I awoke to the bright lights of the hospital room. I squinted my eyes, trying to see, but also trying not to blind myself. Everything seemed so bright. I glanced around the hospital room, and my attention was quickly caught by someone sitting in the far end of the room. The lady was staring at me with a relieved expression, her eyes were swollen and tears were stained on her cheeks. Her short dark brown hair was everywhere and her glasses sat crookedly on her nose. It took a moment before realization hit, it was my Auntie Jenna. "Aun-"But before I could continue she was a crossed the room in a flash hugging me to her. I didn't continue, half shocked and half confused. She pulled away and new tears were streaming down her cheeks, "I'm so glad you're alive" She cried softly as she looked at me in disbelieving what was I, god? Of course I was alive. And then it hit me, not slowly but all at once. My stomach clenched and my head whirled. "There okay, right?" I asked, it didn't sound like my voice had spoken the question. It sounded too urgent, too babyish. Her whole face dropped, she just looked at me until she finally shook her head with a sob. I knew, they were gone.
Three months later...
I don't know how time passed. It seemed as though life in its self had frozen completely. I had moved In with my Aunt Jenna, in a small town called Forks. I can't say I loved Forks. I can't say I loved anything anymore. Aunt Jenna is a business woman, so she travels a lot. She promised me the minute I moved in though, that she wouldn't travel as much. I hated living with Aunt Jenna. I was a burden to her, and because of me she would be pinned down to taking care of a kid. I knew it was something she had to do, but that just made it worse. I live in the most gorgeous house. It's small and perfect. My room is upstairs and it has a balcony that looks out to the woods.
I cry every single night, I try to muffle my sobs by crying into the pillow but it doesn't help, because I know Aunt Jenna still probably hears me. I try not to, but it's so hard. I lay there on my bed and the memories all flood back to me, before the accident, the accident. It's like my own personal hell. Although I bought an I pod the other day, and the music helps. If I concentrate on the lyrics, it doesn't leave me much room to think about them.
And the hardest part is I don't want to forget them, but remembering them is too much pain to deal with.
Sometimes I remember lying on the icy ground that Saturday morning after the accident. I remember feeling so alone, like I do now, only 1000 times worse, and I remember knowing and almost hoping to die. And I also remember these eyes, these beautiful eyes looking into mine. And it was like my heart skipped a beat and revved into gear and my whole body said "I'm going to live, I'm going to live for those eyes" It was silly, and I probably imagined it, but it still gives me hope, even today. Though I start school tomorrow, and I'm dreading it.