Part 2 – Running, Breathing, Listening
Colby's feet pounded the asphalt to the rhythm of his anger.
How could they? He trusted them! He'd let them take his little girl, no questions asked. Did that make him a bad father? No, it was them, they were the bad guardians. Nena wouldn't even be able to hold up a gun. Was she scared? Was she excited? Did she think it was cool and wanted to do it again? She was too young, too young. He'd rather have had to given her the sex talk then let her lift a gun. Couldn't there be anything in his life that wasn't touched by violence? Even Charlie was around violence, sometimes almost jaded to it. He'd lose Nena to the gun, too. Should he have taken her to the range himself? Showed her hands-on how scary guns were? That wasn't the point! Don and Will had gone around his back, because they knew he would say no. How could he have said anything but no? His baby with a gun in her hand.
Colby felt sick and he pushed the pace harder. Thoughts followed him like chattering demons. Ignoring the pain and the need for oxygen, he tried to outrun them.
When Megan knocked on the front door of the Eppes home, she didn't get an answer. All the lights were on, however, and Charlie was expecting her, so she let herself inside. Alan was sitting on the couch, his hands clenched between his knees. His face was pinched with anxiety.
"Hi," Megan said quietly.
Alan looked up, startled from whatever thoughts made his face so grim.
"Charlie called me," Megan said. "Asked me to come over."
"Oh," Alan said. "So you heard."
"Yeah," Megan said, sitting next to Alan and putting her hand on his forearm. "How are you doing?"
"How should I be doing?" Alan said with more than a trace of bitterness. "One of my sons has done something unforgivable against the child of my other son. God, there are already so many guns in this house. To do that to her …"
"What did they do to her?" Megan asked gently.
"Are they trying to make her into one of them?" Alan continued, as if she hadn't spoken. "More violence, more guns, more dark faces and things 'it's better if you don't know.' How could I have raised such a son? And Will, I thought he was good for Don, but now I see Will's just dragging Don down deeper into it."
"Hang on," Megan said, forcing him to look at her. "You're not making sense. What do you think Will and Don did to Nena?"
"Taught her how to shoot a gun," Alan snapped. "I thought you knew that."
"Yes, but—"
Megan was interrupted by the sound of Charlie coming down the stairs. He was rubbing his eyes.
"She's finally asleep," Charlie said quietly. "She cried herself to sleep. I think she was most upset about Cole and Will yelling at each other." Slowly, Charlie came to sit down on the couch. "I think that she heard a lot of yelling at her mom's house."
"See?" Alan said. "Violence breeds violence!"
Megan blinked. It was almost as if Alan was saying that Nena had gone out and robbed a liquor store. "Hang on," she repeated. "I think you might be jumping to some wrong conclusions here."
The front door opened and in stepped Colby, dripping with sweat. He was gasping for breath and there was some white around his eyes. Megan jumped to her feet, grabbing his arm as he began to sag.
"Walk, Granger, keep moving," she commanded, guiding him in a shuffling walk around the table. "Charlie, get some water." She continued to circle with him, feeling like a horse trainer walking a horse after a hard workout. Normally, Colby could take care of himself, but this time he seemed oblivious to his body's demands.
Charlie returned with a glass of water and Megan forced Colby to take a few swallows. His breathing slowly calmed down, though it still sounded ragged.
"Are you going to be okay?" Megan asked.
The green eyes that turned towards Megan were anything but okay. Colby looked angry and terrified and guilty, all at once.
"Okay, dumb question," Megan said dryly. "What I meant is do I have to call an ambulance and have them bring a crash cart or are you going to live?"
That got the faintest twitch of Colby's lips, the faintest ghost of Colby's usual wry grin, but at least it was something. He nodded and sipped at the drink in his hand. She guided him to a chair and let him sit.
"Alright, people," she said, putting her hands on her hips and addressing the three of them. "The first thing we're going to do is get the facts straight. I called Don so I know exactly what they did at the gun range, and you're going to sit here and listen to me tell you, without interruption." She eyed each of them until she saw reluctant agreement on their faces.
She took a deep breath. Her own thoughts on this situation didn't matter at the moment. She was an instrument of understanding, called here by a friend to try and manage a disaster before it tore this family apart. In a way, it was her family, too. She hadn't realized, until it was threatened, how much the extended Eppes family meant to her, how much that love and stability buoyed her. She was fighting for herself now, too, and she had the tools. Those, plus love and a shit-load of luck, and they all might get through this alive.
Holding their attention, Megan went through the story, step by step, calmly and without passion. She emphasized several points – One, that Nena had never been allowed to hold a gun entirely by herself. Two, Nena had never been in danger. Three, that Nena, despite having been told repeatedly before that she was never to touch a gun, had been eager for the lesson. And four, that the lesson had been effective in its intention, teaching Nena that guns were scary and not to be handled.
After she finished, the room was silent for a moment as each man sorted through his thoughts.
Megan cleared her throat. "So that leaves us with two important questions. Why did Don and Will believe that Nena needed this lesson and why did they not ask permission?"
She focused on the large blond man, who sat with one hand over his eyes. "Colby, why do you think that they didn't ask permission?"
Colby took his hand away and glared at her. "Because I would have said 'no.' Will said it was too important to take the chance I'd say no."
"Okay." Megan turned to Alan. "Why do you think they didn't ask?"
"Obviously because they thought they knew better than her own father," he snapped.
"Alright." Megan then asked her question for a third time to Charlie.
Charlie looked at her then looked down at his hands. "What Colby said," he mumbled.
Megan gave Charlie a curious glance then continued, "Then, let's address Alan's thought first. Have Don and Will and Colby clashed on parental choices before?"
Everyone looked at Colby who shrugged. "Maybe sometimes they let her stay up too late or eat too much ice cream. Nothing big like this."
"So there's something specific to this issue that made them behave differently," Megan said.
"This isn't an issue like when bed time is," Alan growled. "This is about violence and a whole family steeped in violence and guns and more guns and another goddamned Fed in my family."
Megan blinked. Even Colby and Charlie looked surprised by Alan's outburst. With Alan, this was obviously a much deeper issue. He was a man of peace and surrounded by men of war. Alan subsided into his chair, looking a little shame-faced.
"It's true, though," Colby said quietly. "I wanted, I wanted her to stay out of my world. It's the main reason I never pushed Jenny for more time with her before. I thought with being in the FBI, I'd be more settled, and it would be okay, but it follows me anyway, the ugliness. Guns are a necessary evil in my job, but I never wanted to bring that home with me."
"But you do," Megan said. "You bring your gun home with you. That's the point."
Colby's eyes snapped up to hers. "Are you saying you think they did the right thing?"
"I'm not saying anything like that," Megan said, backpedaling. "I'm just saying that, previous to tonight, Nena might already not have been as untouched by your world as you might have liked. What is her favorite game? Playing 'Fed' and catching bad guys."
"God," Colby groaned and put his head in his hands. "I never should have brought her here."
Megan kneeled down in front of Colby and took his hands in hers. She forced Colby to meet her eyes. "Colby Granger," she said quietly but with unmistakable certainty. "You are a good father. You have given Nena a better home than she has ever had. You have given her love and stability and positive role models, both personally and in your relationships. She's growing into a strong, confident, bright girl, and you're a big part of why."
"Then, why wasn't it enough?" Colby asked, his anger returning. "Why did Don and Will do this?"
"That's our next question, isn't it?" Megan said, straightening up. She went to the dining room table and pulled a chair over. She set the chair down, sat on it, and faced the three men squarely. "Why did Don and Will think that your excellent parenting wasn't doing the job when it came to guns? I want to hear your ideas first, then I'll tell you mine."