sorry for the lack of update for this story?... really, you can kill me if you want. i promise ill try and update more for this story! i'm sorry! just please review so I know someone's still reading this! Heh..

Sick Cycle

Kairi was, to say the least, completely enraged when she realized that I hadn't spoken to Riku for six months now. It was almost the end of April. Riku had been gone since the end of August. He had been gone for almost eight months now, but it felt like eternity. It was getting harder to imagine his voice. His face though, was forever burned into my mind. Silver hair, beautiful green eyes, handsome body. It was getting harder to even remember how it /felt/ to actually /touch/ him. It was even getting harder to forget him.

Kairi and Tidus told me that if Riku ever showed his face here again, they'd push him down the stairs. I asked why, and Tidus replied curtly with, "That way he'll feel half the pain we've felt by him ignoring all of us."

I doubted they missed him as much as I did. It was weird. I never thought I'd allow myself to actually /miss/ him this much. My freshman year was almost over and it had been entirely Riku-less. I thought that maybe things were going to be fine at the beginning of the year. Back when Riku text-messaged me during assemblies and on my birthday and stuff like that. That was when I was gullible … though, I still sort of am. If he were to suddenly reappear and tell me something/anything/, I'd believe him.

If I have anything to be happy over, it's Tidus' relationship. Tidus and Namine started dating 'officially' after Homecoming. Tidus claims that he's never felt so much /love/ for one person before. They make a great couple. I'm sort of envious of their happiness.

Me and Kairi, though, didn't work out so well. I feel bad … for her not knowing the truth. Which leads me to the present, right now.

"Sora, what did you want to tell me?"

Kairi sat in my desk chair, her legs swaying back and forth off the edge. Her red hair was pulled back in a messy ponytail whilst a few stray strands fell in her face, accenting her purplish eyes. The teenager stared at me for awhile, as if silently urging me to speak. She's my best friend nowadays, so it kind of feels wrong not telling her the truth.

My eyes rose from the bed over to her. Purple briefly met blue before I timidly looked away. My legs crisscrossed on the bed as I exhaled deeply. I needed to tell her. I needed to tell someone. It was gnawing at my heart and making me feel downright sick. I'm surprised I haven't gotten an ulcer.

"Sora, you can tell me anything," Kairi reassured me. The red-head arose from the chair and relocated herself beside me. A comforting arm draped around my neck as she smiled.

My stomach knotted and I looked to her, eyes involuntarily clouding with tears. I forced myself not to cry. Boys weren't supposed to. Especially teenager boys. I then clenched my fists tightly, watching my knuckles turn white. "I…" I began nervously, throat feeling dry all of a sudden.

"Come on, Sora. Just say it, I won't get mad or anything," Kairi urged, patting my shoulder with assurance.

It was now or never. Though, never looked quite appealing… My mind wasn't working, so I just blurted out the first things that came to mind, "I miss Riku!"

I don't know why I had yelled it, or why my voice cracked as badly as I did. My nails dug deeper into my palm as I sat there, my body slightly shaking from nerves. Tears clouded my vision again, making it harder to 'come it together'.

I was surprised when I felt my body being pulled into a comforting hug. Consoling murmurs that I couldn't quite understand came my way as Kairi wrapped her arms around me. Her thin and feminine fingers sifted through my hair, massaging the scalp like a mother would do to their child. Instead of yelling or laughing like I thought she would, she was doing her best to calm me down. It was then that I realized Kairi had always been there and it was foolish of me to think any less.

"I just miss him so much," I whimpered, my arms resting in my lap as I laid my head under the crook of her neck. My eyes shut tightly as I sat there, trying to calm myself down. My mind, though, was having none of that until I said everything. "He… he hasn't talked to me since my birthday … and he promised he would and … he …"

"I understand, Sora," Kairi whispered sympathetically, putting her chin on my shoulder. "We all miss him."

"Kairi," my voice cracked once more. "I miss him /too/ much," I tried to explain, my body trembling against her. I felt /pathetic/, really. "I can't get him out of my mind …"

Kairi paused. The teenager pulled out of the embrace to look me in the eye. Caring purple hues locked with mine, trying to understand what I was telling her. She /wanted/ to understand. I could just /see/ it in her eyes. "Sora?" she asked quietly.

"The…reason I couldn't… date you… or anyone else," I attempted, a tear falling down my tanned cheek. "Is… because… I just can't… forget about Riku…"

Kairi blinked a few times. "Why would ?" she asked confusedly.

There was no easy way to say this. My eyes peered upwards, once again meeting hers. "Kairi, you're my best friend," I began/praying/ that she would comprehend and accept what I was about to say. A cleared my throat just a bit. "So I wanted you to be the person I told, because I don't think anyone else would understand."

Kairi nodded, her eyes drenched with trepidation. "Tell me what?"

"…I love him."

The silence wasn't that reassuring. I /hoped/ that she didn't start going off on how 'everyone loved Riku' and that we were all friends. I hoped that she knew that when I said love, I meant love. The kind of "not being able to live without you" type that romance novels are made of. Never before had I wanted someone to be as perceptive as I wanted Kairi to be at this moment.

Kairi appeared a bit dazed. Sudden realization spread across her beautiful features before whispering an almost inaudible, "Oh." A moment passed before her hand slipped onto my shoulder, dragging me back to reality. "Sora, I had no idea." A frown then appeared on her face. I was afraid that she was disgusted in me. "Does he know?"

"No," I replied emptily.

"I can sort of see why you didn't tell him," Kairi reasoned, her fingers lightly curling around my shoulder. "God, Sora. I can barely imagine what it's been like for you…" she trailed off, her mind thinking back to the past months.

It was hell. It was complete hell. I refused to date anyone for two reasons. One, because the female body did nothing for me whatsoever (though I did admire it. It just didn't attract me). And two, because I was hopelessly in love with Riku, and every time I tried to forget about him, something happened that made me remember him. And when that happened, I just wanted to cry. It was like a love story gone bad.

"He had no idea," I whispered. "He had no idea that every time he did something odd, I'd suddenly feel like there was hope. Hope that maybe he loved me too." It was so odd to say the word 'love' out loud. "I just thought that maybe, just maybe, that he would figure it out and not be appalled."

"Sora," Kairi said compassionately, trying to smile, urging me to 'let it all out'.

"And when he stopped calling, I thought that maybe I did something wrong. I thought that maybe he finally fell in love with someone that wasn't me. So I tried to forget about him, but I every time I do… I just can't." And that was it.

"Sora," Kairi said again. I was suddenly starting to loathe my name. "I know that you won't believe me when I say I understand, because I know that I can barely begin to say that I know how you feel. But please try and believe me when I say that I'm so sorry for what's happened."

"Thanks, Kairi," I murmured, glad that she didn't think I was any less of a person. I had been /so/ terrified that if I told her she would get upset or be disgusted.

"No problem, Sora," Kairi said with a faint laugh, relief flooding into her voice as she smiled warmly at me. A pause. "Hey, if it isn't too much on you, you think you're up for calling the bloke?"

I froze. "Wh…at?" My word was spaced out with an uneasy pause. "I couldn't…he'd…"

"Ask him why he hasn't called any of us or something," Kairi said and then paused. "Hand me your phone, I'll do it. I want to give him a piece of my mind."

"Please don't!-" I suddenly was /horrified/ at the idea of Kairi speaking to Riku. My tears were gone and now all that remained was fear and nerves.

"I'm not going to tell him that," Kairi reassured me. "I'm just going to say that I don't appreciate him blowing us off."

"…fine…" I caved. I knew Kairi wouldn't back down. And besides, she had promised not to mention me whatsoever, so there was no chance that Riku would get mad at me, right? I reached for my cell phone that was on my bureau. With one quick bend, I snagged it and tossed it at Kairi.

"Thank you," Kairi hummed as he flipped it open and searched through my address book. Once she had found his number, she grinned victoriously and rose the phone to her ear, brushing her hair out of the way.

One ring…

Riku . . . "I tried to earn my way"
"Roxas! You cheat!"

Axel had resorted to tackling Roxas to the ground with rage. The fiery red-head pinned the blonde beneath him, unusually bright green eyes staring down at his prey. Lips curved into a look of half anger and half adoration. The blonde writhed beneath him, glaring up at his attacker. "I don't cheat. I'm just better at the game then you," Roxas seethed, trying to push Axel off him, not taking kindly to their position.

"Guys…" I mumbled from the couch, lifting my gaze off my book. "Can we please keep the arguing down to a minimum?"

"Riku," Axel sang my name, lips curving up into a smirk as he let Roxas go. The blonde huffed loudly and resumed playing DDR like nothing had happened. Axel, though, stalked his way over to the couch, his hands on his hips like what I said had offended him. Perhaps it did. I don't really know. "You know that Roxas' arguing is just his way of showing his love for me."

"Doubt it," Roxas snapped as he stomped a bit vengefully onto the right arrow at the beginning of the song.

"Liar," Axel hummed before taking a seat next to me. "It's such a nice view from here," Axel commented, eyes glued to the blonde's moving backside.

My lips formed a frown as I looked towards him. "Are you always going to be a pervert?" I mumbled, a bit annoyed.

"Perhaps," Axel answered with a shrug. "I mean, we always come here after school, so it's my right to always be a pervert. That is, until Roxas gives in and admits his undying love for me!"

"Not going to happen," Roxas called as he continued on.

"I love the challenge," Axel said with a flirty grin before crossing his arms. "How'd your date with Yuffie go?"

"Don't remind me," I groaned, raising my hand to my head. "You know as well as I do that the date was a sympathy date. The girl was all over me the entire time," I continued with a shudder. "I barely watched the movie. I had to keep breaking away from her death-grip."

"Aw, poor Riku," Axel teased, his shoulders shrugging. "Maybe she'll take a hint?"

"Maybe," I replied.

"Maybe if you weren't so absorbed in your books and so damn distant, you wouldn't have to resort to Yuffie," Axel explained nonchalantly.

"I don't want date," I argued, squinting my eyes a bit. "We've gone over this a thousand times."

"I know," Axel laughed as he tossed his spikes over his shoulder. "It just never gets old."

"I'm sure…" I sighed the words.

Before Axel had time to comment, the phone rang. Roxas ignored it completely and continued on with his pounding on the dance mat. Before I could stand up to go answer it, Axel had charged out of the living room, into the kitchen. My eyes narrowed as I quickly followed him. By the time I entered the kitchen, Axel had already answered it.

"Hello," Axel said deeply into the phone, waiting eagerly for a response.

"What if it's my parents?" I groaned quietly.

"They know me well enough to not care," Axel said, covering the voice-piece.

"Hi… is Riku there?" The voice on the other end asked.

"Yes he is," Axel answered in a hum, arching his eyebrows over at me. "May I ask who's calling?"

"Someone who needs to talk to him," the voice retorted quickly.

"Uh-huh…" Axel trailed off.

"Who's this?" the voice asked with lack of amusement.

"Axel, at your service," Axel said flirtingly, detecting the female voice at once. "I'm certain that I can entertain you far more than Riku can."

"Just give him the phone," groaned the female.

"Fine," Axel sighed and tossed the phone in my direction. "Have fun with that," Axel said and made his way towards the door. He paused, though, listening to see exactly who it was and why they had been so … demanding.

"Hello?" I asked, a bit hesitant. It was a rarity that someone other than Yuffie called.

"Hello, Riku." Resentment was evident in the female's voice.

At once, a shudder slipped down my spine as my hand gripped the phone tighter. How did she?… "Kairi?" I practically demanded, eyebrows knitting in frustration.

"Kairi?" Axel echoed, tilting his head to the side in curiosity.

"Yes, it's Kairi. First off, what gives you the right to completely ignore all of us? What, are we not good enough for you now, Riku? Are you never going to come back? Are you tired of us?" The questions kept coming at me, making me feel a bit defensive and angry. All right, more than angry. I wasn't in the mood to talk to Kairi.

"I don't think what I do concerns you, Kairi," I snapped.

"Of course it concerns me! All of us here think you hate us, which you probably do," Kairi hissed at me.

"Well, that's comforting to know," I retorted, fingers threatening to shred the phone to pieces. "How'd you get this number?" I don't remember telling Kairi the number. How'd she get it?

"Wouldn't you like to know," Kairi said resentfully.

I was about to cuss at her but I paused. In the background I heard a faint voice, nearly begging her to hang up the phone and to stop. My eyes went wide and then emotionless. Axel noticed this, because he made his way over, looking at me with sudden concern. I was silent for a while, listening to the soft voice that Kairi was arguing with.

"Just so you know, Riku, you're not welcome here. Ever." And with that Kairi disconnected the phone call.

I dropped the phone to the ground, completely forgetting her voice entirely and her threat. My eyes relocated down onto the ground as my breathing became a bit … uneven.

"Riku… you look sick, you okay?" Axel asked nervously, jabbing me in the side.

"I'm…fine…" I lied, leaving the kitchen. The phone remained on the ground. I wasn't going to pick it up. Not for awhile…

Sora . . . "I tried to change this mind"

"I can't believe you did that!"

"He deserved it," Kairi huffed and crossed her arms, appearing quite flustered. "He had the nerve to act like we had done something wrong! He was the one to move! The nerve of that guy," Kairi said angrily.

"Kairi…" I whispered, regretting having allowed her to call him.

"He had his weirdo friend over. The guy was trying to rape me through the phone," Kairi sighed and looked at me with a faint smile. "Sora, don't worry. He doesn't know you gave me the number. Even if he did, it doesn't matter."

"I feel kind of sick," I muttered, hanging my head low.

"Sora…" Kairi said quietly. "I'm sorry … If I upset you."

"It's fine," I answered with a shrug.

"Want to go get something to eat?" Kairi suggested. "My treat?"

"That sounds nice…"

Riku Karada … I still love you and it hurts that you're abusing that.

Riku ... "You better believe that I tried to beat this"

"Someone looks like he just died," Axel commented as we re-entered the living room.

I remained silent and took a seat on the couch. My mind was spinning in a thousand different directions. My heart hurt and I was getting a head-ache. Roxas had finally stopped playing his game altogether. The blonde passed a glance over his shoulder at me before walking over and taking a seat on my other side. I must have looked pretty bad for both of them to sit down on the same couch.

"Riku?" Roxas asked, blinking rapidly. "You okay, buddy?"

"Apparently whoever that wrench was that called really blasted him out," Axel informed Roxas, frowning at the aspect. "She sounded really stuck-up."

"Why would you let that bother you?" Roxas asked.

"Maybe he had past issues with her?" Axel suggested, looking at the blonde with a dismal shrug.

"Hey…guys?"

"Yeah?" They both answered at the same time, which kind of frightened me. I cleared my throat and then ran my hand through my hair, trying to figure out how I was going to say what I wanted to. I knew it was going to be a bad idea, proposing what I was about to, but I just felt so helpless.

"…I'm asking if I can catch a flight back home for this weekend."

"To visit?" Axel asked, not really getting what I was saying. "Why do you want to go back there?"

"Not to visit," I clarified emotionlessly. "I'm going back home for good."

"I thought you were staying until the end of summer!" Axel screeched, eyes widening. "You can't leave now! What about us?!" The red-head asked dramatically, putting on puppy dog eyes.

"I just need to go home," I restated, hands flexing by my sides. "I'm sure my aunt and uncle will understand," I explained with a sigh.

"…So today and tomorrow are our last days together?" Roxas asked weakly, eyes widening in surprise.

"I suppose so," I said with another shrug.

"Wow…"

"What made you want to go back so soon?" Axel asked, arching a brow.

"…You wouldn't understand," I mumbled, looking to the side.

"Try us," Axel retorted stubbornly.

"I just left something behind…"

Sora ... "So when will this end"
I dropped the phone and curled up on the bed, unable to breathe. My eyes widened in terror as I painfully gulped down a lump that had formed in my throat. My palms began to sweat and I felt entirely weak. My brain felt like shutting down. Had I heard her right? Was she telling the truth? Was it a … lie? I couldn't stop the tears from falling all of a sudden. I wasn't sure if it was shock, sadness, or sudden joy that spurred them. All I know was that I was crying and holding my pillow tightly, nuzzling my face against it.

"Riku's home…" I whispered against the pillow, drenching it with my salty tears. "Riku's back… my Riku…"