A/N

My friends have been correcting me. -.-

They kept insisting that Gryffindor was a lion, not a griffin

I know, I know, they are right, but in mythical times, lions were griffins… and that prove my point

I had a point

Yes I did –stubborness-

So, I have a warning

WARNING: The following chapter contains immense stupidity based on real life situations (ie. My geography and Chinese classes and the idiots that they contain) Read at your own risk, I hear stupidity is contagious.

WARNING (CONT.): This is where the swearing starts, and slight innuendo. So it you don't like that sort of language or humour then I suggest you stop reading this crackfic.

Disclaimer: I own what I own, so ha.

Chapter 3: Forth Year Idiots

"Ergh, I forgot we had to go to classes when we came here." Said Ella.

"Well done." Said Willow.

Ella and Willow were on their way to muggle studies. Oh joy.

"Why? Why did we take this class?" asked Ella dramatically, ignoring peoples stares.

"Because we didn't want to take Divination." Said Willow as the two turned into the classroom.

"Oh yeah… but at least in Divination we can make stuff up. I'm thinking muggle studies will have to make us think. You know, because we're muggle borns, they'll expect us to know stuff." Said Ella, sitting down.

"Yeah, that's gonna suck. Who are we with, Slytherins?" asked Willow.

"Ravenclaws." Said Ella.

And then they heard a voice.

And another voice.

"No." said Willow.

"Please Jo Jo the all knowing goat, no!" prayed Ella.

"Like, oh my god, I know those too!" said a fake American accent.

"Like, oh my god, its Willow and Ella." Said another.

"Like, oh my god, kill me now." Said Ella, as Katherine Valentine and Victoria Royal sat took the seat behind them.

Willow hit her head on the table. Ella face palmed.

"Oh this is going to be fun." Said Willow, not even attempting to smile and she and Ella turned to face the scary girly Ravenclaws.

"Hi!" said Katherine (thankfully not in an American accent)

"Helloo!" said Victoria.

"He…" said Ella.

"Ah… he.. ha… eoh…" said Willow.

Ella raised an eyebrow. Willow grinned.

And thankfully Professor Whensworth walked in.

"Okay students, take your seats." She said, walking to the front of the room.

"Now today we will be discussing common muggle food and drink. Can anyone tell me, how muggles grow their own food." Asked Whensworth.

Willow drew a monkey eating a carrot and Ella played with tarot cards.

"They grow vegetables on trees." Said a voice.

"Very good Mr Dimm, and what sorts of vegetables do they grow on trees." Asked Whensworth.

"Tomato's and Potato's." said "Mr Dimm".

Ella and Willow looked up.

"Excuse me?" whispered Willow. Ella snickered.

"That guy is so going to get told of." Said Ella.

"Very good." Said Whensworth.

"What?" said Ella incredulously.

"Potato's are roots." Said Willow. "They grow underground."

"And tomato's are fruits… except in America, where they have a random law that says they are vegetables. But I thought I was in England… wow I'm bad at geometry…" said Ella.

"Geography." Said Willow.

"That too." Said Ella.

Willow face palmed.

"Excuse me girls, but what exactly are you rambling on about?" asked Whensworth.

"Isn't anyone else here Muggle born?" asked Ella.

Silence.

"Oh god." Said Willow.

"Well this class is going to be sh-" started Ella.

Then she spotted Professor Whensworth.

"Shemplton…" said Ella.

"Huh?" said Willow.

"It's a word!" said Ella. "It means sh…emplton."

"Ah, just like folentine means folentine." Said Willow.

"Exactly." Said Ella.

"GIRLS" shouted Professor Whensworth.

"Yes?" asked Ella and Willow.

"DENTENSION!" shouted Whensworth.

"oh." Said Ella.

"Now, if we could kindly continue with class. We know that Vegetables, such as tomato and potato grow on trees. What sorts of other things to muggles grow for themselves?" asked Whensworth.

A Ravenclaw girl up the back raised her hand.

"Yes miss Flowly?"

"They grow Milk and butter in fields." Said "Miss Flowly".

Ella dropped her head desked. Willow raised her hand.

Whensworth sighed.

"Yes Miss Lemontine?"

"They also grow carrots and onions underground." Said Willow.

"No, I'm afraid not Miss Lemontine. Carrots grow in water and onions are not food, they make wonderful doorstops. Now, please stop interrupting the class with your nonsense." Said Whensworth.

Ella grabbed her textbook, flipping through it.

"Oh… argh, look. The textbook agrees with the idiots and the teacher." Whispered Ella.

When class finally ended Ella and Willow ran out of the classroom.

"Oh good jo jo." Said Ella.

"Carrots grow in water?"

"Onions are doorstops?"

"Lettuce is made by a bird called the 'm-u'?"

"ARGH!" said Ella. "Who the hell wrote these textbooks?"

"Some person called 'Gilderoy Lockart'." Said Willow

"Well, at least we know class can't get any worse." Said Ella, as she and Willow headed off to Ancient Runes.

"Okay, so why are we taking this class?" asked Willow.

"Because Arithmancy is too much like maths." Said Ella

"Ah, okay." Said Willow.

"Oh god." Said Ella suddenly as the two turned into the ancient runes classroom, which was completely empty.

"It's only the second class on the first day." Said Ella.

Willow paused.

And then head-desked.

"Jo Jo damn classes. I guess it can't be as bad as Muggle Stuidies. We're with the Gryffindors right? They seem okay enough." Said Ella.

"Yeah I guess." Said Willow as people started to file into the classroom.

"So wait… taking a shower can give you foot fungus?" asked a girl walking past.

"Yeah." Said he friend. "It's called Tin-ear or something."

"… but not, like your own shower right. Just icky public ones?" said the girl.

"Oh yeah, defiantly." Said her friend. Ella smiled.

"You know Willow, you're right, there are a lot of Gryffindor girls in our year." Said Ella loudly.

"Huh?" said Willow, playing with her airplane.

"I mean, there are so many Gryffindor girls sharing the same showers." Said Ella, pointing to the two girls who were clearly listening.

"Oh… yeah… umm… great place for fungi to grow…" said Willow.

And the two Gryffindor girls jumped up, screaming, and ran away.

"Oh, funny. That was almost to easy." Said Ella grinning.

"KNEEOOOOOOOOOOOOOW" said Willow, playing with the paper plane.

And that's when Professor Lupin walked in.

"Okay class. Take your seats. Today will be a writing lesson. Take out your parchment and begin copying these Runes. There will be a test next Monday." Said Lupin, waving his wand as 20 Runes appeared on the board.

"Well he seems tired." Whispered Ella.

"Best kind of teacher, one that simply doesn't give a damn." Said Willow, grinning as she and Ella quickly copied out the Runes.

Five minutes later they were done.

"A whole lesson of nothingness. Awesome." Said Willow, looking around at the class.

Everyone was talking, and apperantly they all wanted homework because no one appeared to have copied anything down.

"You know, we never actually talk about anything interesting." Said a boy sitting behind Ella and Willow.

"Well that's going to be an interesting convocation." Said Ella, as the boys friend began talking about mouth guards.

"This is going to be one of those lessons isn't it?" said Willow.

"Huh?"

"Easy, boring and full of forth year idiots."

"Ah."

"Hey! I'm not an idiot!" said a familiar voice.

Ella and Willow looked to their left to find the girl that had been the distraction they needed to hide behind a pineapple.

"Oh… hello." Said Ella.

"Angie right?" said Willow.

"Yep." Said Angie. "Can I sit with you guys, everyone else is being stupid."

Ella laughed. "Sure, sit."

Angie grinned.

~!#$%^&*()_+~

"She was nice." Said Ella as she and Willow walked to their next class.

"I still can't believe her last name is Fistface. She's so… not Fistface. She's all nice and awesome." Said Willow.

"I know, but Fistface. Gotta admit, classic last name." said Ella as the two rounded into their next class.

"Wait… where are we now?" asked Ella, looking around.

"Herbology with the Slytherins." Said Willow, walking along the greenhouse floor toward a plant that was trying to stangle anything it could reach.

"Ooh, awesome plant!" said Ella.

"PIGEON!" said Willow, pointing outside.

"Hello pigeon!" said Ella.

"Hello!" said Willow

The pigeon remained silent.

"Hey! I said Hello! Pigeon!" said Willow angrily. "Pigeon is ignoring me! Bad pigeon!"

And that's when Professor sprout walked in.

"Okay, everyone. Today we will be juicing flubber worms." Said Sprout.

"Oh joy." Said Willow.

And 15 minutes later, Ella, Willow and the two hyper Slytherins Serena and Aqua were working at he same desk.

"So…" said Serena.

"So…" said Ella.

"I just realized that 'country' has a really bad word in it." Said Aqua.

And the four girls burst out laughing.

"That's… really awful…" said Willow. "Ergh, I will never be able to learn geography ever again!"

"Evil." Said Ella.

"Yep, that's us." Said Serena grinning.

".. yeah I'm okay with that." Said Ella as she finished juicing her last flubber worm.

Willow grinned.

"Evil is more fun anyway."

"Yep, it is Lemontine, it is." Said Serena. Willow scowled.

"I laugh at you." Said Ella to Willow.

"Well that's very Wise." Said Aqua

"Oh, like I haven't heard that one before… wait, what's your last name?" asked Ella.

"Salvatore." Said Aqua.

"Salvatore… isn't that a shoe brand?"

"Shut up."

Ella grinned.

"What about you?" Willow asked Serena. "What's your last name?"

"Fuck it."

"…eh?" said Willow as Ella burst out laughing.

"As in f-u-k-e-t-t-e. Fukette." Said Serena grinning.

"Oh brilliant." Said Ella, as the four girls walked out of the greenhouse to lunch.

A/N

Okay, so that's that chapter.

A) Fistface and Fukette. Interesting names don't you think?

2) Voldy is returning. And yes, this is a crackfic. But I've been setting out a bunch of stuff so far. It's going to get much crazier. It shall be fun.

iii) Who else misses Snipe?

D) How scary does everyone else find it, that the forth year idiots are based on people I know? Seriously, actual people think these things. Ah, funny

Okay, I'll update soon I think. Well… I hope.

Read and Review xD

~LilyRose xD