Hey guess what? I am actually Libba Bray's fictional character Kartik. I always write in Gemma's POV so I can imagine what it would be like to have boobs. And sometimes I write in my own POV so that you readers can appreciate my manliness and see how I am a complete stud muffin who captures the hearts of all females, specifically Gemma. Who has boobs. This is one heck of a disclaimer, isn't it?
"So what are your plans for the summer, guys?" I ask, lying sideways across an armchair, my bare legs dangling over the side.
"I don't know, baby sit?" Ann replies. "I might take some acting classes for fun."
"Cool," I say. "What about you, Fee?"
"I plan on sunbathing all day at the beach. With nothing but my iPod, Prada sunglasses, and a hot boy to keep me slathered in sunscreen. What about you, Gem? Besides all the hot, sweaty sex you'll have with Kartik all day, every day."
"Ew," I say, wrinkling my nose. "That's what air-conditioning is for. Unlike this apartment. What the hell? Weren't they supposed to turn on the air weeks ago?"
"They want us to suffer," Ann says, twirling a lock of hair between her fingers. Fee doesn't look up from the magazine in her lap.
"Tell me about it! I have 4 finals this week. I've been studying like crazy." She turns the pages with vigor.
"Oh?" I say. "I didn't know you took a class on European fashion. What's that – French Vogue 101?"
"Hah hah, Gemma, you're oh so funny."
"Yes well, don't complain. I have a 10 page paper due Monday for English Lit. Have I started it? Nope."
"I don't have finals," Ann says.
I pick a lock of my hair and stretch it upwards. It's longer than my arm can reach. "Shut up, Miss Major in Theater Arts Minor in Singing. If you get laryngitis, you'll be fired," I say teasingly.
"Yeah," Fee interjects. "Leave the bitching to those of us with real majors."
"Whatever made you pick nursing as your major, Fee?" Ann asks.
Felicity sighs. "I don't know. You think I'll actually ever become a nurse? I have an 8-digit trust fund. The only nursing I'll ever do is to my hangovers after long nights of partying with the beautiful people."
"And what are we, ogres?" I ask, swinging my legs over the back of the chair and staring at my friends upside down.
"Yes."
I throw a pillow at her. "I don't know. This summer's going to be busy. Horse shows and the like. I might take a summer class. Too many English classes in one semester kinda kills you. I like to write though."
"How come you didn't major in horsie subjects?" Fee asks, turning a page noisily.
"I thought about it. But honestly? Do I want to work in a barn for the rest of my life? No. It's a hobby, not a career. At least for me. I want to write books. Maybe I'll be rich someday."
"Well if you marry Kartik, you will be. I mean, if he ever becomes a doctor like he says."
"Let's not talk about marriage yet, Fee."
"Well if you do, I want to be Maid of Honor."
"What about me?" Ann whines.
"I'm not even engaged," I remind her.
Felicity taps her chin. "Make him become a plastic surgeon. Then we can get free Botox for the rest of our life."
"I'm surprised he chose pre-med as a major. He never expressed interest in medicine before," I muse.
"He's Indian. He's either going to do pre-med or engineering."
"Wow, Ann. Way to be racist," I say, rolling my eyes.
"Sorry," she says sheepishly.
"Hey Gemma, does Kartik hate me?"
"No," I say, turning to look at Felicity through a curtain of red hair. "Why do you say that?"
She shrugs and crosses her legs. "We've been in the same bio lecture all semester and he's never sat with me."
"Maybe because all you do is talk on your cell phone during lectures and he actually wants to learn something?"
"I've learned things in that class!" she exclaims.
"Sudoku doesn't count, Fee."
"Hey -," she begins.
"Neither does perfecting a French manicure," I say with finality.
"Which reminds me," Ann says walking over to the refrigerator. "Can you redo my nails, Fee?"
"Only if you make brownies again."
"Ugh," I say, interrupting. "As if this place needs any added heat!"
"So that's why you've kicked your hot boyfriend out!" Ann jokes. I shoot her a look. "Sorry," she says, looking away.
"Don't apologize, Ann," Felicity says, glaring at me. "Gemma's boyfriend is hot. So where's he been anyway?" she asks nonchalantly.
My stomach turns angrily, as it always does when I suspect a girl is out to steal my boyfriend. Though Fee is my friend and I know Kartik isn't attracted to her, I still have the odd urge to bear my teeth and growl at her.
"Kartik has been studying. A lot." I think of him, probably passed out in the library, using his biochem book as a pillow, and my heart softens. "I feel so bad that he has so much to study for. But I mean it's sort of his fault. He chose the classes."
"Isn't he minoring in something totally random?" Ann asks, her head blocked by an open cabinet.
"Yeah," I reply. "World languages. He likes it better than his pre-med classes, so maybe he'll switch."
"World languages, hm?" Felicity fingers a few strands of her blonde hair. "Maybe I'll tutor him in French."
"Felicity!" I yelp. "What is that supposed to mean?!"
She laughs lightly. "I was just kidding, Gemma! Honestly, you think I'd try to steal him from you? I'd have done it by now!"
"Oh that's reassuring," I mumbled, the already uncomfortable room growing stifling with the blood rushing to my face. All of a sudden Gwen Stefani's voice rings metallically throughout the room. From my position, I can just see the top of my phone on the table and an ancient wad of gum underneath it. I reach for my phone, my shirt falling to reveal a few inches of my stomach.
"Hey babe," I say into the phone, knowing that Kartik is on the other end of the line.
"Hey, I'm just walking back from the library."
I smile to myself. "Did you have a nice nap?" I ask.
"It was okay. I accidentally fell asleep on my spiral notebook, and well, you know how it goes."
I laugh, my head hurting from being upside down for so long. I make the effort to sit up.
"So do you want to hang out?" he asks. "I figure my brain can't absorb any more for today."
"Sure, come over. Just to warn you though, our air conditioning still hasn't been turned on yet."
"Eh, how bad could it be?"
I glance out the open window and see his familiar figure nearing the building, dragging his book bag behind him. "I can see you; I'll leave the door open. Hurry up and get up here!" I snap the phone shut before he can respond. "Well he's in for an unpleasant surprise," I say to no one in particular.
"And it's just about to get worse!" Ann chirps while turning on the oven.
"Ugh," I say for the umpteenth time as I put my long hair up into a messy bun. I pick at one of the straps of my teal tank top, which is practically stuck to my body. "I'm absolutely disgusting," I remark.
"No you're not," Kartik says, bursting through the door. "But this room is! Jesus, it's a fucking sauna in here! Gross, Gemma, why didn't you tell me?"
"I did tell you. You said 'well how bad could it be?'"
"Oh." He drops his bag and kicks off his shoes. "Gemma," he moans dramatically, lying across my lap in the chair. "I don't want to be a doctor anymore!"
"Aww," I say, running my fingers through his hair and scratching his scalp. "When did you ever even want to be a doctor?" I'm trying to be sympathetic, but his warm weight is the last thing I want at the moment.
"When my parents sat me down and told me they're only going to pay for college if I study to be a doctor." He suddenly sits up quickly and hops off my lap.
"Where are you going?" I ask, despite the fact he's heading straight for the kitchen.
"There's something I need to do," he says, opening the freezer door and sticking his head in. "Seriously, Gemma? Can we go somewhere else? It's cooler outside." He reemerges with a frozen bottle of Grey Goose. "And can we take this?" he asks, holding it to his forehead.
Felicity looks up from her magazine. "Can you not get sweat all over my vodka please?"
Kartik stares at her for a moment. "Shut up, you whore," he says, returning the bottle to the freezer.
"Excuse me?!" she screeches. Ann and I try our humanly best to keep from laughing hysterically. Kartik perches on the arm of my chair.
"Don't act all surprised. You've been a whore ever since 4th grade when you offered to lift up your skirt to any boy that voted for you for class representative."
"Yes, but that's politics!" she sputters in response.
"It's called prostitution. But hey, whatever floats your boat. And for the record, I voted for your opponent anyway," Kartik says with a grin. Felicity throws her magazine at him. He ducks it sharply and slides into my lap again. "Hello, gorgeous," he says, looking up at me. "I can see up your nose, you know."
I cover my nose and kick him off me. "I will blame your abusive actions on the heat, dearest," he says, standing up. "Let's go to my apartment. Our air conditioning is turned on."
"Is it?!" I ask excitedly.
"It is!" he responds, matching my tone.
"Well then, what are we waiting for?"
"Get your stuff. Spend the night. We can play Guitar Hero and you can pretend you're my groupie and throw your bra -,"
He suddenly becomes aware of Ann and Felicity listening intently.
"- into the laundry basket so that we can do laundry and study all night," he finishes without skipping a beat.
"Mm hmm," Felicity eyes us in mock suspicion from her place on the couch.
I laugh. "Be right back," I say, heading towards the room Felicity and I share. I quickly throw a change of clothes and a toothbrush into my drawstring bag. "Ready!" I chirp, eager to be someplace cold.
Kartik hovers near the refrigerator with his book bag in hand. I look at him questioningly. 'Distract her!' he mouths, pointing to Felicity.
"Hey Fee, before I forget, how should I do my hair tomorrow night?" I ask, kneeling beside her on the couch.
Her face lights up as it does whenever anyone asks her for beauty advice. "It looks really pretty when you straighten it. I have some hair serum you could use, because it's supposed to be really humid."
Behind her, Kartik deftly retrieves the Grey Goose from the freezer and zips it into his book bag. Ann pretends not to notice.
"Thanks a bunch, I think I'll do that," I say, standing up. I slip my feet into flip flops while Kartik attempts to put his sneakers back on without bending over to use his hands.
"Bye guys, try not to die overnight in here," I say halfway out the door.
"Have fun doing laundry!" Ann yells.
"We will!" Kartik yells back, letting the door slam. He turns to me as we climb the stairs to his floor. "Gemma, your roommates are annoying."
"I know," I sigh. "I grew up with them too."
"Too bad you can't room with me next year."
I roll my eyes. "Because you're the perfect roommate, right? You leave your dirty clothes everywhere and don't put the cap back on the toothpaste. Not to mention you're a sloppy drunk and all you want to do after 10 pm is have sex. Hmm," I say, tapping my chin thoughtfully. "Maybe you'd be the perfect roommate after all."
He grins widely. "Don't you know it!"
This whole fic is the most fun to write. I will write many more chapters. I promise. And the reviews? You guys rock! Seriously, if I really was Kartik (like, if I had some gender/identity/sexuality confusion issue) I'd totally write you all love letters and pin them to your beds with little blades. But unfortunately, I am actually a straight, white girl that has absolutely no affiliation with the brotherhood of the Rakshana. (but then again, neither does Kartik!)
My sense of humor is odd,
LunaEquus
PS I am dying my hair Atomic Turquoise this Thursday. Not all of it, just underneath. I want to look like a mermaid.
And I just got a really wrong image of Kartik with a head full of foil, letting Gemma dye his hair. Hmm. I may have to write that...