DINNER MEETINGS 5 – LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP
Author: Dampyria
Fandom: M7 / BtVS crossover
Summary: Isn't e-mail a wonderful thing? (part 2)
Rating: PG13
Paring: JD/Xander (slash)
Spoilers: BtVS (Post season 7 – Pre Comics season 8), M7 (none) ATF universe.
Disclaimer: I do not own Magnificent Seven or Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
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From: Nick Furry
To: Hacker Chaser
Subject: Busted – again!!!
Hi! Somehow starting this letter is much more difficult that it was the previous ones. So many things changed…while others remain frighteningly the same. Like my tardiness to board planes and Klara. (Remember the scary attendant lady? Figured that, after spending so much time glaring at me, we should at least be on first name basis. By the way, if it ever comes up, my name is Philip.)
On the other hand the memory of our night made it all tolerable. Kind of hot. I almost joined the Mile High Club all by myself. (Does that even count as MHC?)
Anyway, no amount of glaring had prepared me for the welcome that I received at the airport. Willow ambushed me as soon as I cleared security and trying as I may to remain vague about what happened, she was like the dog with the proverbial bone.
Seriously what is with girls and gossip? Finally we agreed upon a partial disclosure, with the condition that it remains a secret between the two of us. For now the story is holding, but with this bunch it is only a matter of time.
I just returned home and was immediately assaulted by a horde of curious teenagers. It turns out, that I was in a suspiciously good mood, which according to them, is when very bad thing start happening to me. They say that they are worried about me, but I suspect that they are more curious then anything else. No matter the reason they are determined to find out who put the sappy grin on my face.
And when they do… I tremble at the thought… and if you have a little sense, you should too.
Yours truly
X
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From: Hacker Chaser
To: Nick Furry
Subject: Almost busted …
[remember the scary attendant lady? Figured that after she spent so much time glaring at me, we could just as well be on first name basis]
Should I be jealous? You just left and already you are chasing after skirts! Mom told me that I have to be careful when approached by handsome strangers. Should I have listened to her? :p
On a more serious note. You think that your friend's interrogation was bad? Try for a change six curious and overprotective ATF agent that spent all Monday doing nothing but probing me for answers regarding my week-end.
Buck was the worse, but that was no surprise. Having taken upon himself the duty to be my older brother it's kind of normal for him to poke his nose into my affairs. What was surprising was the interest that the others have shown in this. Even Chris hovered close by, listening in on the conversation! Chris!
Luckily I managed to divert their attention from the topic, or more accurately the topic was interrupted when we got a break on an important case. From there on it was all work, work, work. Never thought I would say that but thank you, Mr. Arm dealer guy.
At the end of the shift I kind of fled the office, only to be ambushed by Ezra on my way out. He was very polite and articulate as always. I can't be sure, with all the surplus adjectives he used, but I suspect that he kind of knows.
I have no clue how he found out. Maybe something from his work as an undercover agent. I think somewhere in his speech was an offer to talk. You would think that since we both speak English the communication would be fluid. But when a person uses twenty words, when the message could be easily conveyed in five or less, there is a real possibility for you to get lost in there.
For what I understood he said that he knows, is not gonna tell anybody and that if I wanted to talk he is there. See! One sentence, 30 seconds tops! There is no need for a ten minute rant about frogs and rainy seasons.
Anyway the boat seems to be holding on my end as well. For now. Tomorrow is another day. I just hope that Buck will give it a rest. Fat chance of that.
Well sorry for the rant.
Stay strong
JD
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From: Nick Furry
To: Hacker Chaser
Subject: Re: Almost busted …
Handsome stranger…. Oh I like it, but you forgot to add mysterious to the mix. Cause I am. Dark, mysterious stranger in the night… oh wait that is Batman! Well to think of it I am a little like him. A normal guy in the mist of super heroes. All I need now is a cap and a swirling mantel. Yeah that should do it.
Taking aside my uncanny beauty, you think that your guys are bad? Try for a change twenty plus hormonal teenagers with nothing better to do than to spy on me.
Now it's official. They had a meeting about it. No kidding. They send me to the grocery store and while I was gone they discussed my behavior since I got back and listed the possibilities of what might happened to put me in such a good mood. Can you believe it? I even found a close range camera in my room. Pointed at my computer no less. What is the world coming to…
Anyway… there is something that has been bothering me since we part our ways. And I am slowly turning into a girl for asking this but where is this relationship going? It's not like I dream of castles in the sky or anything. It's just that I want us to be on the same page, so we don't get hurt at the end, just because our pride stood in the way of an awkward five minute talk.
So first of all let's look at the facts. We live on two different continents and are able to see each other only once a month, if that. I don't know you but I would hate to loose you as a friend. So I would suggest the friends with benefits scenario, with the clause that if one of us finds a girl or boyfriend we drop the benefits. What do you say?
Wheew, that wasn't emasculation at all. Now if you don't mind I have to go find my balls.
Hope you write back
X
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From: Hacker Chaser
To: Nick Furry
Subject: Spy games
I hope that you found your balls. They are nice balls. I would personally miss them if you don't get them back.
Since you emasculated yourself for my benefit in the previous letter, I guess I should do the same for you. So here it goes: I completely agree with you.
Now passing to a more entertaining topic, our office has turned into a set of Mission impossible with Buck staring in the main role as a super spy.
As the week progressed the excitement over my mysterious week-end died down and our routine took over. Or so I thought, until I found Buck at my computer, trying to hack into my e-mail account. Hello hacker here! You would have to be a damn good code breaker to get into my personal mail. And Buck is everything but …
I guess he got tired of accidentally standing behind me as I checked my mail. Sadly for him, Chris happened to be in the room at the time of the hack that wasn't. Boy, I haven't seen that kind of fireworks in a while. Ever since … no, we decided that we will put that incident to rest and never, under no circumstances, ever speak of it again.
Sorry.
Anyway, that wasn't the worst part. One night I was sleeping when I thought that I heard someone talking. I opened my eyes and there he was, whispering sweet nothing in my ear. Man I almost decked him. He scared the shit out of me.
Turns out he read some kind of magazine that stated that when we are asleep our defenses are down and that it's easier to access our subconscious or some rot like that. It's unbelievable. But on the other hand this is Buck we are talking about.
One time he bought this love potion from a Chinese man and tried to slip it to Inez. He had been courting her for quite some time without any results so I guess he decided he needed some help.
Of course Inez wasn't impressed with it so we decided to play a little joke on him. Just as he slipped the drink in her glass I came along and accidentally drank from her glass. The next week was one of the most entertaining of my life.
I shamelessly flirted with him every time we were in the same room, commented how beautiful his eyes were and stuff like that. It was a riot. I just decided to tell him the whole truth when I saw him put the love potion in another glass and offer it to Inez, again.
Seems he figured that if it worked on me, it would work on Inez too. She drank the concoction and then stared with starry eyes in his direction. Buck was already smiling and moving toward her when she passed him like he wasn't even there and jumped right into my arms, kissing me like there is no tomorrow.
You should have seen his face. It was priceless. Poor Buck, I think that he still hasn't forgiven me. Of course the fact that we pretended to be dating for a whole week afterwards didn't help matters. LOL.
Hope to see you soon
Bye-bye
JD
p.s. A cape and the mantel? Does the outfit come with the tight suit? Cause if that is the case I would love to take it for a ride. You can be Robin and I will be Batman and together we will battle crime after which we will make passionate love all night long.
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From: Nick Furry
To: Hacker Chaser
Subject: Re: Spy games
[I hope that you found your balls.]
It took a little searching but I finally found them hiding in a closet, trembling in fear and refusing to come back. It took hours and hours of convincing but finally I was able to get them back, on the condition that I never do something like that again.
[Since you emasculated yourself for my benefit in the previous letter, I guess I should do the same for you. So here it goes: I completely agree with you.]
That's it? After my three paragraphs you say one sentence and that's it? That's not fair! You are the one all grown up and stuff. You should have taken the initiative. But I guess what is done is done. Just remember, the next potentially emasculation topic that comes up, is all yours. Be warned.
[As the week progressed the excitement over my mysterious week-end died down and our routine lives took over.]
I am glad to hear that things are back to normal at your end. And yes, including Bucks behavior. He is your big bro. He is supposed to act like that, or at least this is how I imagine an older sibling must be, based on what I see with the Summers sisters.
What bothers me more is that love spell thingy. From my experience it is not wise to play with potions and stuff. I tried it once in high school and it had disastrous consequences. I still have nightmares about it. I would wake up in the middle of the night, covered in sweat and screaming like a girl. A really dreadful memory.
Moving along….
If on your end things went back to normal, here the incessant spy game was ended by an extraordinary event. Do you remember Faith, the wild girl I talked to you about?
I just found out that she is pregnant. Can you imagine? The girls are going crazy, already talking about making a nursery, buying gifts and choosing names. I don't know if this is better or worse from me being the center of attention, but I am kind of envious of Robin who isn't here right now. I am a sole man between a sea of girls in full extra-cute mode, trying in anyway possible to drag me into the madness with them.
I am drowning, help!
Desperate
X
p.s. for your p.s. – HEY, I'm Batman!! I came up with the idea. And role playing? With the belt, handcuffs, rope and all the other gadgets? Slightly kinky – but I like it.
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From: Hacker Chaser
To: Nick Furry
Subject: Poor, poor Xander
Seems to me you are having a really difficult time. Hang in there and try no to loose something in all that estrogen. As I already stated I am quite fond of them so go out and chop some wood or something equally manly. :p
So is Faith also happy about the baby? From what little you told me she was a really wild girl and in your previous mail you talked a lot about the girls but never mentioned what Faith thought about all this.
Does she want the baby? What about Robin? Does he know he is going to be a father?
It seems that the whale thing was kind of sudden. A baby can be the mos
Have to go. Got phone call, Buck's been hurt. Talk later.
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Tbc…
Next part – The clash of the titans
Takes place immediately after JDs mail. A case that involves both: the Scoobies and the ATF team.
Stay tuned…