studying the ground.

"I don't get it. The other night you tell me you love me and now you say that you don't want to break up with me but you have to. What on Earth did I do wrong because I seriously can't think of anything I did to make you do something so…..drastic?"

"This is going to sound really cliché but it really wasn't you. It's me." Ray rolled his eyes.

"I can deal with a cryptic Kai. I'm used to that but now this is just plain ridiculous. You're staring at the floor, avoiding the problem and now you're using lines like it's not you it's me! Was I seriously that traumatizing that I changed you into an idiot?"

"Like I said this has nothing to do with you."

"The hell it doesn't. How can the end of a relationship that I'm supposed to be apart of have absolutely nothing to do with me? Explain it to me because I am lost."

"It's all my fault. I never should have committed to a relationship when…"

"When what? Don't tell me…..you're secretly married…or no you're secretly a woman. Is that it huh? You just wait till someone tells you that they love you and then you crush them. You tell me you love me and then you shatter my heart. What could you possibly have realized that is so life altering that you didn't know before we started dating?"

"I wasn't lying when I told you that I loved you. You should know me well enough by now to know that I don't joke about things like that." Ray looked him square in the eyes.

"I thought I knew you but look where that got me. I sleep with you and then you break you with me. I know you weren't just in it for my body because if that were the case you would've went for a random person not a teammate and risk compromising our titles as world champs." The more Ray thought about what he just said the more he knew it was true. Kai isn't the type of person to just do something like this randomly and out of the blue. He was doing this because he thought that this was the best course of action.

"I'm sorry. I'm done ranting. I'll let you explain now."

"Thanks. Ummm… this isn't something I just randomly realized though. I've always known and I even tried to do something about it but until a few days ago nothing ever worked."

"And what have you always known?" Kai took a deep breath.

"That I was already in love with someone else." He looked down and waited for Ray to explode again. When it didn't come he slowly looked up at Ray. Ray was frozen in place with a shocked look on his face. He hadn't really expected that even with all of the scenes that ran through his head earlier. He was about to ask who but then it came to him. It was obvious. When he and Kai had first gotten together he was skeptical of his 'friendship' Tala but he never really said anything. He just figured that it was one of those weird Blitzkrieg Boys things. The type where everyone just goes that's really odd but you can't really try to understand because of what they went through as children. Even still, he never got the impression that Kai and Tala would go behind his back.

"Tala." He said it out loud, not really looking for confirmation because he was positive that that was who it was, especially if Kai said he knew long before they had gotten together. It was more of a simple statement. Kai understood that and just nodded not knowing what else to do.

"So when did this all start?"

"When we were inn the abbey together." Ray gave him a look that said 'care to elaborate.'

"We were roommates and partners from the time I got there when I was three until the time I left when I was nine. We were close. We were the only family each other had. I mean the other guys were there too but they weren't nearly as close as me and Tala. Eventually, it kind of grew to more than just a simple friendship or a brotherhood. It was like we were two parts of the same person. You probably don't even understand how intense it was and it may sound weird to anyone outside of the abbey because we were all so young but life was different there. You didn't have a childhood. You went from zero to one hundred in a second. You were a soldier from the minute you walked through those iron gates. There was no children allowed in that abbey. We were all adults. By the time we were five we had been through more than what most people don't even experience in a life time. We all naturally clung to each other and that was the only way to survive. They wanted us to be cold heartless soldiers who had no emotions but that's impossible and besides that the life of a soldier could be cut short at anytime. If you didn't finish your training right or complete it or you slipped up you died. No questions asked. So in our short secluded lives we tried to do as much as possible. That's just the way things were there. Brian was with Spencer. I was with Tala. Ian had someone too but he died when we were eight. We went out to the mountains in the dead of winter for survival training. All we had was a knife and our beyblades. They didn't give us jackets. They didn't give us food or water or even a flashlight for when it got dark. And they dumped us all in different places so that we had to do it alone. They called it extreme conditioning. I was lucky I had Dranzer to keep me warm while I looked for the others and Tala had Wolborg so he was already used to the cold. We found each other first. Then Brian. Then Spencer. Then Ian. But for some reason we just couldn't find Adam. We looked all night to the point that even with Dranzer's heat we all caught pneumonia and even then we couldn't find him. We had a time limit so we had to go back or else we would all get punished. We just hoped that Adam got lucky and found his way back without us but we knew it wasn't likely. Either way we searched for him when we got back to the abbey. Even though we weren't allowed to ask about those who failed Ian just couldn't help it. He asked one of the wardens if Adam ever made it back and we found out that he didn't. Ian got twenty five whippings with the metal rod for it but he didn't care. Even after he was bloody and weak and pretty much half dead from malnutrition and dehydration he still kept looking for Adam. He refused to believe that he hadn't come back. He refused to believe that he agreed to go back to the abbey just to save his hide when the only person he ever loved was dying the worse death all by himself. None of us really wanted to believe it. We wanted to believe that he was one of the lucky few who managed to escape. None of us did but that's what we wanted to believe. The next day, the next wave of 'soldiers' went out to do the same overnight training and when they came back they told us……" Ray wanted so badly to ask what they told them but at the same time he was too horrified to ask. Either way he knew that in his own time, Kai would finish his story.

"That they found his body in the back of a cave. His body was frozen solid. We are trained to fight the cold even when we have nothing to help us fight back with but I guess Adam just couldn't do it anymore. He waited all night for us and we never came. I'm pretty sure that I'm not the only one who still hasn't fully forgiven himself for that. No matter how much we tease Ian now and tell him to shut up none of us really mean it. Seeing Ian like that, silent as the death that took his other half from him, energetic, silly, emotional Ian unable to move, unable to speak, we all made a pact to never let that happen again. We promised each other that we wouldn't die, that we would never disappear and leave each other like that. So when I disappeared when I was nine, you can almost imagine what Tala went through. He thought I broke my promise. He thought that I had died too. So when I showed up at the Russian world tournament you can imagine all of their shock right. At the end of the first day, Tala came to me in tears telling me all of this stuff about me and him and how he knew I would never break our promise. I was absolutely lost though. I had no memory of any of them. No recollection of anything he told me. All that I knew was that my heart ached when he was near me and I didn't like it so I left him. Again. For some reason it hurt even worse to walk away from him but I kept going. By the time I started getting my memory back it was too late. Boris had already damaged Tala beyond repair. When I went to him he told me that I might as well be dead. It broke my heart but I won't deny that I deserved it. When they took me, I should have fought harder. I should have tried everything possible to get back to him. But I didn't. But I didn't and it destroyed Tala. I wasn't strong enough…..to protect myself, to protect him, to get back to him, to keep my promise, to do anything. But then, I got another chance. When the next tournament came and they were in it, I tried everything I could to get back to him, to get him to forgive me. I even went back to Russia, even though I hate that place with such a passion, but it didn't work. So I came back here and I started talking to you. And for the first time in almost ten years everything didn't feel completely hopeless. In the back of my mind I always knew that it was selfish, that I was selfish for using you as a replacement for Tala and I'm so sorry. But when Tala kissed me I finally felt whole, alive, for the first time in a long time. I don't ever want to lose that feeling again. I never wanted to hurt you. And after everything you've done for me, whether you realize it or not, I probably wouldn't have made it this long without you. And to think this is how I repay you…………..God I hate myself sometimes. No matter how strong I get I'm still the weak and pathetic Kai that can't help but hurt the people I cared for the most. First my family, then Tala and now you. I'm sorry Ray." He looked up at Ray one last time. Both could see the pain evident on the others face.

"I should probably go. I have to make sure the idiots don't blow up my house getting ready for Ian's party and Tala's probably worried by now…."

"Yeah, I guess you should." Kai turned to go when Ray spoke again.

"I guess I'll see you later then. Umm….do you need us to bring anything to the party tonight?" Kai turned all the way back around looking bewildered and then astonished.

"You mean you're still going to come? Even after everything I put you through? And Tala will be there too and I'll be with him. Are you sure you'd be okay? I'm sure Ian would understand if you didn't show." Just then Ray smiled.

"Don't worry about me. I'll get over you eventually. Besides, this is Ian's first real birthday party right? All of his friends have to be there to help him celebrate. And don't worry about me seeing you with Tala. You two have been through far more than any other human being should have to endure. Who am I to stand in between that kind of love? You deserve to finally be happy." He realized that what he just said was true. He would be okay as long as he knew that Kai was truly happy and from the smile on the other boy's face he was. Ray knew it would still hurt but he was confident that he would get over it soon enough. He turned to walk away when Kai pulled him into a hug. Realizing that this would probably be the last time that he would be this close to Kai he held on tight. He could have sworn he felt tear drops on his shoulder but by the time they both let go and stood up straight Kai's eyes were only a little misty.

"Now get out of here before Tala comes after me. Tell him he better treat you right or else he'll have to answer to me."

"Thank you Ray." Kai turned and left. As Ray watched him get farther and farther away, he let his tears fall. When Kai turned the corner and out of sight, he finally turned and headed back to Tyson's house. In no real rush, he took his time. He let his tears run dry and when the last one fell he promised himself that it would be the last one. He eventually made it back to Tyson's where Lee was sitting on top of the outer gate waiting for him. At first he looked alarmed at the tear streaks but the smile on Ray's face made him relax a bit.

"Are you okay Ray?" Lee started to look concerned again when it took such a long time for him to answer back.

"I will be. Eventually." Ray just smiled again and made his way inside the house to wash his face before anybody saw him and started asking questions. As he felt Lee watch over him as walked, he had a feeling that even though he was in pain now he would never feel lonely. He would be okay soon.

Kai was lost in thought the entire walk home so it took longer than it should have but the closer and closer to home he got, the more anxious he was to be in Tala's arms again. When he finally made it home, he silently made a mental note to be happy later that his house was still in tact. Right now the only thing he wanted to focus on was Tala. He walked in and took off his shoes. When he looked up he saw him, the red headed Russian that he had waited and wanted to be with for so long. Tala wrapped his arms around him, smiling. They both felt complete, whole.

"Do you promise never to leave me again?"

"I swear as long as you do to."

"Of course I do."

"Well, it's about damn time you two got back together, but now that you have I must say…….GET A ROOM!" Kai picked his recently discarded shoe and threw it in Ian's direction but by that time he had already run off to tell the other two that the mission was a total and complete success. Kai and Tala were officially back together and from the way they were holding each other it was going to stay that way for a very long time.

End

A/n: So I'm thinking of doing a sequel called Healing Ray that will be a Ray/Lee fic and a prequel called The Lost Years (Not very original but oh well). It will answer all the unanswered questions that I left about Kai's parents. And maybe a side story about Ian because he's neglected far too much. I need reviews first though. Preferably five but I'm easy (not in the literal sense and I'll settle for 4) and also let me say. I have learned my lesson. Have the entire story written out before you start posting because otherwise if you get smacked with a cinder block called writer's it takes forever to update and you make wonderful readers and reviewers like you wait forever. Thank you all for putting up with me while I got my first fic out.

Thank you. Arigato. Kham sah ham nee dah. Merci. Grazi. Gracias.

Sabuku out……….for now. ^-^