Disclaimer: I own all the Harry Potter books. Seriously, I mean I have two copies of the first and the second, three copies of the third, one of the fourth and fifth, two of the six and two of the seventh. They are currently sitting on my bookshelf xD

Chapter 2: Classic Humour

"Who the hell is Voldemort?" asked Ella.

"I dunno, some dark wizard person." Willow shrugged, getting up from the table. The great hall was almost empty.

"Stupid crowds, why do so many people have to eat here?" complained Ella, walking toward the door.

"OhMyGod!" shrieked someone in a fake American accent.

"I know, it's like, totally awesome." Screamed someone else.

Ella and Willow raised their eyebrows at each other, and hid behind the jam.

"A purple sparkly dress! Ahh! I can't wait to wear it with my silver high heels!"

Willow looked traumatized.

Ella laughed.

Then quickly shut up.

"Like, did you hear that?" asked the second voice, still in a fake American accent.

Ella quickly dived under the table.

Willow face palmed.

As she looked up she saw two brunettes. One very tall, around 5 foot 11, the other an average height, maybe 5 foot 5. Both had trace amounts of make up on, with their hair done with about fifty different sparkly things and both wearing Ravenclaw ties.

"Ha… umm... there's my… spork…" said Willow, jumping up and putting a spork on the table.

"Erm… I like, see you…" said the shorter one of the two to Ella.

"I… dropped the jam…" said Ella, picking the jam up and dropping it, then picking it up and putting it on the table. "Cool a spork!"

"Right…" said the tall one, reverting back to what was clearly her actual accent.

"You from the north?" asked Willow.

"Nup, the south of London." Said tall person.

"Damn…" said Willow. "I wanna meet someone from the north!"

"I'm Katherine by the way. Katherine Valentine." Said the shorter one.

Ella and Willow glanced at each other.

Valentine… right…

"I'm Victoria Royal." Said the tall one.

"Ella… Wise…" said Ella, trying not to laugh.

"Willow." Said Willow.

"Got a last name?" asked Katherine.

"No." said Willow.

Ella rolled her eyes.

"Willow Lemontine."

Willow glared.

"So anyway, we'd better get up to the dormitory, Snipe will be wondering where we are." Said Ella, smiling as she turned to leave.

"Whose Snipe?" asked Victoria.

"A Badger." Said Willow, suddenly grinning as she and Ella ran off.

"BA HA HA." Ella burst out laughing as soon as she an Willow were out of earshot.

"Oh… funny… Victoria Royal…" said Willow, leaning on the wall.

"Katherine Valentine…" said Ella, sitting down she was laughing so hard.

"It's not even that funny." Said Willow, still laughing.

"It's like we stepping into a soap opera!" said Ella.

They both tried to stop laughing.

"Oh we are sad…" said Willow.

"And insane, but we're happy." Said Ella grinning.

Willow raised an eyebrow.

"Well… happy in a… pessimistic kidda way…" said Ella.

"Yes." Said Willow.

"Oh, Valentine and Royal… ah classic." Said Willow and she and Ella started to walk toward the Hufflepuff dormitory.

"What's classic?" asked a voice.

Ella and Willow spun around to find two more girls standing behind them. One looked like she was Chinese. She was fairly short, about 5 foot 2, with long dark hair and a significant amount of eyeliner on. The other was about 5 foot 5 or 6 with slightly longer then shoulder length red hair and blue eyes.

Both were wearing Slytherin ties.

"Er… hello." Said Ella.

"HI!!!!" said the shorter one.

"Don't mind her, she's hyper." Said the red haired one dryly. "Hey! You have red hair!"

"How observant of you." Said Willow.

"Right… well I'm Serena, and that's Aqua." Said the red head.

"I'm Ella, that's Willow." Said Ella.

"Why do you sound funny?" asked Aqua, tilting her head to the side.

"We're Australian." Said Willow grinning.

"Then why are you at Hogwarts?" asked Serena.

"Because we're awesome. Now, we've got to go find Snipe, he was trying to run away this morning…" said Ella, turning to go.

"Aqua! Serena!" squealed a voice.

"Hey Angie!" said Aqua, as a girl with short black hair and a Gryffindor tie ran down the hallway.

"You guys ditched me! The Slytherins in the dungeons were glaring!" said Angie.

"Aww, sorry!" said Aqua.

And that was when Ella and Willow snuck away and hid behind the statue of a pineapple.

"Where'd the random Hufflepuffs go?" asked Serena's voice.

"I dunno." Said Aqua's voice and the three girls began to walk away.

"Well… thank you mister pineapple." Said Willow.

"Yes, we humbling thank you and say MAGIC COCOAPPLE!" said Ella.

And the Magic CoCoApple appeared.

"We has a friend for you. Enjoy." Said Willow as she and Ella walked away.

~!#$%^&*()_+~

"But Lord, you cannot simply walk into a wand shop!"

"IT HAS BEEN ELEVEN YEARS! I AM WALKING INTO A WAND SHOP!"

And so Voldemort apparated to the wand shop.

But you see he could not go to Ollivanders. Diagon Ally was a open, to well known. And so…

"Welcome to Oleanders!" said Oleander in a Norwegian accent.

"Hello." Said Voldemort underneath his Hilter mustache. "I would like to buy a wand."

"Ah… but you're a full grown man." Said Oleander.

"A full grown man who has had to borrow and incessant moron's wand for eleven years." Muttered Voldemort .

"Excuse me?"

"… there was an accident at work. I just need a wand okay?" said Voldemort.

"Right…" said Oleander.

And so Voldemort tested 23 wands before…

"AH!" shrieked Voldemort as red and redder sparks flew out of the tip of a unicorn and holly wand.

"That's the one." Said Oleander. "That'll be 9 galleons."

"But… but… it's a girls wand!" whined Voldermort.

"I'm sorry?"

"Its all… holly-y and unicorn-ish. ITS GIRLY!" whined Voldemort

~!#$%^&*()_+~

"SNIPE!"

"SNIPE!"

And so Snipe appeared.

"He he he." Laughed Ella.

"What?" asked Willow.

"Snipe has a bamboo flute!" said Ella.

"Ohhh! BAMBOO FLUTE!" said Willow, trying to grab the flute.

"… it's a painting…"

"Oh yeah…"

"Yep…"

"… well… I feel like a doughnut." Said Willow, walking over to the doughnut machine.

"Eh… I was a mango smoothie." Said Ella.

"Thank god we have this book." Said Willow, holding up the Random Spells and Useless Charms 4th edition.

~!#$%^&*()_+~

A/N

And that was my awesome second chapter

I did not mean to offend anyone whose names are Valentine or Royal… I just find that funny

Anyway

A) he he he, I love that book. Trust me. That book will re appear.

2) Ella and Willows wand types will be revealed.

iii) RETURN OF THE AWESOME MAGIC COCOAPPLE

D) Who else has noticed that Hufflepuff is the randomest house? My proof

Griffindor has a Griffin

Ravenclaw, raven

Slytherin, snakes that slither.

Hufflepuff. Badger.

See, random. It works.

Anyway, read and review and read again!

xDD

~Lilyrose XD