Sick Cycle
Sora, to say the least, was extremely skittish about coming over my house after theatre. In fact, he was skittish about even walking beside me. What did he think? That I'd jump him and maul him every second? Well, I wouldn't really mind that, but Sora's … too innocent and sincere. Besides, we just started dating so I doubt he'll come around any time soon. I'm his first … significant other, if you want to call me that?
"Sora, you can come closer you know," I stated, arching an eyebrow.
Sora was within five feet away from me, on the other side of the path that lead towards our neighborhood. I'm not quite sure why he wasn't waking beside me… Sora lifted his head and glanced over at me, looking a bit shy and uncertain. "Er… I knew that," Sora laughed nervously.
Within moments he was beside me, hands in his pockets.
It was then when I realized that Sora was extremely timorous about public displays of affection. Or perhaps just affection in general. Perhaps that kiss earlier had just been a spur of the moment thing… I figured it was such.
"Do you want to play some games when we get there" I suggested.
It was odd, to say the least, to have Sora as my boyfriend after so long of wishing he was. I wasn't sure what I could get away with and what I couldn't. I didn't want to screw this up, nor did I want anyone else to know. Kairi and all of Sora's friends already hated me for what I did… I didn't need the entire school thinking I was toying with Sora's emotions purposely. Had I given off that impression?
"We could," Sora answered as he spared me a glance.
"Traverse Town was a lot different than here," I felt compelled to say. Perhaps a story about the past year would break the awkward silence? "The people are a lot ruder. Though I did have two friends that I talked with. They … were quite the pair. It was obvious that they both liked each other. Axel openly showed his affection and Roxas hid it. It was kind of funny to watch. I mean, I could see it in Roxas' eyes that he was afraid of liking Axel."
"Did they get together?" Sora asked.
For some reason my voice soothed him. At least, I thought so.
"When I left the other day they hadn't… Roxas needs to admit that he likes him," I answered with a shrug of my shoulders. "They usually came over my house and whored my DDR."
"D…what?" Sora replied, eyebrows arching curiously.
"Oh," I said with a quiet laugh. "I forgot that we don't have that here."
"What is it?" Sora wondered, tilting his head to the side cutely.
"A really popular dance game over there. Roxas was really good at it," I explained and smiled back at him. "They had a lot of things we don't have. But they don't have the ocean… or you."
Sora blushed a dark red. "…Well uh… I'm not that great."
"Nonsense," I answered with another smile.
Silence overcame us.
"You didn't date anyone when you were gone?" Sora asked with confusion. His blue eyes looked at me, as if trying to detect whether that statement was a lie or the truth.
"Nope," I confirmed. "Things were a lot different over there. All the people wanted was sex and yeah… I didn't like anyone," I mumbled. Yuffie. Just thinking about her made me shiver. That girl was obsessive and downright creepy. Though creepy isn't really the right word.
"I went to Homecoming with Kairi," Sora admitted. "She kissed me."
"…" I went silent for a moment. Sora kissed someone other than me?… Jealousy swelled in my chest and I managed to utter out a, "Oh."
"I didn't kiss her back," Sora felt the need to state quickly. The brunette waved his hands quickly near my face. "I told her that I didn't like her that way. Besides, Hayner liked her and she liked him and yeah… that's how that happened."
"So it was basically a unrequited love?" I asked, eyebrow arching.
"Precisely," Sora sighed. "Though I wouldn't really call it love. I don't think she loved me. Maybe as a friend."
"Not like how I love you?"
Silence.
"…" Sora didn't say anything. Sapphire hues remained glued to the ground, as if he was ashamed at what I had just said. Was he really this awkward about the whole 'dating' thing? Or was he doubting that I really came back for him? What ever it was, it bothered me immensely. "You really love me?" he asked quietly. "Love like in movies and books?"
"Why do you doubt me?" I asked as I stared at him quizzically.
"Riku…" Sora sighed my name in such a tone that I was afraid that earlier had been a lie. "…It's just it seems… like it's not possible that you could love me…"
"Are you saying that you think I don't know what love is?" I asked with obvious hurt in my voice.
Did my absence hurt him this much? Did it make him doubt me this much?
"You hurt me so much, Riku! I'm afraid to …" Sora began in a yell but softened to a strained whisper. Something desperate was in his eyes. And it made me realize just how badly I had hurt him. I left him without an explanation. I ignored him for selfish reasons. He must be terrified of getting close again.
I was glad that we were finally at my house. I opened the front door and Sora silently walked in, not saying a word. I figured that outburst must have terrified him. Did he think I was mad?… Love's so complex and confusing.
It hurt me to hear Sora suppress a sob. My dad was at work so I figured that us being alone for awhile would do some good… I hoped.
"Riku?" Sora asked as he leaned against the wall as I closed my front door and locked it.
I smiled softly at him. "If you're afraid of me up and leaving again, I'm not going to. You're my best friend, Sora."
Sora stared at me with those benevolent eyes of his for awhile. I wasn't sure whether to be flattered or nervous. Or even worried. "Riku?" he asked almost inaudibly.
"Yeah?"
Sora took a cautious step closer. I remained where I was; just staring at him. "One call would have made this so much easier," Sora whispered, tears filling at the corner of his eyes. "Just one reassurance that you didn't hate me…"
"I'm sorry, Sora." And honestly, I was. "I wasn't thinking…"
"I want to know everything," Sora whispered before leaning against my chest. His face pressed against my chest, hiding from the world. Fingers desperately clutched at my jacket, as if to reassure himself that I wasn't going to disappear. It was only mere moments before I felt tears drops fall from his eyes and land on my clothes.
"Let's sit down," I suggested as my hand sought out his. Cautiously, I took that hand and lead us to the couch.
We had a lot to talk about, it seemed. If we were going to be able to start over and date we needed to be completely honest with one another. It may hurt… but I needed to tell Sora everything. And maybe he'd learn to trust me again.
Sora
"It hurts thinking about the past few months," I admitted.
It was comforting sitting beside Riku. All the days and months of wanting to just see him and be near him were finally coming to some sort of closure. Perhaps not a closure, but more like a resolution. I wanted to date Riku, honestly I did. My mind was just refusing to let go of the hurt so easily. It was like every time Riku touched me … it reminded me of all that glare he gave me and how he hissed 'what do you want?'. Those memories just wouldn't go away.
"I know," Riku replied, his fingers combing through my hair as I rested my head against his chest. We were sitting next to each other on his couch, to be exact. We probably had talked about the past for half an hour at this point. He told me so many things.
"Is there anything I can do to make it better?" Riku asked me. He held me close…as if he was afraid that I'd leave his life like he had done months prior.
"Don't let me go?" I suggested, nuzzling my cheek against his chest.
"I can do that," Riku confirmed, his arms wrapping tighter around me. "I love you. I always have, in some form or another."
"Is love forever?" I asked, a bit terrified of the answer.
"Sometimes," he said.
"Is our love forever?…" I whispered uncertainly.
"If we made it through this year… than I don't see what could possibly break us apart," Riku pointed out.
That made me smile. It honestly did. "I think I can forgive you."
"Thank you, Sora," Riku breathed, exhaling in relief. "You understand now, right?"
"I think," I answered slowly. His reasons seemed legit. It was true… every time we were near each other my feelings for him got in the way. The simplest things as sleepovers or play-fights were overwhelming. He was terrified of hurting me… but he did in the end. Just a lot worse.
"Now…" Riku trailed off, his fingers not ceasing their path through my hair. "You still want to date, right?"
"Yes!" I answered all but too quickly. My sapphire hues rose to stare into aquamarine ones. I blushed and looked down at our feet. "I mean… yeah… do you?"
"Hell yes," Riku replied with a grin tugging at his lips. "Do you wanna.. Just date outside of school? You know, like going over each other's houses… movies, that sort of thing?" he suggested.
"Nothing at school?" I inquired with uncertainty in my voice.
"Well…" Something mischievous leaked into those sea-green eyes. "We'll see…"
"As long as no one sees," I pointed out. Kairi… Tidus… Hayner… Wakka, everyone would hate me for dating Riku. They just wouldn't understand. I barely understood. It was like me and Riku spoke a language our own. We spoke in the language of love.
"Like right now?" Riku asked as his hand slipped from my hair and rested on my chin. My cheeks radiated warmth as his fingers glided along my heated skin, eyes never breaking their contact with mine. "Would it be too much to ask for a kiss?"
"If… y-y-you… w-w-want," I stammered uncontrollably. This kiss would be our first real one. Not brought on by sudden desperation or desires. Just a pure, innocent kiss. Of love.
Riku smiled fondly at me before leaning closer. Our breaths mingled and I felt a lump form in my throat due to nerves. As if on command, my eyes slipped close and I waited for him to close the gasp. I could feel and hear him whisper words that I couldn't quite make out. Those fingers that had been on my cheek froze in spot as he tilted my chin up, about to claim my lips in his.
But things like that usually are interrupted.
"Riku!!!"
I snapped out his grasps before he could kiss me. A dark scarlet appeared on my cheeks as I tensed. Riku turned his neck to the right to stare at his front door. Standing in it was an odd looking red-haired male. Behind him was a displeased blonde. Riku paled and dropped my cheek like it was on fire. Well… it sorta was.
"What the hell are you guys doing here?!" Riku demanded, disbelief drenched in his voice.
"April vacation!" sang the red-haired male as he dragged the blonde into the room.
"…How'd you know where I live?" Riku asked cautiously, his hand protectively resting on my knee. "That's Axel and Roxas… by the way," Riku whispered into my ear.
"Asked your uncle and aunt!" Axel explained with a mischievous grin. He eyed me and then sauntered over. "Wow, he's cute, Riku."
"Axel…" Riku groaned in a warning tone, sounding awfully serious.
"So he's the reason why you went back," Axel made known as he continued to stare at me. His green cat-like eyes were a lot … greener than Riku's. To be honest, I liked Riku's more. Riku's reminded me of the sea. Of home.
"Axel, leave the two alone," Roxas groaned as he lingered near the entrance of the house, not looking too pleased. Our eyes met and I looked down at my feet. Could I possibly get any more embarrassed than I currently was? I think doing such would be impossible.
"How did you get in?…" Riku asked weakly as his fingers gently rubbed the area above my knee, as if to calm me. It didn't work- it just made me even more fidgety and flustered. Stupid Riku.
"There was a key outside," Axel said quite dramatically as he motioned for Roxas to come closer. The blonde exhaled and sauntered up to his insane red-haired friend's side. Axel purposely proceeded to sit down in between me and Riku, making a spot between us.
"…Riku?" I asked worriedly, eying his friend with concern.
"Axel…" Roxas and Riku warned at the same time, glaring the redhead quite viciously.
"Has Riku frenched you yet? Fucked you? Groped you? Did the congo with you?" Axel inquired in such a serious tone that the humor of that statement was wiped clear away.
"Uh…He uh…" I stammered nervously, twiddling my thumbs in my lap. Honestly, I thought Axel was insane. Who would ask something like that?… Riku and I just started 'dating exclusively' today and he's asking if we… did it? How immature and insane can this guy get?!
"I swear to god, Axel-" Roxas began in a threatening tone as he marched over, wagging his finger dangerously close to Axel's mouth. Too close, in fact, because the time it took me to blink once, Axel had covered his blond friend's finger with his mouth. I paled and looked away, barely noticing Axel yanking Roxas into his lap, mouth still over said finger.
Roxas shouted a slew of curses and proceeded to punch Axel in the jaw before trying to throw his body off his friend's lap. Riku growled and tried to grab Roxas off of Axel's lap, but the red-head was having none of that, and increased his hold around Roxas' waist, letting go of his finger in the mean-time.
"Um!" I yelled frantically as I dove off the couch and onto the floor, not wanting to get tangled up into the fray. My blue eyes stared at the trio. By now, Roxas had managed to fall off Axel's lap, but still had his legs sprawled across Axel. The blond's shoes rested against Riku's leg as he desperately tried to get out of Axel's grasp. I would have been really concerned if I hadn't noticed the laughs coming from each of them. They each had a different laugh that was strangely unique.
"Axel, you idiot-" Roxas began as his hands grabbed tightly at Axels' chest, trying to thrash the redhead against the back of the couch. Riku, meanwhile, remained on Axel's other side, trying to get Axel's grip on Roxas to loosen.
"Do you guys do this often?!" I shouted over their uproar.
Axel smirked and somehow pinned Roxas to the couch, knocking Riku off in the process. My silver haired boyfriend fell to the floor, making a thud echo through the room. Riku grumbled something under his breath and rubbed his head, lacking dexterity that was much needed. Both of our eyes rested upon the two males, who had suddenly begun to kiss.
"What the…" I squeaked loudly and shielded my eyes, scorching a dark red.
"You guys are together?!" Riku shouted accusingly, shifting onto his knees. Aquamarine eyes stared frantically at his two friends before looking away and glancing over at me. My silveret was stained a dark red and scrambled to his feet. Riku threw his hand out and beckoned for me to grab it. Wearily, I did such and he hoisted me onto my feet.
"Let's…leave them alone for awhile," Riku mumbled into my ear, eying his two friends who showed no signs of ceasing their much needed makeout session. "I'll ask them about this later…" he added on hesitantly as he yanked me out of the living room and upstairs.
With one last curious look at Roxas and Axel, I hurried up Riku's stairs. Riku lead me down the familiar hallway, towards his bedroom. Once there, he kicked the door open, dropped my hand, and gestured for me to go in first.
"I'm not a girl you know," I said stubbornly as I walked in. When Riku closed his door, I wasn't sure if I should be scared or not. "Riku?" I asked, just a bit nervously.
"I don't know what got into them," he admitted as he shrugged. "When I was in Traverse Town Roxas vehemently denied that he liked Axel … and now they're done their making out on my couch. Something's up."
"Heh," I remarked and shifted my gaze to Riku's floor. Riku laughed and walked over, placing his hand onto my shoulder.
"I'm sorry… I didn't expect them to come here," Riku said and placed his other hand onto my free shoulder. His sea-green eyes made contact with mine before he continued with, "I mean, I miss them a lot, but right now I just want to be with you…"
I tried my hardest not to blush, but it worked to no avail. In the end, Riku leaned closer and pressed his lips delicately onto mine. My heart stopped and slowly pressed my lips back against his. I wasn't an expert at kissing, so I nervously wrapped my arms around his neck, hoping that this position would be okay.
He chortled into the kiss and gently rolled our lips together, pulling me as close to him as possible. "Have you forgiven me yet?" Riku asked and tangled his arms around my waist. Riku then rested his forehead against mine, our kissing ceasing for a moment.
"Maybe," I answered, my voice dragging on the word. I smiled and then blinked in surprise when he tugged my body onto his bed. "Riku!" I squeaked and buried my face into his chest as my back made contact with his bed. It was really awkward having Riku tower over me. I suddenly felt quite nervous and out of place.
"Sora, calm down," he said as he laughed and buried his own head in the junction between my neck and shoulder.
"We're not gonna be like them, are we?" I wondered nervously.
"Uh…" Riku took a moment to think and rolled off me. My boyfriend laid beside him and cautiously took my hand. Riku then interlaced our fingers and stared affectionately at me. "Not yet."
"Okay good," I exhaled in relief and rested my head against his shoulder. "I want to take it slow," I explained, hoping not to offend Riku.
"I get it, don't worry," Riku explained and brought our adjoined hands towards his lips. To say the least, I was surprised when he kissed my knuckles, his aquamarine eyes staring directly at me.
"Heh…" I responded slowly, heat raising to my cheeks as I closed my eyes and nuzzled into his warmth. "You're such… an idiot sometimes, you know that?"
"So they've told me," he joked and proceeded to whisper into my ear, "I love you."
I grinned from ear to ear and whispered the words back. We laid there for awhile before Riku dragged us back downstairs to converse with his two friends.
Riku
It was the next day at school, to be exact. Roxas and Axel were staying at Roxas' cousin's house for April Vacation. I'm a bit worried about them being in the same house as one another. Apparently they got together when I left. Figures… I mean, it was obvious that Roxas liked Axel… no ones that mean without a reason. Or maybe I'm just over thinking that? I mean, that's what I did with Sora when I first got back.
Anyhow, school was a bit awkward. Sora wouldn't look me in the eye. Whenever he did, he blushed darkly and looked away, muttering something under his breath. At math class I jumped at the chance to pass out the algebra work. When I got to Sora's desk, I put the paper on his desk and brushed my fingers over his idle hand, making an adorable blush develop on his tanned cheeks.
I laughed under my breath and walked on.
Lunch… well, that was the worst. Kairi continued to glare me down and Naminé tried to come to my defense. I told her that I didn't need her help, and then offered the vacant seat beside me to Sora. Sora paled, gulped, and then cautiously sat down beside me.
Kairi glared viciously at me the whole lunch, thinking that I was just playing with our friend's head. She had no idea that under the table, our hands were tightly interlaced, resting upon Sora's knee, out of view.
English was boring and the only contact I got with Sora was when I gave him a spare pencil. Our friends brushed for a second before he went back to writing, ignoring the act of affection.
What can I say… I like doing this. Doing this in discretion adds a flair of danger to the mix. I mean, I love Sora and I've always have, but dating in secrecy is the best idea we came up with. This way, Sora won't feel embarrassed around his judgmental friends. I like it like this.
Sora
When I told Kairi that I was dating Riku, and that I wanted her to keep it a secret, I expected her to scream in rage, or throw a fit, or storm out of the house and run to Riku's and punch him. I half expected her to never speak to me again for dating him, even. But I never expected her to throw her arms around me and shout, "I'm so happy for you, Sora!"
That was the shock of the century. Actually, that came in second place. The biggest shock was Riku loving me. That still has to sink in.
It's been two months since Riku and I stared dating. Roxas and Axel, apparently, started dating a day before me and Riku. Go figure. Hah.
It's finally summer and I couldn't be happier. Summer means sleepovers with Riku and time with Riku and not having to hide our relationship. Summer means countless hours with the boy I love and kisses and… lots of stuff.
It's funny, every time Riku kisses me or hugs me, I'm always as nervous as I was the first time. Riku understands that I'm nervous, and has never really gone beyond kissing me. But god, we've kissed over a million times. And it never gets boring or unpleasant.
At first I thought that this was a sick cycle and that it would just keep repeating… but the more I think about it, I like it this way. Riku and I together… away from the world. In our friend's eyes we are still best friends, but in our own eyes we are more. I sort of like having it this way a lot more than I thought I would. This way, we don't have outside influences on our relationship.
Sometimes … I wonder how I got this lucky. I wonder why Riku ever wanted to date me. Then I realized that no matter what I reason, I never wanted things to change.
Everyone deserves happiness, right?
"Sora," Riku calls to me and I turn to look. He's smiling as I finish writing in my journal, my retelling of everything that had happened. I smile at him and set the book down, my hand cramping. Writing over fifty pages about your relationship is really tiring.
"Yeah, Riku?" I ask and stand up and saunter over to him.
He wraps his arms around me and whispers into my ear, "Tell me, how do you feel about sex?"
I pale and then mutter, "Riku…."
He's an idiot… and I love him for it.