House was pacing the floor in front of the white board giving it highly indignant glances every once in a while.
"Do you know what these symptoms remind me off," he asked his team of four. "They are a lot like that woman... what was her name... that supermom who mixed fertility meds and the pill. And Ritalin, if I remember correctly, but I don't think that is the problem here."
"But Mrs Martin is not on fertility meds though they are trying for a child," Cameron pointed out. "They have only just discussed the possibility. And the symptoms aren't all the same."
"I know, but something is bugging me about this, somebody is lying to me," House growled.
"You always assume that they lie to you," Chase shrugged.
"True, true," House agreed. "And so far I haven't been wrong. But this time I think it's more deliberate than normally. Gilmar, tell me again what her morning routine is?"
"She wakes up around seven when her husband leaves for work and brings her a cup of tea in bed," Petra checked her notes. "Then she gets up about an hour later, makes herself a smoothie with yogurt, fruits and muesli then she goes into her studio to do the illustrations and she stays there till about noon when she will have her lunch."
"Illustrations?" House asked.
"She illustrates children's books," Cameron piped in. "Paints are unlikely to be the cause as she paints with watercolours."
"I'm still not happy here," House insisted. "Ok, do a full body scan."
"You never want full body scans!" Foreman exclaimed. "You say they are useless."
"They are," House nodded. "But Wilson has done pretty much everything else. And in addition to that, a full body scan will keep her out of her room for half an hour at least. Take her husband with you to observe Foreman. Cameron, you search the things she has in her room, don't forget to check the husband's coat and whatever else he has left in there. Chase special attention on the husband but leave no stone unturned, take Gilmar with you. She needs to learn. Right, disperse."
"Disperse where?" Petra asked as she followed Chase out of the room.
"To gather information," Chase smiled at her and she didn't trust that smile at all.
"What kind of information are we going to be able to gather without the patient and her husband?" Petra demanded.
"The kind House wants," Chase laughed as he went to his locker. "It's a good thing you're wearing trousers, but you need to change your shirt to something more suitable for breaking and entering. That material might tear if we need to make a quick exit out of a window or through the shrubbery. If you don't have a t-shirt or something with you take scrubs."
"Breaking and entering!" Petra didn't believe her ears. "Breaking and entering where?"
"We are searching the patient's home," Chase explained. "And since we haven't asked them for the key nor told them that we are doing this, it's breaking and entering. Highly illegal according to one of House's exes who was a lawyer."
"But, but, we can't do that!" Petra stared at Chase like he had lost his mind.
"Well apparently we can since we do this on regular basis," Chase shrugged. "Welcome to medicine a la House."
"But why are we doing it?" Petra had to believe that Chase was serious so she dug her t-shirt from her bag and changed. "I can understand checking for environmental reasons like the water and things like that, but why not get permission from the Martins?"
"Because if they are doing something illegal they will want to accompany us and they will do their best to destroy the evidence," Chase clarified.
"And how often has that happened?" Petra patronised.
"Well, we had one wife who was poisoning her husband with gold," Chase started to itemise. "Then we have had quite a few patients who have used drugs; then we had one who was participating in illegal cockfighting, things like that. Not terribly often, I admit, but still often enough."
"And what do you expect to find this time," Petra was a little more convinced but still doubtful.
"I think that since House specifically mentioned the husband, he suspects that Mr Martin is putting something else than sugar and spice and all things nice into his wife's morning tea," Chase mused. "I hope it's just the pill and not anything more sinister."
"You trust his hunch?" Petra wondered.
"Usually it is the safe thing to do," Chase stated. "That time when the wife was poisoning her husband with gold, House was convinced that she was doing something to her husband long before any of us believed him. She was so devoted and didn't leave his side more than she absolutely had to. But he was right. And he saved the patient."
-------------------------------------
An hour later Petra returned to the hospital with Chase feeling strangely elated after the first illegal act in her life! (Ok, barring a speeding ticket or two, but this was something you couldn't defend as something everybody did.) Chase had been amazing, in her opinion, getting inside through a window that had been left unlocked – the Martin's seriously needed to rethink their security measures – and then letting her in through the door. They had searched the house very effectively - apparently Chase had been telling the truth that this was a regular occurrence. And they had found something that would make House happy. Ok, maybe not happy, but it was definitely something he wanted.
"So?" Was all that House said when they entered his office.
Chase put the box on House's desk and said: "You were right, it's the pill. We found it in the husband's case in his study. He must have added it to her tea every morning."
"Cameron found a little pillbox in his coat pocket," House told them. "The kind you might put a few breath mints into, but it was empty. He goes home every night, so he uses the box to bring the daily dosage to his wife."
"But why is he doing it?" Petra couldn't understand. "If he doesn't want a child, or doesn't want one now, why not just tell his wife? And even if he is too much of a coward to tell her, why is he still dosing her? They are not having sex while she is in the hospital; there is no chance that she will get pregnant now."
"He probably doesn't connect the symptoms his wife is having with the pill," House mused. "So he fears that once we cure her, and he gets her home she will insist on celebration sex and if she hasn't got her drug regularly she might get pregnant then. He seems to be the kind of man who trusts doctors, you know, idiot that he is."
"So what are you going to do now?" Petra wanted to know.
"Confront the husband with the evidence," House said. "There is nothing wrong with the wife that just stopping the pills won't cure. I smell a divorce! What is it, Chase, about us that we so often meet our patients when they are about to get a divorce? And often they don't even know it. Are we jinxed or something?"
"Not all of them get a divorce once they have seen us," Chase reminded him.
"True, some of them are already divorced," House agreed. "But it still shatters my belief in the happily ever after. I'm devastated."
"I bet you are," Chase doubted. "Anything else you need?"
"No," House said. "Except for Gilmar to do my clinic hours for today." He looked expectantly at Petra who remembered Chase's advice from the day before and just accepted the nametag House was extending to her.
--------------------------------------
Later that day Eric went into House's office. Mrs Martin had been informed of her husband's behaviour and once the shouting was over, Mr Martin had left for good – with a very nasty divorce pending. Eric had stayed out of it, but House had observed the proceedings with his usual interest at these mortals having their drama. But the puzzle was now solved and House was in his office playing his games. His soap was not on yet, so Eric thought he could have a word with House without too much trouble.
"House, I need a word," Eric said as he entered the office.
"As long as it's a short one," House responded barely looking up from his game.
"My Father called and he wants to bring my Mother with him as he comes," Eric informed House.
"And why do you want to bring that to my attention?" House queried.
"Marcus is already somewhat depressed, which is definitely understandable, but I was wondering if seeing Mother will make it worse?" Eric revealed his worries.
"Highly doubtful," House answered seemingly not even paying attention to the question. "Nothing will make him worse right now. He is still in shock over the news. And thought your Mother is definitely forgetful and probably won't recognise him, from what I've heard she is still essentially herself: kind and caring. That she has lost huge chunks of her past, of your past, is painful. And seeing her so dependent and lacking in some of the things you've used to expect from her will be painful, but I don't see how it could be depressing – even for Marcus. Marcus is still well enough and your Mother is still just well enough for them to say their goodbyes. Neither will, in time, remember it, but your father and you will. And I think that is the really important part."
"You are saying that Dad really should bring Mother with him?" Eric needed reassurance.
"Yes," House sighed a little impatiently. "Have you got them a hotel yet?"
"No, I tried but they didn't have room in any that I liked," Eric was a little thrown at the change of the subject. "I still have a couple places that I haven't called."
"Don't" House told him. "My Mother will never forgive me if I let them stay in a hotel."
"We couldn't impose on you," Eric gasped.
"I think you better, or my life will be unbearable for a much longer time than the few nights your parents are staying in town," House observed dialling a number on his phone. "Mother?"
"Yes, Greg?" Blythe's voice came over the speakerphone that House had switched on.
"Eric's parents are coming to town. They want to see their sons," House explained. "You know the situation, don't you?"
"Yes, I remember," Blythe replied. "Is Eric with you now?"
"You are on the speakerphone," House said. "Yes, Eric is here."
"How long are your parents staying?" Blythe asked.
"Two nights is what my father was planning for," Eric informed her.
"And I presume you haven't yet booked a hotel for them, since Greg would not be phoning me otherwise," Blythe mused. "Really, you must bring your parents here. We have plenty of room. I can give my flat to them for that time and stay in the downstairs bedroom. You just bring them here and we'll be fine. When are they arriving?"
"Tomorrow," Eric was almost confused at Blythe's ready acceptance of quests she had never even met. "But really, I cannot just dump them on you. I'm sure you have plenty to do without any strangers in the house as well."
"Nonsense," Blythe dismissed his concerns. "I like people. Always have. They are welcome. In fact I will be deeply offended if you take them anywhere else."
"Well, if you're sure," Eric tentatively agreed.
"I am," Blythe stated categorically. "So that is settled and I'll see you tomorrow." With that she hung up.
"House, I'm sorry, really," Eric tried to stutter.
""Don't be," House dismissed. "I know my Mom, and trust me when I say that whatever inconvenience your parents might cause, it's still better than the alternative. I just cannot stand to disappoint my mother. Call me weak, but there it is."
"No, I won't call you weak, since I have met your Mother and she is a remarkable woman," Eric smiled. "Thank you. And thank you for talking to my father and explaining Marcus' situation to him and thank you for being there for Marcus, too."
"No need for thanks," House said, truly meaning it, too. "Marcus is my patient. Obviously his well being is of importance to me. He could be anyone."
"I know you want to do your best for your patients, but don't think I don't know that you are treating Marcus differently," Eric told House. "But if you don't want to talk about it, it's ok with me."
"Good, since I don't want to," House stated and turned his music on louder.