( Victor gets on stage dressed as a rapper)
VICTOR: (sings)I'm gonna take you to the candy shop...
Victor: No Victoria wait ,you dont understand . . . she's dead . . . look
Emily: beep you!
Victor: uh...no. necrophelia baby! i'm not into that!
Nell Van Dort: It's not me its my dress that's caught!
William Van Dort: Not its not! Dont even lie! it's your fat beep that's caught woman! belive me, i know. . ."
VICTOR VAN DORT: Tomorrow, we are to be... mmmm... mmmm...
VICTORIA EVERGLOT: Parents?
VICTOR VAN DORT: Wrong movie, stupid!
( Sees Victor and Victoria alone)
MAUDELINE EVERGLOTT: What is this?!?!?!?! You two shouldnt be alone together!
VICTORIA: Then how do you expect any grandkids?
( Pause)
MAUDELINE EVERGLOTT: Okay, you get SOME alone time.
The scene on the bridge, the only time when Victor and the Corpse Bride kiss
Victor: "I've just been molested by Tutankhamun's horny granny! Ugh the taste! I'm going to wash out my mouth with toilet duck!"
Victor: And with this hand, I will-
Emily comes out of nowhere, and finishes for him.
Emily: CUP MY CHESTICLES!!!
Town Crier thinking while watching Emily kiss Victor on the bridge:
"He's seriously going to need a lot of mouthwash after kissing those lips."
Emily on top of stairs seeing Victor climb up.
Emily: Ooh, I can only pick him up with my right hand which is skeletal now. Let's see. I know. (Tightens screw in her joints.) There. That ought to do the trick.
Crier: Victor Van Dort elopes with corpse
William: Did he say corpse?
Nell: Oh beep Not again! He just divorced that last one!
( Bonejangles gets done singing "Remains of the Day". It's set up like American Idol.)
RANDY: You were pretty good, dawg!
PAULA: Loved it!
SIMON: Dreadful, absolutely dreadful!
VICTORIA: Victor, I feel the same!
( About to kiss)
VICTORIA: Hold on.( pulls out lipstick) Alright, good.
( About to kiss again)
VICTORIA: Hold on again!
VICTOR: What now???
( Victoria pulls out condoms)
VICTOR: Hey, those are for the honeymoon!
VICTORIA: Ah, hell. It's close enough!
Emily- Ahem, Victor?
Victor- What?
Emily-do you think its time to uhhh . .. consummate the marriage?
Victor- WHAT?
Emily- (lifts her skirt)
Victor: OH MY GOD! (Gags)
Emily- Maggots! Ha Ha Ha! Yeah . . . lotsa maggots. (points to her eye) He has extended family.