One more funny drunk one (because I had it laying around and wanted to post it already) and THEN I promise some serious, romantic Kartik. Trust me, he is! The 21st century and college doesn't change that. Enjoy!
"Now this is the way to study!" Kartik exclaims, settling himself comfortably against the pillows on my bed. "Jack and cokes, TV, and no pants – an inspiring setting with which I can expand my mind with knowledge and put it good use like the scholar I am."
I raise my eyebrows. "Is that the bull you fed to your parents?"
"Yes. They called ten minutes ago. I told them I was at a review session and that people were glaring at me for talking." He holds up a finger. "But little did they know those voices in the background were actually Frylock, Shake, and Meatwad."
"And if only your parents knew you were in my room in your underwear," I say, laughing.
Kartik shrugs and flashes me an impish grin. "Everything's more fun in your underwear. Besides, they wouldn't care. They know we get freaky from time to time."
"Oh gross!" I cover my face. "Your parents know?!"
"Yeah. They gave me money for condoms."
"My parents still think I'm a virgin!" I shriek. I uncover my face. "Wait, how much did they give you?"
"50 bucks."
"So why don't we have 50 dollars worth of condoms?"
"I bought a video game."
I glare at him. "Nice to see your priorities," I say sarcastically.
"Hey," he says, pointing at me. "If you would cooperate and let me do both at the same time, we wouldn't be in this situation."
"Sorry darling, but watching you shred on a plastic guitar is not a turn on."
Kartik grins. "You're lying, Gemma. You dirty little liar, you!"
I pout and sit across from him. "Honestly Kartik, when was the last time we were romantic about it? It's gotten to be so casual."
His expression changes. "I think it's romantic that it has gotten so casual. It just proves how comfortable we are together." He lays his head in my lap. His back is warm against my bare legs. I comb my fingers through his hair slowly.
"Yes, but there's no romance involved! No mystery, just routine. Rather…boring."
His shoulders tense like they do when he's angry. "You're not happy with our sex life?" He asks in a clipped voice.
"No! It's not that I'm unhappy," I say quickly. "I just want…more. Candles, rose petals, red wine, that sort of thing."
"And lacey lingerie?" Kartik asks, his muscles relaxing.
"Of course," I reply.
He falls silent and closes his eyes. "I'll arrange something," he says. "You deserve it."
"Really?"
He opens his eyes and gives me a warm smile. "Of course. I'd have done it sooner, but it's rather hard to be romantic while trying to fit in a quick romp before your roommate gets back. But hey, it's summer soon. We're still going away somewhere together right?"
I shimmy down to lay next to Kartik. He wraps his arms around my waist. "Yes. Just the two of us," I say.
"Let's go to Amsterdam," Kartik suggests.
"NO! You made me watch Hostel. I won't go there."
"But I want some Vandersexx, Gemma!"
"The only Vandersexx you're getting is from me. I'll beat you with my riding crop."
Kartik laughs. "Ah, vanderful!"
"Lame," I say, looking for the TV remote. "What's on after AquaTeen?"
"Robot Chicken."
"Okay," I say, abandoning my search for the remote. I sit at my desk and take a sip of my jack and coke. "Eugh." I make a face. "Kartik, you always put too much whiskey in."
Kartik laughs sinisterly from my bed. "It's because I like my ladies loose," he says dramatically. I roll my eyes.
"You're such a dork."
"You love every minute of my dorkdom."
"I do."
"Gem?"
"Yes, Tikitikitiki?"
"I am not studying. And neither are you. And what the hell did you just call me?"
I laugh, feeling the effect of the whiskey reaching my head. "Rikki Tikki Tavi…was a mongoose…in a bungalow," I sing, leaning back in my chair.
"Crazy drunk," he says, shaking his head.
"I'm not drunk yet," I insist truthfully. I hop off my chair and crawl into Kartik's lap, reaching my arm around his neck and breathing in his musky scent with a sigh. "You're wonderful," I say.
He kisses my cheek. "Let's have a toast, shall we?" He holds up his cup to mine. "Here's to a nearly completed year of college, and to Felicity sleeping with a different guy almost every night so that we have the room to ourselves."
"Here's to learning how to deal with small beds and small showers and Ann's snoring from the next room," I say.
"Cheers." We drink deeply and I shake my head from the force of the whiskey.
"So what are we going to do tonight? Ann and Fee are going to be back soon."
Kartik looks at the ceiling as if it will give him an idea. "Gemma, I have an idea!"
"Sobe NoFears?"
"Check."
"Rum?"
"Check."
"Fiery Habanero Doritos?"
"Yes, check. We have everything Kartik. Now put the movie in and sit down."
"Okay guys, my roommates and I have decided that this is hands down the best drinking game," he says, fiddling with the DVD player.
"Well what is it?" Felicity asks impatiently.
"May I present," Kartik says dramatically as the title menu appears on screen. "The Lord of the Rings drinking game." He gestures to the TV. "Extended Edition."
"Oh God," Felicity moans. "I absolutely detest this movie."
Kartik ignores her. "My roommate should be here shortly. I suppose he might be able to change Felicity's mind," he says winking at me. I smile in agreement. Kartik's roommate Jonathan is undeniably hot, but a terrible womanizer.
"Yes Fee, you'll like Jon. He's definitely your type," I say, opening my NoFear.
"What about me?" Ann asks from her diminutive spot on the floor next to Fee's chair.
"Sorry Ann, my brother's not here."
"I have other love interests!" she says shrilly.
"Drink up, darling, it's going to be a long night," I say. I add a considerable amount of rum to everyone's energy drink. A complicated knock thunders on the door.
"I'll get it!" Fee says excitedly. She pauses at the door to fluff her hair. I roll my eyes and then fix them on Kartik's butt as he adjusts the TV setting.
The door opens and Kartik's hot, but off-limits roommate crashes through the door right past Felicity, who glowers at being ignored.
"DUDE!" Jon yells at Kartik, enveloping him in a bear hug.
"Somebody's already drunk," Ann says huffily. It tortures her to be around such hot guys, especially since none of them ever pay attention to her when Felicity's around.
"Yes," I say. "It's probably me. I am a teeny bit drunk."
"Just a bit?"
"Indeed. JONATHAN," I say loudly.
"GEMMA," he says just as loudly.
"Meet Ann. She has a loverly voice."
"Loverly?"
"Go easy on her," I say. Jon takes the bait and settles himself next to Ann, draping his arm loosely over her shoulders. Still at the door, Felicity is seething mad. She gets this way often, so I disregard it.
"Rule time," Kartik says. "Jon, care to help me explain?"
"There are rules," Jon says. He blows a kiss to Felicity, who tosses her hair over her shoulder.
Kartik blinks. "Yes. There is a list of things that will happen throughout the movie. Each time one of them happens, we all have to take a sip."
"Great," I say. This particular movie has to be about a million hours long, not to mention, rather boring aside from the hot elf. I tried to get Kartik to dress up as him for Halloween last year, but he wouldn't do the blonde wig.
Kartik bursts out laughing. "Okay," he says, trying to regain composure. "Here is the list. We have to drink whenever someone in the movie eats or drinks, whenever a hobbit bitches about being hungry…"
"Whenever the scene gets a little gay," Jonathan interjects.
"Yes. Whenever someone draws a sword." Kartik breaks into laughter again. "Just wait until Helm's Deep!"
"What else?" Jon muses.
"Whenever Legolas looks fabulous!" Kartik says, laughing madly.
"Whenever they mention the One Ring," Jon says. "We're missing something, aren't we?"
"Um, let's stop it at that," I cut in. "Otherwise we might be dead at the end of the movie."
Three hours later.
"He looks fabulous," Kartik mumbles.
"Christ," I whisper, trying to lift the drink to my mouth. My arm feels at least one hundred pounds heavier than I am used to.
"Ann? ANN?" Jon is screeching. "Oh God, I think she's dead!"
"Idiot, I was sleeping!" Ann's glazed eyes glare at Jon. Somewhere in my brain I am proud of her for her drunken venom.
"You tell him, Annie!"
"If my name was Treebeard, I think I'd kill myself," Kartik says, his voice implying that he's had a revelation.
Felicity's head snaps up at this. She points at Kartik. "You can't kill yourself! That's bad. That's unhealthy!" She lets her head fall back into place.
Kartik stares. "So are herpes," he says, confused.
"Kartik!" I exclaim, giggling. "You're so mean."
"But…herpes are worse than…she shouldn't be talking!"
"Neither should you," I say to him, patting his head awkwardly.
"The scene's gay! The scene is quite a bit fruity at the moment," Jon says. "Why do they need to ride the same horse?" he whines to Kartik. "Bro, I love you and all, but I'd never ride a horse with you. I mean, that's just gay."
"It is gay," Kartik says delicately. "Gemma," he whispers. "I've never ridden a horse with another guy, have I?"
"No," I whisper back, giggling madly. He lets out a sigh of relief.
"I was a bit worried," he says. "I mean, I haven't even ridden a horse with you."
"But you've ridden my horse," I say, draining my drink. "Bareback."
"So?"
"He's a boy horse. Isn't that gay too?"
Kartik's face pales. I burst out laughing.
Yes, Kartik was implying that Felicity has herpes. Not that she does, of course. He's just being...mean.
Alright, next one will be normal Kartik and Gemma! I promise!
Oh, and the drinking game? Totally real! "He looks fabulous!" groans
Is trying to picture Kartik dressed as Legolas sans wig and is drooling,
LunaEquus
Oi! I got Guitar Hero Rock the 80s! Libba Bray has it too! She said I rule because I have unicorn stickers on my guitar! SHE said I rule! Libba Bray thinks I'm cool! spazzes fangirlishly